Lila - Hello Poetry

Lila Dec 2019

Indent

Sometimes I wonder if you look closely at my eyes, you can see every thought from my head and every image that I’ve seen?

Sometimes I wonder if my cheeks show the tears I’ve cried, as if they leave an indent on me

Sometimes I wonder if if you look at my smiling face, can you see all the words I’ve said all the cry’s for help I’ve silently whispered?

Sometimes I wonder if you look at my hands, can you see that I’ve used them as weapons against myself?

Sometimes I wonder if you look at me close enough you can read my whole story, every thought, every tear, every word, every touch can you see the indent that life has left on me?

Lila Dec 2019

Waiting

I look at all the girls with their perfect hair and their eyes sparkling or their new shirt

They hold there boyfriends hand and know someone thinks they are pretty

I watch romance movies and so badly wish for it to come true

I read books about perfect guys who always know how to say the right thing

I sit there just wishing for a boy to tell me I’m pretty and make me laugh

But I just keep waiting And waiting and waiting

Lila Nov 2019

Mirror mirror

I looked in the mirror to find a small girl who didn’t like talking to people or being in large crowds
she would rather good to the book store then a mall and never had been asked out or had a boyfriend
The girl only saw her flaws and was embarrassed by her scars
She was short and petite and looked much younger than her age with her glasses and her child like smile
She wished to be anyone else except herself she wished for blonde hair instead of brown and for her eyes to look more green and for her stomach to shrink a little for her legs to grow a bit
Then she would be pretty then she would prove the people wrong all the people who she thought where thinking rude things about her
But then I looked her in the eye and said
I love you and don’t forget it

Lila Nov 2019

Wondering

I lay wide awake wondering why I can never sleep
I cry in my room wondering why I can’t be happy anymore
I fake a smile wondering when I had to start pretending
I stab myself with a needle wondering why I’m still alive
I sit clutching my head trying to stop the voices in my head wondering why they are even there
I sit up shaking from my nightmare wondering why when I finally sleep that I wake up crying
I listen to the question “how are you “and I wonder why I answer with “I’m fine “
But you would never think that those things would happen to me because I’m constantly smiling and saying “I’m fine“

Lila Nov 2019

The Monster Under My Bed

The monster under my bed
It crawled in my head
It whispers to me I’d be better off dead

It’s made me cry
But its made me less lonely
It’s made me want to scream
But it’s given me answers

that’s why when you grow up you no longer believe in monsters under your bed because they are all in your head

Lila Nov 2019

Just Hold On

I used to lay down sticking needles in my leg

I used to scream inside my head hoping someone would hear me

I used to cry myself to sleep and pray that I wouldn’t wake up

I used To wonder why I simply couldn’t be happy even when I should be

I used to lay awake at night ,not able to sleep

I used to think I was crazy and that was why this was happening

And although I still fight voices in my head that scream to me and tell me horrible things

I’m starting to get better and enjoy the little things

Lila Nov 2019

When Fiction Became Reality

What came down the window,
Not morning but moon light
She wrote thoughtfully;
Holding onto a dream of a boy and a tree Remembering the old world
Where monsters were just pretend