If I'm being whole heartedly honest,
It's not that the future is bleak
It's not that I'm overwhelmingly sad
I just don't ******* care anymore.
All the people who are "there for" me
Are only there when I place the plaster mask on my face to hide my shame.

I am analytical
I am calculating
I am the monster called realism
I am not here to be everyone's friend
I am caring
I am cold
I am ashamed of who I am
I am the beast that feeds on itself
I am terror incarnate

All I want is to inspire my siblings


But look at the mess I've become

No one gives a ****.
The only reason they'll care when I **** myself is because of the fact, they'll realize I needed them the night before, ******* scratch that. The months before. Outside of that I won't matter till I'm ******* gone.

With enough time and pressure they say coal becomes diamond.
Too bad I'm not coal
I'm under the pressure of time
And a lot of time has passed
So, it's a shame I'm not coal.

I'm okay on my own.
I'm okay all alone.
I'm fine without help
I'll probably **** myself.

I drink because liquor is the only thing consistent in my life. It's there when I'm happy and when I'm sad. I drink because when no one wants to listen I can spill my thoughts to my drunk and lonely self and I can listen to myself talk without judgement. Alcohol is the only thing that makes me feel like I'm not alone. Because my friends are always too busy to listen to how broken I am.