Are you happy now,
that I've figured out I was just a victim,
in a game of lies and lustful tension?**

My love, try to understand me when I say you torture me.
Your lips they beg for me to get you alone.
I want you to know it's the sway of your hips.
You taste so sweet cruel temptress.
I'm at your feet.
I can tell by the way you move that you want me to want you.

Are you happy now that I've figured out I was just a victim?!
In a game of lies and lustful tension?

Your lips they beg for me to get you alone.
I want you to know it's the sway of your hips.
You taste so sweet, cruel temptress.
I'm at your feet.
I can tell by the way you move that your want me to want you.

Are you happy now that I've figure out that I was just a victim?!
In a game of lies and lustful tension?

I can't believe I fell for you!
I was wrong, I am so confused.
A foolish mistake!

I gaze across the chasm that divides me from her, my prize.
And drink in her beauty.
I let the heady aroma of perfume riding on the hot wind saturate me.
I train my ears to the creaking of the bridge spamming the gap to her.
I throw caution into that wind of passion and continue down the path.
The path to the unknown.

I'm losing control and I want all of you.
I ache to swallow you.
I'm losing control, you're body screams for me, it's destroying me!

I can not resist the temptress of the night!
I'm coming for you!, I want you, I need you!
As the earth quakes I will deflower you!
Oh how my head swims, oh how my heart yearns!
I'm coming for you!
Our flesh will become one and we'll never speak of what we've become!
It's what you want. I'm gone! I'm gone! I'm gone!

So it seems that we were nothing.
I'm giving up!

Are you happy now that I've figured out that I was just a victim?!
In a game of lies and lustful tension?
I can't believe I fell for you!
I was wrong, I am so confused.
A foolish mistake.

"Deeper,
              deeper,
                           deeper,"
you tell yourself,
driving the sweet, sharp blade into your skin,
you open it, and you feel the beautiful pinch it brings,
the deeper you go, the more relief you feel.
You crave to go deeper, and see how deep you can go,
and nothing is deep enough,
you press firmly,
so deep, that it didn't even bleed.

You love how they look,
so deep, open so the sides don't touch. Beautiful. Perfect.
You're so excited for them to scar,
and you cannot wait to make more, to go deeper.

You know exactly where and how deep you want, need to go...




**You become an expert on your body as you slowly destroy it.

Interesting,
how much power one person can hold over you.
The way they look at you, the way they speak to you, the way they touch you.
It's almost manipulative, in a sense.
How they can make you feel so many things at once, whether elation or major ******* depression.

How easily they could crumble you,  
send you over the edge.
and you would let them...

I love you.

Sometimes,
I wish you married me.
Sometimes, I break down.
Give up everything, but then I think...
    about you.

Sometimes, I don't want to get better.
Most of the time, I just get worse.

Though you aren't here, I don't dare to erase what I thought we had.
I could lie and try to say that I'm the same.

Sometimes, I torture myself with the thought of you and
                             her.
And it ***** me up so much, and you know it.
you ask what's bothering me.
you ******* know what's bothering me.
you tell her you love her.
And you just *******....
I love you. but you need to stop.
please,
            stop.

I understand I'm being selfish,
but holy ****, aren't we all?
I just don't want you loving someone else, or thinking about loving someone else,
when you tell me you love me.


I understand I may be overreacting, but oh my ******* ****.
You need to stop.

"Leave him, he's already starting to ignore you."

Funny, that's what I've been hearing lately.
Funny how it's pretty ******* true.

I mean, I understand that I'm just your girlfriend,
and it makes me selfish to want to be with you all the chances I get.
But, I love you. Maybe I'm too attached. jealous. crazy?

but when I know, that you talk to
         her,
and pay more attention to
         her,
and erase your messages with
          her
when I ask to use your phone.

It bothers me.
How she ******* talks to you like she's in love with you.
It makes me feel really insecure when you pay more attention to her,
but I guess I am just really needy.

I don't know how to feel.
I trust you.
I just don't trust
     her.

****...

It's the holidays.
**** me, right?
I hate them, Christmas,
the family meetings, the "cheery" smiles everyone forces themselves to wear.
The dinners and closed doors that hide whispers that you know are about you,
the way they say, "You've grown so much! Maybe you should lose some weight..."
The way they try not to look you in the eye, the smiles, the laughs, the ******* jokes.
The ******* glitter and presents and everything everyone thinks you want,
when all you really want is for everyone to shut the **** up.

I only love the way the lights twinkle, the perfect way
that the snow falls,
the bitter, cold, lonely nights you spend alone.
But the way the lights twinkle, it gives me a sense of hope.

I just loathe the evenings that everyone is drinking and ******* laughing and having such a "great time".
The way I feel I don't fit in, anywhere,
the way absolutely no one wants me there, and you ******* know it.