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Mar 2019 · 453
Why me??
Chloe Mar 2019
Watching everyone ignore me.
Watching everyone stop
Caring.

Watching everyone move on.
Watching everyone stop
Loving.

Watching them all leave
Me in the dust
Nowhere to lead.

Watching them stop
Talking to me
And just walk by
Not noticing not caring.

But when I say I'm fine
That's when they start caring
They don't leave me
They don't let me break.

Stop!!
Leave me the **** alone!!
Mar 2019 · 245
Worthless once again
Chloe Mar 2019
I thought I grew out of this
Thought I changed
Thought I got through all the harsh pain

But really I got worse
My self esteem is
Gone

I got worse
My worth has
Vanished

I am not loved
I am only judged
For who I am
For who I will forever be.
Mar 2019 · 174
Fuck Life 4 ever
Chloe Mar 2019
I give up
This is all ****** up
This will never get better
Nothing ever gets better.
Mar 2019 · 196
Will he do it??
Chloe Mar 2019
He doesn't respond!!!
He said he's sorry
I am too
But I dont want him
To **** himself
Too

What have I done!
I caused all this
I had to love Gabe.
I had no choice
Nik is jealous
And he's trying to blackmail me.

Help!!
Nik is hurting after his last
Breakup.
He isn't the same.
And Gabe wasn't the kindest.
Nik is mad
Nik wants to hurt Gabe.
But I love him.

I would
Never
Ever
Hurt Gabriel
For a friend's sake.
Even if it hurts me
Makes me panic
Makes me cry
Makes me want to die.

I'm very sorry.
I'm very sorry!!
Don't do anything rash.
Plz.
Mar 2019 · 172
I relapsed
Chloe Mar 2019
Just scratched at the scars
Broke my promise to myself.

Wanting to die more than ever.
Wanting to hurt more than ever.
Feeling worthless
And that I am overlooked.
That no one cares
That no one notices me shaking
And crying.

Panicking all over again
Stuck in a constant cycle
Of hurting
Then depression
Then hospitalization.

I'm so scared
Of myself
I want to stop
But I don't feel like I have the strength
To keep pushing through
Anymore.
Mar 2019 · 184
Happiness is not real
Chloe Mar 2019
Scratching at the scars
Bleeding through my shirt
Boyfriend noticing.
Noticing I'm never "fine"
Noticing I'm hurting
Noticing I'm not normal
And I never was
And I never will be.

I always respond with
"Great. I'm doing great"
But in my head I wish to say
" hurting I'm just hurting inside."
But it just never comes out.
I can never admit I'm not doing "fine".

Why is the world cursing me??
Always making me work to be happy
For a minute.

After that minute passes
I am dropping down the hole
In my heart.
The one that used to be filled by
Happiness.

Happiness evaporated
Forever lurking
Just beyond reach
My fingers can never grasp it.
My fingers can never hold on
They always slip through
And the happiness leaves me
Like I never deserved it.
Mar 2019 · 183
Not wanting to hurt them
Chloe Mar 2019
Scared of communication
Scared of their reaction
Scared of the outcome of
Communication.

Realizing you are and never will
Be good enough

He always says something is
Always
Wrong with me
Always wrong with me.

They say I am loved
They must do a great job of proving it then
I don't believe them
I don't believe him
Not anymore

I'm spiraling down
Again
And again
Mar 2019 · 158
Hopelessness=Suicide
Chloe Mar 2019
It's worth it
It changes things forever
Can't you see
This is who I am!!

Why love yourself
When you only judge
Yourself on
Everything!!

This is who I am
A suicidal hitch
Who messes with people's lives
Breaks hearts
And
Disappoints!!
Mar 2019 · 240
Alone
Chloe Mar 2019
Kissed
But not missed.

Listening to the wind d pass by
Blowing past me with no one to catch me
As I cry.
Mar 2019 · 606
Just Sleep child
Chloe Mar 2019
You lay down to only wake a few hours later
You lay down to rest for a while
As you lay
You think and get lost
In the depths of darkness.

Thinking, pondering, worrying
For your love had not responded
As you lay
You cry and drown
In the depths of darkness.

