i think you could be someone i could get used to.
someone i could want to spend all of my time with.

though i don't know you yet,
i just know this.

i haven't gotten lost in your eyes yet,
but so far they make me feel at home.
the way they say so much, so many loud things but so, so quietly.

i was never taught how to swim yet i find myself swimming out of the cold, deep, crystal blue water and diving into your soft green milky way.

i think you could be someone who could easily dazzle me, without even trying.

it's exciting here
it's scary here
but it's quiet here.

you are the beaming comet bursting it's way through my galaxy
that i never saw coming,
and i am making space for you . . .

i think you could be someone i could fall for
without even knowing it until it has me shattered into billions of stars scattered across the vast indigo sky . . .

i think you could be someone i could care for
with everything i am, without even trying . . .

i do not want to mess it up
i do not want to speak too soon or move too fast
i do not want to scare you off or say too much
i do not want to make you hurt
i do not want to overthink . . .

i think you could be someone i would want to have and belong to in return without a single doubt in sight . . .


i think you could be someone i could get used to.
someone i could want to spend all of my time with.

though i don't know you yet,
i do know this.

mutually assured destruction

i'm walking on thin ice,
they say.

but really,
i'm skating on it.

whatever i'm in,
wherever i am,
in spite, i'll make it nice.

thick or thin;
i lift high, my chin.

or maybe i say i'm "skating"
but hide the truth;
i don't know how to skate.

you said you'd teach me someday,
one day there we will be...
you standing behind me,
our arms stretched out...
your hands guiding mine,
barely touching but just enough to
steady my balance...
clumsy but graceful.
there we glide blissfully across the ice
beneath the soft-falling snow & glow of
the plaza,
our hearts pounding...pausing amidst the raving city...

you said you'd teach me someday.
you said you'd teach me one day . . .




.

I took a walk this evening
barefoot.
Just in socks actually.
my peachy pink ones that only
go up to my ankle.

I took a walk this evening
in just my socks,
just to feel something different.
i felt a little more human.
a little less A.I.
and a little cold on the soles of my feet.

i wonder if there'll be a day when
i can go places and not be
looking over my shoulder to see
if my mom is following me.
watching me.
smothering me.
protecting me.
controlling me.
i know she means well.
but she's doing it all wrong.
but apparently, i have to be a mother
in order to be able to spot bad parenting.

i look up at the vast blackness
and see a star
trillions of miles away.
i wonder if it's even a star at all.
it could be a planet.
mars or venus i suppose.

i wonder what it must be like
to be a bright burning mass
far...far away from here...
where people could only look at you
from a distance
and see the beauty that you are...
sparkling...twinkling...brilliant...light...
up close we aren't as beautiful.
maybe only to the ones who don't love us
for who we really are.

as i walk home, i walk along the lines
along the sidewalk cement.
i stretch my arms outwards
on both sides of my body
and make-believe i'm an acrobat
dozens of feet in the air...

i hate falling.
it either hurts or just makes me overthink what the pain will feel like once the fall is complete.
i look up.
i look up at that vast twinkling darkness . . .
i am no longer falling,
i am  f l y i n g . . .