Sometimes I wonder if I could
get back to that grief
like an ocean it washed
over me
would I be able to find
the artist in me?
I've never been able to write
like when I was with you
when we were free.
Like when you had left
a story in the papers
an old memory at best.
And it makes me sad to think
you weren't even my muse for long
when we knew each other for many years.
Mistakes were made
to get no where fast
you're gone for good
and I just wish we could speak.

Been writing all these words about you in my head,
But they feel lackluster and uniform,
so I imagine I'll complain about them instead.
Been counting adjectives to see which works,
and at the end of a very long list,
one word fits best.
I'd tell you what word,
(But knowing you,
And oh, I do)
I'm worried you'd decide you need to put it to a test.
The last thing we need,
another angry man screaming that the world is a machine.
Controlled chaos at best,
you've got your enemies names written on your chest.
I know what word is going to be correct,
but I was wrong from the start.
You're not an adjective,
you're a noun,
And I'm here to witness the break down.
Wouldn't call you weak or scared,
but watching you wondering,
is a memory I'll never forget.

I wanna know what you're doing
You've got me spilling all these syllables,
And yet my mind is still a mess.
What are you doing girl,
and why can't you just let me know,
what the hell is really going on,
instead of living in your head,
staying put instead.
I said I wanna get out of here,
and I can tell from what wanderlust look on your longing face,
you do too.
So girl, let go,
let's get the hell outta here.

Feeling wild and loose in my head,
like I've got a hurricane attached to my name,
it's headed your way,
And boy you're here for the wreck.
Doctors exams running late,
this medication check is a month too late.
Government shutdown is changing the mental state,
And how we deal,
And what we do,
And please get me the f* out of here.
At least being gone,
I won't have to carry all these words around.
These letters are heavy and hurt my brain,
I don't have the patience to continue to psychoanalyze.
I'm lugging around this baggage and I'm starting to feel like it's too late,
in a constant state of pain,
what could I possibly have to gain?

Feeling so cozy,
realizing that if I didn't know me,
that you wouldn't know me.
And maybe,
that'd be okay with me,
And us, and me, too.
Feeling so cozy,
like Christmas Eve night
(Yes I know that you think I am not saying it right).
Peaceful and small,
curl up into a ball under heavy blankets of blankets,
while listening to the snow fall.
All wrapped up in lights,
watching bokeh dots glide all over my walls.
Like New Year's Day,
wondering if you had any idea I was miles away,
in both ways,
And in both states.
Both states.
Awake and been awake,
probably for days.
Sitting up watching the blue fade into the daylight,
pink lines hiding out and sneaking in some bright.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to feel things.
Things other than ice cubes under my nails
and nails under my feet.
Never knowing the ages of numbers.
Time is a constant challenge and change is a lie.
We teach lessons to the weak and unwise.

Your eyes like summer,
full of regret.
Drink the night away,
the day too.
Back then I wanted it to just be me and you.
But it would end,
as every party does.
Leave in separate cars,
with new numbers on our palms.
Easily hidden,
kiss the lies away,
I told myself each time,
leave the pain for another day.
Ink wears off,
my skin and hands,
so I find myself reaching for the bottle of repitition again.
Cliche girl,
drown your sorrows in another him.
Who knows when you might,
remember this again.