The spider, dropping down from twig,
Unfolds a plan of her devising,
A thin premeditated rig
To use in rising.

And all that journey down through space,
In cool descent and loyal hearted,
She spins a ladder to the place
From where she started.

Thus I, gone forth as spiders do
In spider's web a truth discerning,
Attach one silken thread to you
For my returning.

flying juniper arrows
fell asleep by the meadows
struck my body with vengeance

that night you screamed at me sweetly
made me tear at my covers
blackbelt in bedsheet karate

i was the kid in rehab who
my counselors let
watch movies
past my bedtime

it's hard to believe
that the world could keep spinning without you in it
but it's spun completely on it's axis
not once
but twice
and i must be off balance
because 730 days
feels an awful lot like yesterday

today my therapist told me that i'm depressed
and i wasn't surprised and i felt almost
vindicated
like when i dislocated my knee and spent months yelling at doctors
no no can't you see
something's wrong i can't walk right
it hurts to stand
it hurts to move
and then when my physical therapist finally figured out what was wrong
yeah it ****** to be told my legs were ****** up
but finally somebody SAW
somebody GOT IT

after i had surgery to fix my knee, it got worse for awhile
but now it just comes in waves
my bad days are a lot like my bad knee
some days i only remember there was ever a problem if i see the six inch scar on my right shin
but some days the pain makes it so i cant walk down the stairs of my apartment building
some days i don't think a single bad thought, and i can almost forget everything that happened
but some days my anxiety is so bad and i'm so depressed i can barely breathe

my knee surgery was three years ago and i still can't run a mile or walk down stairs without feeling  pain
i try to keep that in mind when i remember how long it's been since i finally got away from my father but it's hard
it's hard because everyone can see the scars on my leg and say
oh what happened? are you okay?
no one can see inside my brain or see the surface of my heart and say
oh god, what happened to you?

so when my therapist told me i was depressed
would it be crazy if i said i felt a little relieved?

How astonishing
That something as small and feeble as the human heart
Encased in a cage of muscles and bones for its own safety
Can reach out across hundreds of miles
To touch another of its own kind
Give all it has to give
And continue beating

Today there's an orange peel
And yet another bee
And I am still discouraged

The peel is vibrant
Like the color of the kumquats
On your tree
Mistaken for a key lime

But I was happy
Because I never really liked key limes anyway