Gotta get outta this negative mindset,
That got me wanting to try for the lotta,
Because it’s seems more realistic.
Yet ironically leaves me ending up as,
Just another statistic.

For my heart is like a piñata,
With my soul becoming as deserted as Nevada.
Downing down the bottle.
Smoking some marijuana.
In hopes for finding nirvana.
For right now, I feel more destroyed than Gomorrah and *****,
But perhaps that’s what I get for becoming a dragon,
Isolating and pushing away anyone,
Believing that I’m someone,
That deserves loving.
But to protect myself,
I end up starving.
For I’m Scared to heal what’s broken.
Got given opportunities, but instead of accepting what others were giving.
I went Trailing down a path of self destruction.
For the words of the past are still afflicting.
Got my mind believing the affliction of their poison.
Thinking I always have something to be proving.
Diving into the dens of lions,
Getting involved with vermin.
That ended with me in a prison.
However, my mind was in prison way before then.

Gotta get outta this negative mindset,
That got me wanting to try for the lotta,
Because it’s more realistic.
Yet ironically leaves me ending up as,
Just another statistic.

I've been beaten; I've been betrayed; I was left for dirt; me, myself, and I all astray. I was so high, I was so good, but now I am all in pieces on the ground. People fall, it's our nature, but the good one's are the one's that get back up each time. Never giving up, never willing to surrender, not taking the easy way out. Time to get back to who I used to be, Cause wallowing in self-pity will never get me anywhere. Life won't fix itself, it takes effect, but it's worth it. You just got to hope that things will get better, cause hope is what makes us strong.

Just smile, just smile.
Smile your pain away, smile your pain away.
Just smile, just smile.
Like everything is ok.
When it’s not.

They tell me to smile,
When I’m broken,
They tell me to cheer up,
Without my pills for depression.

They say why the long face?
But aren’t willing to hear me when I say I’m not doing ok.
They say life is marathon.
But I never registered for no race.

It’s hard for me to explain.
It’s like every time I fake a smile.
I feel like crying because I know it’s a farce.
And I’ve tried hiding, but that pushes me closer to the end of my rope.
And I feel like jumping, because a part of me has lost hope.
And I know you don’t want to hear it.
At least until it’s to late to listen.
Which will make you wonder if you could’ve done more to stop it.

I tried for too long to push down these emotions.
Because society says having feelings isn’t very manly.
That I should be a tin man with no heart.
A scarecrow without brains.
And a lion with no courage to speak up.
And it’s not enough to just go home.
And believe everything is all good.
When it’s not.

If only we could talk,
If only we could have these conversations.
Maybe my mental health would start to become more stable.
If only we could talk,
If only we could be honest for once.
Maybe suicide wouldn’t be as a big of an issue today.
If only when we ask someone how they are doing.
We can reply that we are not doing ok.
And there won’t be judgement or fumbling to change the topic.
Because if we never address the problem, how can we ever expect it to go away.
If only we could love and encourage others who are struggling.
Then maybe people will start to see a light at the end of the tunnel again.

Just smile, just smile.
Smile your pain away, smile your pain away.
Just smile, just smile.
Like everything is ok.
When it’s not.

I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself,
I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself.

Look, pain be creeping,
And my endorphins be sleeping.
I want love but I’m scared to love,
Because in the past I’ve been so broken.
Yeah and I’m still shaking,
With my Mental health taking a toll.
My heart is acking,
If love was a marathon I’m would be at a crawl.
Trying to fall in love but I always land face first,
Am I meant for happiness or am I just cursed.
To die alone,
To cry alone,
Everything I do alone,
Is it just too much ask for a loving voice emitting from the other side of the phone?
I just want love,
But can’t stand rejection,
I ain’t looking for perfection,
Lord knows I’m anything but,
Anything but,
All I want is love,
Longing for someone that understands.
I just want love,
Someone I can walk with through this path called life.
Hand in hand.
Just some real love.
None of that fake ****.

I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself,
I just want to be loved,
But I can’t even love myself.

I want someone to trust,
But I can’t seem to trust myself.
How far down must one fall,
Before they cry for help.
That what I ask myself.
Tell me is worth it?
Tell me are you really worth it?
Tell me your intentions, what’s the purpose?
They say love is hell,
But I’d rather be there with someone other than by myself.
That’s real.
Nothing in life is easy.
Nor would I want it to be.
I just need,
I just want,
I just wish,
Can’t I just be selfish for once?
Can’t I be happy for once?
To laugh,
To cry,
To kiss someone else good night,
And then wake up with them still there.
****, maybe I’m just asking for too much.
Been abandoned too much.
And push those that get to close.
Because I’m scared of being hurt again,
Scared to be left again,
Scared to rely on someone who may let me down again.
Scared to pour out my soul just for to be thrown out like some bath water...
I’m just scared.
But I also know I gotta test those oceans again.
To face those rains and winds again.
But this time choose someone better suited to survive these waves with.
In order to not drown again.

Intoxicated, liquor going down the esophagus, hiding from my problems because I'm still devastated. Will we end up obliterated by the crap we have done, it was all fun, but now we have no where to run. I tried expressing all my worries, but a lot of yawl not hearing me, it's not just illimunati theories but that's all you choose to see. Emotions fluctuate so much, so easy to lose touch, so easy for life to leave you crushed. Starting to suffocate, why didn't we cultivate? Why did yawl hesitate? Is the future truly set, are we truly the keepers of our fate? Degeneration of these degenerates, starting to reap our recompense. Tried to keep positivity elevated, tried to not keep my expectations elevated, tried to leave my negativity eradicated. Separated by technology, separated, man we even  try to figure out each other using psychology. Separating what makes us do what we do, to figure out what struggle is true.  Separated by race, if you intermix you're treated like a disgrace. Separated countries, towns, cities, and continents, separated religion and genders, and you don't fall in line your incompetent. So I drink, bottle after bottle, isn't that my people's motto? That's what we got told by privileged whites, and if we revolted, we got hung up like kites. Gangs and drugs, created into monsters, by all these monsters. Now a broken generation oppresses each other, now we decide who is native enough, we have become cain, just a killer brother. Oh brother you may say, you have a choice to make life bright or keep it staying grey. Three to six generations of broken treaties, three generations of residential schools, forced to lose our culture and embrace your culture and your deity's. Now why don't you try dealing with that, only one generation out, and we still treated like rats. Killed anyone different, whether that be native, black, asian, it didn't matter you held your entitled nose and became ignorant. What did we deserve to get this, there are days I wish I didn't exist, because we are still dealing with this. I guess it is what it is, it's just your average day being ethic, never going to be treated better even if your if a ****. Don't believe me, just ask Ahmed Mohamed, that's why I believe this world needs to get hit with another comet.

Embers of fire cast out like ghosts.
As crickets chirp through the night.
Enjoying this time with you.
Under the moon.
Siping sweet nectar.
Reminiscing.
Kindred spirts intertwined.
Used to be lost.
Until I was found.
Was a monster.
Everyone always running out my life.
Was a monster.
Until you entered my life.  
And stayed.
But it was a different feeling for me.
I even tried to push you away.
Because I felt unworthy.
Because monsters can’t have happily ever afters.
At least that’s what I thought.
Isolated myself from relationships.
In my cave of despair.
Thought no one cared.
Until you entered my life.
Like a kindred spirit.
You understood me.
You didn’t fear me.
And that felt as refreshing as cold mountain water.
And as unlikely as it seems,
Not only did a beauty fall in love with this beast.
But a Beast fell in love with a beauty.
I thought a chance for love was extinguished.
But like embers of fire we were cast out like ghosts.
As crickets chirp through the night.
Enjoying this time with you.
Under the moon.
Siping sweet nectar.
Holding hands with you.
Embracing you.
When two kindred spirits become intertwined.
You know magic is still alive.
I used to be lost,
But then I was found.
And I’m glad you found me.
Believed me.
And helped me believe in love.

