I think I'm alive, but I can't even feel a heartbeat
And my soul feels cold despite the intense heat.
I thirst for a sense of sanity,
A sense of normal.
I can't find it and anytime
I ask someone for directions
They have no idea what I'm looking for...

And neither do I...

From her soft, fair skin
To her messy, curly hair.
Her soft, kind smile and
Her thin figure..
They all saw her as gentle beauty.
They don't know, do they?
They don't know that her scars don't come from her favorite rose bush.
They don't know how much she hates her "adorable" freckles.
They don't know that when she looks down at her body, she sees an elephant.
They don't know that she has never nor will she ever see herself as beautiful.
She doesn't understand what they see.
She doesn't understand what he sees.
You all have the story wrong.
She didn't fall in love with a beast.
The beasts were in her mind.

Hey.
Remember when we used to take out the old blue truck just because we could?
Remember when I'd wait patiently for you to come home from work with a tea party set up?
Remember when I would sleep in your bed just to be near you?
Remember when we would get on your motorcycle and take off with no destination?
Remember when we would wake up early to play in the snow and have hot chocolate afterward?
Remember when we both would get up early just to burn yard scraps?
Or our many trips to California?
All of our father-daughter moments?
I think about them a lot.
There's so much we didn't get to do together.
No father-daughter dance.
You didn't get to buy me my first car.
We didn't go on many of the trips you had planned.
You wanted to dance with me at my sweet sixteen.
You can't glare at my future prom date and give him the third degree.
You can't give me away at my wedding.
You'll never be a grandpa.
And you'll never know how much I miss you, Daddy.
It hurts my heart that you're gone, but it would hurt more if you were still suffering..