Only for a moment did I think I could feel again
Love & light pouring out of me like a fountain
First time experiences
Long nights so lustful and mysterious
Each day my heart yearning for you
Growing more curious

But the darkness that swims around inside of me
Is too strong for anyone to come too close to me
Before you even scratch the surface
That darkness comes out as a full blown circus
A freak show of emotions
From a heart so blackened and broken
So now I look into your eyes and ask you this
What do you do when all that you've got is a box of broken pieces?

As I Sit beside this lonely tree
I count my blessings one, two, three
Looking up to into the branches
I Close my eyes and think about my chances
For a moment a glimmer of light
Perhaps I can have what I want in sight
Dark clouds loom in the background beginning to spiral around
Rain begins to fall
But the tree still stands tall
What it would be like to be this tree
To stand there so strong and free

I'm left here broken and sore
I've found myself back on this floor
You promised you would handle my heart with care
But where are you in this my moment of despair?
The connection we have will never fade
But the memory of you is too hard for me to take
I can't deal with this heartache anymore
I don't know if I can pick myself up off this floor
All I need was to know you are there
But the thought of me you just can't bare
Another love lost
My heart goes back to frost

You don't owe anyone any explanations
It's your life to live, live it with no hesitation
Follow your heart and listen to your instincts
believe in your dreams and you will go the distance
Dance to the beat of your own drum
Never need to rely on anyone
You are all that you need
to get to where you want to be
Love yourself
Set yourself free

Alone with my thoughts, they come in waves of emotions
Emptiness has taken over me, I'm drowning in its ocean
What it would feel like to be loved
Oh so long I have waited for your touch
Is it my figure or my soul too black
Is it a personality that I lack?
What is about me that is so unloveable
Since when did I become so disposable?
Swimming In this sea of loneliness no one can see my tears, no one knows my fears
For the girl who was never spoken to did not speak
She didn't whimper, nor did she sleep
I walk through this life with a heavy head on my shoulders
Too many questions gone unanswered
Filled with pain and sorrow
I dread getting up tomorrow
If I would be so lucky to sleep forever,
Would anyone notice my non existence endeavour?

As I walk lucidly through my dreams
I go back to the time I was your queen
Every time I saw you, working at the stable
My body aching, willing and able

Able to handle the way that you love
Being able to tell you when it's too much

Your cold hungry and wet
But my smile made you forget
For hours we would laugh and talk
I'd help you with your work so we didn't get caught

Long black hair flowing against my face
My heart pounding under the lace
Your lips soft upon my skin
Kissing me where no one had been

Your body connected to mine
Found again through like of mind
Two souls who once loved but separated by time
Back together through the power of the divine

A butterfly from my window i see
I take no notice, it's you I need
But you are gone now, resting in your grave
People think what you did was selfish but I think your brave
Dragging myself from my pit
I sigh, breathe and think about what I've got to live
Another day of guilt, another day of sorrow
Another day of living with no hope of you tomorrow
A butterfly landed on my chest, right where my heart is laid to rest
It's wings so beautiful and delicate
This butterfly can't speak but yet so eloquent
A gentle reminder that you are near
A reminder that I need not fear
But I still need your touch
Your voice I miss so much

Did you forget?
Your failing to see
My powers go way beyond you
They reside in me

I am the all knowing
I hear what your thinking
I see what your dreaming
I can feel your conscious beating

Did you forget?
Your failing to see
I can see everything going on
behind the scenes

My words are extremely powerful
My love has the potential to devour you
My wrath not to be reckoned with
So Listen closely as I beckon this

Do not forget
Never fail to see
Your lies will never get past me

It was a whirlwind adventure
Just you and me
Meeting up every night in our dreams

Candles lit and the fire roaring
Your cuddles so warming
Red wine flowing
One bottle two bottle three bottle four.
For hours we talk
In this our dream walk

As the sun rises I get pulled away
I just want to sleep for another day

I roll over to my love
But his love just isn't enough
He smiles and moves my hair from my face
Another day put to waste

But I carry on living in the nightmare I put myself in
I don't give **** about my worries and sins
All this worry we are living in, terrorism soaring this life so unfulfilling and boring. Too much hate in the world diving us - no one loving and uniting us.
Every day brings a new fight to survive but what the point if your already dead inside?