A world of possibilities, chosen to save the universe. There will be road blocks, and their will be failures as long as you keep fighting the battle, I promise it'll be worth it. Friends are hard to keep, but much harder to find, how badly do you want to see them again? Growing up may be fun but it also comes with more responsibility, can you handle that. The battle between light and dark is a hard battle to fight, do you have the strength to last another night? What if it was all for nothing? What if things don't go back to what they used to be? Can you live with that burden? We shall see!

Deemed us as savages,
That’s how they branded us.
Numbered us off,
Like the holocaust.
Stripped of a heritage.
That’s how they divided us.
But when we speak we’re told to *******.
Left to Watch in horror as lives are lost.
Overdosing on drugs or getting shot.
Drinking the fire water to numb the trauma,
Of our salads being tossed.
By hands left unwashed.
Missing and murdered when’s the pain going to stop?
Tell me when the pains gonna stop?
Huh?
Hold up. I don’t think yawl awake enough!
And I ain’t talking if ya woke or not.
I’m talking bout opening up.
Wondering if yawl got hope or not?
Cause I’m truly broken up,
Survived off rice and ramen as youngen,
Yeah when we was broke as ****.
Raised by a single mother,
Dealt with Aces in her oven.
So, ya bet that statistics were dark as ****.
Uh! ****.

Heavy head wears the crown of thorns,
Was blue and black when I was born.
Little did I know that wouldn’t be the only storm…
That I would face.
Been close to death so many times,
I could probably draw heavens gates.
That ain’t an exaggeration.
Cause I swear some days the Grim Reaper must’ve been on vacation!
Yet here I still stand, gotta protect this land.
As the King of the Savages.

Trying to thrive through this wilderness,
With so many disadvantages.
Hard to speak the truth,
When they still try to silence us.
Hard to teach culture and language,
When they handcuff us.
Criminalized our identity and treated our beliefs as blasphemous.
Treated like Devil children,
That’s why the sent in the church to exorcise us!
Hard to create a movement or protest,
When the government treats us as domestic terrorists.
Colonial law and the Indian Act,
Still keeps many powerless.
It’s hard to be proud,
When all they do is shame and blame us.
Ironic isn’t it?
But as they say…

Heavy head wears the crown of thorns,
Was blue and black when I was born.
Little did I know that wouldn’t be the only storm…
That I would face.
Been close to death so many times,
I could probably draw heavens gates.
That ain’t an exaggeration.
Cause I swear some days the Grim Reaper must’ve been on vacation!
Yet here I still stand, gotta protect this land.
As the King of the Savages.

Intro: You know, I don’t care what you’re saying about me.
For I’m not an insecure ***** like you but I do got to thank thee.
For if it weren’t for thy vile venom spitting I wouldn’t have a reason to enact my lyrical terrorism!
So, you only have yourself to blame for this ****, so don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

Verse 1
Uh, yeah let’s talk about it!
Can’t contemplate, the vicious state that contrary to popular belief I’m not a basket case!
Can’t misuse the time I got so here I go to vanquish these fraudulent thots!
Started an unfocused freight train that charged towards the lucid dream because I couldn’t assimilate!
In that time, I was so focused on changing everyone’s snot ridden hypocrisy about reality being Camelot.
I know I’ve also ****** up a lot but that’s something I had to face!
It’s not any of your business so stop ripping off my skin then rubbing in the salt!
I still have a goal in mind to destroy discrimination that incriminates my people,
by putting em on the hot seat.
So now that every one is up in arms I got my chance to aim at the sweet spot!
Everyone is hungry to be the fittest but not everyone has time to think how to be the smartest.
To strike will the fire’s hot or wait for the embers to spark and settle is the true test for an artist.
Who cares about the lines when it was never rightfully drawn in the first place?
Who cares about what spot or space is for you when it’s all been delegated to the privilege of a certain race?
I can only undergo so much disgrace So, sorry but I’m not willing to have my people’s history erased!
Free speech is going to be a ***** for some and a tool for others, I guess it all depends on that person’s poker face.
Inequality is frequent not just in Canada or The United States but every country, province, and common place.

Verse 2
You want the real, raw, unfiltered Classy J well here you go!
Uh, Tell Trudeau to kiss my *** and stop ******* Trump’s ****!
While you’re at it can you tell your father that he’s a ******* stupid *****!
Also, totally forgot but can you tell Kim Jon un when he’s shafting you that he’s a ******* Buffoon!
But’s that’s enough about ******* politics let’s talk about ******* rap artist’s who think they’re hot but really, they so tacky and obsolete like the Zune.
To mister bi-racial we get it you’re into being superficial but’s honestly with you being so focused on being a ****** your delivery showcases the truth that you’re really a cringy ******.
Just face the fact dude that people will only see ya as a juggaloed Dolph Ziggler.
Uh, Now on to the next!
Dear mister Young moolah imma be front, you look like diseased uvula with the lyrical skill comparative to that of an elementary grade schooler.
Now to address the biggest flacky ***** in the game the not so slim shady.  
Here’s the matter Mr. Mather’s you look like a hobo who ***** guys off around the corner,
maybe that’s why you always diss homos.
Because youse a **** trapped in your mommas’ closet,
and if wasn’t for Dre’s hand up so far up your *** you wouldn’t be as popular of a puppet.
Oh ****, Shady you so focused on Doctor Dre and acclaim to fame that you forgot about Hallie.
****, and speaking of Hallie, I feel for you girl because just like you I also didn’t have a dad there for me.
I’m a man of war so every rapper got to get their **** together and better be prepared to me seriously.
For Imma slit their throats and turn em inside out rigorously, and I make sure those tardy cats will rule the day they ever had curiosity.

Verse 3
Just remember my people were here before you, and will be here after you!
And I’ll be here to destroy any of you who dare to pursue native issues!
Or if I’m just bored and feeling like killing you!
However, if I forget about dealing with you, I’m just to busy to properly give a **** about you!
It’s not just revenge, I see it as using justice by retorting with my wordplay to cleanse ya like shampoo!
But I’ve spent enough time dissing freeloaders, for it gives their ego’s too must **** exposure!
I won’t coaster to these composers, for a chauffeur can’t gain an advantage over a soldier!
I wont lower myself to these grouchy Oscar’s, who hunt for Grammy’s;
or as I refer to these events as pedantic half ***’d statements for excepting grandiose toasters.
Why bother, for it’s so annoyingly stupid that I would rather waste my time watching a movie featuring Adam *******.
So, **** this glass ceiling that defines and dictates what makes up a talented rapper.
I may not be a ******* goat but at least I’m confident enough to go out in my birthday suit and retain my composure for being dapper.
That’s the synopsis of my classy brain, and though it may be insane I’m willing to ride this hurricane!
To make sure you know my name, but yet not let myself get engulfed in the flames.

