Sometimes when I look back at my life I think of how I could've changed those couple of hiccups, those little decisions I made that would later blow up in my face. Yeah those kind of hiccups. I know you can't ever take it back but the guilt and shame that weigh heavily on my brain, and I can't seem to escape it even if I changed my name. What to do, reality checks are hard, so I try things to escape it but it digs itself in me like a sharp glass shard. Pain has no love, it seeps into my very soul, so I accept it even though it hinders me from reaching my goals.Living with regrets, man my life was such a mess, but I pretended it was good even though I knew it was a mess. Father figures never there for most of it, and even with all those years of involvement, I still don't know how to deal with all of this. Living with regrets, living with inner demons, living with the consequences that you can never out run. Addictions, my entire ancestry has always been victims and initiators, life for me has always gone up and down like an elevator. Life has so many twists and turns like a roller coaster, learning when to pick a fight, and when to back out, can people can b e unpredictable monsters. Looking at life through my window while the wind blows, life changes, its time to get out on adventures like billow. Life is what you make it,you make the decisions that will determine if its going to be awesome or basic. People may never understand, and you may not either, you can leave or you can continue staying where you are. Regrets, upset, tried many outlets but I perpetually seem to have a bad day, its so easy to just let everything go array. It takes time and effort, its a constant struggle, you just have to keep pushing forward, don't let yourself become a muggle. Living with regrets, wondering if you'll ever be forgiven, but if you never do things to gain their trust again, you be stuck in that would've, could've, should've prison. Just because you didn't do it then, doesn't mean you can't now, I don't want o hear no excuses like why or how. The past is the past can't do nothing to redo it. Before you ask for forgiveness, you must forgive yourself for your mistake. Never will know if you don't try,you don't have to live with regrets, if you truly give it a try.

Fruitless, feeling worthless, looking towards religion for a purpose. Lost and afraid, wanting so badly to be remade. I've been taken over, empty third person view, yeah it's like I'm an aliens host. Possessed by this oppressive world, not to be cliche but I feel like a victim and this world is a vindictive vandal. Love and hatred, peace like a dove chocked out by this disease called humanity. Sorrow for tomorrow, misery for today, ***** Annie man, there is no sun coming up any day for me; for every day is gray. Feel so betrayed, life has gone astray, what once was bright is beginning to fade. Coast to coast, while finical eyes search for meaningless materials, I search for answers and finding this so called Holy Ghost.

Life is no more than a rigged scandal, that fools think they can fool or handle it. There is nothing to lose, except everything; how can one leap with faith when their neck is tied by a noose. What ever happened to dignity? What ever happened to honesty? Tell me where I can find your valour or vanity? Crazy that this is what we deem as sanity, pride collapsing on us as if it were gravity. Cross the sky, eye for an eye, so blinded and entitled; thinking we deserve an answer for why we are here. Lost we have become, every heart beats it's final beat, everyone will strum their final strum. At what cost will we test the bounds? At what point point did we stop thinking outside the box? Love & suicide, passion and ignorance, welcome to hell this will be your final residence. Breathe or heave when you start to realize you would not be than to be.

Sorry if my words bring gloom instead of glee, but that's just how I sometimes be. I want to be a better man, but for the time I'll keep on being a nothing man. Isn't it something? I don't really think so! It stinks, I hate being that low, truth is life doesn't give out hand outs.  Oh I'm still alive, pretending life is fine, no heroes here, so don't think I'll put my life on the line. Love or hate me, decorate me or eat me, not a Barbie girl, so in other words you can't ***** with me. Alone, need to phone home like E.T, I got no self esteem, stay up late watching B.E.T. How do I fight off this pain, how can I erase the lie's that penetrate my membrane. How can I fight off what was done, how do I keep myself from blowing brains out with a gun. So far gone, got my head up into the clouds. Smoke and mirrors, wondering how I can conquer my insecurities and fears. So far down, so please console with me, before I jump off the ledge and plummet to the ground.

