I never realized how fragile I was,
Until I was shattered.
I never knew how much power I had,
Till I broke a promise.
I never understood anger,
Till someone called me fat,
Then I gave them a fat lip.
I never understood love,
Till a ravens wings lifted me up.
I never understood disappointment,
Until those ravens wings were clipped.
I never understood friendship,
Till the other person called me up to hang out,
I never understood sadness,
Till that friend lost to drugs.
I never understood strength,
Until I overcame suicidal thoughts.
Until I asked for help,
Until I stopped being the victim,
I never understood compassion,
Until all my ***** laundry was discovered,
Yet God still forgave me,
Yet my mom still loved me,
Yet my friends stuck with me.
I never understood freedom,
Till I was set free.

They say if the shoe fits wear it,
but if i'm supposed to walk a mile in another's shoe,
How am I ever supposed to ever make it?
I just don't get it?
Running in circles.
Getting run rampant,
Running ragged.
On the run.
Running out of ideas.
Always running or walking.
English sure is a weird thing ain't it?
It's ok... there,their, they're.
Here ye, hear ye.
I'm through, I am just threw with this!
As time goes by, I want to buy back time, because i'm scared to go bye, bye, bye.
Having so much to do due to the dew drops that flood my life.
Just trying to make capital in my capital city.
While the capitol CAPITALIZES on me.
When I got so much to lose.
I just feel so loose.
Deserted from having a slice of that precious dessert.
Too many times I tried, Too much stress that comes to mind.
Sometimes it's barely worth it, sometimes being eating by bear almost seems worth it.
Maybe I just need one more time in order to overcome, so that I can actually say I won this time.

I can’t believe it’s come to this,
Falling back to your arms,
Embracing those snake lips,
Just when I thought I escaped,
I am reacquainted with a succubus.
Even though I know my heart will be broken,
I anticipate the painful bliss.
Passion has a cost,
And I lost sense in my worth,
For all my life I’ve been treated like an arcade token,
Used and then eventually discarded.
In my mind I’ve spoken,
With my conscious hoping,
And encouraging me that I’m better than this.
I used to believe that but now I’m not so sure anymore.
Most days I feel empty to the core.
Drifting on a shore of despair.
If only you could’ve seen who I used to be,
If only I remembered who that person was.
Yet, some still care, hoping I leave her.
The temptress that deceived me.
The villain that is slowly killing me.
I know, oh I truly know.
Perhaps I may be the only one that really knows.
But, yet also the only one that can’t seem to let it go,
Some see value in material things,
I remember when value meant so much more to me,
After all the success or fame one achieves,
We’ll still be left feeling empty,
Which doesn’t make sense to me,
It’s like creating a recipe,
For self-sabotage.
It’s like every time I try to beat the odds,
Reality tries to get even with me.
Like the first time I laid eyes on pills,
They looked so sweet.
Taking my pain away like some kind of deity,
Truly, love blinded me,
To the point where I wasn’t expecting the guillotine,
That was awaiting me.
And, for the longest time I would lie,
Referring to these pills as a woman,
Because it was easier for people to digest,
How ironic is that?

I’ve been through so much,
Yet I still get depressed,
Like what more do I have to get off my chest?
I build myself up, just to be torn to pieces,
I don’t want to give up, by sometimes it just feels like I’m another blurred face.
Put within a space where I can’t even tell who the **** I am.
Or why am I even there.
I keep trying to be better, but still no one cares.
I’m still struggling with addiction,
And battling all my fears.
It’s just I can’t help but to go back to how I’ve always been.
Where my only friend is a bottle of gin.
But that is not my only crutch,
I’m also lost in my lust.
Lust for things, lust for fame and fortune.
To be treated as important instead of a mistake.
I just long for a day this emptiness will go away.
But for right now I’m stuck in a vortex.
With no air to breath.
Sometimes, I feel like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill just for it to roll down again.
Like ****.
Why can’t I escape my insecurities,
That say I’m ugly, or won’t achieve anything.
Or ever be in love again.
I just feel broken and sad.
Even though I put on a good smile.
Or make people laugh.
It’s just that I finally understand what Robin Williams meant.
When he said that some of the greatest comedians are usually the most in pain.
For I’m good at giving advice or helping other people,
But when it comes to myself it’s the opposite.
I just give and give and give,
Until there is nothing left.
I want a break through,
I want to change,
I want to laugh and really mean it,
I want to love without all my past baggage.
But yet here I am,
Still Chasing my own tail.
Stuck in my own personal hell.
People say it’ll get better,
Tell me when the hell is that.
I’ve been in this cycle for eight yrs and still nothing’s changed.
Nothing has gotten better.
And I’ve been praying,
But maybe God is just too fed up with me.
Maybe I’m too far gone to ever see the light again.
I don’t know anymore,
Because right now I’m struggling.

Let me just transcribe these fine lines,
Filled with grey and red highlights,
I swear imma lose my mind,
Or be forced to go plus ultra on these folk like I’m All-Might!
So, much for free speech,
I guess I’ll just mumble around with no punchlines,
I feel like I’m stuck in the confines and losing sight,
With my dreams being impeached.
While my corporate overlords overload me with fluff pieces,
To appease the masses,
How we supposed to look at things clearly and objective?
How we supposed to see if you smash our glasses?
Sometimes, I just wish people would just get off my *** man,
Or at least stop demonizing me like the tax man,
Especially, when I sacrificed so much fam!
And all for what? Being bombarded like I’m the Taliban?
I just don’t understand?
Help me ******* comprehend!
How your offence over what I said,
Or did is grounds for chopping off my hands?
Just because you got so over sensitive,
With some harsh truth?
Tell me how the **** that works?
It’s not like I’m trying to rip out your tooth,
For unlike you I’m not a heartless ****!

Eye sight can deceive you,
Confirmation bias will blind you,
From the finite exploration, into what is true.
But truth is subjective,
And proof can actually be lie’s hidden within the hedges,
So, be careful about your perspective,
Because it could actually be defective,
Infected by skewed corporate collectives,
Directing the traffic, towards their twisted objectives.
I might just swerve into a different direction,
Then climb up a mountain for a different view,
In order to pursue a journey that is new,
For I will no longer stay shaded or remain so blue,
Got to charge up my ki like I’m  goku,
And use logic to overcome the numbers like sudoku,
And although society may try to put up them walls,
It doesn’t matter because I’ll break through!
To the other side,
For I will make this year my breakthrough,
As I decided to no longer be over generalized!
Or be summarized into only one category.
For you are not the writer of my story!

Starting refreshed,
Ready for a new year,
A new battleground,
With new obstacles and fears,
But having the courage to preserver.
Meeting new friends,
And making amends with family.
Gaining wisdom from past mistakes.
For we are not perfect but that’s ok.
As long as we try our best.
As long as we give our all.
Leaving no room for regrets.
For regrets can spin us out of control.
If we don’t wash it away.
And I know that some of you may feel split,
Like the ends of their hair.
But you need to cut off the bad,
For a healthier look.
For a healthier you.
Ready to take on and then claim this as your year!

This is a story of a kid named Gunther,
Now, Gunther started out life with tragedy,
Growing up with an abusive mother,
& a drunk father hooked on drugs instead of his family.
Gunther instantly understood he had to be a hunter,
A survivor in order to push through this adversity.
Most days Gunther was scrounging for scraps,
A young kid in a mad city, this certainly ain’t a place for whipper-snaps.
Saying his prayers while being surrounded by sharks.
A good kid in a big city, walking alone without a safe-house,
Feeling like a mouse,
Living in a society ready to put him in a jailhouse.
Treating him less like a human, and more like a fox.
For his skin isn’t a kin to dominant standards,
So, he is left to be an ostracized *******.
Cast out by factors beyond his control.
With a system designed to **** out his soul.
****!

The story of Gunther,
A story of someone who was like a brother,
A story of someone trying his best to get out the gutter.
This is the story of Gunther.