They are telling me to have a mentality of hakuna matata,but if really knew me, I like things to have a little heat to it like sriracha. No chakra for me please, for I am real, I say things as is, not to crazy about starting off with the story of the birds and the bee's. That **** is some true b.s, for real man, awkward talks can get thrown out in the trash cans. Kumbaya my lord, I can't handle these foolish people that conspire with their idiotic deeds, they must be full of a bunch of ****. I proceed to take out these exceeds, that pray onto beads like some kind of cult or creed. What the **** is wrong with us, hanging onto lost values, no wonder it's so easy for you to say in God you trust. Gentiles and philistines lined along with their hypocrisy, is there a way where we can cure this disease. I speak about real deals, to eventually help this world fully heal. Although no body wants to hear me, maybe I am just not speaking clearly or maybe everything is becoming to **** weary. Where be the hope, where be the believe, offended offenders roasting each other as if they are beef. So what makes you have the authority to tell me to chill and sing kumbaya at camp, when people are struggling to get some food stamps. You have no idea, to blind and privileged entitled bricks, you are the reason why future generations will continue being privileged entitled *****. No time to take a chill pill or check all the haters emails, it time to be real it's time for our society to finally begin to prevail. All hail no one, we are all equal, no one is more great than the other, everyone is one with one another. Oh brother, did I just say something that makes sense, because your looking a little tense, playing the defence.

On the lake side, sitting right by you!
Got you flowers and perfume with a ribbon on it because your my boo.
And as the mist glimmers so do your eyes.
Some say love is nonsense, but when I’m with you love is something I can’t deny!
Never felt so vulnerable like a puddle in your arms. Each photo is a memory to add to the album to hold onto like a lovely charm.
So tap your toes, jump out your seats, belt out your love and may it never depleat.
Woah-oh-oh yeah and I know it takes a lot of adjustment but trust me it’s worth it!
Let love be your guide, let love become your outlet, let love be something you never forget. For love is like a equinox, it’s particularly splendid and magnificent just like everyone of you!
So don’t quit or throw in the towel for love takes time to become undeniably true.
Let love light up like a lamp in a world so dark; all it takes is just a single spark.
On the lake side, sitting right by you!
Wearing sandals, holding hands, and gazing at the moon...
May our love forever bloom!
So tap your toes, jump out your seats, belt out your love and may it never depleat.
Keep on fighting for it, and never let it escape your reach.
May our love be sweet as a peach.

Quick stepping, hold the breath in.
Nesquick bunny am I hoping or hopping?
Amongst these land mines that means certain death.
Just one wrong step, what do I have left?

Positive Change is trauma unlearning,
Gotta be the role model I was always yearning.
Cause I know what it’s like when my canoe was sinking.
Vicarious victim drinking with sharks,
Was never the best at swimming.
Or confronting my problems,
For awhile I was sitting.
For awhile I was drowning.
At the back of the bus with the rest of the goblins.
Until I stood my ground like Rosa Parks,
Straight spitting.
Speaking truth even if I’m portrayed as the **** villain!
After all, I’m used to it cause I’m a **** ***** Indian!
A savage in need of sterilization.
Today we just call it cancelation.
Cause snowflakes both left and right can’t handle a native with education.
No wonder we are so underfunded cause they don’t want restoration.
They don’t want truth nor reconciliation.
They want us to keep us starved so we rely on their salvation.
Ooh ****! Better start…

Quick stepping, hold the breath in.
Nesquick bunny am I hoping or hopping?
Amongst these land mines that means certain death.
Just one wrong step, what do I have left?

Feels like I’m trying to swim upstream,
When for the longest time residential schools,
Were treated as ponzi schemes.
Or as justifiable things.
And I can’t lie that growing up that **** did sting!
Was silenced and punished by the authorities.
And I ain’t just talking police,
I’m talking anyone that held power over folks like me.
Hell I Can’t even go shopping without being assaulted and asked for my receipt!
Cause after all I’m the thief, a snotty nose Rez kid that needs to go back to his tepee!
Where health and safety is decreased,
But yawl don’t care or share mercy.
To us Street beasts.
You know what? **** these land mines,
I don’t care if ya triggered!
Better prepare yourself to be decolonized,
By your friendly neighbour hood prairie…

Made it out the fire and brimstone,
Don’t need no Powerade,
because I never tire slim,
Told to run it in rather than run my mouth,
Be more like a Flintstone.
But **** it I’m a renegade,
Even if the tales grim,
Told to give up but that’s not what I’m about.
I prefer traversing the unknown!
Built different, that’s how I’m made!
So keep up the pressure,
Can’t ever make my inner desires dim!
I’m an underdog like Tiny Tim,
Because there have been days I’ve gone without!
And I’ve been degraded because of my skin tone!
And yeah there were days I wanted to fly away.
Days I wanted to expire, but when **** got dark I prayed and sang hymns.
The type slaves used to sing down south.
Till the day I’m set free and find shalom.

May we all find peace,
In this land of hell.
Even struggles can teach.
Just got to remove the veil.

May we all find nourishment,
In this land of hell,
Be careful not to be belligerent,
Cause you never if you’ll end up eating dollar store meals!

Hook:
In the land of the ******,
Most can’t understand,
In the land of the ******,
Someone will always have the upper hand!
Verse 1:
Going minimalistic because I’m treated as autistic,
****, I Shouldn’t have been vaccinated!
Sadistic savage ain’t faded by these jaded racists.
Is this really how I’m supposed to live?
Knowing one’s place is cased with fabricated waste.
Sniffing chase, guess my shoes aren’t the only thing that’s laced.
Fabricated story, got to jest those that get in my face.
Faced demons man.
But this ain’t no horror story.
Who’d ever believe that the same one gangbanging now used to be the same one who read bible stories.
But it is scary that the dominant society tries so hard to put me through the crematory.
All because I don’t conform to their categories.
Rolling in shadow alley ways rapping allegory’s,
With poeish ravens cawing nevermore,
Man I sure love popping these mollies.
I’m probably the most faulty person out there but yet kids still look up to me.
But I’m not a jolly green giant anymore,
And rapping like this is the only way to build up my repertoire.
For most are only interested in my flow,
They not too interested in being able to grow.
Or to be educated and live out a humble modest life like my brother from another mother j cole.
Hook:
In the land of the ******,
Most can’t understand,
In the land of the ******,
Someone will always have the upper hand!

Born to death, left in dread, not knowing if I'm alive or dead. Born with no bed to call my home, I was too busy struggling for my life in the ER room. That was just my beginnings, death wanted me bad, but don't worry I make it through it knowing life won't all be full of dread. Grew up with parents not being together, getting bullied at school, sometimes I just wish I got buried in some tomb. I used to look at life so positively, but with so much crap coming at me, Doctor Phil could easily write my own biography. Then junior high came, and that was a whole other thing entirely.  Man, I wish kids could just get home schooled those years, because then I may not have needed that psychiatry. Then finally high school came and prepared to my past experiences was so heavenly. Before school was like the hunger games, survival of the fittest was my only option. Sometimes I still find myself in survival mode, I'm scared that if I say do something wrong the past will strike back at me. So I just stay quiet like a monk, but **** me off I turn into the hulk or some volcano eruption. Wondering why life ******* me over, why people have to be cruel, finding out it doesn't get better as I get older, just wanting to finally be me in this supposed " land of the free." What I’ve realized is; that this country is a monotonous hellhole, home of people who pretend to be nice, because as it's all about our image. This is reality so I’ll just pretend that everything is right with the world, not looking at all the problems and crap not who I am supposed to be; which is me? I'm sorry that ain't me, I’m just so fricken tired of being herded by society like I'm some moronic sheep; conquered by the white privileged. Well baa baa black, brown, yellow, and red sheep have you any wool? No sir no sir it was all taken by the white sheep, why don't you ask them for some? Reality is the whites control everything no one can touch them without paying with your life, hope this truth open the eyes of those who are non-visual because it’s time to stop acting like ignorant fools. We need true equality, we need true freedom, we need change otherwise we stay oblivious to facts which is dumb, which we need to stay away from! This world is full off suppressive segregation, everything must be taken, ignore the horrifying facts of the past but rather let’s look towards the future. Well I would like to but the fact is we can’t because there will always be racism and violence, it’s has been put into our genetic tract since the beginning of time. Since we ate that forbidden fruit, since Kane killed his brother Abel, ******* to this barbaric nature to engrain it’s disease into our brains like a tumor. I guess it’s just human nature to be horrible killers looking for anything that can fill us for some sort of enjoyment like some kind of disturbing nursery rhyme.

