This Morning


I woke this morning to a beautiful dawn, the dew wet grass shining in the already bright sun
The Lady has blessed me once more
My tumblers run and dart, spin and frolic my private acrobats
Soft sweet calls and ankle swarms and my large cattle dog gently but with insistence herding me into the kitchen and my duties,
My Eastern altar is glowing with the suns rising
and wrapped 'round with the grasses and flowers of summer
Incense rises and the candle flickers as I ask for Her protection for these... my wandering one's today
The kettle's boiled and the day's tea is made and blessed and seven dishes filled and emptied.
The sun fully risen now and the house stirs family sounds as heavy steps wander above and radio plays softly
Round me now still piles of soft satin slick fur breathing soft and deep
noses all counted and accounted for
bellies rubbed and ears all tickled
7 foreheads softly touched and charmed
and all are safe and sound this day in our Lady's care.
I wander the garden now caressing those blooms that require some extra essence,
All that's needed is water and sun and love
through each touch comes life and will and care and thus the wheel turns and the garden thrives
Lilac, Lily and Rose and Ivy abounds and the garden thrives
I walk now from the front to the back door carefully sweeping
my chants softly sung
and the smudge bundle of sage and roses lit and smoking
salt scattered and swept and once more my small realm is safe
My Lady guard this house and all who dwell and those who would stay
I trust my most valued Companions are in your keeping
My Family My life are in your keeping.
I celebrate my life withing your Circle and my Joy within your keeping
All of this and things unspoken Joy and Light and Love
My Lady, Bless me.
Solita -2007

I am in a dark silent place without scent or colour

I am beyond reach and fear

Perhaps beyond hope and love

It is a difficult place to reach and there are no rewards ... no guarantee 's

Will you reach for me? Will you extend your hand when there is no hope of gratitude or acknowledgment?

Will you shrug and say "Ive done my best" and wander on?

Will you pass me by because I am unable to call to you?

Once you called me friend , Sister, teacher ... Do these have meaning to you still?

I find myself here in a darkling place it is a quiet place it is a safe but deadly place ..will you leave me here in this soft warm trap?

Or ... will you chance my wrath and pull me kicking and screaming into the light and the world of the living and life

will you endure my screams and futile battles?

And at last ...bring me home to you?

Shall I wait for you ..or sleep My Friend, Sister.Teacher, Shall I wait?

Solita 2006

But I'm Not Bitter
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a dark and dreary day ( I know its Tripe but today it is true )

rain makes me sour and truly an old crone
My skin is too tight and my bones are not nimble but stiff and useless
Stairs are insurmountable and the phone seems too far away for the effort
I no longer try to be pleasant and am left alone
but for my furry mob who can care less my bad mood
my desk chair is surrounded now with hot water bottles
electrical pads and nuke em packs and of course pill bottles
the detritus of pain

It is now a companion old and well known to me
I am told ever "Its age my Dear, Just live with it
I am told "It's all in your mind there's no pain at all"
I am told :Push through it and endure don't acknowledge it ignore it"

When will it leave ? at death ? What a thought to have to drag it with me at the end.

I curse his name
His Family
His Heritage
His Intellect
His Temper

His one action one blow in fury his one tantrum ...

And the sentence is life ...for me

I wonder ..If I saw him could I strike back?

I know there is no forgiveness no saint like pity or absolution

Every time I hit the ground in a seizure he has hit me again
Everyday I cannot climb the stairs in my own home He has thrown me once again through the window and I fall the 6 floors again

Stop holding on to it you'll never get any better ... And I try ..I really do ...

Then the seizures come or I cannot do a simple household task

or I must once more tell a friend I cannot meet them for tea (a selfish luxury)

You know I bet he has not thought of me in years ..but his actions govern what I can do every day of my Life

But I am not Bitter

Solita -2006

Between indigo twilight and dawns rose gold
There is an hour
of shadowed soul
I am chasing sleep with tomorrows toil
so finite is time on this mortal coil
oaths and vows, promises unkept
leave me searching now for my latest misstep
So much needs doing how can I dream
fretting now for tasks yet unseen
should have could have might have beens
my place of rest uneasy seems
Between lightnings crack and thunders roll
There is an hour
of shadowed soul
half recalled tasks things yet undone
laying here far from the rising sun
careening thoughts chase sleep far apace
spinning like the dancer captive in a music case
Between fading moon and rising Sol
there is an hour
of shadowed soul

Solitaire-2007

If I Need You.

"Call me if you need me ***." It was the sign off of an old friend
When I need you? When I can't sleep and the house screams it's silence?
When I need you? When my food tastes like ashes and is not worthwhile making?
When I need you? When a snapshot snatches my breathe away and I can no longer breathe?
When I need you? When I cannot stop crying long enough to get out of the shower?
When I need you? When the days run one into the other with no meaning?
When I need you? When the day is dark no matter the time and the world stops turning?
But I am the strong one , confidante and funny .I am the fixer and mother .. teacher
When I need you? Every day Every Hour Every moment....When I need you?
I am past asking now, I can wear the mask easily now, No one realizes ...
Don't worries I'll call I answered as I hung up the phone and watched my hand tremble
When I need you? Oh Lady I need you my friend and I am sorry I cannot let you know
When I need you
Solita Arcanes