Lord knows where I'm gonna go...
Lord knows how I feel inside...
So long, I've been used to this pain...
But someday I hope I can say goodbye...

I've been chasing the same dream since I can remember, I've been climbing the same ladder passing each September, do you see me at all? At all?
I've been calling for you with each tear that falls, I've been wanting to hold you with every passing night, tell me do you feel the same? Feel the same? Or am I just a waste of time to You?
You don't see the loneliness that I'm in, you selfishly close yourself in and you forget me easily, when I'm the one that's here for you.
I know you wish that things were easy, trust me I know, but you make things harder than they should be, and then you let go, hurting me everytime.

Lord knows where I'm gonna go...
Lord knows how I feel inside...
So long, I've been used to this pain...
But someday I hope I can say goodbye...

I feel my hearts gone cold and I get it / you wear your heart on your sleeve for long / and they forget it / wake up to the same tune / nothing different / only memories of when she told you that you were gifted / that moment in your heart when you felt lifted / but now the winds have passed and memories now you miss em / now you're at the bottom with a disease you knew you had / the same one that took your grandma and almost your dad / the one you hear about / silently creepin / your lack of motivation / not enough sheep to count to get you sleeping / sometimes I talk back to them voices / see a man like me has ran out of choices / I used to ask God why I was a sad Baby / never got an answer so now it drives me crazy / I often think to myself "what will tomorrow be?" But now tomorrow is what I don't wanna see / I hide behind the tears of a clown / as long as y'all laughing / I could say I brought a smile to your face / when all I had was pain / behind the smile on this face.

I often ask myself if I'm the one done with life / or life is just done with me / got more sadness in my heart that I just wanna numb it all in me / some say I'm emo / some say I'm crazy / I usually tell em I'm Rosemary's Baby/ both in a cradle with no one on a rocking chair / just 4 walls pitch black with me on the corner floor looking around / but no one's there / that means that I'm alone so that makes me weak / and I'm not talking 90's R&B / I feel my mind is like a building with a bunch of floors / so you don't know if on Monday I'll be on the 1st / 2nd / 3rd / or 4th knocking at your door / trying to explore the way I feel / but likely it's all in my head so **** ain't real / I'm not anti social / I'm just not the same / ever since that chemical imbalance took over my brain / so while I'm joking and cracking a joke / everything inside of me is shattering / so you can say I'm broke / maybe I'm done and got nothing else to do / maybe me being here was a mistake / but the Dr that saved me had no clue / a 50 percent chance of living as a new born that was me / maybe they should have let me go so I would've never encountered all this pain / that's deep inside of me.

I'm trying to find Peace in the oddest places, trying to search the world for familiar faces, yet there's no trace of anything familiar, that's when you realize you've just been standing in between pillars. Who amongst us knows the definition of pain? When you're told you're not enough, so you go insane. That's the psychological way of looking at it, it's not something you should brag about, I was told, by a being from another planet, whatever it was, was right so I had to understand it. Misguided I've been my whole life, I have been a little bit of a stranger around these folk who say they love me, but when backs are turned they treat me ugly. Muddy waters I've been thrown into, my soul I have left you to be on your own while the deepest feelings a man can have, have been crushed too. I'm not perfect, just a man without a plan, have 35 years on this Earth and I still walk in front those who can't stand for anything they've ever wanted, maybe they're still haunted by the past that once was so vivid, but that's a past you walk away from if you're not getting, any sleep, no laughs, or the joy of Love, after all this is why they call us human, so aren't we all? A little scared, tired. So I wake up every morning with the same thought, No matter what stands in front of me, I will walk.

Sometimes I blame myself for the soft spot in me that seems to weaken me / rewind back time and you'd know that this wasn't me / a ******* since day 1 nobody faded me / 1st on the line fist up hard headed that was the G in me / never gave a **** about dying / it grew increasingly / anger in my heart since I was a child molested now I have fear in me / nobody deserves a person like me around / insane is what I've became just sit and you'll understand me now / a story bout my life is not something worth telling / but maybe someone will learn something from the decent part in me / like how to love and view everyone equally / cause when I'm gone I know no one will be there / casket open tears from those who remembered me / Family who knew the pain I had in me /

Verse

Yo, from way back to now I don't know how it be / take a minute look back and breathe / and go with God's speed / I'm just a calm type Brotha / with lots of soul / Me, my priority My goal / life's too short / and a blessing in disguise but if you don't **** the world? Then how will you survive? **** it, make that green / smoke that green / don't look back and build self esteem / the code in the streets ain't the same no more / colors are the same on all streets so I put my fist up for the peace within / for my people everyone who was born from sin to sin / just another day / new flavor/ new dolla bill / but hold up Baby I gotta go and get my thrill. I'm leaving! on a jet plane! And don't know if I'll be back again / but when I'm gone at least you'll have this track / something to miss till I holla back....

