Long winding
Lost roads
Dead dog
Or maybe mountain lion
(**** roadkill)
Car stopped in the middle of the road
Woman drove off the side of the road
(with the ******* pigs)
Gas station stops
No service area
Keeping me on long winding lost roads!

Now there
Misty fog
Hot steam
As I baptize with bubbles
In this hot tub at Grand Haven
A locked cabin
Enjoyed for a time by myself
Alone.

I write for me to right my rights and write my Wright’s. To right my rights would be the only good thing but what I’m doing is writing my rights which is just writing in circles. I should be rioting. But I’m sitting here in circles writing repeating gossip and politics and feats such as the Wright brothers I wish to overcome Dayton but we are just writing in circles not rioting within them.

I'm not trying to say I did nothing wrong
I'm just trying my best to be moving on
I feel weights that are lifted and I'm holding them high
I realize my power
I am a part of the sky
No movement is wasted
Not even my hair in the wind
Everything everywhere has a connection
They say God is to blame
God be the blessing
God have mercy on us for we are nothing
But they don't see that God is with us
We are to blame
We are blessings be
We must have mercy on everything
You see something wrong?
Don't just pray
Be the change
Tell everyone what is wrong
Use your voice and speak out against it
If you're only thinking and praying do you really think there will be changes?
The thought is something
The intention better
But what really matters are the actions that you're putting out there
If its all in your head then does it really matter to anyone but yourself?
If I write out all my sins, if I count them all up
If I repent and repent and never change my faults
Then am I truly forgiven?
Can I convince myself that I am?
If I understand my sin, I can justify it, right?
Its the logic that saves us, right?
Its the left brain, the reasoning, right?
But what if I'm a sinner?
What if I can never do enough good?
Not helping enough no
Not loving enough no
If I try to do more
Will my sinning ways stop?
Will I be able to,
No matter how much good I do,
Will I ever get out of the dark?

Spirited away flying farther into consciousness becoming one with the world and one with all word and mediums of communication from my soul to your mine this **** ain’t got to rhyme I’m in your mind I’m changing spirits I’m living proof of alcoholism’s roots of vices of society’s mices we live in the grooves the way we move rebelling the way of the patriarchy we’re living in

Do I run or do I fight I lay down my pity and I give up tonight
Give up on pain give in to love give up my sorrows to the the heavens above
Giving up my suicide tendencies giving up the control of self harm, ma please
I’ll come clean later I’ll tell the truth someday but today is the day where I take for my own sake and I take what’s given to me
Drugs, give em to me, love, give em to me
If only I could give up the demons in me
Spirits I thought wasted away always coming up when least expected before I try to wash em out again
I beg my partners to stay but I can’t expect them to hold fire with their bare hands
Nothing rhymes nothing times right all my loved ones building their empires and I’m sitting in my lonesome box, please pray
Will we forget our gender norms will we forget the lies that society told will we forget what we came here for
Bouncing back between planets I’ve got the eye of my soul twin twinkling will our ether bodies ever meet
I’ve got a bleak soul I’ve got tremendous turmoil I just want fire and water to exist in harmony with each other
When the words flow they don’t know what they’re saying they’re just part of the music making of our soul ticks of existence
I’m trying hard to not let it bleed
I’m trying hard not to scream I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying please just let me be
I never want y’all to see me like this unless I’m dying and crying and reaching for some kind of sign
Please stay with me through the storm please babes I need your more now than ever
I need to be at peace I wish death would take me and my life cease
Please babes just know I’m trying but when you turn your backs I’ll be crying

Tears shake me I want someone to bless me feeling so oddly queer and I don’t know what I’m doing here is it *** or is it drugs hex myself I think I need a hug for the self or for the hoes I’m needing something to fill the holes of lost loves I’m feeling rough I got my mind stuck in a rut I miss my babes from past lives I miss my old self I don’t know why I keep pushing through to the next breath do y’all know how hard I try to be the light to be the sun I want to be the one for friends to come home to I breathe to live free but keep asking myself why I’m suffering is it the jealousy or just feeling too sluggish sometimes too buff I think to myself do they think I’m a man I think to myself I’m doing what I can their thoughts don’t matter my life I’m climbing ladders how high I’m always asking to the sky we’re always passing don’t know if I pass don’t know why I ask so many friends I’m learning loved ones come straight from that ****** sun nothing makes sense I light a cigarette light some incense thats what the fire signs tell me my pyromania is always testing me figured imma struggle till I die but please just know I try

I used to know things about people, it was all too easy for me to figure them out.

