I am an animal lover
Lover of rain
Fuzzy blankets
And
Hiking

What that doesn’t tell you is
I get lonely when there’s only one light on
I don’t like the smell of gasoline like I did
I was attacked by a close friend and changed
We try so hard to itemize our lives for love
Something I don’t have the energy for
Platitudes that make me desirable.
I don’t want that

Its been
A while

Time has passed
and
I have grown.

A man,
Not so.

I have
learned
Lost
Loved
And
Earned

I've battled my sins
I've dwelled, too, long.

Yet,
I haven't spoken
So, here I am to say,
Life you may swing like a mad man
But
I've built muscle from the weight.

I've learned how strong my legs are
For I carry my burdens.

I've learned how strong my arms are
From opening doors sealed by the past

Ive learned how stubborn my heart is
For beating
even when
I begged it to stop

I am here
I am here

Not yet a man
No longer a boy

I am here
And here
I'll stay.

Nature is lovely
Even in isolation
I lay my eyes there

Mix me blue
Mix me pink

I'll never know
Just how to think

Mix me pink
Mix me blue

Who am I?

I've been humbled.
I'm losing my home.
Not at fault of my own

I've complained
Endlessly
About the flaws of these four walls
There wasnt heat
There wasnt cooling
The kitchen was unusable
The roof leaked into the windows
The sun over heated my space.

Now it's being taken back

Now it's being taken back

Now it's being taken back

It's just hitting me
All that these walls have given.
A place to nurture our love.
It's given me pets.
It's given me a place to cry.
It's given me solidarity.
It has done nothing but given.

Now it's being taken back

Now it's being taken back

Now it's being taken back

I wish I gave to it.
Fresh paint
New curtains
New floors
A welcome mat

It has given me a home
And
I was ungrateful.

It's hard
To change
How you vocalize your mind
It's hard
when every poem has been pain
It's hard
When your mind
Doesn't process how it used to
I used to scream on pages
It's been so long
Since I felt lost
No?
It's been so long
since I felt empty.
I can empty my mind without poetry
I have grown
My old poems are beautiful.
Am I no longer like that?
Is this dread?
I dont know
But it's been so long
Since I had anything to empty
I miss these pages of poems
But
I dont miss being like that?
Who am I now?
I dont know
But it's time
Time I learn to write
From a new perspective