Born to death, left in dread, not knowing if I'm alive or dead. Born with no bed to call my home, I was too busy struggling for my life in the ER room. That was just my beginnings, death wanted me bad, but don't worry I make it through it knowing life won't all be full of dread. Grew up with parents not being together, getting bullied at school, sometimes I just wish I got buried in some tomb. I used to look at life so positively, but with so much **** coming at me, Doctor Phil could easily write my own biography. Then junior high came, and that was a whole other thing entirely.  Man,I wish kids could just get home schooled those years, because then I may have not needed to get that psychiatry.  Then finally high school came and prepared to my past experiences was so heavenly. Before school was like the hunger games, survival of the fittest was my only option. Sometimes I still find myself in survival mode, I'm scared that if I say do something wrong the past will strike back at me. So I just stay quiet like a monk, but **** me off I turn into the hulk or some volcano eruption. Wondering why life ******* me over, why people have to be cruel, finding out it doesn't get better as I get older, just wanting to finally be me in this supposed " land of the free." What i've realized is; that this country is a monotonous *****, home of people who pretend to be nice, because as we all know it's all about our **** image. This is reality so i'll just pretend that everything is right with the world, not looking at all the problems and crap, and not be who I am supposed to be; which is being me? I'm sorry that ain't me, I'm  just so ******* tired of being herded by society like I'm some ******* sheep; conquered by the white privileged. Well baa baa black, brown,yellow, and red sheep have you any wool? No sir no sir it was all taken by the white sheep, why don't you ask them for some? Reality is the whites control everything no one can touch them without paying with your life, hope this truth open the eyes of those who are non-visual because it’s time to stop acting like ignorant fools. We need true equality, we need true freedom, we need change otherwise we stay oblivious to facts which is dumb, which we need to stay away from! This world is full off suppressive segregation, everything must be taken, ignore the horrifying facts of the past but rather let’s look towards the future. Well I would like to but the fact is we can’t because there will always be racism and violence, it’s has been put into our genetic tract since the beginning of time. Since we ate that forbidden fruit, since Kane killed his brother Abel, ******* to this barbaric nature to engrain it’s disease into our brains like a tumor. I guess it’s just human nature to be horrible killers looking for anything that can fill us for some sort of enjoyment like some kind of disturbing nursery rhyme

Verse 1:
In a world split down the middle, I’m still moving.
Lost in my own galaxy, wrestling with shadows I can’t shake.
I’ve stood at too many crossroads, laughed at by many jackals.
Feels like the universe keeps testing my faith,
Some days, the dark’s all I can see, leaves me hollow.
Makes me wonder if God’s watching, or just letting me drift.
I’m trying not to fold, not to lose to myself.
Fighting poisons I let slip under my skin.
The seeds I planted, now I’m scared of the harvest.
Should’ve held this life closer. Should’ve known better.
Maybe I’m just a mirror, reflecting the chaos I’m given.
Every scar on my soul feels like a lyric unwritten.
Chasing heaven in a bottle, calling out to the angels through the static.
But every prayer feels like it’s lost in the traffic.
My memories play like records I can’t flip,
Needles sticking out, I feel like I’m starting to trip.
I taste instant regret, like Jesus being pierced straight through the hip.
Got me swimming in my blood, I swear in my past life I must’ve been a crip.

Hook:
I’ve been running from the shadows, chasing light that’s never near,
Building castles in the sky, but they all disappear.
Questions on my tongue, yeah, they echo through the night,
Is the truth in my reflection or just hiding from my sight?

Am I lost, or am I free? Floating far beyond the edge,
Searching for a piece of me in the void I call my head.
If the stars fall down, will they show me where to go?
Or will I fade into the darkness of a story left untold?

Verse 2:
Yeah, I been fighting with my mind, lost my grip on control,
Felt the price of every dollar, think I auctioned my soul.
Took a bite outta sin, now it’s rotting my teeth,
Tryna smile through the pain, but it’s buried too deep.
Praying for a blessing that I never get near.
The chains I put on shining, but they heavy as hell,
I’m a prisoner to the grind, in this self-made cell.
Feel the weight of my regrets, got me breaking my spine,
Every choice that I made like I’m toeing the line.
Now my shadow’s my rival, my reflection’s my foe,
And the man I used to be ain’t the one that I know.
****, I’m stuck between the hustle and the man that I lost,
Paying dues with my spirit, but I’m counting the cost.
Swear I’m tryna find redemption, but I’m trapped in the flames,
If I gave it all away, would they remember my name?

Hook:
I’ve been running from the shadows, chasing light that’s never near,
Building castles in the sky, but they all disappear.
Questions on my tongue, yeah, they echo through the night,
Is the truth in my reflection or just hiding from my sight?

Am I lost, or am I free? Floating far beyond the edge,
Searching for a piece of me in the void I call my head.
If the stars fall down, will they show me where to go?
Or will I fade into the darkness of a story left untold?

Some of the best rappers alive,
Yawl never heard of.
Some of my best friends I’ll never see again,
Went missing or got murdered.
Every day I tread water,
Ain’t got no life preserver.
Got built in strength yet still fragile,
Like a lavatera.
A gift passed on from era to era.
Like the bottled up emotions,
That one never spoke a word of.
Until like many I eventually exploded, was empty, so i fuelled my body with Henny.
****, now I gotta disorder.
Suicidal tendencies don’t discriminate or recognize borders.
And based on statistics I’d most likely end up an Alberta Warrior.
It might be the turn of the century,
Yet in terms of progress we haven’t even left the harbour.
My sister got in a bad accident yet it took hours to even see the doctor.
Had a concussion but they assumed she just consumed the fire water.
Almost lost another family member.
Because of the fact she was Indigenous,
The medical system didn’t even bother.

Through the trials and pain, I must maintain.
Got burdens and chains, that I must break.
No matter the terrain.
I gotta keep my head on straight.

Even though there are days, I swear that the world grows darker.
Gotta watch out for that thief in the night,
Cause the devil ain’t no ordinary burglar.
He comes in all shapes and sizes,
Can present himself as vices.
Watched my fair share of those I loved,
Die from overdoses.
So, many holes to dig but not enough roses.
The snake even slithers his way into the services that are supposed to help us.
Maybe that’s why most cops don’t like us.
Cause they were struck by the devil’s virus!
Perhaps I’m just traumatized and on verge of becoming comatose.
Went to the doctor and was given an expensive trauma quote.
**** I meant medication.
Guess it’s cheaper to buy some dope.
Except I gotta deal with society viewing me as an abomination.
Either way I gotta pay to keep away these demons.
Wonder how long I’ll stay within this season?
I guess it could be worse?
I could be more like Job.
But comparing atrocities is as useful as counting crows.
Can’t dwell on these tragic comedies, I’d rather see the varied ways for hope.

Through the struggles and pain, I must maintain.
Got burdens and chains, that I must break.
No matter the terrain.
I gotta keep my head on straight

Youthful river flows,
Arrogance shows,
Doesn’t let things go,
Disrespects the old.
Just a hooligan to scold.
Thinks he’s so bold.
But every gold castle comes and goes.