Child, take a break
Take a deep breath
As you lay
You smile and laugh
At the depths of darkness.
Mar 2019 · 178
Stuck in a deep hole
Chloe Mar 2019
Lonely
Worried
How to escape

Spiraling spiraling down
Down
Down
Stuck, no, glued to the hole
No way to climb out
No one around to help
No one that cares at least.
Mar 2019 · 115
Lonely as Fuck
Chloe Mar 2019
Silent
As the world moves
On

"****! I've done it again"
They said while isolating.

They kept their mouth shut
Because they realized they had
No shoulder to cry on.

They kept their mouth shut
Because they had no friends
To confess their thoughts to.

They kept their mouth shut
Because they didn't want to worry anyone
And cause them pain
For if they felt pain you
Blamed yourself.

Blaming yourself
Causes more pain.

Blaming yourself
Brings nothing by pain.

Needing a friend
But not wanting to hurt anyone.
Debating what to do now.

I guess ill stay
SILENT.
Feb 2019 · 179
Holocaust
Chloe Feb 2019
Scared they must be
For they cant be
Normal like the german breed

It isnt fair
The way the dont care
Only to **** all those jews

I hate this topic
I want to fix it
But history stays and cant be changed
As much as I want to change it

Give those people fair lives
Ones they get to choose their path
No one should have to experience such wrath.
Feb 2019 · 144
How the Music Saved Me
Chloe Feb 2019
running
running
running

Scared, worried, and trembling
Feeling alone.
Suddenly I hear it
Beautiful romantic music
Flowing through the trees.
Rustling the leaves
Like a gentle breeze.

Still I run
Listening for the sound of footsteps
Following me,
But they never come,
The music fills my sight
I see colors
And emotions
As the music changes.

I feel loved
Safe, comfortable
Like I was sitting in the warm rays of the sun.
Wanting to hug it
Wanting to hold it.

Music,
Beautiful music
Drifts in waves
Of volume

I felt truly alone
Once
But I will never again
Because of the music

The music is you.
You saved me darling.
Feb 2019 · 175
How to say "dont"
Chloe Feb 2019
He wants to win her back
But he better watch his back.
She is in a dark place
This is sweet in one place.
Just not hers.

Watch out Nik
She might **** herself
She might just do it out of guilt
How to stop it??

Don't do it Nik
Keep quiet and wait
You don't understand how she feels...
Feb 2019 · 155
Telling Him
Chloe Feb 2019
Finally Breaking the barrier
Telling him about the cuts

He only takes
Deep breaths

In and Out
In and Out.

No words except
He's there
To carry the burden
And that he's lying
If he said he doesn't love me

He says he's losing me
To another, darker version of me.
Feb 2019 · 187
Drowning in Worry
Chloe Feb 2019
Trying
But only drowning
Struggling to breath
Trying to see the light
Trying to see him.

Drowning with stress
Unable to breathe
Help me please.
Worry and care
Is everywhere
But I can’t  point it towards myself.
Only to someone else
Someone who is not allowed
To receive my help.
Feb 2019 · 155
To Gabriel
Chloe Feb 2019
Love of my life
I will not leave you
And not!,
Let you leave me.

I love you.
You are my everything
My Sugar to my flour

You help me flourish
Growing
Changing
Twisting
Between the limits
Finding a comfortable place.

Watch me win
Watch me lose
Watch me when I show my love for you.
Snuggling on a couch
Holding hands
Whispering “I love you’s”
Without an end.

Watching him smile
Watching him laugh
I just can’t escape the wrath of my past
I can’t accept your friends
Not yet anyway
I’m sorry to disappoint
I’m trying I really am.
Feb 2019 · 154
Plz Love me
Chloe Feb 2019
I love you
So so much
Everyday you distract me
Helping me see
The light
Shining
Blurring the dark
Casting no more shadows.

As darkness fades
I see a bright silhouette
Showing me the way
To happiness.

A way to love
A way to see
the light inside of me.

Watch as the birds fly
Hand in hand
Arms around each other
Keeping the  love united
For if we stay together
I will be won.

