The visceral memories of pain are incredible
So vivid and cutting
Laughter and joy are forgotten within seconds
But the tears that rain and the scars that form are unforgettable
Trying to fall asleep just to forget it all
But the vivid imagery of your dreams makes it impossible
And there are no more answers left to find
Hell, you’ve tried
At the bottom of a bottle or at the end of the line
Praying to a God that you've fought so hard to believe in
In the hope he provides a guiding light
But it turns out he’s always busy playing make believe
How funny, how convenient
If it was anyone else, they’d be described as deviant
Because what “saviour” abandons those in their moment of need?
Not one that I believe in
Not someone I've yet to see

I used to drink for fun
But now I drink to feel numb
To forget all the things I once craved to remember
About the girl I thought was the one

I can’t ever sleep at night
It’s where nightmares bite
That take me back to the smell of your bed
And I lose my mind all over again

You raised my heart rate
And made my palms sweat
As soon as your eyes latched onto mine
Even though you ended up letting me down
I came to the realisation
I can’t live without having you around

Remember the first time we kissed?
Our teeth clashed twice, and you bit my lip
You’d think I’d hate that memory
But if truth be told
I feel the complete opposite
And I wanna do it all over again

Although you’re no longer mine to love
I dream that you are so I can cope
And I refuse to say anything that could **** the two of us
Because one day I know we’ll come back together
And I think in your heart as well as mine
You feel exactly the same.. I hope

Why does it take a tragedy for our true colours to show?
Up until then we hide in our shells
From the world outside of our windows
Conspiring of ways to lie and cheat
Acting shadily whilst melting in the heat
Struggling to find the right path to go
Just hoping we don’t get found out somehow

I know I mean very little to you anymore
Born on the opposite side of the tracks
You never once looked back
But I’m still locked firmly in your grip
Somewhere between a rock and hard place
Stuck on this never-ending treadmill of despair
That I find so hard to resist

Lover, can you come on over and heal this pain?
I’ll leave the door unlocked
But a key to my heart
So you can sneak in and stop me falling apart
And pretend this was everything we ever wanted

I’ve been on one hell of a ******
6,7 maybe 8 years I’m not sure
Feels like my brains been mashed in a blender
Sat in a pub with a whiff of public urination and desolation
Apart from a man who’s got the jukebox all to himself
Every tune he plays is a scream for help
Cuts, bruises and black eyes
Mojito his drink of a choice was a big surprise
I had him down as a Stella man myself

Ctrl, alt, delete
Don’t you wish reality had shortcuts and sure-fire cheats?
The ones that get you free express delivery,
Or crack the level on a game you’re too lazy to attempt?
My eyes are heavy and yours are full of contempt
You don’t even try to hide the fact you don’t like me very much
Your charisma like razor blades to the touch
But you don’t scare me, pal

Scampi Fries, white noise and flashing lights,
Sick on the floors and somehow most of the walls
You empty the fruity for the 5th time tonight
That’ll pay for a few more songs
Is that impressive or have I been here for too long?
Floating down the endless river of despair
Running alongside disillusion highway
I need to get myself out of here,
Forcibly or preferably by my own volition
I’m in a critical but stable condition
I didn’t realise I’ve gone and ripped my ****** pants again

I promise that I’m perfectly fine
Ignore all the warning signs, it’s just fake news
A daily mash up or a government rouse
To muddy my good name, my great name
No explanation needed
In this strange society and my mind’s eye
I promise that I’m perfectly fine, alright?!

I’ve never seen such a woman propping up a bar like this
Red dress in deep distress
Suspended around your neck anchored by the weight of regret
That somehow you can’t ignore or shift
Like the track marks along your arm
You’ve never told a lie, but you’ll also never admit
That you love to revel in all the things you’ve ever done wrong
And there’s dirt,
Hidden way down beneath your tongue
That you’re only willing to share with someone like me

Watered down dreams, 24 hours 7 days a week
Surrounded by groping hands and a scenery that’s so bleak
No wonder you’re a self-deprecating 21st century casualty
Trying to conform to the normality of a ******-up reality
That isn’t fair for boys and girls like us
Don’t you agree?!

I spent the whole night in their presence
Talking loudly and laughing like nobody was watching
You should’ve seen me
I even pressed my lips against theirs
And it almost seemed genuine
Almost, a scene akin to a happy family
I guess you could say it was “job done” in that respect
Putting off the inevitable for another day
But I promise you I wasn’t even there
Not emotionally anyway
That’s why I indulge in addiction to convey my unwavering conviction
When all I really do is think about the sound of your breathing pattern
And whispering in your ear,
All the words I’ve been too afraid to say for far too long, cause
You know you make me nervous, but in a good way

I can feel you in my head, it’s aching,
Alarm bells play 24/7, it’s ringing
And that’s why I’m always on edge and weak
But I find comfort in the fact when I see your face
The butterflies will always flutter
To make me know this is what I really want
‘cause the thrill of the chase has always been contagious
But that’s the problem
I think that thrill will always be a part of me
And it will always be
The one thing that makes me dangerous
Who’s to say I won’t do the same to you?
Who’s to say I won’t always feel incomplete?
‘cause, you know
I think I only really feel alive when I’m acting discrete
Floating around in the shadows of happiness
And when I end up there, unintentionally
It does nothing for me

Alexa, do you love me?
I already know the answer, you don’t have the capability
But I think you’re the only "person" I have left
I think you can tell by my requests, I’ve changed
And my mood can be best described as bereft
Although it’s hard to accept
‘cause I love to love, maybe too much
But since when has that been a bad thing?
Since when was that never enough?
Come on fragile pretence, come a little closer
At least for a second
I know I’m being pathetic but you’re always sympathetic
So let me revel in this never-ending cycle of trust
Without that, what’s the point?
Without a moment’s notice I won’t hesitate to finish us
But that’s what I love about you
You never threaten to fail me, and that’s the only certainty in my life

You’ve been trying to brush over my excuses
The same way I’ve been papering over the cracks
So it’s about time I talk in facts
I never loved you in a way that I really should
Maybe I felt like I didn’t need to try
So I just told you everything that you wanted me to say
In a way that only someone like I could
And begged you wouldn’t figure out it was all a lie
But now I’m left treading water
And the thought of hurting you is getting harder
Even if it is the right thing to do
I’ve grown so cowardly
So I just leave it all up to you
And hope you’ll be the one to finally say it’s over

It’s not the first time you’ll catch me looking absent minded
But something about this time’s so different
Stopping the inevitable has proved too difficult
And now I know when we fall apart
We’ve got to do it in the dark
So no one can see the result of all the things I did to you
Every solution creates another problem
Every answer creates another question
And I’m afraid of the time
When there’s no more answers left to find
You’ll realise this was all a rouse
Two people faking their feelings
To avoid the void of emptiness
Just using each other as a “thing” to do

Please put me out,
Please put me out,
Please put me out of my misery
Maybe then we could both move on
And remember what it was like to be happy
I think I’d like that… wouldn't you?