Hook

Cause I don't know where I'm going / **** don't know where I've been / but I've been destroyed / I gotta go and rebuild /

You can say whatever you want bout me / went in and out / but you can never touch my clout /

So till the next time we meet / farewell/ be well / and then maybe you'll try, but for now I'm out....

Verse

On a whole different planet now / breathing new air / new people, new clothes / blank stares / but they don't know me / so that means that I can be free / I got love for my loved one's / make no mistake / but I've been pushing the same cart since way back when / hello world how's the Sun? How's the moon? And the stars where you at? Well for me they come up when I smile / so that's That / so from way back to now / I don't know how it be / so I'm taking a minute / eyes closed/ time to breathe/ so now I'm good / maybe a little lost / but never shook / not so good with books / but street knowledge got me hooked / just a different ride / but I keep love in my heart / with a lit spark / even when it gets dark.

Hook

Cause I don't know where I'm going / **** don't know where I've been / but I've been destroyed / I gotta go and rebuild /

You can say whatever you want bout me / went in and out / but you can never touch my clout /

So till the next time we meet / farewell/ be well / and then maybe you'll try, but for now I'm out....

Woke up this morning and talked to God again / told him I love him for everything he bring / he asked why I had so much in my heart / I told him you made me / an image of you / so that's why we're so close / but yet so far / he told me that everything would be just fine / he asked me to Pray and then we drank some wine / felt so pure / just the perfect time / he said your sins have been washed / for a very long time / I shed some tears and told him / you really are my G / he said I'll always Love you son / just keep your head high / Faith high / hope and love / Trust and Believe in me / at that moment before he left I said Goodbye / he said no need to say that word / cause all you have to do is close your eyes and look up at the Sky.

Verse

Yo we can make music/ or go through a history of violence/ but to me there's gotta be a different choice/ that's just childish/ I'm the illest in this *******/ ya'll to me are harmless/ so don't you sit there underestimating my kindness/ while ya'll spitting ******* raps/ I suggest a style you try and find it/ 90's kid in the mix/ you can't outshine this/ brighter than the burning sun/ higher than a mountain/ ******* think this is?/ ***** I'm the wildest/ hip hop through my IV/ she's my ride or die *****/ don't need a record deal/ I'm the one who's signing/

Hook

Who am I? I'm the illest emcee!
You didn't know?
Don't underestimate my ******* kindness!
Who am I? I'm the livest emcee!
You didn't know?
Raised in the 80's/ Product of the 90's!
Who am I? I'm the addict indeed!
Emcee with lyricism running through his IV!

Verse

See I'm still the same ol G/ time may have passed/ but not on me/ a ******* can only dream to be/ quick with it/ like my ***** Gvns/ wherever he may be/ I'm still on fire/ unretired/ like the legend of number 23/ Chicago native/ creative with how I speak/ this isn't bubblegum rap or trap music/ it's live from Tiggas basement on BET/ turn the volume up a notch/ if you believe they'll be no defeat/ I carry my ammo/ them hollow tips/ quick to snipe a fake *****/ shooter style like bang bang you see/ I'm underground to the fullest/ straight out the sewer/ Ralph, Mikey/ the circus is back in town/ with the Joker/ me!


Hook

Who am I? I'm the illest emcee!
You didn't know?
Don't underestimate my ******* kindness!
Who am I? I'm the livest emcee!
You didn't know?
Raised in the 80's/ Product of the 90's!
Who am I? I'm the addict indeed!
Emcee with lyricism running through his IV!