So anyway
I get on about my day
Waiting to sleep deep
So I can finally see your face
In this our dream walk.

It's feels like I've known you for an eternity my William
My lover
My best friend

Every day we would talk, putting the world to right.
You were never far from my sight
Talking about our dreams. Our fears.
Nothing comes close to our relationship my dear

Together we laughed & cried
Smoking **** together until our brains fried.
We used to daydream about where we would be in 20 years time
We would dream of it over a bottle of wine
Through the toughest of years we stood by each other
But the drink and drugs took over

I tried to help you like I did before
But my help you didn't want no more
You put your love into the hands of another
I watched from a distance, watching no one bother
Your spiralling out of control
I feel you're pain in the depths of my soul

Your love looks after you now, sitting through the sleepless nights
Watching you as you try and rebuild your life
But the struggle too strong
You can't muster up the energy to go on

Why didn't you call me?
Why didn't you say goodbye?
Why did you have to go?
Things where said in the moment so fierce
But I would have stood by you like I did for all these years.


Meet my son Louie, I know you would have been proud
It saddens me to know he will never see you around
I miss every inch of you dearly
Writing this, it makes me teary
Peace and love my friend
I know I'll see you at the other end.

Leave me alone
Stop asking me to talk
I don’t wanna face up to the problems  that I’ve done so well to ignore
Just let me be with the thoughts in my head
I’m still here aren’t I? I Haven’t killed myself yet
Take a step back and let me deal with this the way I know how
There is nothing you can do to help when I’m feeling this run down
The truth is I’ll never really let you know what’s lurking underneath
I’ll never spill the demons that I’ve buried deep
I am myself a haunted house built from past troubles and tribulations
All my fear and darkness make up my foundations

I don't care how you are in my life
I just need you here
I miss you more than any poem can say
I ache to talk to you
This pain won't go away
I say things in a moment so fierce
But I'm only human my dear
The feelings I feel are real and true
All I ever need
Is you

So much passion in your fight
Your words are cruel but it brings me much delight
Your power fuels me
I soak you up every time you abuse me
Your words don't bring me down
They won't change who I am
For it's the passion you give that gives me light in knowing this
You love me.
You can't live without me
Just the thought of me sends you crazy
So now I rise
This can't come to you as a surprise
It's time for me to go
Time for you to spend some time alone
With each step I take
The chains you have on me break

Your suffocating in your emotions
Stuck in time with no motion
Your head full of challenges you just cannot face  
While the world around you goes at its own pace
You get lost in the emptiness that occupies your mind
Answers your desperately trying to find
With you shoulders hunched and your eyes to the ground
Going to the beat of your own sound
Forgetting about those who love you
Isolation has become you

You've had a hard day
Let me rub your shoulders and take the tension away

Let me run my hands over your body
Your mind is a haze, blurry and foggy
Let me  give you some of my light
Let me take your worries from sight

For the power that runs through my blood
Past down through generations of love
Will heal and guide you, will rejuvenate and ignite you

Light-worker by no choice of my own
Only by blood alone

So come now and sit
Watch me as I conjure the spirit
I'll let you in on this, my secret

Moving to this path was an excellent manoeuvre

A key to a brighter future

Through this life I have walked
Listened more than I talked
Now I've learnt my lessons I stand here and preach
For what I know, no one can teach

I've seen the magic in front of my face
I've felt it, touched it and it had a beautiful taste
It taught me my mission is to help others strive
To be a better person and thrive
To stand up for what is right
Putting perspective in sight

