Crawling out of my skin and scaling the walls
To find the door to a different life.
Opening the refrigerator a million times
Hoping when the light comes on I get a new idea how to handle the chaos.
And driving fast with no hands and my eyes closed
Wishing someone else would pave my path.

The difference is hidden in how I feel even when you're gone.
I still feel whole,
Like a part of me is just somewhere else
But it will be back,
Because it said it would be.
And I don't feel like I'm going to die
Every time I wake up alone
Or rest my head
In my own hands
Because that doesn't mean that
I've crumbled,
It only means I can hold myself together.

I've been lookin' for you.
The one with the kind eyes and the humble laugh,
The smile that spreads across the whole sky
As I find myself lost in the clouds that are born from the scent of you.
I don't think I ever knew what you'd be like,
Other than that the warmth of your heart could thaw my hands after trying to keep me afloat all winter,
That a keen stare could be so gentle that it smooths every corner of my armor,
Or that a tree so steady could bend so far
To show me that soft can still be strong.

I'll take to the streets with my flame,
Light up their darkness
So they can see the strength in my words.

I will not be silenced,
Made meek by the fear that my shoulders are too broad
For their expectations.

I will climb their walls
And fight for my right to love when I want
Or cry when I must.

And when the battle ebbs,
I will calmly sit beside the river and wait for you still.

Someday the words will come,
Before I can draw my sword and straighten my shoulders.
They'll burst from my mouth like a gunshot,
A blast from the cannon in my chest.

Once I'm ignited, there's no stopping the war.

My hands are rough from all the nights I've had to push myself up off my knees.

My lips are chapped from biting back the screams -
Fits of rage still linger in the corners of my eyes. I have been tired.

My shoulders are strong from the weight I carry for those around me.
I'd go hungry to lessen the growls within you.

I'd build a city,
Live on the streets to know I have lit up your nights
And sheltered you from the storm that blows around me.

The journey to insanity seems long,
But worry not, as each attraction is short-lived--
Allowing for only a minute to stop
At each broken heart,
Late nights and early mornings,
Memories of dark
Under-eye circles and unbrushed hair,
And each iteration
Of the inability to recall the last time you ate a good meal.