So be careful boy, don’t you fall.
Forget about yourself for once.
And look at the despair.
That you’ve refused to acknowledge,
Because you were too busy playing emperor.

Youthful river flows,
Pride always shows
To be King of the castle.
Or to be the King of ruins.
Faded like the lines between love and hate.
So, what battle field do you choose to die on?

So be careful boy, on what your yearning.
Forget about yourself for once.
And look at despair.
That you’ve refused to acknowledge,
Because you were too busy playing emperor.

Youthful river flows,
This is how the story unfolds.
To be fooled by the wise,
Or to be a wise fool.
Is the difference between death and life.
So tell me boy! How does your story end?
When the youthful waters run dry?

criticized, left out, shut down. Isolated in everyday living, the only friend I have are my possessions. Not even my mind accepts me, but I guess that makes sense, because all my life people have never once said anything nice to me or about me. I wouldn't believe them at first but everyone has a breaking point. Now I am trapped, all alone, with nowhere to call my home. Hope is a thing of the past, love doesn't exist in a world so cruel. Friends end, friends and family betray you, or hurt you. I am a good person but my appearance states otherwise, statistics say otherwise, life as I know it; states otherwise. So now I live this life walking a lonely road the only road I've ever known, don't know where it goes but it's only me, so I walk alone. Dreams are a bunch of fantasy's, passion is a clever lie, truth;there is no such thing. I have a truth but my truth might not be another person's truth, so does that mean one of our truth's is a lie? belief's start wars, because people can't accept one another, people can't even understand themselves. That's why they search for truth, but what is truth? I just don't know anymore.

Somber melody,
Call to adventure,
To perilous paths.
And calm rivers.

A song of love and pain,
The duality of humanity.
In every truth there be life,
In every lie there be only death.

Choose wisely young traveller.
For fools lie with fools.
They steal their fill but are never quenched.
Forever starving for something beyond their reach.

The wise be with the wise.
They help even when penniless.
Forever striving to improve and build.
A world in which all may rest without worry.

Tragedy begets normality, lost in the darkness, till your brought back to the light. Failures and guilt will surpass I promise, I wasn't always there, but I'm here now. Life is cruel but you  can fight it because your a fighter, legend or fact it doesn't matter because we are free. Twists and turns to wind up here today, it's weird that it is so clear here but was blurry yesterday. It's funny how time goes by so fast when you really look at it. It feels like a unreal dream but yet it is reality, family and friends till the end, stories to tell for generations till we meet our end.

Can’t you end this suffrage?
The pain runs deep,
Can’t be mended by any bandage.
I just want to sleep,
But can’t escape this *******!
Ran out tears to weep,
Yet I still got all this baggage!

I’m losing my vision,
I’m losing my wisdom,
Stuck within this prison.
Is there a lesson?
To my pain?
Is there a lesson?
Can’t even remain sane.

I see the cliff coming,
But I can’t stop the mileage.
Trapped between two worlds,
Like I’m Hana Montana and Miley Cyrus.
I see the end coming,
But I can’t control even control the climate.
My minds overloaded,
Can’t it be like my phone and be put on silent?
I’m tired of this ****,
But forget it, I’m just biased.
And I wanna go home,
But cancer makes no compromises.
Life just might be a *****,
Don’t mind me,
I’m just not fond of surprises.

Don’t know how much time I got left,
Hope I’m right about what happens next.
But until my last breath,
I’ll make the most of it!

Even if I start,
losing my vision,
losing my wisdom,
Stuck within this prison.
Gotta see if there’s some lesson?
To my pain?
Wondering if there is a lesson?
Or if I’m just insane.

Screaming internally this isn’t who I was born to be.
Seems interfering with predisposed notions, is against fundamental policies.
But this all Stems from rudimentary phobias, that try to confine me.
Shame I can’t dare to be something that truly defines me.
Same anger, same danger, same stranger, same hatters.
Pointing their fingers in terror, how is this even fair?
Divided and ensnared!
But everything’s apparently fine, but really our system remains in fear.
So, people forget how to feel empathetic or aren’t willing to change this toxic atmosphere!
Telling parents they best beware, for next thing they now we turn their kids queer.
That some top tier *******, not to mention also bogus but that’s just how the lgbtq community appears!
This ain’t hocus pocus, man we ain’t Houdini, but yet society still treats us like we Mussolini.
Even gordon Ramsey could tell ya that **** is *******, just like Kanye’s weird admiration for fish sticks!
Man this generation is a symphony of-nit wits, and we need to fix it.
And I know people still may be hesitant, however this issue will never become irrelevant.

What is Life? How do we determine what it is? How do we feel? How do we taste? Why do we live? Why do we die? What is our purpose? Who knows the answer? All these questions, yet it seems so obvious or simplistic to some, where as others it is all blurry as fog. Is religion right? Or is their nothing out their. I found my answer, how about you?

As waves crash,
And leafs change.
As rain drops.
And winds blow.
Time is fleeting.

As the sun rises,
And deer skip.
As the sun sets.
And moon shines.
Time is precious.

As we grow old,
And our kids have kids,
As we die,
And are reborn.
Time begins anew.

Soothing riddles like cats and cradles.
Swear in front of momma then imma get beat by ladles.
True stories or fables, said across the tables.
No lie detectors, so at any time a brother can become a defector.
With police chomping at the bit like they ******* Hannibal Lector.
Rat mazes in these projects man- there ain’t time for no breath here!
Doesn’t matter if your blood is red or blue,
because if you do the crime you best be prepared to take the sceptre!
But because the game is rigged a brother gotta do what he got to do!
So, sorry pastor I ain’t got no time for no lecture.
When poverty is all that I know and I’m just so desperate for the nectar.
And I can’t just sit by while my family piles up in debt here.
If only I was born in another sector.
Or in another lightyear!
But for now, I gotta do ***** jobs like Dexter.
While toxicity in this environment continues to cycle on and festers.
So, with all this going on I had to drop out this semester.
And all though being educated can get me out of here.
Once your born in the sinkhole, it feels like there is no point to try to get out of here.
For even if I tried to get a good 9-5, my past will become my interceptor.
For a crook can’t be a model civilian like a Ford Pinto can’t become a kia stinger.
I just pray my kids have a chance to get out of here and live out a life not ingrained in fear!
So, by shear will power I’ll do what I can for them to get out of here!
Maybe one day they’ll come to see me later in their years.
On the other side of the glass wall of the prison cell,
and I’ll start to tear up with pride and grin from ear to ear.
To see them work a clean and good 9-5,
and build up a family from the blood money that got them there.

Sumptuous of these innate Pompous vigilantes, doth their vile belligerence beckon death. Avast ye beaten barren boisterous vermin, tis but at thus no more than a bunch of wearily laden distain that you try to escape. Art thou destined to fail, art thou not broken? Doth not understand what state you're in at the moment. As much as I would like seeing suffer at the hands of the mercy less. Your endless reckless desperate cling to live another day is quite inspiring. If roles were reversed I cannot say I would have taken deaths hand long ago. At some point you may realize that this hope of yours is perilous and pointless. For thou has found yourself in the depths of hell. Once your in you can never get out. Is this the end? Things seem to me to be pointing that way. But I can't say I haven't been wrong before.

Coming into my own,
Branching structures outside my normative zone.
They can’t keep my voice silenced like redbone.
Can’t keep the message fossilized in stone.
We must evolve to heal the traumatized.
From structures intricately connected to harming marginalized lives.
Scars that lie beneath the skin, unseen by naked eyes.
Gotta be like a barbule; gotta connect and empathize.
Like a feather we must modify the process to better serve different functions.
To correct ignorant assumptions.
Which breeds nothing but dysfunction.
One way to do this is by having open, comfortable and safe discussions.