But things started to get better for Gunther,
He was doing well in school which made him feel like an achiever.
Dreaming about graduating and making enough money to have a better future.
Around this time, his father got sober and gave his life to the creator,
But even though his father became healthier and kinder,
He also became stricter,
Striving for perfect and if Gunther wasn’t that he was deemed a sinner,
For Gunther entering the church,
Was like entering a burner,
But he kept going to please his father,
For his mother was gone,
And his little brother was too young.
To fully understand the pressure.
Nor did Gunther want his brother to face the same pressures.
As he did when he was younger.
Having the same exposure to demons and monsters.
So, Gunther decided to take on the tether.
And face the bitter weathers.

The story of Gunther,
A story of someone who was like a brother,
A story of someone trying his best to get out the gutter.
This is the story of Gunther.

When I met Gunther it was junior high,
And I can’t lie, I couldn’t actually stand the guy,
He was my bully, the thorn in my side.
Little did I know our fates would be intertwined.
Becoming my best friend, leaving our past beef behind.
Having some shared stories of being despised,
However, I would soon learn that some past pain can’t die,
And Gunther started to get addicted to drug supplies,
And starting drinking like everyday was the 1st of July.
He would soon start to push our friendship aside,
In order to prioritize all his time fiending for his next high,
Becoming a monster with cold red eyes,
But I still tried to help him the best I could,
After all we were from the same hood,
But it’s hard to heal a heart turned to wood.
And, I knew that if I stayed his friend he would drag me down too.
So, I said my goodbye because that’s the only thing I could do.
****.

The story of Gunther,
A story of someone who was like a brother,
A story of someone who couldn’t overcome the gutter,
This is the story of Gunther.

Whispering sweet myths,
Singing soft tune melodies,
Peering ahead looking beyond the cliffs,
To a beautiful commodity.

Telling white lies,
Sweet little discrepancies,
Tricking tender eyes,
For fools will follow anything.

Such sheep the lot of them,
With Shepard’s guiding them.
However, some Shepard’s are actually wolfs.
Lurking in the shadows ready to ****** one’s soul.

You may think us foul.
Hiding under our cowls.
But I’ll ask you now?
Wouldn’t you do the same?
After all life is game!
With winners and losers.
Survival of the fittest,
Which has been engrained in our DNA features.
Power is an interesting thing,
Pride before the fall,
The ultimate price to be king!
So, I ask you again?
What will become of you if you attain that all powerful ring?
You may say you’ll cure the world,
But the truth is when someone has unchecked power...
They’ll **** this world!
For greed is a seductive thing!
And our flesh has made us such fragile beings.

Running shadows closing in.
Feel the wave come crashing in.
Afraid that I have lost my mind.
Darkness creeping behind.

I am lost!
Lost in neverland.
Lost in neverland.
Shouldn’t have build my house on top of sand!
I’m just lost,
Lost in never land, lost in never land.
Won’t you lend a hand?
When I’m lost in never land?

Feeling swallowed by emotions.
Family can’t understand all the commotion.
For they only see the addiction.
Can’t you see That I am the victim?

Running shadows closing in.
Feel the wave come crashing in.
Afraid that I have lost my mind.
Darkness creeping behind.

I am lost!
Lost in neverland.
Lost in neverland.
Shouldn’t have build my house on top of sand!
I just lost,
Lost in never land, lost in never land.
Won’t you lend a hand?
When I’m lost in never land?

Broken bottle on the ground.
Feeling distorted on the ground.
Blood covered floorboards,
Sinking feeling enters my chest,
Toxins filling in the rest,
But most say I should just give it a rest?
But it doesn’t matter if I got on bullet proof  vest,
When my head is exposed.
But sure be my guest.
For if you had to deal with this pest,
Would you pass the test?
My demons rise, while my soul dies and eventually will forever rest.
I’m just lost!
Drowning in my sorrows,
Don’t need taro cards to know my future will end in sorrow.
So, I bury my head and dread the thought of what it might be like to be dead.
When the shadows come rushing in,
Telling me that I’m the vile villain.
And I can only stand these waves for so long,
Before I end up drowning.
And I’m afraid which got my mind spiralling out of control.
All while darkness holds me in its hands,
And I’m just hoping for some council.
But for now...

I am lost!
Lost in neverland, lost in neverland.
Shouldn’t have build my house on top of sand!
I’m just lost,
Lost in neverland, lost in neverland.
Won’t you lend a hand?
When I’m lost in neverland?

Bright star shines and sparkles,
Whilst I grace the skies with my wings,
Looking all around these luscious lands,
Brushing my hand across snow covered mountains.
Up in the sky,
Far from strife,
Far from a life stuck in valleys,
Drinking from the river of dreams,
Floating without fear of drowning,
For I’ve been drowning for too long.
But then I sprouted wings,
Thinking about happier things.
Feel like a drunk sailor.
Singing whilst everything is going awry.
Yes, I’m ok... quote on quote doing fine!
But I knew since day one that I can’t afford to sit back and hit the recline.
Waiting for signs to align one’s path.
Sometimes one just has to take leaps of faith.
If that’s what it takes.
Even if boulders await.
At least you took the risk.
Because if you didn’t take that shot in dark,
You’ll always wonder what you missed.
Take the flight,
Don’t just rely on sight.
Spread those wings.
To soar in the winds.
Free as a bird.
For life is a host,
And we are just guests to this world.

M’s in my bank account,
Going out like an auto bot because I be rolling out.
Shorty says I’m spacing out.
Puffing fog like I’m the phantom of an opera house.
Than fighting dragons with my Viking shout.
Man things can turn so nuclear,
Call that a fallout.
But everyone has a call of duty,
To knock down structures like an angry birdie.
You can either approach life like the fresh prince,
Or like an Ol ******* by getting your hands *****.
Who cares how you earn money,
It’s what you do with that money.
Uh,
Making bank,
Fk a s*k,
Go hard in that paint,
Uh,
Make that dollar,
Take that day off like Ferris Bueller,
Be a man, don’t ya fking faint!
We ain’t saints.
We as tainted as some fking windows,
So, ***** fate,
Why lay low?
When you still might never get into heavens gate?
I can’t see why we can’t have everything and that slice of cake.
So, while ya do missionary,
Imma continue to procreate,
Got my priorities straight,
Going over 100% percent like All might,
Got some quirks but that just adds to my delight.
I guess you can say that I’m quite smashing,
My girl screams for my fist so badly,
******* on her **** like I’m Kirby,
She my boo, I’m her sully!
Uh,
Got them M’s,
Spending that money.
Got a new whip,
Spending some cash on my honey,
Uh,
Got them M’s,
Spending that money.
Got a new whip,
Spending some cash on my honey!
Yeah, yeah!
I wish everyday were more like this!
Enjoying my time, hope I got more to spend.
Just gotta roll them higher numbers on them dice I guess?
Finding more ways to leave my prints.
Started out like coal, but made myself into a diamond.
Overcame so many foils, because I ain’t no fool to success.
Achieving all my goals, not falling for no schemes from pyramids.
I wish everyday was like this!
Like this, like this!
Everyday, everyday yeah!
Catch a vibe, getting high,
Yeah, yeah!
This is the life, partying every night!
Spending that money, reaching those heights!
Yeah, yeah!
It’ll be alright,
Even if we die young tonight!
It’ll be alright! It’ll be alright!
It’ll be... oh it’ll be...
Just wait and see...
It’ll be... oh it’ll be...
Alright.

I hate ******* happy songs.
You know the ones that encourage you to sing along?

I hate those ******* happy songs.
You know the ones that get stuck in your head all day long?

With those repetitive melodies,
That bash the eardrums like a hammer.
Those **** happy songs.
With their optimistic audacity,
That tries to infect me like a cancer.

I just don’t understand?
Talking about sunshine and rainbows.
The type of **** I cannot stand.
When the government is listening to our convo’s in our condo’s.
Selling the info on demand.

I just don’t understand?
Clapping all our hands.
Or dancing like a maniac,
Which makes me think your either high,
Or just plain mad.

I hate ******* happy songs,
You know the ones that encourage you to sing along?

I hate those ******* happy songs.
You know the ones that get stuck in your head all day long?

With those repetitive melodies,
That bash the eardrums like a hammer.
Those **** happy songs.
With their optimistic audacity,
That tries to infect me like a cancer.