I used to dread the day when I had found out I've failed, when I couldn't save someone. Strange or depressing as it may seem, I'm glad I haven't had to attend all the funerals I tried to prepare myself for.

I used to know if someone had ever been touched wrongly. Unwillingly. How far past their "no's" were gotten. I can't do that anymore, I don't know how to help anymore.

I used to cry at all the pain, I used to sob myself to sleep. These days I try anything just to feel a single tear on my cheek.

I used to hear things without finding or ever questioning the source. I used to sing out my struggles to the sounds I heard while crying on my backyard's swing set. I still hear it sometimes, but maybe that's just my imagination.

My mom told me I used to see angels.  All I can remember was being scared of the footprints on my ceiling. Maybe they were angels, maybe they were demons. Maybe they were just early signs of schizophrenia.

Was all of that just preparation?
Was it all just a coincidence?
Is this real? Is it God's work? Is it fate?
Do I believe in any of that anymore???

Who knew that a conversation over cigarettes with you would leave me so confused.

Is our craziness compatible, like taking a drug together and having the same trip?
Or maybe we're gifted with seeing things for how they really are.

Or maybe its just you.
Maybe I'm lost forever.

I need to walk your path.

I heard sounds in the woods with you
But was it the same music?
Do we share the same insanity?

Tell me if its a blessing or a curse.
Tell me if its worth all the pain.
Tell me if I can handle it... if I won't **** myself first.
Does the light in everything outweigh the darkness?  
Tell me what you think about souls now.
Does everything live forever?
Can you still see their light if they're dead?
Tell me what you feel.
Tell me what you know now.
I want your truths.

This has to be real.

My world has been flipped and turned inside out.

But finally, for once, I think everything makes sense.

Timing rhymes
Does it heal
Proximity
Close to feel
And this crutch
It’s a spinning wheel
Imagine us getting killed
And then you see it in your sleep
It just repeats and repeats
Sometimes I'm the only hero
And sometimes it's you who's saving me
We watch it on tv
Getting killed in societies across nationalities, we catch you screaming in your sleep
Sometimes you gotta bleed
We'll leave you to patch it up yourself 'cause
You're all you really need
This is what it means to be free
We catch you getting help we lock you up, it's the rules of the games, money paper book tree
Paper cures us all the time in the schools, the libraries, and outdated trees in the courtyards
They say nobody reads ours
Nobody has gotta breathe trees for any hours unless you breed ours
Gotta pay to breathe
Repeat repeat
First breath I'm writing on paper
Breathe in again we on the crystal
Square shining on my face
We're mentally chasing the sun that never satisfies
Looking for light in all the wrong places we're constantly mystified by how it never seems to last

I'll chase the light in your eye a day before I die staring at the fire of the sun as it slips to early morn where Luna's shining in the storm

So fierce but lonely does she seem without the fire burning her soul to gleam so clean

We scream fire ****** bathroom sinks filled the graves the shining metal gleams gory ****** are sipping tears from powder quakes

We rake the crowds with raining sun so one day we pray we'll see the light of glory goddesses to be won

We’re shambling ourselves
We're lying in the muck
Crying ghostly in our sleep trying to beat the sound of screaming sheep

One side of me growing closer to the sun, she weeps, I'm drowning in these sheets
She pulls me closer and questions me
My split soul is a far reach

Why even ask why you're trying
I know what we’re finna keep
I'm glad who I meet
We should shatter in these streets

I know what you're asking me
But I don't think you're saying it quite right
I don't think we have the time
I'm riddling you and me we're questioning

I don't know how to say it fine
How to finesse the letters to make em mine
Dancing phrases of better days but I know I haven't yet paid the price to pay to shave the way of better feelings

But standing in this storm I'm reeling
I'm hiding, cover, summer stealing smiles from off the deep end brothers flaked and waked you out you baked in heat from another paper so timeless easy smoking