(Chick Corea & Return forever-light as a feather)

“Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be
Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be”

Gotta be resilient cause we trauma prone,
Even before foster care we was placed outside our homes.
Stuck within concentration camps or road allowance zones.
A practice so vile I think I’d rather get ******.
With insufficient plates for mouths, so many got buried in graves unknown.
Naive knaves betrayed and still smell of the perpetrators cologne.
Colonists were Terminators that tried to vanquish more than just John Connor.
But every hero needs an antagonist and our people won’t simply Timber.
We bounce back like Rubber, yawl can’t keep us in the gutter.
No matter how low it gets we’ll float above it like a feather.
Resilient despite the weather.
Resilient despite the pressure.

(Chick Corea & Return forever-light as a feather)

“Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be
Clear days feel so good and free
So light as a feather can be”

Lime green envy.
Residing in me.
I understand it’s ugly.
Imprisoning me.
In my own insecurities.
Constantly believing I’m unworthy.
Unworthy to be happy.
Unworthy of education.
Unworthy of you.
And then I see you chatting up my friends.
And I’m engulfed in this,
Lime green envy.
It’s all consuming.
Taking over my rationality.
Becoming a hulkish version of myself.
And It’s certainly isn’t incredible.
I know I shouldn’t worry.
I know you care about me.
But I can’t help but to fall,
In this vat of chemicals containing envy.
Turning me into something of a villain.
And ironically,
I’m my own greatest enemy.
And ironically,
I’m pushing you away.
With all this,
Lime green envy.
Residing in me.
And I understand it’s ugly.
Imprisoning me.
In my own insecurities.
Constantly believing I’m unworthy.
Unworthy to be happy.
Unworthy of education.
Unworthy of you.
And I can try to blame my past,
My family or friends or even you.
But I know that I’m truly the one to blame.
For no one is forcing me to treat you all so badly.
It’s a choice that I make.
And I have to deal with my actions.
Whether positive or negative.
I decide to either be the successor or the victim.
So, I’m sorry.
Sorry that I’ve let this lime green envy consume me.

Life can be so linear, but sometimes life isn't so easy, yeah sometimes it gets shaken. Yeah, life isn't suppost to be so simple and easy, it has to get a little shaken up, it's suppost to be crazy. Life isn't fair, but that's what makes life interesting, it's what makes us who we are. We may not be a superstar, but we are who we are, and that's what really matters. We all need a little something, once you find that something, then life seems to be linear. That's only because you aren't focusing on how unlinear life is because you found that something that makes life worth living.

The governments promises,
Are nothing more than lip service,
Trying to fix corpses with bandages,
Yet although nothing changes,
Why do citizens still give em roses?
As if they are in hypnosis?
And If they are it may explain the psychosis.
For electing a drama teacher that’s lawless.
The idiotic nature of this,
Is simply flawless.
Really can Canadians be more thoughtless?
Voting in Castro Junior,
How scandalous.
Let me guess the SNC-Lavalin affair,
Was nothing more than an entanglement?
And the WE charity was just an accident,
Or doing black face was supposed to be a compliment.
Let me guess you must also think,
Canada being trillions of dollars in debt is an accomplishment.
Or that firing Jody Wilson-Raybould is just apart of progress?

Sometimes when I look back at my life I think of how I could've changed those couple of hiccups, those little decisions I made that would later blow up in my face. Yeah those kind of hiccups. I know you can't ever take it back but the guilt and shame that weigh heavily on my brain, and I can't seem to escape it even if I changed my name. What to do, reality checks are hard, so I try things to escape it but it digs itself in me like a sharp glass shard. Pain has no love, it seeps into my very soul, so I accept it even though it hinders me from reaching my goals.Living with regrets, man my life was such a mess, but I pretended it was good even though I knew it was a mess. Father figures never there for most of it, and even with all those years of involvement, I still don't know how to deal with all of this. Living with regrets, living with inner demons, living with the consequences that you can never out run. Addictions, my entire ancestry has always been victims and initiators, life for me has always gone up and down like an elevator. Life has so many twists and turns like a roller coaster, learning when to pick a fight, and when to back out, can people can b e unpredictable monsters. Looking at life through my window while the wind blows, life changes, its time to get out on adventures like billow. Life is what you make it,you make the decisions that will determine if its going to be awesome or basic. People may never understand, and you may not either, you can leave or you can continue staying where you are. Regrets, upset, tried many outlets but I perpetually seem to have a bad day, its so easy to just let everything go array. It takes time and effort, its a constant struggle, you just have to keep pushing forward, don't let yourself become a muggle. Living with regrets, wondering if you'll ever be forgiven, but if you never do things to gain their trust again, you be stuck in that would've, could've, should've prison. Just because you didn't do it then, doesn't mean you can't now, I don't want o hear no excuses like why or how. The past is the past can't do nothing to redo it. Before you ask for forgiveness, you must forgive yourself for your mistake. Never will know if you don't try,you don't have to live with regrets, if you truly give it a try.

Lockdown
People say I’m a schizophrenic but don’t hate for sometimes life just gets so hectic. Don’t know if I need a exorcist or a medic, or maybe I should ask a priest and get some advice so prophetic. Maybe I ask buddha or maybe I forget it all by taking a hit of *****. Should I ask Joseph smith or Muhammad but weren’t they just humans too, should I go ask Ron Hubbard’s ghost but don’t know how much that would actually do. Should I ask the great nothing that atheists swear by, perhaps I should I look into mysticism or should I give a ouija board a try. Hello mr.therapist we meet again, what do you think because the wheels have fallen off this wagon. Put needles in me like a voodo doll, because I’m messed up and rely on adderall. In the mental asylum talking to myself in my safety jacket, and my imagination is strong just the other day I pretended I was the guy from full metal jacket. **** ***** maggot causing a racket and sometimes I’m a inspector playing around with gadgets. Go-go gadget for I will eventually catch that dastardly wabbit, could make this my habit because I might as well for I’m bat ****. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman getting rid of these bad men who hold bad omens. O men of little faith we should sit back and wait, for it’s a strategist mind state. Hello darkness my old friend the worlds on lockdown wondering when someone’s going to push the button.Clean up on aisle insert country name here, but people think I’m as ridiculous as the mad hatter there’s always a conspiracy somewhere. Like 9/11 was orchestrated by your own government, or how the moon landing was screened on a elaborate movie set. Perhaps the earth is flat, perhaps Matt groening is a time traveller have you ever thought of that? What obstinance I must be ridiculous, what is this a sedative uh oh now I’m starting to lose consciousness. Woke up in a interrogation room, and had a person lurking in the shadows with red eyes I thought he was zoom. Want to get out of there in a flash, but I’m locked down so I can’t make a dash. Now it says here that you’ve been saying **** you shouldn’t, and it wouldn’t matter to us if you disappeared but that would sure **** for you wouldn’t it? Look here men in black you can’t control me, for I got a brain unlike the rest of these zombies. You can’t just zap this away and make me forget, and if you discard me I’ll just be a martyr that stood up to this *******. Well if that’s the way it’s going to be then you leave us no choice but to do things the hard way. Bring it on *****!

long journey ahead, but it will be worth it in the end
finding what you've been looking for all this time
many routes to choose from, decisions decisions
looking and waiting for some kind of sign
through the fires and the storms
when we make it to the end, we will celebrate with some whine!