Listen to these words that I speak
I'm not a ****** or a freak
Im here to Inspire
To bring you all that you desire
A nudge in the right direction
My undivided attention

I am a child to the moon
A stand-alone spiritual warrior
I cause no harm or bring no bother
For these secrets that I hold
Forever to be untold
Give me the power and light
To make everything right

So listen to the words I speak
If it's happiness you seek

You mistook my hurting for weakness
I don't know how -  but you made me feel this
Love was a vague memory until meeting you
Blinded by your lust
But now I can see through

I see all the way through you
Through the clouds in your head and the lies in your eyes
Your mask I see right behind
And the truth i do find
I know your inner most secrets
The thoughts you buried deepest
The fears that occupy your mind
I know if I look harder more I will find

Don't underestimate my divine power
I see and hear more than I desire
One step ahead of your next move
I know which way your going to choose

It's not me that's caught in your web
My spell you be under
Come at me
And I'll bring the thunder

I paint a pretty picture
I paint it on my wrist
I paint the first time we kissed

A tsunami running through my blood
Changing me to hate from love
With every punch you threw
the darkness inside me grew
For every bone broken, my pain went unspoken

The fire in my soul the only thing keeping me alive
Even at times when I thought I might die
Your beatings didn't **** me
But your words almost did

My heart blackened and angry

You took my friends, life, my sanity

With fire being the only thing left inside of me
I burn and scold those who come close to me
But the fight must go on
Now I live only for my son

My eyes glistening a crystal blue
No one sees the darkness in me except you
My body shakes at your touch
This feeling I feel is too much
No one has herd my cries or seen my
trauma
Walking day to day as if he was watching from the corner

But no one sees that darkness in me except you

Why have you been sent to me, what is your goal?
Is it to reignite the fire in my soul?
Your whole being so perfect and pure
Me on the other hand so bitter and raw

Two spiritual warriors battling through this life
You take way my stress and my strife
The love you send to me I can't muster up
This feeling I feel is too much

Take me by the hand
Look into my eyes and see who I am
I can't offer you what you need
That darkness that grows inside of me
Is the only thing you will ever see

It's all out in the open
Your secrets and lies have been spoken
She now knows who you talk to at night
Who it is you have in your sight
She has read the messages you have sent
She read the things you said about her while you vent

It was the perfect opportunity to set us both free
It could have been you and me finally
You said you would take me away from it all
Instead I'm left here looking the fool

A fool to believe that you ever loved me
A fool to believe that you ever cared
A fool to believe anything you ever said

I warned that you that my head was too dark of a space to enter
I told you I'm a **** up - right down to my centre
I warned you that I am broken
Emotionally and mentally, I'm a burden
I guess that's why everything is all about me
I have these impulsive tendencies
If I feel fear or doubt
I lash out
I won't hang about
I'll speak in the moment
These impulses make me this poet
I find it hard to say what I feel
So I write it down before the ****
I warned you that I am a **** up
In my mind there is no letup
I told you I see things differently
Tis why I am eternally lonely

Only for a short while did it last
That warming feeling in my heart
Being the first and last person you spoke to every day
Making the frost around my heart melt away
But it ended no sooner that it started
Our love parted
I was not the one for you
No matter how much you loved my eyes
A crystal blue
You couldn't get past the mist and the fog
Too many barriers got you blocked

You said you had the the passion in you to help me through
But the fire in my soul is too strong for you
You said you want my love
But my love is too hardened and tough

You thought you could break down my wall
But it's still standing strong and tall
You thought you understood me
But you completely mistook me

Yes it's nice to feel love
But I do not need it
For I am not capable of receiving it

Take what you got and let that be enough
Your promises were only ever a bluff
You forget, I can see
You only loved the idea of me