I just don’t understand?
They’re not even remotely realistic,
The type of I **** I just can’t stand.
With words that are not only dumb but simplistic.
I can’t tell if they are pacifistic or sadistic?
Torturing me with things I will never have.

I just don’t understand?
Clapping all our hands.
Or dancing like a maniac,
Which makes me think your either high,
Or just plain mad.

I hate ******* happy songs.
You know the ones that encourage you to sing along?

I hate those ******* happy songs.
You know the ones that get stuck in your head all day long?

With those repetitive melodies,
That bash the eardrums like a hammer.
Those **** happy songs.
With their optimistic audacity,
That tries to infect me like a cancer.

Yeah those **** happy songs.
That are way to long.
You know those **** happy songs.
That get wedged up one’s ***,
Like some thong.
You know those **** happy songs.
That the radio puts on repeat all day long.
You know those **** happy songs.
That bounce back and forth in your head like ping pong.
Yeah, I hate those ******* happy songs!
Oh, lord please just end this song!...
Thank, you!

The colour of my dreams.
Stormy waters, mixed with ice cream.
Golden arches, colliding with rainbows.
Green pastures, filled with tomatoes.
Purple clouds, carrying scarlet roses.
Pink skies, with stars that look like oranges.
These are the colours of my dreams.
Coming together but also juxtaposing each other.
Is this a statement?
Of my mind, my subconscious?
Does it mean nothing?
Or is it just effects from eating wonky porridge?
Or is this some inspiration?
For a canvas my brush has not yet come across?
A blank slate, my tabula rasa.
A place to run free.
A place just for me.
The colours of my dreams.
Colliding with reality.
The colours of my dreams.
Washing over me.
Even if means nothing to you,
It’s real to me.
The expression of an artist,
The expression of their own unique creativity.

I wonder what you see when you look into my eyes?
Do you see past the lies?
Do see all the times I cried?
All the times I truly tried.
Tried to go beyond the confines.
That tried to keep me tied?

I wonder what you see when you look into my eyes?
Can you see past all my walls?
Past all my disguises?
Can you see past my falls?
Past all my attempts at suicide?
Can you see it? And if you do,
Do you see me different?

I wonder what you see when you look into my eyes?
All the times I helped feed the homeless?
All the times I talked someone out of being hopeless?
All the times I prayed when I felt faithless.
Can you see my good side?
In all the darkness?
Can you see it? And if you do,
Have you decided?
Whether I’m demonic or Heroic?

Do I deserve redemption?
Or punishment?
Do I deserve salvation?
Or damnation?

Tell me God?
What do you see?
When you look into my eyes?
I wonder, oh I wonder?
What you saw?
When you decided to create me?
Or what you still see in me?
I wonder, oh I wonder.
What you see?

I used to know a boy who was happy,
I’ve seen a heart broken, and innocence forsaken
I’ve tried to sail the sea’s,
But wasn’t ready to face the kraken.

I used to know a boy who was gentle.
I’ve seen anger take over, leaving everything in his path broken.
I’ve tried to be Qui-Gon,
But ended up like Anakin.

I used to know a boy who was thoughtful.
I’ve seen insecurity slowly destroy him, and jealousy consume him.
I’ve tried to blast off into space,
But wasn’t prepared to defend myself against aliens.

Oh, I used to know,
Oh, I used to know,
I used to know how to laugh.
I used to know how to cry.
Oh, I used to know,
Oh, I used to know.

Going 2 steps forward.
Just to go 2 steps back.
Going in circles,
Longing for a straight path.
A never ending cycle,
A never ending story.
I used to want to get older,
But now I wish I could stay younger.

When I used to know.
Oh, when I used to know.
How to laugh, and to cry.
The more I move forward,
The harder it is to say goodbye.
To who I was before all of this.
To who I was before I got stuck in this mess.
Oh, when I used to think.
When I used to think.
Life was the best.
But know I’m in checkmate,
Never knowing I was in a game of chess.

I’m tired of being docile,
I’m just tired from trying to be a decent role model,
As I’m shopping down these Walmart aisles,
With staff circling me like some ******* eels,
Thinking imma steal,
Asking for my receipt as I leave,
Putting they arms on my sleeve,
When I say no,
Because they have no right to check me homie,
Unless they have reason to believe,
That I’m a thieving liar,
But that ain’t me G.
But now you’ve unleashed my fire.
So, some body call the town choir,
Because somebody is about to be fired!
And some of yawl be saying,
But what can I do about racial profiling?
That has undermining and marginalizing,
Anyone that doesn’t conform to white priorities?
Which is ******* silly.
Oh, you don’t like me spitting these facts, sue me.
Truly, this is appalling,
But, most of yawl already stopped listening,
Isn’t it fitting?
In a land of opportunity,
One wrong step, the white cop gonna shoot me.
Arresting me for driving while ethnic,
Didn’t your mother teach you ethics?
When did our world become so pathetic?
Giving people like me smaller portions to live with,
While at the same time telling me to get over it!
I’m so sick and tired of this ****!
Man, I just can no longer stand it!
Getting questioned every time I step out of my **** house,
Man, that tragic.
And it isn’t just Walmart,
Or the cops,
It is this whole **** society,
Institutionalized to give the white kid a lollipop.
Man, **** Walmart,
And the cops,
**** this whole **** society,
For continuing to give marginalized people like me a sucker punch!

My heart is swelling,
Inflating like a balloon,
Soon, I hope my love will reach you.

Soaring high in the sky,
Fluttering like a bird,
Free from the world.
That tries so hard to chain me down.

You are my everything,
You keep me a flight,
I feel like a kite in your embrace.

Feelings drifting through the summer breeze,
Seizing the day ,
Then, after kissing under the moon.

Howling out our love.
Howling with all our might.
That all the world will hear.
But we don't care,
As we soar through the air.
You are my Lois,
Let me be your Superman.

Stuck in my head,
Trapped in my ways,
Stuck in my bed,
Isolated for most of my days.

What is inside of me?
Is it anxiety?
Paralyzed both mentally and physically.
With stress berating me.

Demons lying to me.
Saying I’m not worthy.
Worthy to love others.
Or Worthy to be loved.

Heart was broken.
Love is like the frogs.
Because it be croaking.
Chocking on my own self-pity.
I guess it was too much to ask for some loyalty.

For what is love without trust?
What is love without honesty?
I don’t ask for much.
I just wanna a family.

Most of my life I had nobody.
Most of my life I’ve been lonely.
Most of my life I had to deal with a broken family.
And all I crave is loyalty.
Is that too much to ask honey?

Wondering, what is inside of me?
Is it anxiety?
Paralyzed both mentally and physically.
With stress berating me.

For these demons, lying to me.
Saying I’m not worthy.
Worthy to love others.
Or Worthy to be loved.

Craving, your embrace.
Craving for loyalty.
Oh, just you and me.
You and me.
Building up the foundation for a stable family!

You were like a dove,
Flying above,
Soaring through my dreams.
It’s like I was living in a fantasy.
That wouldn’t end.
But, one can only pretend for so long.

And I used to think,
you were the one for me.
And I used to think,
We were perfect,
But I now know...
But I now know...

You really think!
I wouldn’t realize!
Those succubus eyes?!!!
You really think!
You could hide what was really inside?!!!
All along?!!
Gnawing at brain,
Polluting my veins,
This isn’t love!
This is insane!
You are the bane,
To my existence!
How could I permit this!
My emotions have become so twisted!

I love you,
I hate you!
I can’t really believe you!
You dug out my heart!
And expect me to say thank you?!!!

I love you,
I hate you!
I can’t really blame you!
Yet you spit on my corpse!
And expect me to apologize to you?!!!
No, thank you!

You are more like a raven,
Lurking in the darkness,
Embedding my head with nightmares,
It’s like I’m living in hell,
And this punishment won’t end!
If only I could pretend that everything is ok,
Just a little longer!

And I used to think,
you were the one for me.
And I used to think,
We were perfect,
But I now know...
But I now know...

I love you,
I hate you!
I can’t really believe you!
You dug out my heart!
And expect me to say thank you?!!!

