The weather was fair and windy
You tidied up my solitude
Pulled it closer and deciphered
what is love and fear

I'm dancing, I'm dancing

It was new year, the time I felt so near to love
Yet so closer to you
and us against the world

My dear
My darling
My love


I see that flickering thick wall, growing thicker, and thicker, and thinner
Never, you never smash it.
Or break, or climb, or hurt the physics of what I've built.
You kiss.
Hug that rough cement fence
till it melts.

"I'm here"
You say
windy, breezy, beauty
and music to my ears


Please be happy
Please be kind to yourself
Please protect yourself

for me.



()
While I am away
While I couldn't hug you tight like I was dreaming to.

I was rugged when I hear you sing
I was torn when sunray says you just wing
Winging out of me, dearly, powerfully, menacely
Your being sparks my poetic eyes
and yours lie the same gentlest

I hear you sing this first time
And hope is suddenly spooned
by torment
by prescribed impossibility
that I could never be anything
but a listener
lasting in a far away land
clouding myself with poor mud

repeating your voice
with warmth as wishes of the false kitty
meawing at your soul
that's already reserved for the other.

You are all over my head.
Turning, spinning, fleeing,
you are leaving.
Signs are noticed,
signs that you are straying
or it's just nothing's ever happened.

Patience treats me as its intimate patient,
and also fear, and also nonchalant tears.
I try to get so near, my dear.
But i think fear takes me down and down

Smash me, trash me, tool me.
Drain me, drown me, drag me.
Over and over in the dark little corner
where I already hide myself.

Truth wakes me up.
In the morning, it forces me to sleep
on and on

And I could be so transparent within you.
Transparent within me in a flash.
I don't know what i expect from the void, from the unknown you
Why am i trying this hard
to know that I've lost along the way.
I don't even know what i expect so much from you
who just live life at your best fragile self.

But it's an unknown area, totally empty space
that i realise that you might never want to pull me over
In my desperate being, I want to ask
But I'm too afraid to lose stern-blinking eyes, timid smirks
and shyness carpets all over your identity pantone.
Lovely you just by whining over petty stuff.

A pastel version of you that leaves me with no trace of leaving.
So tiny pastel that you spills some color over my shoulder,
and i misunderstand that they are all over me.
Is this visible hue?
Can I be visibly spotted?
Can you spare me your idea that tells I'm right here?

See me with a spot awkwardly spotting.
I just want to be seen.
I just want to be seen by you.

Well, this is now almost a year
that i'm stuck here
install and uninstalled.

I can't wake up every morning
and feels heartbreak.
it's just no fair

The moment that you play guitar,
is how i surrender
to the fact that i can't lie to myself no more

The moment that i look at you
and you fret
is complicit madness, comic of despair
falls through midnight sky
where those poetic stars are shining so awkwardly

"What a waste i could have been your lover
What a waste i could have been your friend"

Danger,
something is telling i can't be your friend.

I'll be right here no matter how hard i reject and plow myself out
I'll be right here if you could just feel warmth beneath and heaten some joy.
I'll be right here to make sure that flowers could bloom for you, and all ecology of caring is all yours.
I'll be right here looking at your still picture, an evidence of how unrequited love is required since no one cares.
I'll be right here staring in a distance because you wouldn't allow me to get so near.
I'll be right here

And i'll be gone.

Someday

I would read this poem

written on 3:22

and realise

that I like you no more

Suddenly, you leave just like that
No patting to the heart
The art of straying away
play the peakest when you are unaware

The best part
Oh you are my best part
maybe from the start but I'm playing hard to realise
so I fight so bad to had you

You're being loved
in my imagination
You lit the poetic version of me
Oceans of being free
until you flee very far.

Those days are infatuation,
unabashed awakening of my courage
Yes, those petty things I call it courage
to message love that chirps when you say anything.
Funny enough,
just anything

And that's how the first day of not having you slashes pages of being strangers,
alienating more than I feel to myself and this world.

I will remember those flickering eyes
Your teasing smiles
aligned with tender awkwardness,
my personal poet between blinking eyes.

Good very bye

Suddenly, you leave just like that.
Like how the Prophet says
Your name same as the author
says that I have the broken wings.