Your moods are so unpredictable
Your life is so beautifully miserable
So long as no one sees behind the closed doors
Where lies the cracks and the flaws
So long as you never look the fool
So long as your life always looks beautiful
The consequences to your actions leave a mess so critical
If only you could be truthful
If only you could see past beautiful
The pressure is mounting up
Your holding onto the strings of everything you love
There's no harm in being the fool
Let your flaws be your fuel
Give in to the idea of what is beautiful
Find the ugly truth inside your soul
Embrace it and take back control

I look around me and what do I see?
Anger
Love
Hatred
Positivity
It's a whirlwind of emotions I pick up as I walk out the door
I feel everything you do... and more
Sometimes I confuse your emotions for mine
Sometimes days I do just fine
I can loose control and let my thoughts get to me
Then I'll act out regrettably
When your smiling to my face I hear what you are thinking
I can tell when your smile means your sinking  
It's part of who I am
And this is how I roll
I can't help it if I can see the secrets in your soul

Your eyes looking into my soul
Seeing the deepest darkest parts of me know one else knows.
I've been beaten, bruised, moulded, into a different person
But you see through the pain and hurting
Although I've only known you not even a week
The connection we've got is deep
So I look into your eyes and ask of you this
Please be patient while I clear through the mist

I've been hurt too many times before
Too many times I've picked myself up off the floor
My ego battered and bruised by your words
Your treatment left me blurred

How can I find the strength to carry on
When I'm lost, empty and alone
From the moment you walked out the door
I can no longer pick myself up from this floor

Is this who I am now?
Emotionally dead?
I cried so much there are no more tears left

No longer will anyone feel my love or hear me roar
I just lay here
On the floor

I'm mentally and emotionally drained
I've given all of my love
It's been all used up
I don't have the fight in me to carry on
This pain I feel is too strong
I act out impulsively
Kind words repulse me
No matter how much I need it
I just can't feel it
I'm uncomfortably numb
Stupid & dumb
Go live your life, give your love to someone who is capable
Someone who is unbreakable
Why should I torture your beautiful soul
Just because I'm not in control
You deserve more
You shouldn't have to pick me up from the floor
You tried to help me and for that I give you credit
But it will be too late by the time you've read this

I had a sinking feeling in my gut
But the words I could not muster up
The image of you and her sitting upon the martial bed
Did the thought of me even enter your head?

Pandora's box had been opened
Feelings spoke about but they were too hardened
Bringing it all back to the surface and I cannot handle the emotions

Too many questions I have unanswered
Your efforts more and more substandard
The fire in our love fizzled out
From the very moment I started to doubt

I had given you all of my devotion
And you buried it all, all in one motion
You made me talk about the things I had buried deep
You mended me piece by piece

And now I find myself back at the beginning
The love inside of me thinning
Back to square one
Empty and  undone

I'm feeling sad, bitter and raw
I've thrown all my emotions out the door
My absence you haven't noticed
Preoccupied with stress and sadness
Too busy chasing dreams failing to see what is falling apart at the seams
Neglecting those you love until disaster makes you see
There are problems in life
as well as dreams

Fail to tell me
Keep on neglecting me and I won't be able to control of all this fire that burns down deep inside of me
Maybe if you spoken to me
I would have known
Maybe if I knew
I'd choose a different tone
Why didn't you think to ask me for help?
I would have given you all of myself

Don't think for one minute that your stress would push me to my limit
I'm here for you, I have been from the moment we started this
Whatever THIS is
So let's agree to keep up communication
Stopping any further frustration

Our first row
Passionate and true
Fire burning
Your eyes turning blue
But we settle it with a kiss
And go back to whatever this is

Don't blame others for your mood
However you react, you choose.
There are billions of people on this planet
And your going to let one person change your habits?
If you only give out love and light
That's all you will have in sight.
Don't be a slave to the machine
Go about your life and keep it clean
One random act of kindness a day
Can keep all that negativity away.
Keep your mind focused and pure
Shut all that hate behind the door
Remember you get what you give
And in this life, your meant to live.