Like my father, a toking fighter lighter laugh on the wall to appall and adore show us more the universe is sure that we're lurking for a cure

Lurking in the hard to reach forbidden injustices in the back of memories of these contemplated possibilities rolling over thots like a crusted raw prince’s

Tongues never seem to think of where their words travel whether they keep their mouth shut or mind open maybe closed like the door to this blocked soul

I want to write and I do kind of sometimes get something out of me that I haven’t seen before.
Times like these I can’t get more.
I’m bore such a sore grasping, letting go in the face of someone I adore.
I need you.
I can’t do this without you I need somewhere to keep my heart arrest while I dive into these depths of ***** streets, dungeons in the roots of mind where lies me dead and stagnant.
Disgusting ******* written on walls in these tunnels, gulping all love, dear please spit out your fears you may never know the destinations of your timeless travels.
But I yearn to, I dig deep scratching at my skull trying to figure out who I am and why and who I am supposed to be in this world, I twitch at thoughts of happiness while dreaming of death I plead, for better days and understanding I’ve never been fond of this blissful lie.
We all die we all live we all run to jump to fly as high as we can possibly imagine knowing that one day we will fall only to be picked up by lovers still floating in the trees.
My guardian angels of my soul.
We speak to the trees of ancestors of these trying again to win our hearts back from these time never healing devil memories.
We only sleep to name the trees our memories.
They say our hair contains our memories.
If that’s how you really feel, squeal.

I am frustrated.
I am at fault.
I am not at fault.
I am trying but
I am wasting away.
I push forward
But you push back.

And I am so confused
Together? Apart? What do we do?
Place blame
Take blame
Ignore the fact that it happened?
Continue forward
Move on
But together or separate?

What is deserved?
My wallet
My livelihood
My cigarettes and gas money?
My heart
My feelings
My emotions
My body?

Push it to the limits
But what for? For us? For you? Is it worth it?
For you. For this.
Why?
Your worth?
Your heart and mind and soul?
Can we make it
Or will we break?

Throat chakra ******* blocked
Happiness set back
Marijuana is in
Me pushing
For something

Alcohol on the brink of my lips!
Let me ******* breathe.
Let me take a ******* break.
Let me sink into a ******* hole.
Let me fly out of the ******* sky-
FREE ME!
FREE ME!
FREE ME!

Paranoia is on set
******* slenderman or saints
I can't be soothed!
I can't be stopped!

I was made for greatness
I was made for better than this
My heart beats with the power of our people
Thumping with thoughts from ancestors
I ******* feel it
What the **** am I feeling?
Let it out!
Let it out!
Let it out!
*******...
Let.
It.
Go.
****!

Use me
Feel me
FEEL ME

Borders untouched
Inlands unkempt
Swirling clouds of unstoppable chaos
Raining down with compassionate entities

They say welcome
We say
Welcome
Welcome
Welcome
They sing it
We scream it

We breathe everything into existence
They say its about time
You have been here before
You have been lost
But you are here now
Welcome home

We are high
We are low
We are falling and flying
and feeling and *******
Making some kind of use
In this physical
*******
LIFE

(Cant go there anymore
Cut off
Cut back
GET OUT OF MY HEAD
OUTTA MY MIND)

How long does it take to get over lost loves. Books and sunshine can’t fuel my bonfires celebrating life is but a dream my parties are so outdated I don’t know how my soul speaks anymore. Run on sentences because my brain can’t comprehend grammar anymore it’s just word ***** and love ticks trying to spit out energy at any awkward chance it gets. Will writing be the same I plead my soul to gain its old memories through feel and spontaneity. I learn to love again is it really all through creating I pick my scabs my nicknames by what I seem are better days before an abusive heartbreak I never truly know what is at stake when I put my heart into beings never truly seeing what they’re meaning behind their lies and deceiving I always see the best despite the feelings. My visions always so temporary never thinking what I could truly accomplish is what I want to do. What I want to be. How loud I might scream or how tired I might be but how high I climb over all simple yet complicated atrocities. I just want my soul to gleam I just want to feel so clean I just want to get over all these things that are holding me. I keep hitching thoughts of friends loving me trying to abide by social standards taught to keep me balanced keep me holy.
Keep thinking about human trolls just stagnant in feeling during purrs of not speaking just vibrations under being. Vibes push out dark thoughts yet still no words come out I feel invisible isolated by myself reality is loneliness

