Suddenly
the lights
turn
back on,

After 3
screeches
from the
transformer,

And a week
of sleeping
on the leather
couch

And the
tile floors
when it
got too hot,

A sense
of relief
rushes
through me,

The ac turns
back on
and I turn
the kitchen
lamps on,

It feels alive,
it breaths
through
the walls,

And exhales
through
the old vents.

I’m sorry
It’s inevitable,
It disappoints
And discourages,
It runs its course
Upon watered
Eyes and calluses
On the palms
Of your hands,
Despite all
Of that,
There’s dishes
To be made,
And cat litter
To be cleaned,
And people
To meet,
And storms
To prepare for,
And there will
Be someone to
Love,
Don’t let it
Get to you,
Despite.

As the run away
Clouds of a named
Storm hits the city,
I sit underneath
Metal panels besides

Resting cars that
Sleep until it’s their
Turn to move again,
The water drainage
Always seems to be

Covered by leafs
Or some type of trash,
Creating a lake of
Rain water, not deep
Enough to drown

But deep enough for
It to grab onto
My ankles while
Drops disturb the
Calmness as the

Wind whistles through
The branches of tall
Trees that fill up the
Borders of the parking lot,
I light my second cigarette

As the water level rises,
And wonder and wonder
About doors and windows,
The ones that closed and
The ones that will open,

If I should climb to a second
Story given the chance,
Would I even get the option,
Happiness is around the corner,
And I remember I don’t know
How to climb,

So I’ll sit in a half full
Parking lot, and rest
For a little while longer
While I light a third
To those who have loved.

The moon shines
bright tonight,
My hand extended
Closing in on
the ropes of light
That tie it down,
To be set in space
and time.

As I manage
to get a hold,
I pull and pull
with my back,
The seas tremble,
The ground laments,

What can I do?
But fall into desperation.

What can I say?
When there’s nothing to be said.

I fall back,
As my lower back aches
Like an old man’s
fishing at sea,
To show me
How heavy the moon
Really is.

Unattainable.

I’ve stopped dreaming
Of bringing down
The moon to your feet
I’ve also forgotten how silence
Sounds with you.

I crouch upon
myself,
Trying
to be
As small
as I can

Just so I
can hide
From
everyone
And
everything,

I crumble
into
A paper crane,
I move
my wings

Up and
Down
And up
And down,
But I can’t
seem to fly,

So I let
myself fall
Into silence,
A void I can’t
Seem to fill,

A rain
Forrest
Full
of beautiful
Things
and ceiba
Trees,

i sit
Underneath
Dripping
Branches
As i disintegrate
Back into the earth.

They talk
In the name
Of god
And Jesus,
They walk
The walk
And wear
Their suits,
I don’t
Believe
Their pretty
Words,
Or their
Gospel,
I try to
Stay away
From
All that,
But if evil
Does roam
Around,
It’s them.

I come in
Into the office
And let the
Lady know
I’m here for
And interview,
With broken
English she
Tells me to
Wait in the
Waiting room
Since I’m early,
So I sit in
the middle
Of a room
Of People
I’ve never
met,
Some of them
Probably
More anxious
As I've been
Before,
There’s a
Mural of
A bull
With horns
Like the devil
On the wall,
And I sit
And wait,
Until my
Nervous
System
kicks in,
And my
Legs
Start to
Twitch,
What an
Eternal
Wait.

I was loved
For some time,

It was beautiful,
In between

Sunrise and
Sunset,

Alongside
Cats and candles,

While listening
To the best of

Chuck mangione
On a suit case

Record player,
That I haven’t

Touched since
I was loved,

Now I wonder
If I am deserving,

If life really open
Doors after one closes,

I’ll lay outside,
Back against the lawn,

I’ll **** on the dew
Of a freshly rained tree,

I’ll snack on the mushrooms,
And chew on sticks,

I’ll be fine,
Since I was loved.

I want you
To hold still
Like a statue
In a museum,

Everyone will
Stop to look
at your silhouette
While basking
In your shadow,

They’ll drop
Flowers and wine
At your feet
As offerings,

And your beauty
Will reach the rims
Of the ears
Of emperors
Across the oceans

And the seas
And the rivers,
All bodies of
Water separate
In your presence,

But here you are,
Anxiously walking
From side to side,
Searching for what
Shouldn’t be searched for,

My love,
Please sit still,
Let me adore
The ground
That you stand on,

With flower petals
From a dying rose
That I’ve been holding
For so long,

I’ll reach deep within
My chest, and with
Bloodied hands
I’ll place my heart
At your feet.

