To old to make much of a difference, To young to understand life's significance. To tired to awaken to my surroundings, To stressed to appreciate everything that is around me. To under appreciated by my colleagues, To determined to become just another person that has succumbed to being melon cully.  To over worked to see my good work, To entitled to enjoy all my perks. To needy for approval, To prideful to go back to faith and get a revival. To many things to do or to say, that I can no longer see that I have lost my way. Too much thoughts seep into my head, am I truly alive or am I just the walking dead.

Overdosed on my sin, got myself all twisted up in idiosyncrasies, what happened to that boy who sang in the choir’s musical symphony?  Don’t understand it, I try to move forward but I can’t move, stuck in my ill prison, used to get vision, but now I am apart of a knew subdivision. Falling angel, why was it wrong to question this universe, now religion treats me like I’m Lucifer. Testing my niceness, can’t they see that I just want to be left alone; offended offenders just can’t let it go that I just want to go at life on my own. I always used to ****** analyze my friends to improve their self health, even though I was a ****** that just couldn’t analyze himself. Comatose patient there is no escaping this life that may just have an eternity to go, sorry but I don’t know if ok with that amigo.  Inconclusive theory’s saying that they are factual, searching for facts in a world full of extortion in a system run by cannabis animals. Ticking away the time doth go on with or without me, to be or not to be in this desert wasteland we call reality. Really why should I bother being politically correct, ***** those formality’s, with my fiery vengeance just like scorpion; fatality. Complicated overrated everyday living got me feeling dizzy that I’m starting to fade out, just checked out of my self conscious because I’m just so burned out. To early to late, heart vs. the mind, darkness vs. light, comatose feel like a ghost that has just lost hope with its current host.

under a lot, working, going off to school, momma ain't raise no fool, not some tool, with enlightenment it established me to not turn cruel. Pressure from friends, pressure from society, under all this stress, life has become so hectic, debating all throughout my head man my head is as loud and annoying like congress. Math I can't count how many times I can't seem to fail at it, but I don't need it, I am physiologist artistic politician so I think I got enough wit. Untitled undisputed champion, motion caption extravagant, I win rap battles all the time, yeah party's every night, 24 celebration. Unknown, keep growing in my words, wanting to amp up my verbs, kicking out these fabricated rappers to the curb.

Fluttering specks of white flakes, swiftly gently slowly falling from the sky. Snow, white powder at first, soon though I may be able to turn it into a snowball. Skiing and snowboarding down mountains, going inside to get some hot chocolate with marshmallows. Warm fireplaces, whimsical songs of sweet melody ringing through my ears. Hearing Grandpa read some christmas books, how relaxed I feel during the beautiful year. Can't sleep on christmas, to excited to open gifts, waking up the parents up as soon as they are willing to get up. Because one o'clock is simply too early to open the gifts, which I find ridiculous. Nothing like being a kid during christmas, everything seems more magical. When you get older however money and sleep seem to be top priorities. But nothing like childish joy to lighten everyone up.

El fuego making me loco, burning desire illuminates within me man. Heart full of passion with a mind that second guesses everything because it doesn't want to be hurt again. Difficult relationships, heart on my sleeve, but as I look at the future of what me and you could be,and when I  look I don't see pain. Progressive steps towards the same goal, am I crazy, because society deems me insane. They say we should just make love without giving a crap about it, but love is more than that. Love is intimacy, intimacy isn't just ***, it's about getting to know the person who may be your future wife or husband. Our love is worth more, your love is worth more, and I don't think that us not making love yet is whack.  Love a word used for anything nowadays from food to pets, the word has lost it's meaning in this world full of demand. I don't understand this, all I know is me and you, and that's all that matters.

All I sees is crossroads, I take one step forward trying not to look back at the path I once walked. I find myself currently confined in a unrelenting never settling storm, why do I even try to keep going on. Stuck in my business suit looking like such a fraud, I live in a broken home, where my family always gets into fights, instead of sitting down and have a cleansing mature talk. Childish adults, but I still choose to go out every day for work, so I can provide for my son. I don't want him to grow up like his old man, bitter, filled with regrets that if he had another chance would take it back. The world is cruel, people are crude, but when I look in my son's proud eyes when I walk through the door, it makes this life seem more bearable. Walking out in the stormy dark night, I see people with umbrella's looking down at me like i'm a quack. I try not to look, I just want to stay on track, don't care what others think, as long as I can keep food on the table. My son doesn't seem to worry about us being poor, he just smiles and tells me, " I love you daddy, because you're so strong." I don't perceive myself as strong, I am definitely determined, but knowing my kid see's me as a super hero, helps me stay sturdy in this uncertain world. No santa, no tooth fairy, no easter bunny, no vacations to disney land or to a tropical island; I feel guilt and shame that I have done wrong. Two sides of me keep arguing how I should be, or what I should do, same as the rest of my family who always say, " you're such a failure Jerold." Not my boy though, the light of my life that guides me to achieving my goals.  I want to see the world with my son, I want him to experience all the different kinds of food, I want to teach him how to never lose track of his morals. Giving him the life I never had, giving him the hope to keep dreaming, giving him a better education to decipher between conspiracy's and fact. All this I consider as I stand waiting to walk across the road to find a new job and start a new life. I am only temporarily out of my current job, I am only currently out of order with my and family relationships. I will no longer let the past or others dictate who I should be, I will finally be me, choosing not to be dragged down by strife. Not just for my son, but for me as well walking towards my destiny, no longer going to waiver, because I got both of my hands on the wheel of life, with a a firmer grip.