The darkness inside all us creeps in
Seeping into our souls darkening it ever so darker
Foul, with rotten stench so intense
How fast it takes hold, how long before it lets go
How long will this torment stop attacking me
How I long for the light which renews my sight
How I long to not have any fright cause I know that with the light I am alright
How long till I have peace, how long will it be till I have rest
But for now I am stuck into the darkness searching for my hope
But for now I am searching for courage
But for now I am searching for the light to bring me to life

Lord when I feel the weight,
I wonder when I’ll break?
Lord what will it take?
For you to wake?

You tell me to rise,
When I’m fallen,
As I’m lusting looking at women’s thighs,
You’re still calling.
Waiting for me to open the door,
But I’m too busy with the allure,
With a heart anything but pure,
Looking for the cure,
When the cure has always been there.
Which makes me wonder how you could still care,
For a barren hollow dragon stuck in his lair,
Who has it all but still thinks it isn’t fair.
As he does his own thing refusing to let you steer,
Driving while drinking beer,
Was like a deer in the headlights,
Veering off into the night life,
Making choices without hindsight.
High as a kite,
Losing sight of what’s right.
Sin sure is a plight,
Believing I could reach them heights,
Without the eternal light.

As I’m feeling the weight,
Of my mistakes.
Wondering when I’ll break.
Lord what will it take?
For you to wake?

As I need divine intervention,
For the seeds I’ve sown have reaped infection.
That has made me question.
If life truly is a blessing.
As I’m stressing,
With struggles pressing,
The enemy is hitting hard,
With some boundaries blocking me from moving forward.
And my oppressors stabbing me behind my back like cowards.
But without you God I have no power,
Without you,
I Felt like Aragon kicking a helmet in the scene from two towers,
So, even though I feel under fire,
And things seem dire,
I pray that my desires,
Would honour you sire.
And if I should prosper,
I shall put it towards your empire.
And Lord though I may quake,
I hope that you can make,
This broken frame into a beautiful portrait.

So, in the times where I feel the weight,
Thinking I will break,
Wondering what it will take,
For you to wake.
I pray that I am reminded that you helped me escape.
So, when the day comes, when I reach those heavenly gates.
I shall await.
“To hear well done, good and faithful servant.”

Don't lose yourself even if you have doubts, cause they can't understand how it felt, when you got beat up and got a lot of welts. Some of you think if you got to church you'll melt, so instead you just keep doing the same stuff and when you fall you have no one to cry to for help. But guess what?... Jesus knew how it felt to get beat up and have so many welts. Before He got killed, he got on his knee's and knelt. Saying Father, "they do not not know what they have dealt." He died on that cross for you, to heal all of your welts. So when you fall, He is there to pick you up.

I’ve lost a piece of myself.
That I couldn’t recover.
A piece of me.
Taken away from a former lover.
What a weird feeling.
To be incomplete.
To be empty.
Without you next to me.
I know things haven’t always been peachy.
I know we both got angry.
I know you are over me.
But I can’t seem to get over you.
It doesn’t make sense.
I know that in my brain.
But my heart hasn’t got the memo.
But my heart wants you back.
And I’m conflicted,
Not knowing what to do.
It’s like a loss of self.
And these feelings can no longer stay on the shelf.
And I know you’re not ready to talk about it.
But I need to process my emotions.
For I’m tangled in this web.
Spiralling in my heart and head.
Over analyzing everything.
Overthinking everything.
What is wrong with me?
Why can’t I be free?
Of these feelings?
I’m not even sure how I truly feel about you.
When one moment I resent you and the next moment I long for you.
Is this love?
This can’t be love.
I don’t know what this is.
Maybe it’s because you were my first?
I don’t know.
For i’m just at a loss right now.
For one hand I want to save our love and what we had.
But also know that some love can’t ever be saved.

Everything time you slip away,
I cannot take, I start to break.
Cause you make my mind race.
With these thoughts of lust,
And these thoughts of hate.
I swear without you, I go insane.
The monkeys are out of the barrel.
I can’t be hushed, I cannot taste.
Gotta shake this cage, and get away.

I… am a lost boy.
Without his Wendy.
Sail me to neverland,
To lose myself within the shadows
Lose myself in the land of plenty.

Finding myself hooked,
To materials, to you.
Even though you’re a crocodile,
I can’t help but to pursue.
I can’t help but to look,
Longingly like a crook.
I yearn for what I cannot attain.
Maybe that’s why you see me as a child.
I’m just a lost boy to you.

An object of disdain.
Perhaps I crave this pain?
The enjoyment of riding the waves,
Of the hurricane!

I… am a lost boy.
Without his Wendy.
Sail me to neverland,
To lose myself within the shadows
Lose myself in the land of plenty.

Wretchedness voided away from happiness, sulked in the sadness, is this normal or is this madness? Desolation of the separation, melancholy conversations, what ever happened to having affection? Torment, my life feels dormant, heart aching and broken, needs some reassortment. Depression, mind suggestions, is this just apart of the natural selection? Anxiety seeping out, it's like I'm caught up in a whirlwind, that I am just desperately trying to get out of, but the darkness has trapped me within. Misfortune has been afflicting me, got me addicted to thee, blinding me from seeing how I should be. What a messed up ordeal, wondering if any of this is truly real, if you can relate then you know how it feels. Deprivation, reeling in onslaughts of frustration, hoping I can make it through this tribulation. Hardships, wanting to blast off in my star ship, already passed the point of brinkmanship. Woe, that's how it seems to go; temptation got me wanting more and more. Don't know what I'm here for; is religion truly no more than lore? Such anguish of these demons that I’m to tired to vanquish, not normal so should I just be banished, some times I wish I could vanish. Trouble; walking through the rumble of what used to be stable, sometimes I think happiness is just a fable. I'm in a state of dejection; need to find out what's wrong with me, so I go to the hospital for a C-section. What a painful delight, passionately barren, as all eyes keep on starring through the night, can you imagine? Twinge of pain, give me a syringe and put it in my veins, so gone that I don't care how much of myself remains. Left astray, life going down the drain, negative attitudes leave me seeing everything as being vain. Absent minded, set adrift, thank you bad memories I really like to be reminded. Hidden wayward unredeemed soul, thought he was a genius when he was a fool. Not meant to be foul, but I am looked at like some kind of ghoul. Kiss Goodbye, can no longer cry, missed chances to make up for all my lie's. Oblivious, all things in life are frivolous, what once deemed pretty are now deemed hideous. Trying to be found, trying to turn this around, I no longer want to live in this pound. What will it take to become safe and sound? How long before I can stand on solid ground? How do I become world renowned? How long till the world treats each other as equals, how long till I'm no longer disowned? Am I the only one that feels alone? How long till I am out of this combat zone? Don't want to explode, in survival mode, but it's hard to move when I am carrying a heavy load. Loaded up with issues, loaded up with problems, loaded up with offence, maybe that's why I seem pretty tense. Trying to look through other peoples lenses, using all of my senses, building up healthy defences.

what if I fall, will I lose it all, could I get back up? What if I crash will I remember who I was, I don't want to fail, I don't want to disappoint those who look up to me. Why can't I be good, why can't I be true. When will I stop faking myself, who am I, if nothing at all. Fear is a terrorizer, that leaves me cold and paranoid. Lost in adversity, travelling down the rabbit hole deeper and deeper. So caught up in technology, so lost in this deceiving society. Need to get back to where I used to be, go back to the real me, back to when I was on fire for the holy king. Yeah I am never truly lost, for what lies in the heart will be found. No matter how far you try to trap it down within yourself. Yeah lost then found, safe and sound, never been better than how I am right now Yeah lost then found, was wounded now I am healed with God's holy power. I am a leader in the army, with his help I will never be taken down. Lost then found, trapped then released by your holy grace, for I may be weak but you are strong.