A spider weaves
A home on
The beige brick
Wall that divides
The parking lot
From the street,
I walked through
It by accident,
I feel it on my arms
Down to my legs,
An intricate webbing
Made to trap its prey,
I take it off of me
In panic, as the cicadas
Dance their tune away
In the withering heat
Of June.

Ay mi vida,
las sombras
Se an acostumbrado
A cantar tu nombre
En días calientes
Y pegajosos,
Yo las busco
Para sentarme
A su lado
Y escucharlo
De alguien más
Que no sea mi
Boca, y mis labios
Tiemblan y océanos
Llenan mis ojos
Mientras la oscuridad
Canta una sinfonía
Que no sale de mi
Mente.

The outside cats
Trust me now,
Every time I
Come out they
Meow and talk
To me, ask me
For food,
Maybe the
Others that
Also care for
Them haven’t been
Feeding them lately,
I run inside fast,
So the cigarette
In my mouth
Doesn’t stink up
The place, I open
A pack of wet food,
I put it down in
The little corner that
I always do,
And I crawl my way
Back to my seat and
Watch them enjoy their
Feast.

As I stand
in the rain,
droplets
of water
play and
roll down
my fingers
and into
the ground,
I feel like
A stray cat,
A runt
Abandoned
By his mother,
Or like a fish
In less water,
I flop on the
Concrete
And catch
My breath
In between
Droplets.

I’ve been on the tight
Rope lately,
And every time I fall
The net of old habits
Saves me with an embrace
So warm and familiar,

I let my fingers
Fall through just to see
How the other side
Would feel like,
Silent and cold,
Another familiar feeling

underneath
Cold bottles and
Lighter fluid,
Today I accidentally
Let the cigarette bud
On my legs run
Their course,

While I wonder how
She’s doing,
I wonder if there would
Still be passion
Behind every kiss,
Would the wind carry
Her scent towards me

I’m just an infant,
And it dangles keys
To catch my attention,
While her eyes glow
As we match the beat
That red cells carry
Through my veins,

But it was up to
Yesterday,
And time has
Been a great enemy,
Betrayer of the
Unfortunate,

Holding my head
Down towards
My mistakes, like
A dog it walks
Me through
The side walks
Of my apartment complex
For everyone to see.

I’ll hold unto
That shame in my
Briefcase along
With others,
I’ll put on a
Great smile
And baggy clothes,
And i’ll hop on
the summer breeze
Like dandelion seeds
Towards new beginnings

I imagine it
must be interesting,
Lovely even,
To be able
To grow old
With someone.

It’s 95 degrees
At 4:00 pm,
Sweat drips
Through the
Valleys that time
Has been leaving
On my face,
There’s salt stains
Down to my stomach,
But I can’t seem to
Find anything to
Complain about,
I can talk with
A frown on my face
That shows the tan
On my forehead
About how lonely
And dark
The nights can get,
And maybe sweets
Aren’t tasting as sweet,
Or how bacon is overrated,
Or how annoying it is
To get a new drivers license,
But life has brought
So much color around me,
the cicadas are singing
Along with the sparrows
And the blue jays,
The tree that sits idle
Outside my apartment door
Has been holding so much
Green upon its branches,
A great place to cool off
From the buttery
scorching sun.

Oh father,
Sit in your throne
Of lies and rejoice,
Life has sat me down
In the dark
With a gun to my
Head, loaded with
The truth.

Will you stay?
Wrapped around
My arms underneath
My sheets,
And my pillows,
And the ceiling fan,
And the ceiling,
And the sky,
Let me fall
Into a deep slumber
As the warmth of
Your breath against
My chest defrost
Ancient drums
That pound a beat
So lost in time,
I start to believe again.

God spoke
to me today,
In the voice
of a precious
Woman who hides
From all
that’s wrong
Underneath her
Sheets.

The voice
soothes
My aching
bones,
That drag
behind
My skin,

It urged me
to believe,
To hope,
to love,
to want.

But how
can I
when all
I ever
wanted got
thrown
Into the
passion of
Burning fire.

And God,
I can’t
find myself
Today.

Or tomorrow

Or yesterday

Like a bee
In summer
Heat,
I get lost
in the
Flower
petals
And
the smell
Of gardenias

The nectar
that drips
off my lips
Helps
Me cope
Around
Sky scrapers
And this
unbearable
Ache that
Has found
a home
Somewhere
around
My chest.

How can
I God?

Throw a
Life vest
My way.

How much
Do I have
To beg
To be
Found?

