The sheets that smell of your face
That once told me
That I was beautiful
I lay often blinking
Away the tears
That well from your silent love
The way your nose touches my cheek
When you press against me
In the night
Tells me all the things that I want to hear out loud
I want you to scream them
I want you to feel them so burningly that the fire
On your teeth turns sweet
Its because I don’t understand love
I don’t really know what it is, so I keep looking
But I’m looking in the wrong places
I know where to look
but its scary there
Because it’s inside of me

And inside of me its dark
So dark in fact that even dark doesn’t exist
No light ever touched me
No sound has ever caressed me
No breeze has ever whispered upon anything but my skin
because inside me, there is a nothing.
And I say a nothing on purpose
Because there is an essence that cannot be defined
It cannot be touched or explained
Or even described
but its there, and it sits forever
It listens to the rain of emotions and thoughts
That batter against the windows of my eyes
It sits so deliciously still
So still that when I taste it
A fountain of gentle love flushes my spine
So that I feel far too pleasant
To be able to love you
Because If I loved you that much
If I covered you in all the nothing that
Rests attentively inside of me
I wouldn’t even have my nothing left.
It would just be you
Only you
And I would be your skin
holding you together
While giving you all the sensitivity
Of every nerve in the universe.

If you wake up in the night,
in a pool of sugar sweat
then baby you know what it feels like
to be in utter love-death.

In the morning, I die a little
as I get dressed in my mind
The afternoon reprieves a little,
as I smile stupidly love blind.

The evening gets a little tricky,
as my hopes get laced with doubt
I shake my head, my hands and body
as I try to shake you out.

Nothing seems to help
as the suns intensify their burn
the ones at the edges of my fingers
that repeatedly refuse to learn.

Logic can get ******,
reason is long out of breath
in trying to keep up
with this feverish love-death.

Whisper goodbye my love,
                               for the words will hurt too much to say.
I know we have had a world together
         seen the globe together
                              and watched each other grow like doves.
Beautiful outstretched wings,
                               ready to take to the sky.
But my darling, our embrace
                               no longer fills my eyes with life.
I long to long for you,
                               and close my eyes so tight,
but the truth has looked our way
                            she smiles a sad smile full of tears
Everything inside me yearns to change
                         to feel what I could for another, for you
            
     but its the stars baby,
              you don't see them and I do.
                         We will never see life through the same view.

I love you like stupid does
Throwing my arms up
and declaring
an overwhelming defeat.
I love you like a child does
an adoration that knows
no bounds
giving an unwarranted amount
of everything.
I love you like an old man
loves the sun
gratefully soaking up
ever last moment
of warmth before he too
is done.
I love you like a tree
that roots itself
deeply
and continues to grow
unconditionally.
I love you.
I just do.
Like stupid does.

The shower
water
of silken light,
caresess my face
my hands
my thighs.
The delicate warmth
of the sunshine
beam
escorts
out
the sweetened steam.
The dancing giggles
slowly
reveal
all that lingers
beneath the peel.
The naked
truth
that
what
I feel
is
undeniably,
ever blindingly,
- real.

Sometimes you forget
that the window is
reflective
and you impose yourself
on to the world.
A gentle reminder,
of your own disposition,
and the way that it
escorts the sunlight
to your thoughts.
Your exuberant leaps
of elation
fling the curtains
open wide.
Yet your deep sighs
of exasperation
confuse the image
on both sides.

I don't know how to explain this life
if an alien came down and asked me
"whats it like to live?
I'd reply with something like
It depends
It depends on how you look at it
For example, take romance as a sample.
If I am adored and adorned with grace
then smiles inevitably creep upon the human face
but if I am alone and lonely too
I'll crawl around the inside of my skull
until I find something to latch on to.
I don't know, truth be told
You're born, you grow, you get old
Then into the dirt everyone will sink
Its pretty meaningless but
its life. I think.

I’m alive
I breathe
I think
I feel
I want
I fear
I change
I ignore
I lie
          I long for
                                     I leap
I cry
             I soar
I cry
    
I fall

I cry
I pout
I harden
I cross
         I surrender
I sit
I listen
I wait
I realise
I transform
I desire
I love
I admire
I breathe
I live

I see the world the way I see myself
One, simple set of eyes.
Desperately searching for that hope
that tomorrow will defy itself.
That it will bring something else
Other than today.
Much like the rest, I close my eyes
at times,
when the uncertainty seems too much
Or divert my attention away from the sky,
towards the leafy mulch.
I can do it, the game that is.
The slow walk onward to the edge.
I too can march with sturdy shoes,
then swiftly step backwards off the ledge.
At times, when I am feeling particularly lost
I will muster up the desire to take a peak
but the world always waits both eyes wide open
an unwavering stare,
churning within the unfathomable deep.
Muddling, my eyes water - my fists clutching
at my tear soaked chest.
Even death doesn't seem like enough,
for I will not know the truth
even then.