Where do you go,
when all you've ever known is ripped away from you,
and it's all your fault?

Where do you go,
when you ****** up,
and you don't get that last chance?

Where do you go when the last person you had leaves?

Where do you go when everyone gives up on you?

You give up on yourself.

For me,
it comes in little bouts and stays for not long enough,
and when I grasp onto it,
it slips through my fingers,
like warm sand on the beach.

Happiness for me is seeing the happiness others feel,
like when my little sister laughs,
or when I see a little girl dancing to music.

It's the little things that come and go,
the things that you can only catch when you have hit
rock bottom.

I just **** up everything.
I can't keep things together,
I can't keep my grades up,
I can't stay happy,
I can't be ******* perfect.

You only remind me I'm a **** up every single day,
and it haunts me, even
when you're not around.

Thank you,
for reminding me of what
I already know.

Funny,
how the worst, most torturous depression comes at night.

Mind-splitting, bone crushing, aching, lonesome depression that cuts you open to the core.

That heavy, painful feeling in your chest that you cannot help but succumb to.
It reminds you just how weak you are.

How susceptible you are to pain, to humiliation, shame...

How you want nothing more
than
to
sleep.

So angry you shake,
tremble,
you can't move,
you clench your fists and you start to cry.

So angry, you want to hit something,
anything,
everything.

You hate everything, your head hurts,
you can't breathe,
you hyperventilate,
and you just break down.

Do you ever just have that deep, burning anger
that silences everything around you,
and you can feel it in your bones?

Do you ever want nothing more than to brutally ****** someone,
just swinging at them, losing all control.
That intense, unhealthy, murderous anger,
that no one can explain.

Everyone calls you crazy,
but you're just
*******
angry.

You just get so angry,
so full of burning rage,
that you don't have anything else to do
but
take it out on yourself.