I love you,
I hate you!
I can’t really blame you!
Yet you spit on my corpse!
And expect me to apologize to you?!!!
No, thank you!

Somber meadows.
Rivers full of tears.
Longing for a halo.  
Blistering winds whispering fears.

Grey sky withers.
Eye sockets eaten out by critters.
With earth that once birthed life,
Now bearing death.

I remember when the birds used to chirp.
I remember when one reaped how they worked.
I remember when Love was forever.
I remember the times we were together.

Why did the grass on the other side, have to look so much better?
Why did our foundation of brick turn into glass?
Why, oh why?
Did our paths sever?
When, oh when?
Did I become so lost?
Why do choices have to have a cost?

Sitting in these somber meadows.
With a river full of tears.
Longing for a halo.
Blistering winds whispering fears.

Being torn apart,
With weights I can’t bear,
Being torn apart,
With you no longer near.

My heart used to drift through the winds like petals,
My dreams used to reach the highest castles.
My love used to boil over like a kettle,
So, abundant for someone that was so special.

Where did my fairytale go?
What ever happened to happily ever after?
It’s like I’ve lost my very soul.
It’s like my life has become a natural disaster.

Red used to be the colour of love.
Now it’s been tainted.
With two-half’s out for each other’s blood.
Sour this taste is.
With loyalty forsaken.
Bringing tears to the doves.

My heart once red has now turned black.
Eradicated feelings burned like diesel.
Fulling the fires of heartbroken people.
With Darkened and broken glass pieces.
All that is left of our castles.

Wondering where did my fairytale go?
What ever happened to happily ever after?
It’s like I lost my very soul.
It’s like I’m living a natural disaster.

Hook:
They say divided we fall,
United we stand,
In a land of freedom,
Where no one lends a hand!
And, if we stay blinded,
How can we ever learn to understand?

Verse 1:
Grew up in the projects,
Just a subject of circumstances,
Sentenced to a life,
That’ll never be filled with roses.
All I’m left with is the thorns,
Barred from the suburbs, by white picket fences,
And if I ever step out of line,
I’ll end up arrested!
(****)
Heading off to a school,
Filled with metal detectors,
Heading off to a school,
With run-down classroom centres.
With no money for pool water,
With no money for computers,
With no money for highly educated teachers,
With no money for restorative features.

Hook:
They say divided we fall,
United we stand,
In a land of freedom,
Where no one lends a hand!
And, if we stay blinded,
How can we ever learn to understand?

Verse 2:
Grew up in the suburbs,
Where everything is neat and structured,
Sentenced to a life,
That’ll always be pampered.
All I’m left with is whipping my own ***.
Unbarred from no fences, with no issues when venturing upward.
And if I ever step out line,
Honestly, I would be fine.
As I have enough money to escape any fine.
(Haha)
Heading off to a school,
Filled with pocket protectors,
Heading off to a school,
With exceptional classroom centres,
With gigantic swimming quarters.
With top of the line computers,
With the most renowned and qualified teachers,
With enough money to always do renovating features.

Hook:
They say divided we fall,
United we stand,
In a land of freedom,
Where no one lends a hand!
And, if we stay blinded,
How can we ever learn to understand?

Pots of clay that later turn to dirt.
People made from earth.
The circle of life, that's how it works!

Are we truly insignificant?
Do we actually have to repent?
In a world where men are told to be superman,
But usually end up like Clark Kent,
In a world where girls are told to stick to the kitchen,
Why can't they believe they can be like Wonder women?
A lot get bent up about this ****,
A lot forget that it's okay to have dent's.
That it's okay to not be perfect,
However, our current societal norms be killing us.
With expectations that can't ever be achieved.
With pressures to conform succeed in what is perceived,  
Perceived as what is right or wrong,
Which is defined by the esteemed,
By the white male privileged agenda,
So, I implore ya don't conform to their propaganda!
So, I ask you to stand up and fight.
Because who in the hell gave them to deem wrong from right?
The same ones who came like a thief in the night.
And not only stole other people's lands but also their rights.
That enslaved others, and controlled people by using fright.
Fright that they might be killed if they don't give up and quit.
Quit speaking up, quit protesting, quit surviving and making a living.
Because in the white man's view, minorities shouldn't be happy, After-all they aren't even human beings.
Even though we are all like pots of clay,

Pots of clay that later turn to dirt.
People made from earth.
The circle of life, that's how it works!

What's wrong with wanting to be equal?
When God created us all equal?
And even if you don't believe in God,
at the end of the day we are all people.
We are all pink on the inside,
We all have strengths and weaknesses,
but if we work together instead of persecuting each other.
This earth can have a rebirth.

Hook:
In the land of the ******,
Most can’t understand,
In the land of the ******,
Someone will always have the upper hand!
Verse 1:
Going minimalistic because I’m treated as autistic,
****, I Shouldn’t have been vaccinated!
Sadistic savage ain’t faded by these jaded racists.
Is this really how I’m supposed to live?
Knowing one’s place is cased with fabricated waste.
Sniffing chase, guess my shoes aren’t the only thing that’s laced.
Fabricated story, got to jest those that get in my face.
Faced demons man.
But this ain’t no horror story.
Who’d ever believe that the same one gangbanging now used to be the same one who read bible stories.
But it is scary that the dominant society tries so hard to put me through the crematory.
All because I don’t conform to their categories.
Rolling in shadow alley ways rapping allegory’s,
With poeish ravens cawing nevermore,
Man I sure love popping these mollies.
I’m probably the most faulty person out there but yet kids still look up to me.
But I’m not a jolly green giant anymore,
And rapping like this is the only way to build up my repertoire.
For most are only interested in my flow,
They not too interested in being able to grow.
Or to be educated and live out a humble modest life like my brother from another mother j cole.
Hook:
In the land of the ******,
Most can’t understand,
In the land of the ******,
Someone will always have the upper hand!

I put the sharpen on em,
I hear the choppers coming,
Can’t eraser the past,
Everyone think I’m high off something. (X2)

Catch a vibe, I’m bumping.
Match with left swipe, I’m thirsty!
Oil up the pipe, I’m gushing.
My girl play my trumpet as good as Cindy Bradly.
So you bet imma be going down her pipe, like I’m jump man!
(Mario sound effects)
Popping the cherry off,
Got her yelling mozel tov!
Bringing down her walls, like I’m Gorbachev.
Sensual tingling heat, blasting out like a Molotov.
Fronting like a boss, spending cash mischievously!
Disrupting the masses, by saving music
Obviously.
And a lot be hating, but they just mad that they can’t understand me.
Because my lyrics go over their heads g.
So, I wont apologize for spreading the truth homie!
And I may never win a Grammy,
But I don’t need trophies to prove I’m the greatest g!
For my lyrics be piercing,
Are you listening?
Or do I need to put the sharpen on ya?

I put the sharpen on em,
I hear the choppers coming,
Can’t eraser the past,
Everyone think I’m high off something. (X2)

Catch a vibe, ya tripping!
I’m not in my right mind, I’m slipping.
Pull out the lean, I’m sipping!
Oh, lord please have mercy.
My vision getting blurry.
And If it ever comes back, find out where’s Perry?
I’m immediately regretting this decision, like I’m Ron Burgundy.
Can’t **** my struggles away like Timmy’s fairies.
If only real life could let up,
When I scream parley.
Who knew pirates had better morality than society eh?
Can’t it see I’m just living on a prayer like I’m Bon Jovi?
And just when life starts giving me a push, I get robbed like Kofi.
It only takes 5 seconds for things to go Nagasaki.
If only things could roll off me like I’m Rolie polie Olie.
If only I could hit three pointers as good as Steph curry.
Or be as funny as Bill Murray.
But as long as you fans still support me,
That enough for me.
And if you hate me, I might have to put the sharpen on thee.

