CIN - Hello Poetry

CIN Mar 2020

Do you know how hard it is
To start with nothing
No confidence
No innocence
Stolen so young
You dont even remember a time before
How hard it is to rebuild yourself
When you were never even together
Relapse over and over
Without know how to be happy
Without knowing how to be okay
Without realizing your depressed
You didn't even know what the word
meant
When you never thought you would make it to 10
Let alone 14
Do you know how hard that is?

CIN Mar 2020

Brutality is not humility

I leave my feelings ajar
Swinging wide open for everyone to see
Thats what they think
Im not brutally honest
Im blunt
My mind has a lock on it
And i dont even know the password
People dont like that im very blunt
I say things confidently
But you can be confident
And insecure
Im a closed book with all the words written on the cover

People look at the title of this and think ‘well duh, you cant be violent and humble’ but thats not true Many people dont know the alternative meaning for words a poet uses. They dont get it. Words that contradict each other are just perceived in the the wrong way.

CIN Feb 2020

Almost

And what if this is it
This is the best
And it feels the worst
But this is what you get
Okay but not good
Always enough
But never loved

CIN Jan 2020

Cloudy

Why cry
On a day when its not dry
Even if after its cloudy
You can still be happy
The rainbow may be behind the clouds
And you may not be in the crowds
But theres beauty
In the cloudy

CIN Jan 2020

Ashes, Ashes

How many times
How many tries
How many days
Til i fade away
And turn to dust
My box will rust
Death isn’t scary
Its welcoming

CIN Jan 2020

Sleep Paralysis

My eyes look
And all i can do is see
The demon sits on my chest
It plays with my hair
As tears roll
My brain wonders whats happening
My mind screams
But my mouth doesnt even open
My arms want to flail
But i can barely feel them
So im stuck
With a demon on my chest
And tears in my ears
Then i close my eyes
i can’t bare this anymore
Then i jump awake
And the demon is gone
I can move my limbs
And then i start to sob
i cant sleep anymore

This happened to me last night. It was down right mortifying.

CIN Jan 2020

Panic Attack

Sometimes i get a bit scared
And It can’t be bared
Sometimes tears roll down my face
As i try to erase
The fear i feel
What i cannot conceal
Because of the heavy breathing
And all the heaving
My mind will start to go blank
And my actions i cannot thank
When i finally calm down
I wont remember and frown
At how people tell me i was crying
And practically dying
From the anxiety i must have felt
While i knelt
And begged for this panic
To stop