You call me precious
Like you can see through all of the scarring etched along my spine from countless nights spent awake and drunk and lonely enough to talk to strangers who never cared about what I had to say
Precious like a stone sitting on the edge of the water and you help me forget the times I wanted to jump off and dive into the darkness, the cold depths of the sea.  I've been tangled up and turned into knots for a decade but you came around and I'm all just strings now, ready to be braided into something beautiful by your hands as they caress me in the most innocent places, my collar bones, my cheeks, along my arms and sending goosebumps over my skin.  A physical reaction showing what your touch does to me.
You call me precious, the freckles across my shoulders and nose, and you squeeze me hard, not enough to break bones but hard enough that I know that you're as close to home as Ill ever be. 
You call me precious without knowing the extent I've went to in order to correct everything wrong about me and the under construction signs that are still littered across my mind and sometimes when you look in my eyes it feels like I'm being looked at for the very first time.

I want you sugar coated
Sitting on my tongue
Melting in my mouth
Leaving me with unquenchable desire
Wanting more
More
More
More of your skin underneath my fingertips
More of your mouth on mine
Craving your sweetness,
my next fix, my next taste
Of you.

You intrigue and inspire me
And I want to explore every inch of you,
trace my fingertips over every curve of your body,
the creases of your lips, twirl my fingers through your hair,
plant kisses along your collar bone so my adoration
will grow there and flourish,
adorning you, blossoming under my touch.

I want to write letters for you to float on,
to tuck into your dreams,
to keep close to your heart at all times.  
I want you to melt onto the pages when you think of me
so you know how I feel,
constantly being a puddle at your feet.

All I do is sleep and cry
My bed has become the quicksand I feared when I was younger
The sinking pit hidden behind bushes deep in the woods that
****** you in before you could scream for help
My blankets wrap around me and constrict
A boa prepping me to be its snack
An ocean of fabric that refuses to let me swim
I sink in, I cant move, I cry.
The tears fall down my face as if they are lubrication
To help me out of the tangled web of black and white flowers
Covering my sheets
As if to try to coax me out from my hiding place,
My hole,
My life.  
And I cry a lot.  
I cry until my eyes are the size of golf *****,
Until the elephant in my room is now sitting on my chest
And I cant breathe
And I gasp through the tears
And I want to die.  
I will take anything over this pain in my chest,
This shaking in my hands,
These wild and manic thoughts that make me feel like
I've finally, completely broken.  
Gone off of the deep end,
Right into the hands of the quicksand that is my bed.  
The quicksand that is not hidden in some woods
But is right in my living room,
Right in front of my front door,
So easy to fall into,
So easy to succumb to,
So easy to die there.  
If i wanted to.

I spend so much time
putting you back together
but when I fall apart
you can’t be bothered.

im losing weight

dropping my skin like
last night's wine stained dress

i will lose enough

that no one can
retrace their fingertips steps

i will shed the residue

of every finger and each
breath that still lingers

i will rid myself

of the mistakes that are
laced in each of my seams

i will disappear

so no one can see how
damaged i truly am.

Too many hands
have ran their fingers
through my hair

Leaving traces of
themselves behind

Too many memories
are embedded in
each strand

Individual moments
in each dead end

So I will take these
scissors where my
hair begins

Directly at the
roots

And I will chop away
until all of the fingers
fall to my shoulders

Finally releasing themselves
from my mind.