On search for immortality, because I'm scarred to die, the thought sometimes makes me cry. The life in my shoes can fit many, some crops wilt where others thrive abundantly and produce plenty. I look on the other side of that fence, and long for that same type of satisfaction. Jealous, over-zealous, longing for happiness that left me to die in my already deep grave. Oh hope, is such a pitiful fatal attraction, feeding my inner demons, eternally wandering this mortal dominion. Life and times of a dying man. How time flies by so quickly. How times do change. What was deemed acceptable is now deemed inappropriate or inhumane. Rights and equality, gay pride, and wearing less and less clothes by the minute. If you ask me if your wearing that little amount of clothes you might as well wear none at all. Once upon a time in a cultured simple world, you were born, got married at twenty, and had kids, then one day you fall down and never get up.

Unless your like me, just a stubborn old crotchety ****. Haha, I can laugh at it now. When I was a young hip to be square scallywag that thrived to do nothing but misbehave. Oh those were the good times. No care in the world. Thinking that we would never get this old. Making fun of the ones who were. How the pendulum has shifted. How the ones who are left no longer laugh. As the heart monitor beeps ever so softly. As our breathing becomes non-existent. As the weight of the world shuts our eyes tight. Till there is nothing but silence and tears of family members. Some don't have that luxury.  Some die alone. With no one to cry for them. It's so sad; really. Like I'm not the nicest most approachable guy but at least I know what's left of my family will be there for me. Nothing more I could ask for or even deserve. This is tale of a dying man. See you on the other side. Wherever that may be. But for now I say goodbye, and thank you, for taking time to read my story.

Yeah, curious furious instincts, going till my tank is empty, life is a balancing act man, hope I don't fall and break apart like Humpty Dumpty. Going in, connecting every shot, yeah you bet this is a battle that I will win, have you already forgot? Tucking you in, bearing my cross, been going up and down those hills man, living life like a boss. Young native and graduated, making my expectations stay elevated like a real g, leaving your corpses eradicated, didn't I tell you not to mess with me? For I am the chronic, get yawl hooked on me, and if you don't listen, I'll go subatomic. Going super saiyan sonic, I hustle every day, yeah I may not be a saint but I'm sure as hell not demonic. Got to dumb it down, as the clock is ticking down, got the *** slipping down, no time to stop, no time to be mocked, the charges have been set, so get down. Twisted explicit domestic impressive with a message, got all you haters bested, yet interested, messed with your heads with my words, guess that makes you infected. Going undetected by most outlets, it's sad the only people who make it it in the music industry are sell outs, and the ones who are real never really make it. I think this world has become defective, false perceptions got you bumping to frauds, so I guess subliminal  brainwashing is indeed effective. Leaning towards Gods, punishment that resembles the crime, get out the rods, it time for judgement time. It sickens me to see them dragging you into their witch craft trickery, get out the med kit and heal you before you become easy pickings. Giving me a head congestion, we have gotten so low, it's like were currently in a recession. I don't aim for perfection, I am a realist, ready for suggestions, got out my idea list, ready to take some risks. Got your ******* twisted in a knot, can you feel the rush? If you got nothing good to say, you should hush, don't have to give it a second thought, lay it all out even it is not a royal flush. I have not lost my edge, keep you on the ledge, spear through you as if I was the Rated R superstar edge. You must have lost your minds if you think my rhymes have become sublime, so there is no need to bind, I promise that I am fine. I memorize what matters, and say my two cents, sure some times I improvise, but life is like the board game snakes and ladders, except you don't get no guide or hints. I'm like lemon in the eyes, I don't comprise, unlike other rappers, yeah I am a light, flushing down others down the crapper. I put everything on the table, don't have anything under my sleeve, I'm just real, whereas the rest of yawl as fake as a weave. I am a unique, so of course the world treats me as a freak, but glory to those who are meek. I can hold my own, so pick up the phone and let a friend know, that I will always bring on a show. No need for help to get back on my feet,  I grind oppressors into meat. Started from nothing, my mom raised me, made sure that I could become a something, yeah I make sure nothing would no longer faze me. Can only look forward, can no longer be the coward, found good friends to keep me empowered. It could always be worse, sure I don't drive in a hearse, but I amerce and reverse my predicaments so that I can change others and make a better universe. Never shot a gun, never got into the gangs, and no I aint no priest or nun, I'm just a poet that shall silence all you little naughty lambs. Get out the Chianti and fava beans, rise against the machine, stone those hypocritical philistines.

