When did change start to hurt?
It used to be exciting
Now it feels like betrayal
Betrayal of my trust
Betrayal of my routine
Betrayal of my comfort
When did change start to hurt?

I don’t know what’s scarier
not being myself anymore
or the fact that I am the girl in the mirror

When did I stop being Lila?

Whenever I go through hard things people always tell me stores about people who have it worse..how I’m lucky.
Perhaps I’m selfish..not as empathetic as I thought..but when I am in pain, I don’t care about other peoples pain. I care about my pain.
I care that my joints feel like they are being ripped apart.
I care that my back is on fire.
I care that my stomach feels like it is being pulled open.
I care that my head feels like it’s exploding.
So forgive me if I don’t feel lucky that my pain is a 6 instead of an 8.

It’s just anxiety they said as my heart began to race
It’s just anxiety they said and I pass out straight on my face
It’s just anxiety they said as my body begins to shake
It’s just anxiety they said as my stomach continues to ache
It’s just anxiety they said and I slept through every day
It’s just anxiety they said, it’ll go away

Get out of the house. That’s what they say
Do they not hear me?!
I say I’m exhausted
I say I’m in pain
I say I feel dizzy
Do they not hear me?!
Go to the gym. That’s what they say
Do they not hear me?!
I say I’m exhausted
I say I’m in pain
I say I feel dizzy
Do they not hear me?!
I’m not okay