I’ve had doubts.
Hoping they weren’t true.
I’ve had doubts.
With you.
It started out awhile ago.
But I didn’t have proof.
At that time.
My mind was to focused on other things.
I should’ve seen.
The clues that came my way.
But love blinded me
And My trust misguided me.
Misguided by your illusions.
Convinced me it’s all a delusion.
And there is no need for suspicion.
Why do I always have to learn these hard lessons?
But I believed you.
Because I wanted to make it work.
Because pulling the band-aid would’ve hurt.
But if I could go back I would’ve ripped if of then.
The moment I found out my son wasn’t actually my kid.
****.
No doubt.
I should’ve listened to my doubts.
Do you understand the pain I felt?
My heart has become a jigsaw.
Don’t you have any guilt?
And my mind has become a see-saw.
Can I ever be rebuilt?
For right now I’m not just at a loss of words.
I’m lost at sea.
But even the sea won’t carry me.
So I’m drowning.
Going deeper to the depths.
As deep and dark as my depression.
This is my new home.
This is where you left me.
So all I have to ask now is...
Are you happy?

Unsure on what to do,
Unsure on what to say,
Before you go,
On your way.
A way apart from me.
Wish I could count the times,
We almost said goodbye.
I thought I changed.
I thought wrong.
That is true.
My life’s a zoo.
Caged in like a monster.
But I don’t mind.
Because for All my life that’s how I’ve been defined.
And I can’t lie,
When I say I don’t deserve sum of it.
But  six warning shots to the head and back man.
That’s more than just corporal punishment.
It’s astonishing that I’m still around.
Like a holy cow please don’t eat me.
Ripping me apart with all them critiques.
Yet we stuck through it.
Yet you keep me going.
Instead of throwing in the towel.
You gave me the courage to keep on my dark night cowl.
But now,
When things are going great.
And I admit I made one big mistake.
That’s on me.
But baby don’t you see.
I’m not complete without you there for me.
And right now I’m alone,
Next to the phone.
Hoping it rings,
And this fall can turn back into spring.
Thinking of the things I would say to get you back,
But I’m,
Unsure on what to do,
Unsure on what to say,
Before you go,
On your way.
A way apart from me.
Wish I could count the times,
We almost said goodbye.
You thought I had changed.
You thought wrong.
That is true.
I was unfaithful to you.
Free from my cage.
Where you can fly far far away.
But you don’t mind.
Because all your life you struggled with how you were defined.
And you would try to hide,
Yeah you would try to lie,
That you were doing fine.
But we both knew there was something between the lines.
And I guess I pushed to hard,
And you kept your heart on guard,
And I guess you and I got tired of it,
And we were over each other even before we actually split.
I guess love can quit.
I guess words can stick.
Stick right through our hearts.
I think I would prefer getting ******.
For that would only break my bones.
Because right now there is a hole in our souls.
That I tried to fill by cheating.
I wasn’t thinking.
You were at your mothers,
And I was out drinking.
I know that’s no excuse.
But I hoped we find a truce.
Instead of all this heartache.
And I wish I had the rights words to say,
But I’m,
Unsure on what to do,
Unsure on what to say,
Before you go,
On your way.
A way apart from me.
Wish I could count the times,
We almost said goodbye.
But today it looks like goodbye is the only option.

Skipping stones in my lake of memories.
Angling each shot.
Like how my grandpa showed me.
Reflecting on my past.
Thinking about the future.
Skipping stones.
Seeing how far I can get.
Enjoying the silence.
Enjoying the breeze.
That brushes gently across my face.
The colour of leaves blanket the ground.
With these stones skipping over water being the only sound.
Enjoying the moment.
What a great day for a day off.
A day off from stress.
A day off to rest.

Got lost in the tavern,
Alcohol tendencies becoming patterns.
Sipping, tripping, brawling just like my family matters.
Young kid bruised and battered.
By father.
Got asked if I want to talk about it once.
I said don’t bother.
Now I’m that drunken father.
****.
But I forget that fact as soon as I grab another bottle.
Drowning my pain.
Hoping it all goes away.
But it never does.
Telling my son that he won’t understand my pain.
But then again.
I’m never around.
I’m never sober.
I’m always angry.
And that anger gets transferred.
Into my life and relationships.
Just like my dad.
Who said I didn’t understand his pain.
But I did feel pain.
Every day he wasn’t there.
So maybe you do understand.
And I like my dad I wasn’t listening.
I’ll try to get clean.
But it’s difficult.
And right now I just can’t let go.
But I’ll take those 12 steps to help me let go.

Misplaced love,
Thought you were sent from above,
Misplaced love,
Oh lord, What do I do?
When I got misplaced love with you!
I got that misplaced love, why didn’t I notice before?  
For when I first noticed you, my heart went up and soared.
Never has that really happened to me before.
And I knew you felt the same when we were on the dance floor.
Vibing to the beat.
So, close you could feel the heat.
That it didn’t matter to me that you had two left feet.
Because your smile was so sweet.
After that we hanged everyday,
Talked or texted each other every day.
Seeing you made my day.
But we were both broken,
We were both too young to be dating.
We were both faking.
In a way we both had misplaced love.
****.
Misplaced love,
Thought you were sent from above,
Misplaced love,
Oh lord, What do I do?
When I got misplaced love with you!
Hoping for something we could never grasp.
Hoping for something that wouldn’t last.
But our raft called love was bound to crash.
And burn.
But every candle burns out eventually.
I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.
But I’m glad we got to play make believe.
Because it made me see.
The darker aspects of me.
The ones where most don’t usually get to  see.
And now I have a chance to work on my demons in order to be free.
To become a better man, and more deserving.
Of a love that isn’t misplaced.

I remember when I became interested in this rap ****,
I was in elementary, specifically grade 6.
Knew about it before then but I didn’t like it.
Was a metal head that listened to the classics.
From tfk to guns and roses.
But then I heard real lyrics from a rapper who struggled just like you and me.
Who rapped about his life on the streets.
A man who was once homeless to becoming a two time Grammy nominee.
The one and only Fresh I.E.
It made me see what rap could be,
Where one can to tell people about their stories.
After that I did some researching.
Learning about flow, syllables and about timing.
Listening to the 116 clique while practicing my writing.
Everyday for the longest time, rap was the only thing I was breathing.
And around that time I was also struggling and angry about everything.
So, I transferred that into my lyrics which was so refreshing.
It was like my own personal therapy.
Where I could use profanity.
Which ironically shifted from my upbringing.
Which was centred in Christianity.
So, I needed a name that conveyed this new personality.
That was a mixture of good and evil known also as a duality.
Which originally was the name Don Richmon.
But I decided that wasn’t the name of a villain.
So, I took a route a little bit more classy.
And I knew I needed a gimmick to match this new personality.
So,I got myself a suit and a top hat.
And chose to rap about controversial topics that would get me some push back.
But as a minority I couldn’t just sit back.
And keep having these privileged ******* stay on the attack.
Using my freedom of speech as the ultimate payback.
And sometimes they get offended, but hey Im just spitting the facts.
Your just mad that now your the ones with the guns to your backs.
Because it’s about time to get rid of the plaque.
And you best know Classy J is up for the task.

Masked enigma.
Villain or foe.
Personality like a Deus ex machina,
Yet the crowd cheers for more.

Human turned into tin.
Who knew popularity could be so grim?
Longing years to be here now,
But as they say heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Regrets linger.
Things left unsaid.
Grabbing a device with his fingers.
Pop goes the weasel along with the trigger.