They say love is a four letter word,
Who knew four letters could mean so much, but also so little.
With love it’s as if one has the power to move mountains.
But without love we are empty.
A emptiness that can quickly fill with hate.
Don’t make a mistake,
When you take or give love.
Sometimes intentions speak louder than words.
Love isn’t just a feeling but an action.
May I ask what your using it for?
Is for your own gain?
Let me tell you that even if you attain the acclaim to fame.
You won’t be satisfied.
Why?
Because you can’t force affection,
Only buy it.
But that makes the affection meaningless.
It cannot make you whole,
But it can make you more bitter.
Till the four letters that once spelled love,
Now spell dead.
Because the pressure to fake was too much,
You can have the whole world but it’ll never be enough.
Because at the end of the day,
All you really want is true love.
A love that don’t discriminate.
A love that won’t fail.
A warm embrace,
When you’re falling apart.
To hear the words “I’m proud of you”.
Instead of “you’re nothing more than a disappointment.”
To having a family that would move heaven and earth to see you.
Instead of alcoholics that constantly beat you.
To have friends that have your back,
Instead of deceiving, or using you.
That real love.
So, though it may be four letters.
It’s the difference between life and death.

Love and a Hug
I just need a hug,
Things are getting very rough,
Oh, I just need a hug,
For I don’t feel like I’m enough.
Yeah, I just need me some love.
To make up for,
Not loving myself.
Yeah, I just need me some love.
Any amount I will take.
Enough to make me feel like,
I’m not just some mistake.
I don’t wear a mask,
Yet I feel like such a fake.
This is a sad story,
Of a boy as fragile as a paper plate.
Who longs to be merry like Kate.
And dreams about marrying a girl,
But that girl would rather date Blake.
What kind of name is Blake?
Why it always some guy named Blake?
Maybe it’s because I don’t climb mountains.
That’s why girls always tell me to take a hike.
They say love is a tightrope,
But I’m afraid of heights.
Yeah.
They say love is a highway,
But I’m like a deer in the headlights.
I just need a hug,
Things are getting very rough,
Oh, I just need a hug,
For I don’t feel like I’m enough.
Yeah, I just need me some love.
To make up for,
Not loving myself.
Yeah, I just need me some love.
Any amount I will take.
Enough to make me feel like,
I’m not just some mistake.
This is a story of a boy,
Who may be grown up.
But isn’t quite a man.
A story that is real,
And oh, oh, oh, sad.
A boy who never fully learned.
From the experiences that he had.
A boy who grew up without a dad.
Yet still became like him,
Because to his son he is a nomad.
A person never really there.
Who wonders if he cuts his wrists,
Would his father even care?
A boy who feels like Bon Jovi,
Because he’s living on a prayer.
Wondering how to repair,
What’s broken but isn’t there.
While trying not to the succumb,
The temptations of a beer,
That would temporarily make his pain disappear.
But knows it’ll just lead to the continued,
Cycle of despair.
So, instead he went to therapy,
To combat the dragons lair.
A story turned to redemption,
By shifting gears.
And there may be times,
That I still need some love & a hug.
But that’s okay because I’m not perfect.

Falling from the reaches of the stars, never knowing how far it goes, through endless space, alone without you.When I'm with you I am as warm as the sun, when I am with you I become a stronger without fear. Through whatever life throws at us, I know we can face it head on, me and you together through thick and thin. With you I am whole, I have something in my life that I look forward to seeing and being with! With you! Me & you! Together till the end! Becoming like distant stars roaming throughout the solar system, as long as I'm with you I know things will be good!

El fuego making me loco, burning desire illuminates within me man. Heart full of passion with a mind that second guesses everything because it doesn't want to be hurt again. Difficult relationships, heart on my sleeve, but as I look at the future of what me and you could be,and when I  look I don't see pain. Progressive steps towards the same goal, am I crazy, because society deems me insane. They say we should just make love without giving a crap about it, but love is more than that. Love is intimacy, intimacy isn't just ***, it's about getting to know the person who may be your future wife or husband. Our love is worth more, your love is worth more, and I don't think that us not making love yet is whack.  Love a word used for anything nowadays from food to pets, the word has lost it's meaning in this world full of demand. I don't understand this, all I know is me and you, and that's all that matters.

One of my greatest strengths and weaknesses,
Is loyalty.
I give exceedingly,
With all my heart.
And it breaks my heart when it isn’t recognized.
I love giving gifts even if I don’t have the money for it.
I love to lend my stuff because if they can enjoy it as well,
All the better.
I have a a strong passion,
With dreams and visions.
I’m starving to show you what I can do.
Even when I got nothing to prove.
Maybe I’m just proving it to myself,
When the lies of the devil starts like a tape recorder.

My biggest struggle is saying no,
Because I don’t want to let people down.
For I’ve been let down too many times.
I hate creating healthy boundaries,
Because it’s uncomfortable.
To upset someone you respect.
I hate to leave a toxic environment.
Because I’m a ride or die.
Even if I’m bleeding internally,
From all the verbal and physical abuse.
I convince myself it’s my fault.
Or too just **** it up.
Or that it’s just normal.
So, I quite my inner screams.
And fake a smile.
Because all my life society,
Has told me my voice doesn’t matter.
All my life I’ve been either treated as invisible or an inconvenience.
Just a savage that needs to get over it.
Even when the graves of 215 children are found at residential schools.
It’s gets justified.
But if I don’t stand up and say no more,
Who will?
I may be loyal to a fault,
But my heart can only be broken so much.
Till I find my power,
That was always there, and finally speak up!

Loyalty
They talk about loyalty,
Like it’s a fantasy,
They talk about loyalty,
But have no clue, what it means.

They talk about equality,
Like it’s currently happening,
They talk about democracy,
But have no clue, what it means.

Glocks aimed at cops,
Glocks aimed back at someone’s pop,
Many lives have been lost over Gaup.
Gaup that buys whips and thots.
All got something to prove,
But to who?
All got something to lose,
What will you choose?
If money equal power,
Than why is the taste so sour?
After all the castles and ivory towers.
You’re left a lonely dragon like bowser.
Loyalty tell me what it means to me?
To hang with royalty,
Or help those in poverty.
The place I used to be.
Helping people like me.
That society has coated with a cloak of invisibility.
Because they can’t stand minorities.
And that’s why we can’t stand authorities.
A toxic cycle that stems from a different ideology.
Instead of equality,
We have uniformity,
Instead of democracy,
We have white supremacy.
Instead of loyalty,
We have hypocrisy.

They talk about loyalty,
Like it’s a fantasy,
They talk about loyalty,
But have no clue, what it means.

They talk about equality,
Like it’s currently happening,
They talk about democracy,
But have no clue, what it means.


Too many broken promises,
I feel like James Sie,
Losing all his cabbages.
But since we are deemed as savages,
All the damages attributed,
Are treated as shenanigans,
Instead of answering calls to action,
We have a government completely dumbfounded.
Instead of compassion,
We are harassed and hounded.
We still got all lot of work to do.
And I hope one day we’ll have a breakthrough!
For we all got something to prove?
But to who? Maybe for me or for you!
All got something to lose,
If we never take the time to put on another’s shoe.
So, what will you choose?
Will you help light the fuse?
Or treat this issue like your alarm clock,
And put in on snooze?
Who will you be loyal to?
Your heart? Or to your privilege?
Hmm…

They talk about loyalty,
Like it’s a fantasy,
They talk about loyalty,
But have no clue, what it means.

They talk about equality,
Like it’s currently happening,
They talk about democracy,
But have no clue, what it means.