Neil Hilborn

Eat
Chase money
****
Eat
Go home
Eat
Breed
****
Sleep
Dream (if you're lucky)
REPEAT

Is this humanity?
It make me want to scream
the endless routine
just ain't for me
there's only one answer that I seek
Death
must be
the only freedom

You make me queasy
a constant sea sickness
but I'm not ill
People tend to call this "butterflies"
Im just digusted
there are insects hiding in the most secret parts of me

Your handshake
is about as firm as a thousand year old bridge
and thats when I realized
you were crumbling

Noah wrote Allie one letter everyday for a year.
And you cant take the time to text me and tell me whether or not I need to keep trying
Why the **** is it so hard to let me down easily.

I fall in love when I am lonely
4. I won't be able to look in the mirror and be happy
5. I can not fall in love after ***.
6. My need for affection is insatiable.
7. I somehow convinced myself I will be the Anastasia to one of these Mr.Greys
8. I feel that two is the loneliest number
9. As long as you touch me I will love you
10. I wont be able to look in the mirror and be happy
11. I know I said that twice
1. I do not know how to love people properly.
2. This includes myself.

People always ask me why I never attend school
I want to tell them "I'm too emotionally vacant to care"
"I know I'm not destined for great things" I'd announce
"I'll be dead before I'm 20,
I have no kids to look forward to
and no desire to marry"
So why should I spend 13 years of my life cooped up
Learning the value of x
when I cant even find value in waking up in the morning.

I don't know about butterflies
                     but
                         I know happiness.
In my stomach,
           I feel only hunger,
                                             fear
                                    and sometimes indigestion;
                                               but never butterflies.
Even when I see her
              and she smiles at me,

I feel happy
                but my stomach is inactive,
                                        silent.
       ­                                   
But
  when our fingers interlock
                     her eyes meet mine
                   and our smiles parallel,

                         I cannot help
                                                  but
      ­                                                   feel at home.