I've been left with my thoughts all day
I'm hungry, by choice
I'm sweating
I'm tired
I miss the thought of stopping by before I skate home
I wonder what you're up to.
I wish I could do over yesterday and avoid whatever it was that led us here.
I'm at an utter loss.
You seem ready to move on
But I'll be idling here arms out stretched
Waiting
Wanting
Hopeful.

So begins the three day wait where I'm stuck.
I have three days to survive without a crutch.
Three days to pretend I'm not missing you.
Three days to figure out to wait to finish grand theft auto or wait until we're friends again.  
Three days.

Twenty-four minutes seems a lot longer
when I fall into my thoughts of you and how much I miss you.
I know that this time probably,
Probably is the end
so I'm planning ahead;
tonight I'll drink
Take a walk around the neighborhood looking for advise
in the bending of trees
or
search for some romantic depth
in the spot where the streetlights
can no longer illuminate the Road. Tomorrow, I'll be worse than today,
I'll start pretending to be okay.
I can't wait until I have another life
to pass the time
as I dread falling asleep missing you.

Normally I'd be playing this game as if on auto-pilot.
Normally I'd laugh at you making a joke about my addiction but today is far from normal.
today I I'm playing with hopes of ebbing your absence.
Losing today seems a lot more frustrating that normal.

Sometimes when I think about you I get really sad. I'm sure to you that means we'll never work out and that's a sad ******* thought to me. I've seen it happen those miserable days where I felt more vacant than I should and well, I can tell they're starting over. It's hard, yah know.

Watching you painfully avert your eyes
Feeling you watch me avert mine.
I can't further describe hell any better. I can see it. I know you can, too.
Baby, yes, baby. I love you.

We were a home.
We still are.


I'm hungry. I haven't eaten since we binged last night.
I know you'll get worried.
But just for today.
I'm punishing myself.
I'm sorry that I'm not comfortable in public.
I've been really trying to fix it.

Fears as I contemplate swallowing my pride and giving it and taking the pills that would make me who you want.
I really can't say I'm excited but I'll follow a schedule. For you. For you I'd do anything. I'd become whatever you asked to keep you at my side. You're far from a possession. I've never looked at you as one. Rachel please. Baby please, come back to me.
My arm miss your cool skin.
My chest misses your beautiful hair.

I wish you know what you meant to me. I wish you felt how hurt I am so you knew exactly how much you mean. I haven't cried yet. I'm waiting for tonight when I get off work. I'm gonna go on a walk find somewhere and breakdown and with a stiff drink, I'll cry even harder.
I wonder how you could see me this miserable and think I don't love you.
I would bleed myself dry if you needed to have a body's worth of blood to save you.
I'm so in love with you.
I'm so happy with you.
I'm doing my best to give you the consistency you want.
I'm doing my best to cope with my anxiety.
I know trying not enough to prove I love you.
But how will you know I can change if you aren't there to see how much I can and will change.
Rachel, my love, baby, my dearest love, my best friend. Please.

I'm here I'm waiting and I'm fighting for us. Please don't give up on us, on me. I'll do whatever you want. I'll wash the dishes and make the bed I'll hold you tighter I'll kiss you longer. I love you so much. Please hear my pleas.

You are the warmth that settles at five pm only to slowly grow cold as the sun gives way to the horizon. I love you so much and even through your cold nights, even then I love you.

You are a world of tiny people.
Trillions of large personalities.
Clashing like tectonic plates.
You are the mountains
You are the valleys
You add depth to each life
You show me that with you
Even I, an inhabitant of your life,
Can touch the stars.
You are loved.
You are enough.
You'll always be enough.