I’m in my car
Waiting for you,
My heart beating
Underneath my ribcage,
I feel the exhaustion
And the weight
Of the little bag
Of tools that it
Brings with it,
Just in case
Pieces start to fall off,
The wait feels infinite,
The ticking of my
Watch echoes through
The air vents and
Leave me wondering
When will I get to
See you.

The ground has been
Trembling all day,
The sky dark
With resentment,
Holding unto
Buckets of water,
The wind screams
And throws a tantrum
In the street,
And I can’t seem
To keep the thoughts
At bay.

i'm on my way
towards thinking of you

As I start to notice that
The smell of the flowers

That cover the fields
Have found their way

Into my car,
It lays in my passenger seat,

Feet on the dashboard
All while enjoying

The music that
Shuffles through

The speakers,
I focus on the road ahead,

But every once in while,
I get distracted by

The greenery of the
Mountain range that sits

Idle on the horizon,
Cold coffee

And cigarettes fill
My stomach,

I flinch and check
The back seat

Where my heart sits,
Buckled up so

It doesn’t fly out
The open windows

A sigh of relief leaves
My body and into

The atmosphere,
Turning the day into night,

Giving me a new scenery,
With bright blue stars

That shine their light
Upon the street,

Showing me the way,
Suddenly a welcome to

Sign with your name on
It materializes in front

Of the head lights,
I stop at the next

Gas station,
I look up to

The spotlight that keeps
The shadows away,

And I wonder how
Bad can it actually be

To be happy.

The earth is
Dying of old age
But if it’s me,
That dies first,
Hopefully I get
To enjoy what I’ve
Enjoyed in its
Presence.

The warm and tenderness
Of unconditional love,
Or the passion behind
Nerudas words,
swim in the transparency
Of the freezing rivers
That embark their journey
On the vertebrae of that
Shackled Island
That I used to call home.

If it’s me that dies first,
Don’t let those who
Speak my name see
What I have become,
Let them remember me
For who I was,
Hollowed eyes,
From restless nights,
The incoherencies
That I speak,
The laughs that
Surround me,
Echoing until
Eternity ain’t eternal
Anymore.

When it’s me that dies first,
Take me back
to where I was born
Bury me under the sapling
Of a flamboyán tree,
Love and care as much
Maybe more than you have,
Watch me reborn, grow,
Become magnificent
Dressed in orange reds
And greens.

Finally, carve unto me
The words that I’ve written,
watch me grow old
like I did life’s ago
And forget about me.

I haven’t cried sad in a long time,
I’ve dipped my feet in the vast
Sadness of my heart, but I’ve
Never dared jump

And it’s starting to show,
In the way I talk, in the dark
Crevices underneath my eyes,
On my shoulders

When will it be that the heavens
play their trumpets in my name,
And let me blessed with rain showers
That washes the dirt off my soul.

Let me be touched by the
Never ending cycle,
Let me hide underneath
The shadow of the clouds.

Let me forget my heart in the
Puddles of water,
Let it be picked up by gentler hands
and cared for again.

It’s 7:46 Am
On a Saturday,
I’m sitting
in my car
in front
of an urgent care
that opens
around 9:00 Am,
I can feel the left
Side of my face swelling
Up as my gums bleed
Through my teeth
Creating puddles
Of iron in the back
Of my tongue,
I connect my phone
To the radio,
And play the song
That has been stuck
On my mind
For the past few months,
That and the Tylenol
Ease the pain until
They open the doors,
I walk in fast,
Almost breaking down
The glass that fills
In the windows,
The lady at the counter
Notices the bags
Underneath my eyes
From the lack of sleep,
She asks for an emergency
Contact, my face betrays
Me as my eyes widen,
While I think of what to
Say the pain comes back.

I woke up today,
And I’ve learned
That I love like the wind
Does, or like a slowly
Sparked camp fire
That stays lit long enough
For the night not to feel
So cold.

I would throw logs
To spark the fire,
Let it burn through
Ashes and smoke,
I’ll sing ballads
And watch the
Flames slow
Dance to the tune
The breeze whistles
Through the trees
And the tall grass

Let’s sit near,
Enjoy the warm,
Be with me,
Enjoy the shadows
Strolling through,
Hopping and jumping
Through hoops,
Let me lean over
Close to you.

Let my arms
Feather fall
Around your waist,
Put your hand
Closer to the flame,
Let the burn
Mark your skin,
And let it bubble
Into passion
As the stars
Observe and judge,
Asking if this is
Truly love
In the end.