And I though it would be so easy breezy for me now to meet you
I would have hold tight to what the moment gives
and leave without a trace of love madness

You were here
exactly right here mirroring my eyeballs
and I think the ethereal of heartbroken died for a while
But it revives with misled mind of mind
Purify me and my wonderland imagination

Your distorted childhood, feminism freak, squeaked smirk
Political identity, freeform taste of melody, dictated-free charm
and yes
Your eyes that seem to flash atomic affection for seconds

My eyes staying in your veil of poetic peace,
squeezing out fear and intimidating fact
that the void will be coined
by the other

The horizontal slides from its straight ruler
certificating broken sunlight against the blind bokeh,
swaying the Nos, I'll be going when my time can't hold the truth

Your identity softens my years of solitary
my fear trips over your sincerity,
but I know it's hard to gaze at the sea
when the wave crashes down on my knees

My last plea
is could you not stray away from me
I can do best by turning back against the sea
and be as the weak wind

So you can take the hold of the blow
So I was told that I was gone

Dwelling in letters
somehow makes you suffer than looking at the Moon
and imagine whether
he will ever stare back
with just a preview of how love looks like

Smokes are smoldered from the grumpy pipe
sadden the health, the wealth of tears
and disappear
in the thick athletic  air


Slippery hope
some of yours lie alright in the future cloud
bounded by logics, flickered with his unfound
but the longest spacebar of hopeless hound is running right now

And you're the fool clown dancing alone in the circus

How do you save yourself from smearing into the blank found
heart breaks so fast
falls incredibly hard
Love tears you apart
At the very moment it didn't even start itself

And that's the preview of how the unlove looks like

It can't be this intense from the start
when verbal romance can't be found
you and me just sit there, mute
and I recollect myself all the time, confused
the avalanche of hope
the dearest gleam of your frail whisper

I know this isn't right
but your charm comes up without warnings
or somehow I just wait to get mused by anything you do

not so long it would be a joke
that I'm swept away by my own imagination
hitting myself before fever of felling
self poetic, love comic
who you I don't really know
why you it doesn't show
please excuse my vulnerability
maybe I'm desperately in need of being a dear for someone
maybe it hurts me because I'm not that someone

in your fondest day dream

and I'm beaming myself right here
like black spots in the dark

I saw nothing inside me.
Emptiness ever been so distant.
Siphon attention is not needed,
but needed.

Discourage is no joke.
the bespoke sincerity from the heart.
****** all the soul.
Regurgitate the whole lot of gut universe
into frail proxy.

And when fear is detonated all the time,
I can just rhyme what I remember from someone else's book.
It took over the nights.
All nights, in not very wise o'clock.

Fool crooner,
never get more mediocre than what it looks like.
Thee knows one have to try no matter what it takes.

but fear,
could you be more kind
and please find some way to become my friend

because I could only do so much.

(I) always bracket people.

And when those people leave,
they live the prelude of disheveled despair.
Staring off the window, the wind secretes a playlist of yourself crying.
And you don't even know if this is ethereal discover
of pain, of disgraced collapse, of falling for lethal infinity.

And experiences tell you to be calm. Among the chorus of ignorant stars, you are crying alone.
Cringed in the dark. Biting nails. Hands held to the past hearsay. Trying to convince yourself that you still have the broken theme in the hearted short story. Heart hatred. Existential fear.

And you are grounded. Cheeks rants the unloved. Broke into tears.

And when fear name the game.

Those people never leave.

Universe doesn't arbitrarily
throw out illegal coincidence.
It's just that
there're rules unknown and unnoticed
to us people.
We just take a healthy solid look
if it's pretty kind of law breaking
or sincere obligation.

Loving you
is like traveling
in the myth of identity

Adultery
is another level
of grip

I wonder
how Marxist butterflies
talk to wilderness

Gentrify a dream
into an edible
religion

That moment
when you
strangerize
all beings

A person
destroys your silence
embed it in the marginalized war
where nobody talks
like a free man

I wish
revenge
stays for his vacation
and annihilates
fear of desire
to forgive

When houseworks tend to be lovely
or pondering
how beautiful it could possibly be
you are growing
by sweeping the dust of the hem of a curtain

Serenity blooms like sunflower
wither like scattering rain
that is
overwhelmed by fear

Sometimes,
the sun turns you on
and you lose all efforts
of getting mad at sadness

A mushroom garden
needs some feminine soil
as famine may take part
as its masculine enemy

My loneliness
is when
I spend time
prioritizing myself
against the world

Heartbreak,
forgive yourself first

Shouting out to everybody
suddenly seems like
the whole universe
swallowing my dialogues

Reading elbow to elbow
You and I
no cringe, no fireworks
just sitting in literacy
a little of pity, oddity
You and me
is read
aloud

Together, when we were one person
more than strangers
when we are a part
that is when
revenge is funny
and melancholy
in the same time

My tears
had dried for years
and You, not crying
not synthesizing
came through the pool
who you
A well
is now full
with discrete symptom