Darkness enters
As we let go
Hands breaking apart
How do I start to handle this on my own?

Listening to the voices
Deep and cutthroat
Growling
Mimicking
Me.

Am I crazy
For wanting only you?
Am I crazy
for loving only you?
Am I crazy
For worrying too?

Tell me
I'm not.
Tell me
I’m loved.
Tell me
I’m wanted.

Or I might just forget
The difference
Between love and hate.
Feb 2019 · 243
What if
Chloe Feb 2019
What will happen
When her life ends
What will happen
When she hurts herself
What will happen
When she’s dead

Scared
For her
Scared
For me
Scared
For what could happen to thee

Worried about
The future
Worried about
The past
Worried about
The present
Whether or not it will last

Freaked
By today
Freaked
About tomorrow
Freaked
About my life
Drowning in sorrow.
#save a life
Feb 2019 · 249
Scared
Chloe Feb 2019
Scared
Of what
Could
Happen.

Scared
For what
She could
Do.

Scared
When
I'm by
Myself

Afraid
And not
Knowing what
To do
Feb 2019 · 320
In the middle
Chloe Feb 2019
Stuck
Trying to get out
Pulling
Tugging
With all my might
Trying
To fly
All through the night
Pulling
Tugging
At the bonds
Trying to fly
But stuck
Chained down
To the middle
Of the argument
Trying
To get out
Of the middle
Out of the center
Of the tornado.
Feb 2019 · 179
Finally Free
Chloe Feb 2019
The wind
Whooshed in
Throwing me this way and that
Watching me struggle
Watching
Watching
Always watching
Never saving
I try to run
But the wind always catches me
Pulls me back by my hair
I can't escape
This is my fate
Whooshing in
Like love for someone
Creating a distance
Between truth
And trust
Watching
Watching
But then it stops
I suddenly can move
The binds of leaves
Let go
I rub my arms
Surveying the land
Watching
Watching
For the wind to come back
But it never does
Only a gentle breeze
Reminding me of my past
But never pulling me back
To the dark place I once was
But will never go again

Wind tries
To pull me back
It is trying
To change my path
Again
Leaves start to bind my arms
Leaves absorb my sight
The world starts twirling
It feels like a relapse
I twist around
Trying to see
The light in the tunnel
But there is no light
Because I am the light
I can choose my path
Leave this wind
Pulling my arms and legs
From the leaves
Tugging
Tugging
Finally I'm free.
Feb 2019 · 156
Me
Chloe Feb 2019
Me
I try
And try

To succeed
But I only bleed
The feelings run free
I'd rather not be me

How to be
One who is hopeful
One who is woeful
One who sends help
Out to the world
Pushing the boundaries
Feb 2019 · 146
How to Help
Chloe Feb 2019
Helping
While yelling
Yelling for help

Crying
Writing
Crying for help

Working
Lurking
Working in the shadows

Trying
But lying
Trying to help

Helping
Helping
Helping the hurt
Feb 2019 · 134
Right or wrong
Chloe Feb 2019
Right
Might just flight
Running
Faster
Faster
Creating wind
Is escaping so bad
It's makes some people mad
But it makes me
Happier

Finding another way
To stay
Feb 2019 · 129
Sweat
Chloe Feb 2019
Sweet
And salty
Contradicting
Creating problems
Solving nonsense
Fighting for belief
Even if it's just tree leafs
Grit
It's ****
Its made for quits
But **** ends in sweat
Feb 2019 · 185
Why be Happy?
Chloe Feb 2019
Anger
Is it wrong,
Is it a danger
To sing the angry song

Playing
Around with air
Swaying
Without a care

Creating a dance
While
Putting me in a trance
Just smile child

Why happy?
Causing a reality
Why happy?
Causing a world made for me.
Feb 2019 · 249
Make life your own
Chloe Feb 2019
Hello
Just bellow
Till your hearts in tow
With the roads
Which you go
Don't just follow
Make it your own
Set the tone
It's your life
End the strife
Let the feelings flow
When your heart's in tow
Creating your own path
To lay down at last
-LW

— The End —