If you want the truth
Even if I always wanted to,
There are things that I’ve never been able to explain to you
How sordid treachery lurked in the shadows of my subconscious
Giving me the creeps whenever I fall asleep
My ugly minds balancing on a wire
Like a drunk acrobat showing off to a baying crowd
His antics cause everyone to gasp
Even though they all knew he was going to die
It would be a shame if such stupidity wasn’t allowed
Don’t you agree?! or maybe I’m more unhinged than I thought
To think a thing like that

I’m sick of ***** footing around
Those stupid little games you make me play
Trying to avoid every trap you set
Only to inevitable fall short of the mark
A stunning definition of a burning contradiction
Who the **** plays ‘Snakes and ladders’ in the dark?!
And there it is
I can’t stand the way you look at me
You’ve got more front than a double decker bus
Trying to make me take the blame for the both of us
But that’s me done
This is the beginning of the end
I’m not changing my mind, I’m not willing to pretend

I can’t see the world, that people want me to see
I can’t be the man that, you’ve always pressured me to be
I’m not changing
I won’t change no
I don’t want you to fix me
We’re not the same
And I’m more than okay with that

I feel so uptight,
Nothing’s wrong but something’s not quite right, like
I’m petrified to get out of bed
Weighed down by earnest conflictions
The regretful missteps that are trapped inside my head
And I’m afraid that feeling won’t ever go away

Tell me, Emily
Is happiness a destination?
Or a person I’ve not been fortunate enough to meet?
‘Cause even if the entity is contrived,
Something I can never envisage or control
I think I’d like to believe in it someday
Just so I can begin to make sense of it all

Am I wasting time,
Looking for meaning and purpose?
Am I wasting time,
Looking for a divine intervention?
I’m deliriously serious
Worn out but curious
Am I wasting time? Don’t lie to me, Emily
Am I wasting time?
I’d like to think you’d be the one person to tell me

Please don’t be offended if I get lost in your eyes
I’ve been rendered motionless
'Cause I fear this might be the last time
And I can’t waste this opportunity, my beauty
I am yours now
I am yours now

I want to paint your nails red
And lay my head on your chest
So I can match your failing breath
Until I feel nothing no more, but don’t worry
I am yours now
I am yours now

I’ll sing tender words in your sleep
If it helps to bring you peace
For you mean so much more to me
Than I’ve led you to believe
I am yours now
I am yours now

Somehow you still smell of cigarettes
You’ve not had one for days
But the scent is so entrenched that I can’t forget
All the nights you’d drag me outside for a crafty smoke
Scared that I’d find somewhere else to go
So I guess this is the right time to say
I wouldn’t have spent my time with anyone else but you

I am yours now
I am yours
I am yours
I am yours now

I’m not the kind of guy who’ll sing to you
But I’ll go ahead and play a tune
About how I looked up to the moon
And saw your image
Playing the drums under a half-baked sun
Did I mention you were cooped-up in a dessert spoon?
Looking deliciously inviting to everyone

Remember way back when we first kissed?
Our teeth clashed twice, and you bit my lip
You’d think I’d hate that memory
But if truth be told
I feel the complete opposite
And in that moment, I thought I conquered love
But the very next second I did something stupid to put you off
How ridiculously typical of me

All my friends told me you were trouble
I refused to listen
While I was trying to complete the impossible puzzle
Of your dismantled broken heart
Sharp to the touch like a glass shard
You found a way to spit it out on the floor
And like a fool I’d pick it up
And try to reassemble you one more time
In the hope I could complete you
In the hope I could make you mine

Even when you say you know
You never truly know
Until it happens to smack you between the eyes
‘Cause obviously I lied just to save face
While you stood in front of me emotionless
A face made like I was bitter to the taste
Like I meant absolutely nothing to you at all
… I guess it turns out you were just pretending

What if you died and took away all of your power?
‘Cause I’ve only just started to live
And I think that’s only because of you
Sheltered from the very beginning
You opened my eyes and now I’m listening
Telling me things that I’ve always wanted to know
My values have reversed and you’re complicit
****, I hope you know how much I’ll miss this
But where do I turn if I have to let you go?

Pour more fuel on the fire
My hearts burning with desire
I’m still hanging on to you for dear life
Holding onto those memories and wasted nights
Even though the pain hurts so much
It lets me know what I feel is still real
Waiting anxiously for the time you fall asleep
Hoping the moment never comes, but if it does
Know you’ll spend every second dreaming of me

It’s not too late to change your mind
Our love might be far away
But we’re forever entwined
Hold my hand
Can you feel it? can you feel it?
Please tell me,
That you can still feel this?
Then maybe I’ll find the strength to carry on

I hate this time of year
When you dress for the sun but instead comes the rain
You’d think we’d really know better
It’s been like this since day one,
It’s always been the same
So cold,
I can barely feel my feet
The air is too cold to breathe in
And when I do it sends shivers through my nose
I put my hands together praying for the sun
Even though,
I know,
It’ll never come
I’d do anything to warm up the chill to my bones

I don’t want your hugs
I want you to sit in silence
So obediently
Out of sight but in my mind’s eye
Not out of pity
But down to your duty
All because I find your aura comforting
Not even the slightest bit distracting
Which helps bring me peace
No longer gasping for air, on my knees
Struggling to breathe
But it’s not enough
As I already know when you go
at the point when this is all over
I’ll realise this isn’t love
And this isn’t what I’d hoped for
But I’ll be man enough to admit
I’ve strung you along and taken you for granted
And without you I’d be climbing up the walls
But I need to fight my own battles
And convince myself to take some chances
At the cost of giving you up?
Well, time will tell
If the decisions I’ve made have been worth it
Or if the pain I’ve self-inflicted will be deserving