Things aren't making sense, seeing demons raking out people brains, final bell rings , I feel like the kid from the 6th sense. Sorry if I seem tense, I'm kind of jumpy lately, wanting to leap over the other fence,because my hope is running on empty. End times, what the hell literally, why didn't we see the signs? Probably because we were blinded by the devils trickery. Verily I pray for thee, God please help me, I'm trembling, oh my is this the end for us? Weird tidings, strange sounds, engulfed in this now,  while depression is pulling me down closer to the ground.

Where is the hope, where is the love? Thought I found it, but I guess I'm mistaken. The bottom of the bottom, the low of the low, I tried to hide emotion but then this happened that left me shaken. Forsaken, life got stolen from me, I don't why or who, but I'll get it back just like Liam Neeson in the movie Taken. I came to break in, for you have messed with the wrong man, break you down like a machine, never under estimate the under dog master plan. Word play, shaping my reality like it were clay, Classy J is here to stay. Strain foreplay, no accidents here, this is a real fight, no horseplay here, eventually everyone gives way and are defenceless to the birds of prey. Be careful what you throw away, because it may come back with vicious unrelenting pain, beware the ricochet because after it is done with you it will leave more than just a sprain. Maintain that knowledge in your membrane, don't you know karma is a b** it will beat you over the head like a cane. Irony of this preordained circumstance played out like a orchestra, mixed into theory's that can only be processed to see if they make up a successful formula. Dogmatic, you fools are all scatterbrained, so hazy so lazy, shouldn't have messed with crazy, don't you know you can't keep me contained.

Swain hearted, of lovers departed. Thwarted by indecent individuals that mean to marry them off to people they do not know. Forswear it I, if they don't try to get away and find each other once more. Flighty, and young, they are strong willed, petty be it for thou to separate true love. Wanting it to be no more than a lingering afterthought. How can one besmirch destiny? How can one take out another persons heart and crush it in front of them. Barbaric savagery, doth the story go of reality impeding onto something good. No breaks, no time to be, but be in monotony. Love is a anomaly, stirring us in a loop of endless depravity. Hope is but a milky way dream, nothing but delusional grandeur of a adolescent mind. Fighting for something, loving for someone, worlds apart, but yet intertwined in each others heart. Responsibility is overrated, dignity is a barren commodity, courage is frowned upon. Rebellion is not tolerated, revolution is scandalous. What one won't do for love. What one won't sacrifice. What one is willing to die for. That is something most people never get, nor find, but for the few who do find it; know why it is worth giving it everything they got.

The tell me to go out, but I haven't gone off yet, can't bluff but be sure that I will bet. I bet you don't know why I keep going, keep trying, I'm not lying some times it's hard for me to keep on trying. Sighing, looking back while moving forward, I want to be brave, for I hate being a coward. As awkward and random as Howard the duck, running over the rap game like I'm a monster truck. I don't believe in luck, no karma here either, I reference it but take it like a grain of salt, I may have said it because the other night I drank too much liquor. Classy J is here to stay, I will be here until I believe that society is no longer grey. I'm different, setting standards, underdog, native born man I don't care if it takes me forever to become relevant. I used to be just like the revenant a story that claims is true but so much of it was fake, I can't change myself because life isn't that great, and it certainly isn't sweet as cake. At this rate, you might think I just have given up, because I have realized that no matter what I do it is never enough, but ****** be me for not giving up. Heart used to be black, but it a good thing I found some white out, negativity has it's place but it was time for me to get out. I do know that reality and negativity sometimes intertwine with each other, but it's good to keep positive so that you can help others. Middle ground, mental health is sound, what used to be lost can always be remade or found. Twists and turns, gone through flames and came out unscratched or burned. I learned to chill and mature, I used to be diseased by the curse of the world but now I'm cured. Caught up in between, learning what this world means to me, trying to help others see. I thought I was deranged, as people only looked and treated me like I was strange, but I am me, never going to be like everyone else, you will never drain my hp gauge. Interlude's and new beginnings, I now am half way there, revolving doors, some days it may be stormy but I look forward to the days that are clear.