Denxai Mcmillon

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Your writing is far too beautiful to ruin with liquor

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

You, are like dust that has settled in a fine layer on an undisturbed surface
I am that surface.
There is no breeze in this house,
No pesky humans clearing away clutter
No inward traffic to move you from me.
Nothing has changed
Nothing will change
In a weeks time I'll be flying again
In a weeks time I'll be listening to "maps"
In a weeks time I'll be wishing I'd stayed.
The city I'm leaving for is the only thing waiting for me
But in my head, no one is cleaning
But in my head, no one is wandering
But in my head, memories of you are falling over me like dust.
You are dust
I am your surface.
There is no breeze in this house
No pesky humans clearing away clutter
No inward traffic to move you from me.
You are dust
I am a surface.
I am your surface
so rest here comfortably.

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

With my dying breath, Gepetto, I curse you.

The world is vastly different when I look at everything objectively.
You and I were more than you'll ever truly understand.
You were the blue fairy
I was Pinocchio
I simply wanted to understand what it means to be a "real boy"
In the end,
I was returned to the puppeteer
In the end,
I couldn't feel for long
In the end,
My disease is my sin.
For a while I forgot I was broken.
For a while I felt real.
For a while

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Burned bridges.

I shall cut ties to this ****** town
From the frays of the rope
I'll ignite the flames that burn the bridges.
I'll miss you all
when I think of you from time to time
I'll revisit the place where I used to meet you halfway
Shrug, turn on my heels and return to where I am respected.

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Save me

I'm fighting tears
like
the knights of lore fought dragons
I'm a turret of emotions
The demons under my bed
are reaching up and holding me by my throat as I sleep
Forcing me to dream of the good days of old
Forcing me to face my fears for the future
I wander the streets late at night
A slight limp from the broken bone in my foot.
I'm self destructive
Why would I let myself heal
when I know I'm hurting everyone I love.
I can't breathe again.
The ball and chain on my ankle is cutting deep.
The white noise I found an escape in isn't enough anymore
The voices are coming back.
My border line personality disorder
is burning bridges
While I desperately drag my past as I try and ***** the flames.
I'm reaching for buckets of water
But dumping gasoline
Burn, baby, burn

Denxai Mcmillon Oct 2015

Mrs. Reilly, I need you the most but you left your extra son behind

I'm trying to find solace in silence
Making loneliness my confidant.
I'm stuck between two good things
And I've never felt more like I want nothing.
The woman who I've been secretly calling mom in my head.
The woman who made the bitter motherless boy into a man, has died
The woman well, the girl, the person whom I know would rather I not call her woman.
The person who loves me without needing to, needs me.
And I can't muster the strength to reach out.
My introverted mess of being is sinking in on itself.
Everyone knows I was a suicidal wreck.
No one knows that I'm getting worse.
No one sees that I've been writing suicide notes again.
I'm obligated to leave now
I'm leaning towards staying.
I'm a dead end kid.
I'm a dead end kid.
I'm ******* hopeless
I'm sick of putting others before my selfish suicidal Thoughts.
I want to play like my predecessors and swing from a tree by my ******* throat.