A tight grip on my lungs
A cold hand on my heart
An angry sigh no longer sung,
No longer a living work of art.
Kissed by the sadness of the living,
Left with my soul to depart.
I'd been only giving, giving,
The aftertaste bitter and ****.

One can go on just forgiving,
Gluing together breaking parts,
But it becomes too broken to hide-
the shattered, empty, giving heart.
None can save it, death comes close
Defying what one believes is smart
Your breath is drawn, eyes grow dim
As
     you
            suddenly
                            do
                                  depart.

1
      I would go to the edges of the universe
      to see your face light up like that again
      you wouldn't even walk a block
      to say hello.

1
      I would do anything for a machine that could bend time
      and your thoughts and direct it all back to that time
      you  smiled
      and thanked me.

2
      You do everything right
      but it's all wrong
      it's not real.
      I can't touch it.
      You can't feel it.

3
      We can talk and talk and talk and talk
      I know you like the back of my hand
      and yours.
      I do.
      You seem to have forgotten.

4
      You're not gone
      but you're not here
      I thought you were.  

1
      It's been years
      don't you remember?

I have arrived.
Back to the place I didn't think I would be for so long.
Back to the place I'm supposed to call home again.
Back to the place I want to call home.
The place that could be home--
Could be if I make it--
If I choose to let it.
If I decide this is where I am supposed to be,
Supposed to live,
Supposed to breathe.
Back to home
Where I may not belong
Where things may fit
Yet feels so wrong.
Back to places I only kind of know
Around people who I am scared to show
I am forever lost and broken.
Forever searching for home.
Forever wanting to find a place
Where I love what I do,
Who I am with,
Who I am.
I am home again searching.
Searching and searching forever
Hoping, waiting, and wishing
That maybe
Someday soon
I will find my home.

Cool black night thru redwoods
cars parked outside in shade
behind the gate, stars dim above
the ravine, a fire burning by the side
porch and a few tired souls hunched over
in black leather jackets.  In the huge
wooden house, a yellow chandelier
at 3 A.M. the blast of loudspeakers
hi-fi Rolling Stones Ray Charles Beatles
Jumping Joe Jackson and twenty youths
dancing to the vibration thru the floor,
a little **** in the bathroom, girls in scarlet
tights, one muscular smooth skinned man
sweating dancing for hours, beer cans
bent littering the yard, a hanged man
sculpture dangling from a high creek branch,
children sleeping softly in their bedroom bunks.
And 4 police cars parked outside the painted
gate, red lights revolving in the leaves.

                                        December 1965

I live in a serene world,
where the streams are still
and the mountains soar effortlessly into the sky.
So make the very ground I stand on uncertain,
make the rocks tumble off the mountain tops
and the trees uproot right before my eyes.
Make the blue waters ripple and splash,
and make the ground tear apart.
Make my world shake---
be my earthquake.

Please.
Don't Speak.
Not Yet.

Let me live in this silence.
In this limbo.

There is still hope here
that you may not break my heart.

Just give me this moment.
Please.

This could still end happily.
With hugs and kisses and promises.

It won't
But right now I can pretend.

Please.
Let me dream here longer.

But you open your perfect lips.
And I am broken.

Please.
Just leave.
Now.

Through cracked fingers soil crawls
As neon forests of green growth ignite
Bruised yellow the tree bark cries
Moving across the dim shadowed pastures
Stone-colored winds rush toward sky
Rearranging destroyed dreams of numbered believers



Through cracked fingers soil crawls
As fog rolls beyond cloud covered hills
Across the black ashen yard
Pace moves as deer hunted at dawn
Picked once by waged eyes seeking elimination
Erasing destroyed dreams of numbered believers

Everyday i awaken and light streams to my eye
I think life is forsaken until colours start to defy
I breath in the air and look into the sky
I feel the texture of the earth start stroking the dry
My thought become clear my vision unblured
Who ever be my Shepard i conformed to the heard
But now with the knowledges i break silence with words
I glide threw life as i was a bird.

I take my home for granted get caught up in the antics
As my eyes turn slanted my brain runs frantic
Before i perceived the world as standard
Before i was disappointed and angered

But now im willing to share
Its clear its calm at peace no harm
At one with the earth no need for alarms
I breath in breath out. Touch the earth with my palm
Get one with my surroundings stretch out my arms.
Abolish the fear hold onto whats near
But look for the more
Nay rely on prayer start opening doors
Realise our earths potential stop vandalising with wars.

Before we came it was untouched but now it is butchered
We have amounted so much but the earth is now ruptured.

and there we sat, on top of the hill, on top of the world
and there I found a secret language;
when you hold my hand,
run your fingers through my hair,
when I stare into your eyes,
the sound of your heartbeat rushing through my head.
words unspoken have never been so clear.