You are so far away, yet so close.
Every memory becomes unshed tears that condense into silent screams
You left me here…alone
The part that agonizes me the most was that you left without a goodbye
You left.
You promised this girl to be with her forever.
You promised to tend to her needs, to love her with all your heart
Haha. Another ignored promise and many broken dreams
If you only knew!
If you only knew that she sleeps every second possible. It’s unbearable to smile, to lie, while objects and gestures bring a name in her head. Your name
Sleep makes her heart, soul, and mind go numb.
Yet, even though she tries…truly tries…she can’t keep the nightmares from crawling and tearing her heart apart.
If only you knew that she is forced to attend to Sunday church.
Yes, her! It’s hard to believe that the old her once was a devoted believer of god.
You made her that way. You made her believe that god was the answer to all of the problems.
You made her believe that god will love her no matter what.
****!
That girl sure does have a stupid heart.
Because she believed in you. Because she ignored all of the “wordly” aspects of this life, her own life is a living hell.
She goes to church, not because she wants to. No.
She goes to church to make her mother happy and to keep her harsh criticism away from her.
She tries hard not to cry every Sunday morning at church.
She is reminded of all the happy moments you were the cause of. She can’t help compare them to you.
And, always, in her heart and mind you will be her #1.
But she will not make the same mistake twice.
She trusted you, yet you gave her heart away to violence, confusion, disappointment, and anger.
She no longer gives love to people. She no longer gives warm hugs and a “god bless you”. She no longer gives that arm to help.
All she gives is crap.
That is what she learned from all of you.
She learned crap.
She learned that some people just let jealousy ruin their whole life and family.
She learned that the right thing is never done.
She learned that no man, not even god himself, can be trusted with her heart.
Do you think this isn’t the crap that you gave her?
Well, let me continue!
You tore dreams of a girl.
You manufactured a shell for her.
A shell that she covers herself from love, and forgiveness.
You let that girl fall hard from that bicycle.
You let her think that she could trust in you, yet why did she fell down?
Why did she scraped her legs and lost her heart on the way?
You let her cry herself every night
You are such the coward, imbecile who she wishes she never met.
If only you knew that her hand is starting to collect scars.
If only you knew that she uses sleep and pain itself to numb her pain.
If only you knew that she wishes to be 6 feet underground.
If only you knew that all of her illusions and dreams went down the drain.
If only you knew that her plants outside are dying, begging for her attention.
She just can’t bring herself to find comfort in the things she used to.
If only you knew that she watches people with envy, wishing to be her, the one who is loved and the one that loves with her heart.
If only you knew that she hides the pain away from her judgmental family well.
She hides it with laughter and jokes
Yet behind that entire act, she sits in the restroom inflicting cuts on her arm.
She sits in the tub crying while her tears hide with the water.
If only you knew that at those times she wishes to be home.
She wishes to be that girl again.
The one that was hold in her father’s arms.
The one that knew that everything was going to be fine.
The one that knew of peace and love.
She wishes to be home.
She wishes to end her life, give up on all her dreams to be with him. Back to her home.
She no longer cares,
She no longer wastes time.
She no longer responds to those calls or messages.
She no longer is part of that youth group.
She no longer is the girl who she longs to be!