I realize two things
As I’m walking down
Memorial city mall,
I remember every
Corner store,
Every turn and
Candy store,
I remember my
Legs trembling
Through multitude
Of people walking
Down the enormous
Open hall, nervous,
Holding tight onto
The hands of
A lost love,
As my insides
Twisted and turned,
My mind clutters
Like the house
Of a hoarder who’s
Passion is collecting
Misfortune and bad
Decisions,
Also, there’s no Barnes
And noble in here,
How unfortunate.

Amongst the sound
Of the rain hitting
The metal canopy
That covers the cars,
I can distinctly
Hear the horn
Of a train,
Everything else
Comes with imagination,
The wheels hitting
The track,
The wagons shaking
And roaring through
The intense rain
That floods the streets
And makes me feel
Nostalgic.

My thoughts scramble
And dig and dig
Until they reach
My skull where they bump
The shovel and Grit
Their teeth.

It’s so gory,
There’s never a winning side,
The winters find a way
To stay 1 or two more days

In spring the rivers run
Off their course and
The flowers turn
Into pollen machines.

In fall the leafs
Dance with the wind
off the trees
All at once

And oh god,
The summer sun
Melts puddles into
My shirts

But you know
I can see some romance
In love

And how hugs
Feel like being wrapped
Around the mantle
Of the earth,

And water drips
From their lips
And i, lost.
With closed eyes,

Like a vagabond,
I’ll plead and beg
Through the traces
That fall in between
Your jaw and your cheeks

Just to pull out
As eyes interlock,
No words spoken
But so much said.

I have not allowed
Myself to be near
Real windows,
Not because
I’m scared of what
I would do,
But because I’m
Always drunk or high
And I could tumble
My way off a 5th
Floor by accident,
Or I could stare
Deeply into the crowd,
People. People. People.
So many walking fast,
Others holding hands,
The sky is falling,
I wish I could open
This window so
I can warn them,

But I am so tired.

I would like
To close my eyes
While I lay on your
Thighs and your hands
Knock on the door
And make themselves
At home while
Playing with my hair,
And I for the first
Time in what feels
Like forever,
Sleep and dream
Of love
And what ifs,
Until the morning sun
Comes through
shading in
The night
And I’m back
To being too
Scared of windows.

The bird sings
To the sun
Acclamations
As it prays
And builds
Itself a nest,
He then flies
Through the trees
And around
the branches
Like a circus
gymnast
Dressed in
tight colors
Just to dive up
Around the sea
Of Leafs until
He finds himself
Souring through
The clouds,
Close enough
To the sunset,
Praising the
Tints of orange
And reds
Running through
What we
could call
Personified life,
He then
sings again,
One last
time for the day,
Before twilight
Reigns the sky
With constellations
Of stars that are too
Far to hear the singing
Or the crying or
The laughter.

The sun sets
Right as the many
Steps that I’ve taken
Have gotten me so close

And now I’m begging,
Laying on the side
In a room that
Screams profanities

While the moonlight
Creeps through
The blinds
Splashing the
Color of the furniture
Against the walls,

The browns,
      The reds,
The greens,
      The oranges,

Oh I can feel
My body dipped
In ink, weighed
Down like a
Branch full of leafs
Or
A shackle that ties
Itself around my veins
Or
Maybe my stomach
Is full of stones,
Or
My heart has grown cold.


For the love of god,
Please,
            PLEASE,
                         PLEASE!

Let
me
find
peace.

The waves calm
As they can be,

The silhouette
Of a woman

Reflecting
Celestial beings

Upon her skin,
Matching the tides

With the wet sand,
Covering foot prints

That got bigger
and bigger

The more
I circled around,

Now I float
Towards the horizon,

Feeling better than I
Did yesterday,

Watching the stars
Fall out of the sky

In the evenings
Of a month

I’ve learned to
Stop counting,

I would drink
If I had a drink,

I would smoke
If I had a smoke,

I would love,
If I had someone
to love.

And slip through
The crevices,

Through corals
And tropical fish,

The light feels
Warmer down her,

Maybe,
    I am okay
           After all.

As I sit
In the middle
Of a blunt
Rotation

I lean back on
The chair
As the birds
Fly by,

The sun filters
Through the
Leafs of an
Oak,

“What is it
That you guys
Say again?”
“Puñeta”

Everyone erupts
Simultaneously,
“Puñeta!”
And we laugh.

a corona gets
Passed from hand
to hand
And I watch

This salvadorian
Make a perfect
Puerto Rican
Impression

That for a second
Got me at the edge
Of my seat
Holding on

Onto the arms rest,
Sobered up my high
And made me feel
Like I was sitting

Back home
At the edge of
The bottom
Bed

Of my friends
Bunkbeds,
I laugh and
Take a swig

Off the cold
Bottle and wonder
Why it tastes
So bitter sweet.