I put the sharpen on em,
I hear the choppers coming,
Can’t eraser the past,
Everyone think I’m high off something. (X2)

I’ve been in the bank rolling in the loonies jack.
I’ve been in the bank, sipping cognac.
I’ve been in the bank, telling all the haters that they wack.
I swear imma give my granny a heart attack.
Sniffing so much crack I don’t remember where I’m at.
But as long my heart in tact.
Imma finna keep making them racks.
Holding up the bank, in a ski mask.
But imma never be in a slump dog.
Going from girl to girl like I’m playing leap frog.
I’m a beast yawl.
Not just in sheets dog.
It’s all good, because after all, everyone wants a taste of success dog.
Just relax and take a puff of fog.
I swear my spirit animal is a pug.
Because we both like to chew up the rug.
And you bet imma keep blowing up them streams like I’m dig dug.
Laughing to the bank, making mills bruh.
My girl looking hella fine with them stills on.
Don’t speak no English because I bought her off of amazon.
She from the amazon.
Looking amazon.
Sitting on my lap like I’m Santa uh!
You know that’s what sup!
Going to bank together rolling in them loonies jack
Going to the bank, sipping cognac.
Telling all the haters that they wack!
While We Avoid stepping on the sidewalk cracks.
As that would break our mommas back. And I don’t want that, which is why I only sniff the crack.

Just smile, just smile.
Smile your pain away, smile your pain away.
Just smile, just smile.
Like everything is ok.
When it’s not.

They tell me to smile,
When I’m broken,
They tell me to cheer up,
Without my pills for depression.

They say why the long face?
But aren’t willing to hear me when I say I’m not doing ok.
They say life is marathon.
But I never registered for no race.

It’s hard for me to explain.
It’s like every time I fake a smile.
I feel like crying because I know it’s a farce.
And I’ve tried hiding, but that pushes me closer to the end of my rope.
And I feel like jumping, because a part of me has lost hope.
And I know you don’t want to hear it.
At least until it’s to late to listen.
Which will make you wonder if you could’ve done more to stop it.

I tried for too long to push down these emotions.
Because society says having feelings isn’t very manly.
That I should be a tin man with no heart.
A scarecrow without brains.
And a lion with no courage to speak up.
And it’s not enough to just go home.
And believe everything is all good.
When it’s not.

If only we could talk,
If only we could have these conversations.
Maybe my mental health would start to become more stable.
If only we could talk,
If only we could be honest for once.
Maybe suicide wouldn’t be as a big of an issue today.
If only when we ask someone how they are doing.
We can reply that we are not doing ok.
And there won’t be judgement or fumbling to change the topic.
Because if we never address the problem, how can we ever expect it to go away.
If only we could love and encourage others who are struggling.
Then maybe people will start to see a light at the end of the tunnel again.

Just smile, just smile.
Smile your pain away, smile your pain away.
Just smile, just smile.
Like everything is ok.
When it’s not.

Hook:
Hero’s and foe’s.
Assigned to roles.
Hero’s and foe’s.
Where Divide and conquer rules. (X2)
Verse: 1
Uh, check it!
Centripetal force coursing through the veins,
Mixed with henny, speeding through multiple lanes.
Rudimentary devil, spewing coarse language defying parental guidelines.
Villain of the century, swooning hearts whilst dismantling traditional racist designs.
Such craftiness, isn’t it wild?
That our worlds filled with such nastiness.
Bringing truth brought forth from past experience.
Yet people still look at me like some incompetent child!
But I’ll continue fighting,even if I end up like John Coffey from the Green Mile.
Plunging propaganda down the toilet,
Expunging paraphernalia that has left us exploited.
That’s why you shouldn’t underestimate an apple.
Classiness defiled, how vile, engulfing youth into the Bermuda Triangle.
Barracuda coming for ya,
In order to scramble the status quo.
A hero seen as a foe,
Misunderstood like Edgar Allen Poe.
A hero seen as a foe.
Misunderstood like the edge lord shadow.
Hook:
Hero’s and foe’s.
Assigned to roles.
Hero’s and foe’s.
Where Divide and conquer rules. (X2)
Verse:2
Chaos stems from abuse of power,
That will burn us like a fire power up flower.
But once that power is stripped away,
All your left with is scared little cowards.
So, why do we continue being submissive to these rat *******?
Why don’t we question their status of master?
That wasn’t achieved but ascribed to fit dominant factors.
Making slaves of those they deem as common denominators.
Thinking they are the Luke skywalker’s of the story,
But are actually the Darth Vader’s.
Thinking those oppressed will simply forgive them if they say sorry.
Well, sorry but come back when your ready to change policies.
Ready to change racist terminology.
Ready to tax the wealthy and give it to the rest of our struggling economy.
Ready to make the curriculum honest.
You want our trust.
We want laws and legislation to not be racist and biased!
Ultimately, we are calling for justice!
We should no longer be foes.
Don’t ya know?
It’s not to late to become a hero.
Don’t you know?
We are all just misunderstood like Edgar Allen Poe.
Don’t ya know?
We are all just misunderstood like the edge lord shadow.
Hook:
Hero’s and foe’s.
Assigned to roles.
Hero’s and foe’s.
Where Divide and conquer rules. (X2)

Don’t get too hasty,
Bout to enter East Hastings.
Feeling shaky.
With fear overwhelming me.
Worrying about my safety. (X2)
Uh, never thought I’d end up here,
Never thought I’d see a place that would bring me to tears.
That would bring me to my knees,
Yeah yeah yeah!
Bring me to my knees.
Thinking lord please,
Help these people, help these streets!
Lord please!
Help this make sense to me!
For I don’t understand what I’m seeing.
I can’t believe the extent of this poverty.
The extent of additions that have destroyed so many families.
The extent of people begging or sleeping on these streets.
Oh I can’t believe.
No, I can’t believe.
In a land where we are free.
Yet seeing people starving.
Starving for another fix.
Starving for a glimpse of hope,
Yet thinking this is as good as it probably gets.
Or that they should just call it quits.
For our government keeps giving them the slip,
And our society keeps calling for a blitz.
But a lot don’t notice,
Because the media has gotten really good at putting on the ritz.
Saying don’t get too hasty, don’t get too hasty.
After all the problem is that they are lazy, ******* lazy.
And trying to help those people some how makes us crazy.
So, then I guess ever social worker must be crazy?
Or it is more crazy, to oppress and shame a group of people?
Or treating them like property.
Blocking pathways to freedom,
Chaining them down,
And here I thought we had abolished slavery?
****.
Don’t get too hasty,
Bout to enter East Hastings.
Feeling empathy.
With sadness overwhelming me.
Worrying about their safety. (X2)

Yellowish blues, mixed with orange tinges too.
Bright morning, waking next to you.
Ooohhh!
Waking next to you!
Birds chirping, singing sweet melodies.
Rainbows curving, ending up shining on you.
Words can’t fully interpret how much you mean to me.
What is this glee?
What is happening to me?
It’s like every day is a new painting.
A new canvas displaying warmth.
Rising sun glistening, stretching over everything.
Trees reminiscing, creating paths through earth.
Green pastures, blanketing dirt.
The material of our death and birth.
A perfect cycle coming together.
Like sheets of music.
That expresses an appreciation of this treasure.
The treasure that is life.
The treasure of adventure.
A treasure so valuable it can’t be measured.
Ooohhh!
Enjoying this mood!
Enjoying this sunrise with you!
A sunrise filled with,
Yellowish blues, mixed with orange tinges too.
In this bright and vibrant morning, waking next to you.
Ooohhh!
Waking next to you!

Sweat on the brow, full moon night howls.
Tread right down, but watch out for owls.
For You never know whose watching.
You never know who be snitching.
My girl gets on me, hooting and hollering.
Prying charlatans set off trying to make this my finale.
Some may cackle, but not me.
For I don’t see what’s so funny!
For only the lord knows if it’s my time honey.
I’m not in this game to have people love me.
I’m just a snot nosed demon, trained for a role that takes a toll.
But I gots foes breathing slowly, aiming and loading.
So, much for gun control.
Poker faces showing, villains and golems growling and prowling.
Brains being run on remote controls.
Fools whose souls might have honest and well intended goals.
But progress is hard when you’re already in a sinkhole.
With climate changing and rising, but when I speak up all people hear is Español.
Saying I should know my role and shut my mouth.
But you won’t shut me out!
Step too lightly, imma knock you out!
Give up? Is something I’m not about.
I’m not weak willed, because I never forget to drink my milk.
Ice cube said it best, because you gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself.
So if you front on me, boy that’s bad for your health!
This world is ours and we destroying it.
And don’t say you didn’t have a choice in it!
Because if you do, you bet imma call your *** out and claim *******!
What do you think? That your **** smells like roses?
What kind of dosage do you have to be on?
To not be aware of this crisis?
It’s not ******, and it’s not isis!
It’s all our faults that our environment is like this!
And it’s not the boogie man, and it’s not a Pegasus.
This is reality!
And Our world is truly dying!
And We are the virus.
But if we all stand together to fight this.
We just might have time to escape this.

