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Lila Dec 2019
I look at all the girls with their perfect hair and their eyes sparkling or their new shirt

They hold there boyfriends hand and know someone thinks they are pretty

I watch romance movies and so badly wish for it to come true

I read books about perfect guys who always know how to say the right thing

I sit there just wishing for a boy to tell me I’m pretty and make me laugh

But I just keep waiting And waiting and waiting
Lila Nov 2019
I looked in the mirror to find a small girl who didn’t like talking to people or being in large crowds
she would rather good to the book store then a mall and never had been asked out or had a boyfriend
The girl only saw her flaws and was embarrassed by her scars
She was short and petite and looked much younger than her age with her glasses and her child like smile
She wished to be anyone else except herself she wished for blonde hair instead of brown and for her eyes to look more green and for her stomach to shrink a little for her legs to grow a bit
Then she would be pretty then she would prove the people wrong all the people  who she thought where thinking   rude things about her  
But then I looked her in the eye and said
I love you and don’t forget it
Lila Nov 2019
I lay wide awake wondering why I can never sleep
I cry in my room wondering why I can’t be happy anymore
I fake a smile wondering when I had to start pretending
I stab myself with a needle wondering why I’m still alive
I sit clutching my head trying to stop the voices in my head wondering why they are even there
I sit up shaking from my nightmare wondering why when I finally sleep that I wake up crying
I listen to the question “how are you “and I wonder why I answer with “I’m fine “
But you would never think that those things would happen to me because I’m constantly smiling and saying “I’m fine“
Lila Nov 2019
The monster under my bed
It crawled in my head
It whispers to me I’d be better off dead

It’s made me cry
But its made me less lonely
It’s made me want to scream
But it’s given me answers

that’s why when you grow up you no longer believe in monsters under your bed because they are all in your head
Lila Nov 2019
I used to lay down sticking needles in my leg

I used to scream inside my head hoping someone would hear me

I used to cry myself to sleep and pray that I wouldn’t wake up

I used To wonder why I simply couldn’t be happy even when I should be

I used to lay awake at night ,not able to sleep

I used to think I was crazy and that was why this was happening

And although I still fight voices in my head that scream to me and tell me horrible things

I’m starting to get better and enjoy the little things
Lila Nov 2019
What came down the window,
Not morning but moon light
She wrote thoughtfully;
Holding onto a dream of a boy and a tree Remembering the old world
Where monsters were just pretend
Lila Jun 2019
The old me that used to think pain was a headache
Now replaced by the new me that knows the pain of losing a loved one

The old smile replaced with a fake one to cover my pain

The old trust replaced by the constant fear of being ditched

The old words that came out of my mouth replaced by silence

The old thoughts of rainbows replaced by thoughts much darker

The old me replaced by the new me who has many regrets
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