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Denxai Mcmillon Feb 2016
Spring hurry up
I can't wait for my pack of cigarettes
I'll keep caffeinated
I'll keep busy here
I'm tired
We're fighting
I just want my smokes
I want a drink
I'll drink until I'm tired tonight
I'll wake up hungover
I'll plaster my smile back on
Pretend I'm okay
And smoke till I puke
Why is it always sunny when I'm the saddest?
Denxai Mcmillon Feb 2016
I want a kid,
I want to teach someone the way I wish I was taught.
I want to play like I'm;
Two
Five
Six
Eight
Eleven.
I want to be like my father before me.
I want to be like my father.
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
Rachel,
I won't tell you things will be okay.
I don't know if they will.
I don't know when you'll be able to smile your hardest,
Laugh until you ****,
Or
When you'll be able to appreciate nature how you once did.


I can
(and will to the whole-hearted and best of my ability)
however,
tell you that
You will do the things you once did.
You will.
For
when I watch you
lock yourself In the attic of your body
When I watch you
picking up the photo album
of whom you,
once again,
Would like to be.
When I watch you collapse
When I watch the subtleties
The little changes
on what would be a face of stone.
When I see them
I can tell that
the floor in that old room gave way
I know.
I know.
I know that I can't stop your decent.
I don't think
you'll be where
you
would like to be
For a while.
That's okay.
I'll hold your hand
I'll love you anyway.
Because when I look at you.
When I let my gaze drop
From my eye level
To yours.
Beyond those tired eyes.
Beyond your stressed posture.
Beyond your heart-breakingly weak smiles.
Beyond your stress.
Beyond your sorrow.
Beyond your fears.
I see you.
You.
Only you.
I see the love of my life.
I see your beauty.
I see your potential.
I see a river pebble.
I see a fierce bear
I see love
I see a fire,
though small,
burning furiously.
And just behind that fire.
I see you picking up your pain
And I see you setting it ablaze.
So yes,
Dare to disturb the universe.
So yes,
Look death in the eyes.
Befriend it.
Respect it.
And refuse it's advances.
(You don't like pushy flirts anyway)
You're strong, Rachel.
You're not trapped by some one who wants you locked away anymore.
So don't trap yourself.
It's okay to relax
It's okay to relax.
It's okay to relax.
It is okay
Relax.
You're not alone in this.
I'm here.
Watching you fight.
Waiting for you to tag me in.
I'll bruise my knuckles
I'll ****** the floor.
If it means,
That you
That you
That you
Will suffer no more.
For the love of my life.
I am here for you, always
Trust and believe me.
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
A sleepy morning
Rushed out of bed; off to work
What about cuddles?
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
I'm not self-destructive any more.
Denxai Mcmillon Jan 2016
Closed doors
Tension holds every movement.
A drink stronger than our egos
The hardest part of mixing my drinks is that when I have the spins I can't hold onto you.
Im drowning in my head
I'm sinking in my skin.
I don't want this anymore.
I want to die and come back as who you need.
I want to die and come back.
I want to die.
I'd die to abolish your sins
Yours alone.
I have a problem.
It's not you.
It's in a bottle and hides in cans.
Typing is hard.
I'm sorry.
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