Some people stylize they looks,
While other try to stylize over truth,
Journalism so biased to get yawl hooked.
File that under dramatized goofs.
You might think I’m aloof,
Saying come on man, wheres the proof.
Whilst the government spying on me from roofs.
Portraying my conspiracies as lunacy.
**** a minority is ok, as it’ll never be on the breaking news.
**** a white man, everyone paying attention which accumulates more views.
Disproportionate abuse, yet the top dogs always come up with excuses.
But after all the enemy came down to earth to confuse us.
Tattoos and taboos, everyone hopping on the bandwagon like they a ******* kangaroo.
Keeping issues about racism on snooze.
It doesn’t take zoboomafoo to see that our system is *******.
What ever happened to trying to look at life from another persons shoes?
How is it that some people don’t believe what ****** did to the Jews?
Whose to blame?
Is it our schools?
Is it our societies constant retreat to the status quo?
Is it the propaganda engrained within cartoons.
Like something from 1968 ****** tunes.
Who really knows.
Trojan horses looking all innocent yet are actually hiding foes.
And you might think ya sly, but really your racist views are as blatant as Rudolph’s nose.
You’d think in this day and age this **** wouldn’t fly.
But here we are, surviving off martyrs bones.
Putting holes in anyone who opposes the current mode.
Freedom is nice when you actually have the controls.
Instead of being probed by aliens in ufos.
I call the upper class aliens because I feel like they must not have souls.
Doing whatever they can to remain on their iron thrones.
Scanning and monitoring us with ******* drones.
The match has been lit, with a new enlightenment ready to explode.
For it just takes one to fall, to knock the others off their toes.
One after the other like dominos.
It’s time to shake up our reality like an etch a sketch.
It’s time to draw up a new system that will be a better and equitable match.
That will patch things up nicely, and hopefully create an impactful splash.
That will give opportunities for everyone to have a chance to climb up the branch.

Thick-muddy roads around some sick cruddy homes.
Drugs flowing in toe by toe.
Water’s running dry or poisoned,
Just waiting for the Vultures to show.
Institutionalized woes, seen in droves.
Internalized hatred making each other foe’s.
Systematic destruction killing everything we know.
But that’s the way it goes,
In the savage lands where people lose their very souls.
We in the savage lands, where things are running foul.
With some not realizing we never really got rid of the white cowl.
I don’t care what you have to say!
Things aren’t ok, ok, ok!
Don’t you see racism is still alive today?
Uh, education? What education?
After 100 years of attempted extermination.
Forcing their indoctrination, lock us up,
Incarceration.
Isolating us from the rest of the population,
What’s that called again?
Alienation!
With missing and murdered indigenous women.
Yet the police take so much longer in their investigations.
Confiscating children out they homes,
Calling it salvation.
It’s like a third world country out here man!
It’s like we living in Damnation!
But that’s just the way it goes,
This is the savage land, where people have lost their very souls.
We in the savage lands, where things are running foul.
With some not realizing we never got rid of the white cowl.
Yeah, so I don’t care what you have to say!
Things aren’t ok, ok, ok!
Don’t you see racism is still alive today?

Driven through a division,
Going in and out of dimensions,
Fighting off my demons.
Call that cross road decisions.
Dealing with typical Cross family addictions.
With my spirituality getting constantly tested.
For all I see is the devil,
Which makes me wonder,
If God is even interested?
Interested in whether or not I’m bested.
Bested by ingested toxic substances.
Guess I have to be careful where my choices are invested.
Because in an instance, I may never regain consciousness.
Maybe that’s why I was told not to take my life for granted.
But I’m struggling with once again being that “kid”,with unwavering faithfulness.
For when one becomes an adult,
It’s as if hopes been indicted.
With promises expedited into brokenness;
burning pure hearts with acid.
How drastic, that we are just facets for molasses.
Spilling over into the masses.
Parading smiles stapled and plastered on everyone’s faces.
But we got to look beyond the scenes,
Instead of being caught up in the schemes,
As things aren’t always what they seem!
Woven wool threading over eyes like a seamstress,
Pretending we are all good, Sike! Such lie’s, unless...
Perhaps we are all saps, pining over delusions instead of facts,
Packed with wax in ears, ignoring non-fiction for Knickknacks.
For we all get caught up in this spin cycle eventually.

I’m Drowning in the noise.
I’m Drowning in the noise.
Tried to drown out my pain,
With things.
But it couldn’t fill the void.
I’m just Drowning in this noise!
I’m Drowning in this noise!
Feels like I’ve been sinking.
Drowning in the ocean of my mind.
No time for me to start breathing.
For I’m stressing about what I could potentially find.
Find out whats behind all these walls,
That I’ve built up inside.
For so long.
Because I wanted to forget,
But there’s just things that I can’t hide.
So, what’s on my mind?
What’s on my heart?
That has put me in a bind.
From the start?
Let’s take a rewind.
Into what I’ve tried to keep dark.
Uh.
I’ve been struggling with my addictions.
Pop a pill just to feel satisfaction.
Drink my fill, numbing kills the depression.
Catch a feel, ****** thrills kills my imagination.
Brain is filled with nothing but wrong intentions.
One wrong move and imma either be in the grave or in an intervention.
One wrong move and imma either be in prison or get more than just a suspension.
I could be taught a million years,
And still won’t learn my lesson.
Lord knows I’ve been drowning in this deception.
But how am I supposed to heal,
When everyone else see’s me as an infection?
Can’t they see that I’m Drowning?
Drowning in this noise.
Drowning in this noise.
Tried to drown out my pain,
With things.
But it couldn’t fill the void.
I’m just Drowning in this noise!
I’m Drowning in this noise!
Feels like I’ve been sinking.
Drowning in the ocean of my mind.
No time for me to start breathing.
For I’m stressing about what I could potentially find.
Find out whats behind all these walls,
That I’ve built up inside.
For so long.
So, tell me what’s on my mind?
Tell me what’s on my heart?
As I’m drowning in this noise,
With my whole world falling apart!

Screaming internally this isn’t who I was born to be.
Seems interfering with predisposed notions, is against fundamental policies.
But this all Stems from rudimentary phobias, that try to confine me.
Shame I can’t dare to be something that truly defines me.
Same anger, same danger, same stranger, same hatters.
Pointing their fingers in terror, how is this even fair?
Divided and ensnared!
But everything’s apparently fine, but really our system remains in fear.
So, people forget how to feel empathetic or aren’t willing to change this toxic atmosphere!
Telling parents they best beware, for next thing they now we turn their kids queer.
That some top tier *******, not to mention also bogus but that’s just how the lgbtq community appears!
This ain’t hocus pocus, man we ain’t Houdini, but yet society still treats us like we Mussolini.
Even gordon Ramsey could tell ya that **** is *******, just like Kanye’s weird admiration for fish sticks!
Man this generation is a symphony of-nit wits, and we need to fix it.
And I know people still may be hesitant, however this issue will never become irrelevant.

