Disappointment drips from our eyes
Littering our faces and chests with ash
and traces of broken dreams
Collecting at our feet in pools of heartbreak
and puddles of unplayed versions
of the life we envisioned.
Wading through the pain we find
a rescue boat in each other's arms
I whisper
" They say it gets easier with time"
You wince
" I wish it were today"

In a world
where pain is beauty
and suffering is fashion
you make sweatpants look ****.
I crave your
messy hair  
and unabridged authenticity
holding out your hand
you say
there is nothing more attractive
than a woman comfortable in her own skin
I smile
rolls and blemishes
and relish in
the cozy haze
of unfiltered love

I come from a long line of women
Who **** in stomachs
And wear painfully large smiles
Who punish themselves at dinner
For eating lunch
Voices like wisps of wind
Silent that echo down generations
Ever shrinking they collect leaves and dirt
In matted hair from dragging themselves low
To make men feel taller on our family tree

That’s why when I met you
I was scared to take up too much space
I tried to concave and let you grow from the hallowed ground
Of my hungry core  
But you didn’t mind that I filled a room

I was terrified to show you the horded opinions and dreams
I had stored in my back closet ( I had always meant to throw them out when I fell in love to make room for yours)
But you just asked to see them
Now they occupy our walls like works of art

When I shrink
As is habit
You offer a ladle like a reminder
That the bigger I get
The stronger I get
The wiser
Healthier
The more I grow
The more we flourish
You say
The taller I stand
The more of me
you can see
“and baby I love this view”
You chuckle in the crook of my neck

I hope one day my daughters will smile and say
I come from a line of strong willed women that aren’t afraid to own their space
And the pictures on their tree
will start with you and me

In dusk's sultry pool
We shred the day's saltiness
And exchange Their weight
For the buoyancy of
Each others embrace
Praying the ripples
We make tonight
Last until the
The red of dawn's light

Colliding
Falling into your gravitational pull
We skirt around felled trees
And misplaced debris
As you uproot me.
Clashing teeth and tangled limbs
You flash a category 6 warning into my
Disheveled hair
Whispering of a calm
Promising relief to come
I am left to the mercy
Of your storm

Like ash
I float
Burned up
Hollow
I grasp to cling to the physical
As I crumble and flake apart

There is a valley that lies between us now
in the bed where we sleep
vast and barren
trenches of pillows
define a battlefield of sheets.
Fingers like stray bullets
infiltrating enemy ranks
smooth caresses
seeking a counter attack
and on the battle rages
as flesh finds its own.
Tangled masses
fighting in the dead of night
we only pull apart
when the last cannon blows.
Retreating to familiar ground                  
Tending to our wondered
I lay awake and wonder
who is the winner
and
who was defeated?

I open myself
and pour my soul out
grasping at wind
and grabbing at bits of passing clouds
Missing the figments
loving a dream
waking to find a nightmare
disguised as reality
I know now why hope
was the last to exit
Pandora’s box
It's the worst she had to offer