The clouds look
Just right today

In between yellow
Green branches

And parking lot
Light posts

The people coming
Out of the garden center

Hop on one leg
And feel the breeze

Upon their hair while
Gently caressing their face

I look at the sky again,
From the windows

Of my small hatchback
With my feet out,

The sun upon my skin,
And a lit cigarette

On my left hand, while
I write this on my right

And I think and think
And think and think,

While reading “time is
A mother” by vuong

I don’t have much time,
I have to clock in again.

The universe
Will speak to you,
In between silence
And forgotten words,
In the movement of
The branches of a
Full crowned tree,
In rushing water
And the color
Of the sky,
It will answer
Questions,
With rays of sunshine
That mark your skin,
Love the Forrest,
And the mountains,
And the ants,
And the spiders,
All the creepy crawlies,
And animals,
Smell the flowers that
Bloom this spring,
Feel the rash,
The bite,
The sting,
They all deserve
To be happy.

We all do.

I walk by the street,
Evading the lines
On the sidewalk,
I noticed a guy
Working on his car,
The same way I’ve noticed
Him for the past 3 days,
I jump over four leafs
Clovers and open
The doors to the
Corner store,
I grab my usual,
A watermelon
Arizona,
Then I walk up
To the counter
And ask for a
Pack of camels 99,
A look of glee
Reflecting on
The glass that
Protects the
Cashier,
I walk back outside,
The sun beaming
Bright yellow
Through rain
Clouds that are starting
To dissipate,
The same guy,
Now sleeping in his car,
I wonder,
Where will it
All take us?

It’s April again.
And now
the bulbs have
Sprouted tulips

And the smell of
Hyacinths wreaks
Havoc upon the
Butterflies and
The bees that are
Coming out of hiding,

And the mountains
Are wearing color,
While the rivers
Become their shoes,
Flamboyan trees
And hibiscus ties
The laces.

The spring rain
Have baptized me
And washed the
Dirt off my face,
As my hands are
Buried deep in the
Soil of another day.

As I stand there in the isle
besides the bottles of detergent

That I entered knowingly
that you were there

As if a spotlight runs behind
your every step shining light

That evaporates the
humidity and discomfort,

I still have to pretend to be
Someone to be able to

Strike up a conversation,
It flows and shapes

Around my tongue,
That dances a tune

I wish for you to hold
Very dear,

And then I slide away
On the concrete floor

Not as dark as it used to be,
As I think to myself,

If not now,
Then when?

As the river formed
By the rain
Creates casualties
Through the creaks
Of the streets

And the birds
Swoop down
From the clouds
To have a drink
From the new
Source of life
That has sprouted,
Purified by
the indigestion
Of the planet,

I find myself
Thinking past
the thoughts
And contemplating
Upon the never ending
Spiral that sits
On my kitchen table,
Rotting with time,
Not being able to move
As if it glued itself
Unto the wood,
Obsessed with
Making me roam
Around the room,
Turning it into
My own personal
Psych ward.

What a way to live
In this age.

The cloudy night sky
Didn’t let me see the stars today
It was just me and the moon
Enjoying our time together
Being more than just friends
Being less than, anything else.

The unobtainable moon,
Chatting with a mere poet
That doesn’t know
where he’s stands
Between himself and her,

What does he seek?
What does he want?

He doesn’t know,
It doesn’t know
where or why
Or how,
He just knows
That he doesn’t know

And that time will tell,

In different ways

Life will answer him,
What he’s been
screaming to the moon

All those years.

I think back
To those moments
Where you can grab
The rays of sunshine
That rarely come through
The clouds of a week
Of rain.

Or the blankets feel
Like the hugs of
A past lover,
Compassionate,
Like the ever haunting
Weight of the person
You truly loved.

And the night
Serves as a companion
As you gaze up
To the stars,
Wondering if they
Ever feel the need
To gaze back.

The skeleton of the trees
have gotten their color back,
The cats play among
The fallen leafs,
All while a hand grips
And holds tight unto
My chest.

I’m waiting for the night
To show it true colors,
So I can feel at peace,
And let go.

As I dwell in the
Depths of a high,
Valleys of passion
And the wishes
Of being someone
take over,
The ceiling of
My bedroom
Open up
As if it was
A baseball stadium
On a sunny day,
Just so I can have
A smoke in the comfort
Of my own bed,
I lay in the ashes
Cursed with
the past,
The present,
the future.