They told me
That depression hits you
In the dark hours of night
During the ticking of clock,
And hooting of owls;
But it hits me
When I’m smiling ear to ear,
Reminding me,
That happiness ain’t for me.
I remember
The first accident that I had,
When my heart stopped pumping blood in my veins;
My throat got choked,
And it was getting harder for me to breathe.
Oh, the dumb me couldn’t realize
That this is how anxiety visits you;
It knocks the air out of your lungs,
And punches you
Hard;
Right in the stomach.
Depression breaks you,
Twists you,
Until you are gasping for breath;
But darling, remember,
Broken crayons still color;
And no matter what hits me,
No matter what breaks me,
I’ll still fly
And I’ll fly high with my broken wings.

On some days,
My sadness is small ;
As small as a teardrop rolling down my cheek.
And on the others,
It's too huge to fit into my hands.
It stretches, it expands
And becomes a giant monster.
It visits me on lonely nights
With lilies and chocolates.
It slits my skin
And pulls out my veins
Like guitar strings
And plays a strange rhythm.
It sings gloomy songs to me
And makes me eat bitter memories for dinner.
On some days,
It hides inside my pocket like a baby bird;
And on others,
It holds my hand
Like my lover
And we go out for a walk.
It makes love to me every night
We blend into each other;
So perfectly that
We become indistinguishable.
But when I try to leave,
It screams,
Groans,
Cries,
Howls like a wolf.
It throws the crockery at me
And cuts my skin with a knife.
It bites me
And strangles me until I'm out of breath.

~ Dishita Kaushik