I got a lil buzzed a lil ****** but not enough and not in time I’m covered in oceans of emotion I can’t keep up with these tides anymore pulling me out to the brinks in my mind I’ve never been afraid of drowning but it’s the lifeguards putting my head under why did I think I could swim I never should have trusted the ones who taught me should have learned how to breather underwater but I’m no mermaid I’m no better I’m not equipped for this please just let me burn burn burn
I don’t want my turn to win top trophies I never even wanted in the game who told you to put me in I cannot out play you cannot withstand this heat I talk like I like it I don’t mind it I just don’t want to be the center of the roasting *** I’m blocking kicks and getting punched I’m throwing fists they hit the heavens fall back on me liken frozen fury a storm I’ve been living in a game so sick you never make it out alive I try to die don’t choo know the rules I try to die who put you here don’t choo know I’m the underdog that hasn’t won yet

Suicidal when I’m pmsing
But I’m still alive we’ll call it a blessing
Imma try to tell my story if I cry don’t mind it just try to learn my lessons
True love shouldn’t be a tragedy
I romanticize our relationship but just like Romeo and Juliet there is no happy endings
This love is poison, an addiction, and I’m in recovery
Rehab is a love story, a sad story
My mind is going numb with your absence
I’m trying so hard to keep my cool
I choke down my tears, my fears, I just wish they taught about this in school

Reach inside Pull it out
Strip down Fall out
Feel good Feel you
Feeling whiskey
Feeling sour
Feeling lonely at this hour
Can’t stop writing
Can’t stop feeling
Can’t stop won’t stop forever for anyone that’s what I say
Scream it ****
Repeat repeat
We getting frisky in the bathroom
We getting lovey dovey in the bar
Don’t ask me why we’re here cuz IDK
Ask me why what I think, you’ll get a novel I think
Don’t think enough just try too hard
Don’t try at all
Don’t seem to keen on loving you
Don’t think we’ll be here long
Bars closing soon, let’s find another
They’re all closed, let’s cross the border
Lines uncrossed we forgot our brothers
Tell our sisters
No family means nothing I told you we lost ourselves
Can I ******* take a break? .

Who am I now
I have been hurting
In the workplace, at home, in my own body
I feel broken
Forsaken
By a God no longer living

I'm with people
I feel alone
Thoughts sparked
Train running
I don't open my mouth
Crash landing in the tunnel
My hands are shaking

Should have let it out
Should have wrote it down
Now I'm choking on my ideas and thoughts
Now I'm drowning in my stubborn loneliness

I'm still with people
I open my mouth
Jumbled words fall out
I ask about them and they ask about me
No stimulation
Just simple small talk
No conversation

They're knocking on my skull asking whats happening
I throw my hands up and tell them I'm trying
They give awkward stares
Sometimes knowing eyes and understanding nods

But I flare and wear and tear myself apart
Grow out all my hair then shave it all off
Search inside every lost memory
Rethink through every philosophy
Reincarnate every fiber in my being
Recreate my everything

I'm soul searching and soul mate flirting

Because this is the middle
These are the moments that matter
This growing experience is just me climbing the ladder
This sick game we live in
These money controlled societies
They don't care about the essence of you
The tears and feeling blue
The messages the world and God send you
Its up to you
You can fight it
But do not forget the people behind you
Your bonds are unbreakable
Your God is unstoppable
My God this world around me
This atmosphere running through me
I can't feel whats around me
My mind has gone crazy
I'm just trying to save me, baby
I am trying
The world has gotten me by the neck
(Lord, help me)
But I am fighting to win my heart back
From these devil memories

I am living the yin yang
I thrash in my sleep
I am back and forth between Mundale and Westfield
Slacking on making my poems into songs
Do not doubt my masculinity just because I am a woman
I am stronger than any of you men
Don't **** with me
-Amen.

Wish we could be different wish we could be the same
And I wish we could try agin and start over again and try to make this what it isn't and what I think it could be
Wish a lot of thinks but wish for love I think is what it always comes down to be
I can't do this no more this hurts
I try to be loving but all I'm left with is selfishness I feel it
I fall into it
Falling in love constantly