I'm starting to feel distant from everyone
My friends and family
I guess it's time I apologize
I think I've come to grips
I'm not the pillar i play myself to be
I'm not the unyielding man people see me as
I'm not the white mask i play myself as.
My family's falling apart
My mother's chasing something out of reach
My dad always told me
"Son, You always put too much pressure on yourself. I've tried for years this family can't pull itself together"
At that time i was only 13 and understood his meaning
He was exhausted and now I'm playing the same role
How i wish i could scream all the sorrow's I've felt
But that leaves me open and vulnerable to conversation
Hell like i want that
No one would understand the drowning waves I'm in.
I wasn't strong enough to hold this family together
Now I'm running away from who i am
Ashamed and filled with grief
I was never good enough to put the pieces back together
I never thought i would fall into silence
Everyday i have to be someone I'm not
She reaches out everyday
Yet all i do is slap her hand of grace away
If only i had the guts to tell you my pain
But i just feel i would become distant again
And eventually i would drown
It's got nothing to do with you
It's me that's the problem
I'm afraid to show my emotion
Even now i can only write
While i bottle this cauldron
And stew my last sorrow
Before the lid crashes down for eternity.
**** i am tired
I saw the tears in my eyes roll down
I hear the helplessness under my own breath
Rain burns every time it pours down
Clouds parted and misery blesses my sight
This world must hate me
All that I've trusted is up in flames
All that I've believed in was only a mask for me to cover my weakness.