Mowing down competition like I a Gatling gun, got des fools on deh run.
Do this **** for fun, and I'm big and I love puns.
Name sadly already taken, oh well My names good and Nonetheless I be grappling these hooks hoping I don't reel in the kraken.  
I be cracking yawl up all night,  so what if we slack off a bit it's ok for we need to relax some nights.
Long days with strong or weak power plays, and days were emotions run a muck and life doesn't conform to our ways.
Rattling the war drums, rebelling because we tired of eating measly crumbs.
Get out the Gatling gun for its open season, time to teach these ***** a lesson.
Realize recognition and watch out for false perception in your cognition.
For eyes can lie so be wary and skeptical and never take bribes.
Real recognize real, if I ever fake myself again I’ll probably take a cyanide pill.
If I ever conform I would probably chug some chloroform.
If I ever cheat on my girl for some other *****, instead of dealing with the aftermath I’d probably drink some bleach. Go on a milk run and try to avoid the Gatling gun.
What the ****, why the ****, who the ****, where the ****, how the ****.
Get out the equalizer and go klick klick bang, the ting go gaa gaa blang.
Hit them wit de gat, swing it like it were a bat.
Floor ya to the mat, be like de earth cause you’ll go flat.
What ya tink aboot dat, mess wit de hammer yawl go splat.
Uh for real, de gun I gotta conceal, so don’t get all hasty man ******* chill. Macaroni, alimony, melancholy kinda funny once ya know de story.
Rain drop stained mop, living in de hood like what up my glip glops.
Going spaced out like I’m in a space ship, took some lcd recently that’s what I call a space trip.
It’s just basic rocket science and don’t mind me if I’m not compliant your highness.
I’m the finest with bars riddled with finesse, it’s like a Gatling gun putting bullets to thee chest.
Hold up shut the **** up, pause while a chug some lean from a big red cup.
Not for the weak minded, got gats for poor sneaky blinded folk cause ya got to keep it 100.
What the fickle popsicle gotta giggle for I’m not just a rickle in time for not just anyone can turn themselves into a pickle. Riggety recked, got out the Gatling gun so best hit the deck.
When I plan to paint this town.
Because I don’t **** with clowns.

Coming out of a comatose,
Running round bout to post,
That bail money, then travel past the coast.
Real survivor like a roach.
And just like a golfer it’s all about my approach.
I like to look at life positively unlike Oscar the grouch.
Got that new whip,
Spreading my message like some cool whip,
And I don’t **** with people who got the case of the loose lips,
For the moment they open up they mouth,
Imma fill it up with a couple of clips.
Bang.
Pop off a shorty in order to keep others in their lanes.
Got to think smart, like General krang.
If you don’t want to end up like Citizen Kane.
Dang.
Don’t want to end up like Citizen Kane.
Dreaming of rose buds, man this ain’t no candy land game.
Wannabe be upstarts snorting their own *******.
It’s such a shame, in fact it’s insane.
Breaking one’s back over the littlest of things.
Don’t you realize that a lot of yawl are no more than petty cliches.
Trying to keep things private, when we live in a public domain.
Truth is in this day and age, we don’t actually own anything.
Yet we feel entitled to everything.
Thinking we are owed something.
Yet we are owed nothing.
Putting on elaborate acts, but life isn’t supposed to be treated like charades.
Trying to act like your an entree, but you don’t realize that means nothing at a buffet.
You only live once, you won’t get no replay.
Thinking your free, when your really in chains.
Thinking your unique, but when you die will anyone actually remember your name?
Name.
Name.
Uh, but **** it!
When I got that new whip,
Spreading my message like some cool whip,
And I don’t **** with people who got the case of the loose lips,
For the moment they open up they mouth,
Imma fill it up with a couple of clips.
Bang.
Pop off a shorty in order to keep others in their lanes.
Got to think smart, like General krang.
If you don’t want to end up like Citizen Kane.
Dang.

Warning!
You’re about to enter the Danger zone!
Danger zone!
Danger zone!
Danger zone!
Danger zone!
Uh, listen I’m about to enter the danger zone.
It’s like wearing a blindfold in a room drenched in chloroform.
This is the danger zone.
Climbing ladders just to be taken down by snakes.
Only overcoming these haphazards because of my faith.
And though I shake,
Though I quiver,
Though I have fits,
And have some treacherous fevers.
I know my God delivers.
From evil and sickness,
Through the thickest of storms,
I know I will overcome,
Because he knew me before I was even born.
And even after,
When I almost died in that ICU,
It’s true.
And Sometimes I struggle but I can hear,
God saying ICU.
It’s true.
There is no danger zone.
When I trust in you.
It’s true.
It’s true, it’s true.
There is no danger zone.
When my faith is steadfast in you.
It’s true.
It’s true, it’s true.
So, now I have to tell people the good news.
That it’s ok to struggle.
Because God’s with you.
And to not worry because He see’s you.
For even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death , we shall fear no evil or danger,
for God is with us,
He is our rod and our staff, to comfort us.

Embrace the hate!

Dark sensation creeping in my skin.
Blood is boiling, and I’m turning red.
Anger pulsating faster and faster.
Only a matter of time.
Till I blow up.
Embracing my dark side.
Embracing who I truly am.
The person I held back for far too long.
But no longer,
Will I conform.
No longer,
Will I apologize.
No longer will I listen to your lies!

Embrace the hate!

Released the monster in the cage.
Because I can’t contain my rage.
So, I embrace it.
Because hate is the only love I have left.
Because hate is my escape.
An emotion that distracts me from my grief.
And my toxic reality.
That I refuse to acknowledge.
For showing tears isn’t manly!
For tears show weakness!
At least,
That’s what I’ve been told.
So, I channel my pain into rage.
So, come along with me.
And...

Embrace the hate!

Double standards
Fluctuate the mind.
Double standards
Keep us confined.
They tell us don’t cross the line.
They tell us everything is fine.
But we all know it’s a lie.
But conform, because society defines these supposed grey lines.
Making Carbon copies.
With plastered make-up.
It’s all about mr and ms dress up.
After all.
But it doesn’t fully hide what’s truly going on.
As it’s just a band aid to cover scars.
To cover up our pain.
To cover up our shame.
And these standards have truly distorted what a women should be.
Crooked ballerina’s,
All thinking they’re too broken to ever be repaired.
Thinking that they aren’t worth it.
But yet still chasing after that,
Diluted American Dream.
Where silver and gold can make everything ok.
Yet those who have it know that is a lie.
But yet still climb ladders,
Just to fall on one’s face.
Is it pride?
Or desperation?
Beauty standards sure defeat one’s confidence.
And fixed systems separate genders.
Not just in monetary terms but also sexist ones.
Don’t play with cars that’s for boys.
Stick to dolls.
Stick to house work.
Stick to...
You know what?
**** that *******!
For without women, men couldn’t keep being born.
For without women empathy would be dead.
And dictatorship would reign.
Without women,
I would be a orphan.
Because a woman raised this man.
And yes sometimes I fail to always see my privilege.
To not worry walking home at night.
To not worry about going out for drinks.
And I’m sorry for not listening your side of the story.
And I’m sorry that my gender objectifies you.
But I’ll stand by you.
Defend you and support you.
For untied we stand and divided we fall.

Only, only, only, only.
Used to be the one and only.
Grew up an only child.
Was raised by my momma.
Dad wasn’t really around.
For awhile.
And we patched things over.
And I do have half siblings from it.
And as far as I know I’m the oldest.
When I was the only, I can’t lie it did feel lonely.
Just had my imagination to console me.
Dreaming of gaming with a sibling.
Dreaming of family that wasn’t broken.
But dreams are just that.
And this is reality.
I could wish all I want but it wouldn’t change a thing.
The best I can do is be ok with how things are and make the most of it.
For family though broken can still be loved.
So, I savour the opportunity to be involved as best I can.
It may not be how I imagined.
It may not be perfect.
But what family is?
What family doesn’t fight?
Lie?
Cheat?
Or Steal?
But with every negative there is positive.
So, what family doesn’t...
Help when it counts?
Support you when your going through ****?
Or Cheer you on?
So, even if you’re an only child or not.
So, even if you feel lonely.
Family will be there if you need them.