Looking back I gave you everything I had / now I'm sitting here like why even be mad / if you didn't see the value of what was us / then that leaves me with that / no need to answer any questions just ride on forward no looking back /

I wish you understood this side of me / the one that Express himself so vividly / you were the one I thought believed in me / Loved me and would always grow old and chill with me / Loving you was like a ******* cancer / but yet I always wanted us to have our tiny dancer / so she could have that sparkle from your eyes / and her big brother by her side / but that was just a dream that I woke up from and had to let go / over some **** in your life you couldn't move from / over the people that you say love you and care but I'm the ******* that was always there! Now listen / I never once told you to leave em all a lone / family is family they **** you off and you grown made a decision to stay on your own / same goes for your friends who say they want the best for you but then again a ***** whooped ***** trying to tell you that he would put you over his Baby Momma / now that's pitiful / you got mad when they only called you for favors / so you detached yourself so how the **** was that my fault when it's what you do so well / maybe they should hear this so they can hear the truth with a different flavor / instead of pointing fingers at the one who could spit real show and tell.

Looking back I gave you everything I had / now I'm sitting here like why even be mad / if you didn't see the value of what was us / then that leaves me with that / no need to answer any questions just ride on forward no looking back /

After 2 chances you just grew shady without the eminems / a call a day or 2 became none / a text from you became a biweekly thing / so how the **** do you expect for me to act than to ask what's going on and what you think? / loyal like a man I am I stood by you / and never said No / stayed true to you / but you didn't give a **** bout me / you just went and forgot bout me / 1 minute you want our family back / I wish I could hear those words again but they're indented in my brain so what's the point of that? Love I asked what you needed from me and would always wanna hold you longer cause i felt you slowly slipping from me / so every day I'm drowning waiting for you / naw you didn't tell me too / but that's what a man do / someone who gives a **** and cares bout you / someone who'd give you the last penny he had just so you'd be good / now that was all my fault / I should've known you didn't give 2 ***** bout that / cause when I asked you to decide you just let me go that fast without looking back.

Looking back I gave you everything I had / now I'm sitting here like why even be mad / if you didn't see the value of what was us / then that leaves me with that / no need to answer any questions just ride on forward no looking back /

I can see a lot in you that I feel I need in me / something that is real / a real woman who believes me / someone who will be there when the storm hits / someone who will hold my hand when I'm at my worst and never walk away / I wanna be the one who holds you high / fall for you by looking into your eyes / never fake or full of disguises / a real man by your side who sees you priceless / I'm your King, your my highness / if love is Blind then let me help you find it / nothing's ever easy but you'll never be a lone / I wanna be the one you see in the future with our happy home / you're more than average / your hearts the kindness / and I just want you next to me when we're both ridin.

If you ever wanna find me / just go to the same place my Father used to drive around in 88 / except I was able to finally see it in 89 when we would jump in the cutlass and take a drive / somewhere beyond the sea / while he was young and I felt dead inside / moments can break you / but I came into this world with a broken wing / so why would I pretend to be something I'm not? when being labeled a mistake / marked the pain within / now I'm mentally unstable / ****! / so I don't know / whether to smile / not / hold on / put a mask on / dont cry yet / if you wanna find me don't go to my block / maybe you'll find me or maybe you won't but / I'll finally be free from all these thoughts / wish I was untouchable / molested / a 36yr old man who's been treated like dirt / and these demons inside won't let go / until I let go / whether it's a bullet / so where's my ammo?! / whether it's a blade / where do I cut though?! / I don't have 13 reasons why / I just have 1 and that's you!

I woke up and I cried today / don't know what the **** is wrong with me inside today / I'm tired and I don't want self pity / but what the **** am I supposed to do when I look around and all I see is these walls closer to me / wait a minute maybe I gotta breathe / now I'm laughing feeling a different speed / now I'm smiling / but then it easily leaves with this feeling inside of I just don't want to be me! Hi world I'm just a regular guy / hi world I'm just playing my role / taking my time / cause this little life of mine is written so I can't do anything about it till I ******* Die! How can I make these thoughts end? How can I move on / when I still feel you inside and you're just there / while I'm here and this wall is in the middle / but you won't let me break that **** in / All a lone since birth naw / that's not the truth / my grandma did what she could so I'd be all good / friends had many but I had to lose / wrong choices that's what happens too / when you feel you're on top of the world but really you just wanna fall / hello today / goodbye tomorrow / that's a ******* line / of that gun powder / going through my blood stream like you'll be just fine / but I still see this little light of mine / she was born and I had to live longer / I had to love stronger / I, no matter how I felt inside had to try / now years they fly and to the moon I wanna go / Frank Sinatra was there so it had to be cold / I've lost hope and I have so much anger, love, and depression doesn't seem to understand that she ain't the answer / I take a pill that **** calms me down / but that bandaid won't stop any feelings / how? Did I grow up to be this way? I don't know but I gotta live this way / walk this way / put my head up and let my heart beat this way.

