I promise to never show mercy again.
You always tend to have an excuse.
But this time, it's different,
my dear.
The knot you tied around my heart has become loose.

Such inhumane thoughts, so compelling as to say the least.

The thoughts of destroying everything, running and not taking a glance black,
almost in the same sense of mind you use before you destroy yourself.
You do, without a second thought.
Oh, how you wish you could just tear them apart,
give them the same deep, tortuous scars that you bear.
How you crave to open their skin, in the same fashion you open your own.
That compelling blade, that riveting sensation of pleasure you feel after going deeper,
    deeper,
                "deeper",
you tell yourself,
and with each irrefutable slice,
with each breath that deepens,
you still
          feel

                     **nothing.

It started out with a kiss-
and I don't even know how we ended up,
or if we ended at all.

You were my ******* future, we had everything planned out-
a ring, a house, what our baby's name would have been.
But you let go. You quit talking to me, and stood me up-
had me crying for hours. hours on end I spent for you, making sure you hadn't overdosed,
I stayed awake at night, worrying my *** off,
and for what?

False ******* hope is what I got, at best.

But somehow, I still find myself thinking about you, dreaming about you,
waking up in tears. Wondering if and when you'll come around.
Part of me wants you here. Cause my bed feels half empty, not half full.

And all the nights we spent under the stars, for nothing.

And that night I snuck out, to stay with you,
in your bed, wrapped in your arms.
That same night, embraced in pleasure,
feeling so serene, so complete, wanting nothing more than that very moment.
And waking up to you...
waking up to you was purely what I knew I wanted for the very rest of our lives.
If your heart stops beating, god rest my soul. Dig this grave for two, can't live without you... It's hard enough to face the world alone.

"We have each other. You don't have me, nor do I have you.. There is no me and you, there is only us."
That's what you said.

and I believed you.


-Have you ever had a one night stand?
"Yeah, why-"
-But have you ever been a one night stand?

You can always rinse the surface; but the stain will remain.

The cursed and the broken,
the unspoken and refused.
If hate is what's inside us, then hate is what defines us.
And when we use our hate to drive us,
we are the ******.

Love is lost like words.
You let the blood tell the truth; expulsion of remnants of your old self.

Innocence lost, with your conscience.

You look for destruction,
things that will surely **** you,
sooner
           than
later.

Something painful.
Something consuming,
numbing, clouding,
erasing, burning,
destructive.

Something painful to numb the pain, something to drain the shame, something.

Whether it's the bruises that accompany hitting the wall,
the beautiful pinkish purple scars that come with the cuts,
the deep, blissful pain that comes with the enduring healing of the eraser burns,
the stinging, aching hunger pains from depriving yourself of any nourishment, the burning in your throat from purging, the red hot scratches, it's the things you don't think about while in the moment.

Anything, from the pills you swallow to get high or low,
the alcohol you drink to feel the burn, and numb the pain.
The certain assortment of things you can smoke to get high, to have 'fun', shooting up to feel the rush,
snorting to blur your mind.

It's anything to get you out of your head for awhile, anything to numb yourself, anything to steal you away. Anything to take your mind off of your surroundings.

Regrets may accompany most of the actions, yet you aren't always aware of them; you just don't care.

"I desire all things that will destroy me in the end."

I want your toxic,
talk sick, baby.

Our bodies collide, intertwining,
enveloped in adoration,  sprinkled with lust,
and so much more.

I am so ready to feel your sweet, enticing lips
talk candy in my ear.

I want your hands on my hips, your face in my neck.
I need to feel you close. I want to feel your heartbeat in my chest.

I want your sultry voice to swim through my ears,
and to feel your warmth, in my bed, no need for blankets.

Most of all, I want you mine. always.  to have and to hold.
To whisper the violent thoughts and feelings away.
To kiss me, sweetly, and mean it.

I love you.


And I want to know if you're in love with me.

I hate this feeling,
like I belong. But I don't.
like I matter. but I don't.

I just need something, anything
to get me out of my mind-
something to cloud my brain,
something to dull the pain, the feelings.
Substance.
Pills. Alcohol. A blade. Something destructive.

I want something to temporarily hinder my ability to think,
to feel, to be.
I want something to mess me up, to make me feel just about anything but this.
Something to take me anywhere but here.




"Honey, I think you should run...




                                                                   run."