Embers of fire cast out like ghosts.
As crickets chirp through the night.
Enjoying this time with you.
Under the moon.
Siping sweet nectar.
Reminiscing.
Kindred spirts intertwined.
Used to be lost.
Until I was found.
Was a monster.
Everyone always running out my life.
Was a monster.
Until you entered my life.  
And stayed.
But it was a different feeling for me.
I even tried to push you away.
Because I felt unworthy.
Because monsters can’t have happily ever afters.
At least that’s what I thought.
Isolated myself from relationships.
In my cave of despair.
Thought no one cared.
Until you entered my life.
Like a kindred spirit.
You understood me.
You didn’t fear me.
And that felt as refreshing as cold mountain water.
And as unlikely as it seems,
Not only did a beauty fall in love with this beast.
But a Beast fell in love with a beauty.
I thought a chance for love was extinguished.
But like embers of fire we were cast out like ghosts.
As crickets chirp through the night.
Enjoying this time with you.
Under the moon.
Siping sweet nectar.
Holding hands with you.
Embracing you.
When two kindred spirits become intertwined.
You know magic is still alive.
I used to be lost,
But then I was found.
And I’m glad you found me.
Believed me.
And helped me believe in love.

I’ve lost a piece of myself.
That I couldn’t recover.
A piece of me.
Taken away from a former lover.
What a weird feeling.
To be incomplete.
To be empty.
Without you next to me.
I know things haven’t always been peachy.
I know we both got angry.
I know you are over me.
But I can’t seem to get over you.
It doesn’t make sense.
I know that in my brain.
But my heart hasn’t got the memo.
But my heart wants you back.
And I’m conflicted,
Not knowing what to do.
It’s like a loss of self.
And these feelings can no longer stay on the shelf.
And I know you’re not ready to talk about it.
But I need to process my emotions.
For I’m tangled in this web.
Spiralling in my heart and head.
Over analyzing everything.
Overthinking everything.
What is wrong with me?
Why can’t I be free?
Of these feelings?
I’m not even sure how I truly feel about you.
When one moment I resent you and the next moment I long for you.
Is this love?
This can’t be love.
I don’t know what this is.
Maybe it’s because you were my first?
I don’t know.
For i’m just at a loss right now.
For one hand I want to save our love and what we had.
But also know that some love can’t ever be saved.

Lime green envy.
Residing in me.
I understand it’s ugly.
Imprisoning me.
In my own insecurities.
Constantly believing I’m unworthy.
Unworthy to be happy.
Unworthy of education.
Unworthy of you.
And then I see you chatting up my friends.
And I’m engulfed in this,
Lime green envy.
It’s all consuming.
Taking over my rationality.
Becoming a hulkish version of myself.
And It’s certainly isn’t incredible.
I know I shouldn’t worry.
I know you care about me.
But I can’t help but to fall,
In this vat of chemicals containing envy.
Turning me into something of a villain.
And ironically,
I’m my own greatest enemy.
And ironically,
I’m pushing you away.
With all this,
Lime green envy.
Residing in me.
And I understand it’s ugly.
Imprisoning me.
In my own insecurities.
Constantly believing I’m unworthy.
Unworthy to be happy.
Unworthy of education.
Unworthy of you.
And I can try to blame my past,
My family or friends or even you.
But I know that I’m truly the one to blame.
For no one is forcing me to treat you all so badly.
It’s a choice that I make.
And I have to deal with my actions.
Whether positive or negative.
I decide to either be the successor or the victim.
So, I’m sorry.
Sorry that I’ve let this lime green envy consume me.

Fragile ties keep us together.
Standing on glass.
Thinking we’re stable.

Fragile hearts broken.
Lies coursing in our veins.
That’s what we get,
For surrounding ourselves with snakes.
Thought we had what it takes.
Turns out we didn’t.
Two people burdened by weights and expectations.
Had too much baggage.
So, we shouldn’t be surprised that our love plummeted.
Yet here we are.
In a hole.
Dug by our own hubris.
Fiddlesticks.
I hate being stuck in this toxic relationship.

Fragile ties keep us together.
Standing on glass.
Thinking we’re stable.

Tumbling down the hill.
Like jack and Jill.
Tumbling off the wall.
Like Humpty Dumpty.
Love as broken as those egg shells.
We can’t ever be put back together again.

Tumbling down the hill.
Like jack and Jill.
Tumbling off the wall.
Like Humpty Dumpty.
Love as broken as those egg shells.
We can’t ever be put back together again.

Fragile ties keep us together.
Standing on glass.
Thinking we’re stable.

Both being Cain’s.
To each other’s Able’s.
Fragile beings.
Not meant to be.
Hearts dried up like the desert.
Hearts fed up and bitter.  
It’s a wonder how these...

Fragile ties keep us together.
As we’re standing on glass.
Thinking we’re stable

She tell me this isn’t right.
That this isn’t meant to be.
She tells me not tonight.
But it just doesn’t sit well with me.
Just the other day we were happy.
Just the other day we were laughing.
And every time we kiss,
Baby it’s magic.
Like riding a shooting star.
And I don’t want this ride to end.
And I don’t care that your another guys girlfriend.
Alright. Now hear me out.
He’s just not right for you.
Running to my arms because he leaves you black and blue.
I hate seeing the gloom in your eyes.
I hate seeing you in pain.
Seeing you cry.
Seeing you believe your worthless.
When I see you as a Queen.
When I see your eyes glimmer with hope for the future.
If only you knew how special you are.
Girl you are my world.
You’re as precious as diamonds and pearls.
You are so smart.
But believe yourself to be stupid.
But if you could see what I see.
To look into my heart.
To see how big my love is for you.
So, tell me please.
How can our love be wrong?
Why can’t we be together?
Why not tonight?
I just don’t understand.
I don’t see why you stay with him.
I don’t see why you don’t fight back.
I just don’t understand.
I hate seeing you unhappy.
I hate seeing you go in loops.
And I can’t lie.
Every time you run to me.
I feel used.
And that stings.
For you know my kryptonite is you.
I’d die for you.
I’d hold you until you stop crying.
I’d tell you how spectacular you are.
But I guess that’s not enough.
Why can’t I be enough?
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I leave.
Why can’t I escape my dream.
Of growing old with you.
Why does love hurt?
Why is this so hard?
To save our love?
To save what we have?
To be happy?
I wanna know.
Oh, I wanna know.
For it doesn’t sit well with me.
When,
Just the other day we were happy.
Just the other day we were laughing.
Just the other day you loved me.
But today is a different story.
But today I’m alone.
But today your gone.

Tears in the rain.
Some soaked in joy.
Some soaked in pain.
Tears the symbol of existence.
No use resisting.
Whatever the situation.
Tears are what makes us human.
Some see it as weakness.
Some see it as courageous.
An experience unlike any other.
Whether it be fear.
Whether it be spite.
If it gives one the will to fight.
Then let it rain.
In every way let it rain.
Don’t be a slave to your shame.
With life, must there be death standing right beside?
War?
Hatred?
Rage?
If tears heal.
Why can’t we survive?
If tears heal.
Then why do I always feel so torn up inside?
Hiding these tears.
In the rain.
Hiding my pain.
Am I insane?
To feel these things?
Am I insane?
To feel this sting?
The thing that distinguishes me and you as human.
My flesh can be so weak.
Things can go from bright to bleak.
Pretty quick.
Am I sick?
For crying in this rain?
Am I sick?
If these tears never go away?
For what it’s worth.
Like a movie.
We must see it through.
When the reaper comes for you.
Don’t be afraid.
Reach out your hand.
For time will eventually stop for all of man.
When memories fade.
And your tears of rain,
Become wisps of sand.
From dirt we started.
And to dirt we end.

Sun shining.
It’s a new day.
Sun shining.
On me today.

What a wonderful day.
What a beautiful day.
But a day isn’t perfect,
Until I’m with you.
Until I see your smile.
Shine on me.
Like the Sun.
For you are my light.
When things get dark.
You are my hope.
When I’m weakhearted.
You are my support.
The partner.
God created just for me.

I’m so lucky.
Truly.
As the sun shines on me.
I await the next day.
A day with you.
A day to see you smiling.
To see you laughing.
Holding hands walking.
Into the horizon.

Where possibilities never end.
Where happiness tends,
Tends to live on.
Strong as the promises.
That has bound us together.
Forever.
Where two become one.
Where the setting of the sun.
Is not the end.
But the beginning of a new.
A new life with you.
My Bel Amour.