Yo this must be the best day ever / I swear it feels like it only ******* took forever / I've never seen myself look so fly, hair done, beard great and nice *** tie / it's like I'm just standing still but I'm laying down and it feels so real / all my loved ones in one room it's truly a miracle and I'm feeling happy cause last night I had the best meal / laughed amongst the crowd / cypher really loud / the only question is where to now? I've fallen in love and felt both ends of it / hurt and pain in my heart / but now it seems it's gone and **** / this again feel like the best day ever / I love the rain so it couldn't get no better / looking like a million bucks / **** even my ex is here / lil man ain't little no more **** I think I shed some tears / I feel I'm walking backwards with all these memories / when we all used to just check out the melody / but the plan is this and I can't re-write it / so I must go into the light but know ya'll will be missed / so for me keep smilin.

Yesterday I saw a nice looking Forest path in Arlington Heights / the type you walk into on your own and stay inside until you reach a higher flight / in my mind I saw a different place as I stepped in / I didn't look back cause of what I felt within / everyone is fine / and I will be ok / I came into this world half dead / and now my life is gray / I've dealt with blunt force trauma for major parts of my life / so it's no wonder I'm not ok in the head / my bestfriend a pad and a pen / it's kept my feelings to itself so that's not bad / once again / I laugh / but don't know why / so here again I go a lone I cry / but I'm not mad nor bitter / **** for once I do feel like a quitter / this World is filled with enough sour litter / and I'm not one to stay and follow the wagon / I'm the type to wave goodbye and put my heart in a bag when / I slowly walk into that path / you won't know where I took that blast / so rather than to be remembered as a mess / I rather you all remember me for the good of the past.

Hi, what are you doing right now? / don't ignore me / keep thinking / don't avoid me / or else I'm gonna do things that will make you go crazy / see it doesn't matter how many people you're talking to / no matter what / I will always be a piece of you / inside with visions that you can't take / I'm the one in the background laughing at you cause you will break / you're on the couch and can't shake / so you pace back and forth and go outside for air / but what difference does that make? / *******! I dislike you / I'm the reason you really wanna commit suicide dude / why you laugh out of nowhere and cry? / while you keep that sadness and ask why? / but the only one in the room is you and I / I'm in charge of you / that pill only makes you fucos till it wears off and then here I am haunting you! Don't get mad / we have the same relationship your hero and super villain have / are you crazy yet? It's ok I'll be here waiting till you get up and hit the wall / go outside and hope that air will clear it off / you're so silly / thinking you can put a mask on and get rid of me / so we'll just keep going back and forth / and you just don't give up till we can't no more / cause we're now partners / so we bunking together / hate it or love it / we belong together.

I was walking down this quiet road, all a lone just me and my thoughts. Looking around, I didn't see anything, nor was there a sound. Now usually I don't mind the quiet peaceful noise, but this time it was different, there was no other voice. Only me and a wet road, glowing from the the moon and stars that reflect. I was still on my journey, I was still walking for I knew I wasn't close yet. Now I passed many different places, some good and some bad, but all a long I had something pulling me towards that righteous path. I can't tell you how I feel cause I think you wouldn't understand, but I appreciate the support I get, and that helping hand. I never asked to be this way, I don't even know when it started, but now I'm grateful to control what I can, even if it's not how I want it. I may shed some tears and you don't have to ask why, cause even i don't know know why. It just happens. My brain just takes over, and I turn on the music, just a little louder. Before you know it I'm laughing and don't know why, but I won't complain, it's better than feeling like I'm broken inside. I guess I'll take things 1 day at a time, but I'm not crazy, cause since I was born, I've been fighting to stay alive.