Crystal: Poems

123 · May 2020

Love games

Crystal May 2020

I realize now that your love was not meant for me.
I treated you like the top prize.
and acted as if I could’ve paid for a moment of your time.
I missed every shot because I’ve never played.
I’ve never been very fond of carnival games.
There’s not much left to say.
I’ve poured out my heart, and made my mistakes
Only to be left with an empty vessel
Cardiac arrest, it’s time to put this love to rest.

At least I got a participation prize

119 · Apr 2020

Promise me a flame

Crystal Apr 2020

Promise me a flame

Make a pinky promise and don't pull apart.
Don't break the promise or you'll break my heart.
But if you use the wrong finger,
my thoughts and feelings will still linger.
Make a vow with this light and tell me you'll still feel the heat
when the flicker of the flame has been tamed.
I'll promise you to keep these too because if I broke your heart it would be like breaking mine too.
So I'll promise you all of me if I could have a little piece of all of you.

Pinky promises are to be taken very seriously

113 · Apr 2020

Where the heart is

Crystal Apr 2020

Where the heart is

I never thought I'd be afraid of words.
I'm thinking of things I still don't know.
Oh I have hope, but my lucky anklet still hasn't broke.
It's a feeling that wont go away,
my childish desire to find a way.
In hopes of something that'll never end,
I pray to god I'll find you again.
They say if you love someone let them go,
if they come back, it's meant for sure.
But I don't think I'm ready to know,
I cant lose another place I call home.

I left the key under the mat

112 · May 2020

Grave letters

Crystal May 2020

Grave letters

Every time you're on my mind,
I write you a letter.
They always seem to get better.
I lock em away
It's better this way.
I've been stuck in a daydream since last may
My thoughts of you have overstayed
Enough tears to fill the ocean,
I can't keep it at bay
I feel like I'm lost at sea
Drowning in emotions that no one else can see
so I'll put down my pen and I'll grab the key
Lock away another letter, Trust me I wont get any better.
I'll open my eyes and end this.
Just another love sick girl,
writing words that form dead letters.

I need to learn to swim

106 · Mar 2021

Primary

Crystal Mar 2021

Primary

When I was younger the world had better color.
The grass was greener and the flowers were neon pink.
But I can't seem to remember when the sky got so gray.
When the wind hid and didn't wanna play.
I miss being a kid, when things always seemed okay.
Now I cant even remember who I am most days.
And to think I wanted to grow up.

98 · Apr 2020

Anger, take a seat.

Crystal Apr 2020

Anger, take a seat.

I've never felt so dismay.
I'd say it's anger but it feels different in a way.
The feeling settles in my chest.
I have to take a seat before words become concrete.
I told you that I loved you.
Why wasn't that good enough to make our ends meet?
Why'd you have to go look for another?
I told you I wasn't really that broken in between my stutter.
I tried my best to make you stay.
now i'm sitting here without you, and it's been one hell of a day.
I wish I could call and ask if you're doing okay.
But my numbers been blocked for about three days.
As I stare into the sky, the clouds begin to sway.
I'm getting desperate, I've asked every star to take this pain away.
On these lonely nights,
I wish you would've stayed.

Your love is enough, trust.

98 · May 2020

Parental guidance

Crystal May 2020

Parental guidance

Tattoos and dyed hair,
your parents would keep you in their prayers
"I hope my baby-boy finds someone a little more bare"
Piercings and a bad mouth,
then things would just go south.
To erase my trace, not even hair
They hope I vanish into thin air.
I don't fit into your lifestyle
I'm not picture perfect,
I've been through my fair share of wear and tear.
So you scramble to get your thoughts put together.
But you find me in everywhere.
One day you'll realizes your words were unfair
and ask me to come back but I'm no longer there.
You'll call my phone time after time
only to hear her say one more time
"I"m sorry but the caller you've reached is no longer available.
Goodbye"

I am more than my appearance.

97 · Jul 2020

Toxic

Crystal Jul 2020

Toxic

You give your all to someone and they'll say they didn't know.
all the while continuously asking you to give them more and more.
Your heart is tired and strained
Repeatedly saying I love you in vain
You're set on fire, gaslit, nothing to gain
You'll call me crazy and i'll act it
I wont hesitate to demonstrate
Tough ****, life's a *****, but is it worth it?
They wont ever know it
but you're 3 feet away from the casket.
Ready to build your own grave.
But not before you can put someone back into lane.
Times are changing it's still not too late.
Lock up your heart and store it away.
Save whatever love you have left that remains
For someone who’ll wait to have the same last name.

I promise it gets better

94 · Apr 2020

I forgot my running shoes

Crystal Apr 2020

I forgot my running shoes

I don't cross your mind like you cross mine;
and, I think about that a lot.
There hasn't been a single day where,
I haven't thought of the way that you say my name.
But my legs aren't tired so your mind must not be runnin.
out of time, as my clock would suggest
my eyes are heavy when I lay my head to rest,
I wish for nothing but the best and you're better than the rest.
I wish love didn't feel like a stupid test.
I've chosen a, b, and c far too many times
to let some D take what I have left.
I've never been a fan of the standardized love fest.
So when you came around
I thought, just maybe-
there were still some good men left.

Turns out I didn't need them anyways

88 · Apr 2020

Self expression

Crystal Apr 2020

Self expression

It's so hard to express emotion when you're lacking devotion.
The words sit on my tongue, but the cat won't let it go.
I'm tired of searching for accreditation with no accumulation.
letting my feelings be known with the condition that my face must be without disfiguration.
I don't have space left in my heart for accusation.
So I sit in my room and wonder what its like to let your feelings be known.

80 · Apr 2020

Movie Moments

Crystal Apr 2020

Movie Moments

I don't want this to sound cheesy, but you make me kinda queasy.
You give me moments that ain't too easy.
I try so hard to hide it but when you smile I just can't deny it.
Exit 3a but the butterflies refuse to go away.
the cars sound coming in like waves.
Man, how I really wish I could stay.
You give me movie moments.
I have no ticket, but I think i'll still sit here and
enjoy it.

The beginning of a beautiful summer.

76 · May 2020

Bitter hugs

Crystal May 2020

Bitter hugs

When I hug you, I feel nothing.
there's only empty space around me.
I close my eyes, I can finally see
I'm choking, it's getting harder to breathe.
Your embrace is not warm,
replaced by bitter arms, you surround me.
I don't want you.
Why cant you let me be.
Are there shackles placed that I can't see?
Please, I want to be free.
all I can hear are my pleas
"I miss the iridescence.
I don't want your presence.
You're no longer welcome,
please leave."
Depression has a hold on me.

You're not alone, and you are loved.
Suicide Hot line number 1-800-273-8255.

— The End —