The impulses of self destruction-
they batter at your windows,
breaking down the walls you've built
Invading every crevice of your mind,
spilling ideas you cannot help but to consider,
whispering hurtful words,
adding to the pain that
motivates you to hurt yourself.
It gets so bad, you consider everything you can, even the simplest,
as long as it is destructive.
Whether it be cutting yourself to the core,
giving yourself third degree burns,
swallowing seventeen-too-many sleeping pills,
sitting in front of the mirror torturing yourself,
or just lying there in your own thoughts
until they become unbearable,
and you give in to the pressure,
and the cycle continues.

When your body trembles,
threatens to give in to the fear
you feel so deep inside,
it feels permanent.

When your breathing is erratic,
almost nonexistent,
your chest so heavy,
it barely compares to the heaviness of your eyelids,
for you haven't slept in days.

When the tears flow like the blood
you shed so desperately
to escape this feeling of fear.

This unbearable, unbreakable, unmistakable,
deeply penetrating fear,
of the infamous panic attack.

Goodnight, you said;

Goodbye, I said



And you never thought *twice  about it...

Why is it that everyone leaves me?

Everyone quitting on me
Really makes me want to quit on myself...

"You can't rely on anyone else,
Because even your shadow abandons you in dark times."