Spirited away flying farther into consciousness becoming one with the world and one with all word and mediums of communication from my soul to your mine this **** ain’t got to rhyme I’m in your mind I’m changing spirits I’m living proof of alcoholism’s roots of vices of society’s mices we live in the grooves the way we move rebelling the way of the patriarchy we’re living in

Remind me of my past remind me of mom playing the piano remind me of pots and pans and the alcoholic rams and the shams and the shame of the shenanigans peek over my shoulder it’s my lover never another this one is forever and my heart keeps beating and my feet dance and my laughs prance and my mind falls back again into the past this depression stinking up the game I feel like my whole life is to shame a better version of myself for you to tame it’s not your job but I’m here I’m living weird I’m a little queer I’m falling sober the rain might be over but the pains left holes with names and memories in each one some have graves they never will truly leave us some should have graves from the pain they wrought within us I’ve dug my grave I’m not counting anymore on anything but you this lifetimes starting over

Make me forget the pain make me forget my brain make me live better for the grain and no longer live in shame make me love like you love me make me shine like you shine to me make me laugh and dance and sing with you I feel blue boo shake me up with your sunshine

I can’t keep loving you from the depths of my mind
Fantasy fairytales from unrequited lovers left behind
Your mask reminded me of devils haunting but bare naked now I see into your soul
Can’t keep burning can’t keep numbing can’t keep this fire in me don’t make me beg
All this fleeing back between the puppy ******* I’ll follow you till my death
My friends tell me I deserve better and you deserve better too
Why can’t I ever seem to matter to anyone who matters to me my soul is screaming
Nothing was ever meant to happen this way
Catching feelings for lost boys who never seem to want Wendy to stay
I am realizing again in this life that nothing worth it seems to last
Good friends are hard to come by but will always out-stand my crushes company o

From 12356 to 3 it numbs me fills me but this is to free me so that I don't let it freeze me
Keep mentioning this Dayton hell hole hoping no ****** kills close to home but it does
It goes and it spreads and this love hoping to heal hasn't stuck in their brains but it will
It will
It will
This love will heal
I remember puking mac and playing games trying to ride Sam while I'm making friends
Cooking some eggs for pj in the mornin just wishing I could never go home again
But we rack back and I leave again we rack back and I come again and rack back to the circus track again
We’re learning to breathe and walk again but in my home I'm suffering I choke on ribbon while we’re partying
In my dreams we die I think
And I think I am your shrink
And my shrinks your god you speak of me you think of him it's all the same we are the sin
I am the daughter you are the son we are each other it's already done I love and live and feel this way but because of you I stray today or maybe the thoughts the opposite it’s all me burning me
It's all my doing its all on me the negativity is killing me but it still falls back on you you you.

Who am I now
I have been hurting
In the workplace, at home, in my own body
I feel broken
Forsaken
By a God no longer living

I'm with people
I feel alone
Thoughts sparked
Train running
I don't open my mouth
Crash landing in the tunnel
My hands are shaking

Should have let it out
Should have wrote it down
Now I'm choking on my ideas and thoughts
Now I'm drowning in my stubborn loneliness

I'm still with people
I open my mouth
Jumbled words fall out
I ask about them and they ask about me
No stimulation
Just simple small talk
No conversation

They're knocking on my skull asking whats happening
I throw my hands up and tell them I'm trying
They give awkward stares
Sometimes knowing eyes and understanding nods

But I flare and wear and tear myself apart
Grow out all my hair then shave it all off
Search inside every lost memory
Rethink through every philosophy
Reincarnate every fiber in my being
Recreate my everything

I'm soul searching and soul mate flirting

Because this is the middle
These are the moments that matter
This growing experience is just me climbing the ladder
This sick game we live in
These money controlled societies
They don't care about the essence of you
The tears and feeling blue
The messages the world and God send you
Its up to you
You can fight it
But do not forget the people behind you
Your bonds are unbreakable
Your God is unstoppable
My God this world around me
This atmosphere running through me
I can't feel whats around me
My mind has gone crazy
I'm just trying to save me, baby
I am trying
The world has gotten me by the neck
(Lord, help me)
But I am fighting to win my heart back
From these devil memories

I am living the yin yang
I thrash in my sleep
I am back and forth between Mundale and Westfield
Slacking on making my poems into songs
Do not doubt my masculinity just because I am a woman
I am stronger than any of you men
Don't **** with me
-Amen.

But it ain't easy they say and it gets harder every day
I'm so cliche and I quote everyone I'm fucke sup duck me ******* **** this world and HEY FCK YOU TOO *****
Thank you chuuwee I'm making chewbacca noises and forgiving myself and making people smile think but here it is I'm here we're here we try to be try I think unless we being bad being bad don't choo know I've always been this way