And it comes by again
There it goes away again
The never ending cycle
Dreams .. hopes .. joys and pains

We make the same promises
We make the same vows
We wish the same wishes
And pray for the doves

Many started this race with us
Many have left us behind
Many have gone ahead of us
And many are not with Us

But every single time
We wish for it to be better
Much better than the last time
It would be greater.. much better
So we tell ourselves every time..

That’s all we have..
Glad to be here
Year after year
We start it as we did tonight
That’s all we have..

Our joy, our gladness..
our losses.. memories
Our sorrows.. and then the happiness
It would be better.. we wish for greatness

We would use this as yet another spring board
Being grateful for the past
But ever hopeful and never bored
As we say every year
This would be a year of greatness

Happy New Year!!
Welcome to everyone who made it
And remember those that didn’t..

Welcome 2019.. please be kind
                             Please be nice
Let You be one of a kind

2020-
I asked you when I first met you,
I implored you when we first said Hi
I was excited to finally see you

I asked - please be nice
I implored you - please be kind
Excited- please let it be great

But instead:
You almost killed me thrice
You made me loose my social life
You caused me to almost loose it all

You where not nice
You where not kind
You made it far from great...

But despite it all:
I’m still alive
I’m still standing tall
I’m still here
I’m stil going strong
I did fall.. but I’m up
And giving it my all...

2020... You won’t be forgotten
              You won’t be missed
              You thought us lots
               Though we had such loss

Lets say our goodbyes
I’m not going to cry
Can’t wait for the end
Let’s please not be friends...

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out😒

O these feelings!

What is this fluttering i feel in my belly?
Is it butterflies? Some one please tell me!

Why do i catch myself smiling when I think of you?
Why is that so? Some one please tell me!

What is this feeling ? This feeling of longing i have for you?
What is happening to me? Some one please help me!!!

Why do i miss you so much? Why do i want to be with you this bad?
What are you doing to me? Some one please save me!

Is this what this feels like?
I cant be having these feelings
I shouldn't have feelings
Some one please tell me
Some one please save me
Rescue me!! This is not me!!

Why you? What have you done to me?
Given me butterflies and feelings!!!

I got to turn this feelings off or ... Maybe on??

Can I ..
ask u a question ?

It took time for me to get there
I needed time to get here
So can I ?

Can you kiss me like that
Can I have it again and again
Can you hold me and never let me go
Can I?

Can I have it like that?
Can you give me some more
Can I hold on to that?
Can I

Can I touch you like that?
Can you never let go
Can I love you like that
Can I..

No more sitting here by yourself..
To love you I needed time..
But now I have all these thing..
Things I want to do to you
Things I want to ask you

No more waiting

Can I?

chocolate ice cream and pepper soup..
How u make me feel ..
All sugar n spice..
i want a taste and a large bite . .
Thats all i can think of when i think of u..
chocolate ice cream and pepper soup..

Oh Chris
Oh how i miss
The taste of your lips
The caress of your fingertips

My sweetheart
Heal my aching and lonely heart
How it yearns ...
Longs for your love...
And cries for your touch...
To caress and make still, this longing and weeping heart

My love
My one and only love
Time and distance keep us apart
I crave for strength and pray for patience,
though it’s very hard..
As i await  the day i can touch the face
And be held in the arms of the man I love..
and we shall never part..

Oh how I can’t wait for that day..
The day I am with...
My man.. My love...
😁🙈💕

Dance
That’s all I can do

Dance
That’s all i would do

Dance
Let all the pain out

Dance
All the sorrow and fear away

Dance
Till i take my last breath

Dance
Through the tears and the pains

Dance
Through the uncertainties and fears

Just Dance

Don’t ever let your heart and feet loose their rhythm

DANCE!!!!

The tapping of my feet
The beating of my heart
The rythm of my breath
The melody of my sighs
The elagance of my movements

All these produced by the beating of the drums of this thing called life

O the beautiful music it makes.. Making me sway, my spirit soar n sink
Making me scream n cry

All in a rhythm of its own.. Not to ur understanding nor mine..

But i cant help it.. I must dance..the music calls me..I'm captured in its melody..mesmerized by the harmony..

Through the pain and fatigue...I must dance..for the music never stops.. For I shall not stand still.. I keep moving..swaying..staggering..
But all to the beat..
The music of this world..
Till the time... The music stops..n I must dance no more.. .

This a very strange and odd feeling..
Dead exhausted..
Sleep deprived for a week...
Having a nasty migraine..
A bad tummy and aches and pains...
But for some inexplicable reason...
I am in the mood of dancing..
Dancing like i used to do..
Dancing like i danced way back ....

I’m driving home after a horrible n busy night...
I ought to be looking like the dead...
My eyes are heavy...
Can’t see the road ahead..
But for some inexplicable reason ..
I’m feeling like dancing..
I’m blasting loud music in the car..
I’m dancing and driving..
Don’t think i should be doing so..
But I’m dancing like i did way back..

Before i put in the key to my front door..
Backpack , eyes. And feet all heavy and sore...
I connect my phone to the Bluetooth..
On it comes blasting the beats that move my feet...
I ought to be collapsing in bed..
Tired and weary..
But for some inexplicable reason..
I’m stripping and dancing..
To the loud music I’m blasting..

The music is going on non stop..
I’m playing it on repeat
My body, soul and my feet have a rhythm..
Making me feel complete...
I’m still moving, i can’t seem to stop..
I am feeling like both death and life..
I can’t explain it.. my soul is filled with jive..
Oh what a vibe!!
And for some inexplicable reason..
I’m dancing and dancing like my bones aren’t old and weary..
dancing like I’m not all fat and heavy

I’m dancing like i used to way back
Moving from the front to the back
Winding the waist like its not old and achey
The shoulders are rolling and groovy
Yes I’m dancing .. like we did way back

Yes I’m back
Gotten my groove back
Almost forgot i still have all that
Almost forgot what it felt like
To dance like i did way back

I’m still dancing..
Better than i did way back
Oh yes I’m back
So is the rythm and the groove
My soul is renewed
I’m both old and new

Dancing like we did way back
Dancing more than i did way back

Looking out the window
All I see are sad heavens
Tears falling as rain
Heaviness forms the clouds
Screeching thunder fills the air
Fiery lightning..
Cutting across
The only lights that brighten up
The gloomy skies

I reach out and I'm embraced by
The long unyielding cold fingers of the winds
Creeping into my already empty n dark soul
Filling up the void with more darkeness

I close my eyes and let my self go
Falling off the window ledge
Loving the rush of air on my face as i decend
Loving it ..yet anticipating the end..

I keep falling into the cold dark void
At least all emotions wld be devoid
And i would be left with my weightlessness
Floating around ..no more hopelessness

As I become one with u my dark and gloomy skies

Shut up!
Shut the hell up!!!
The silence is too loud

Silence!!
Be silent!!
The void is screaming at me

Go away
Get the hell away!!
The darkness is beckoning

Be gone!!
Be gone right now!!
This coldness enveloping me

Stop it!!
Be still now!!
This darkness ..to me it’s rushing

Thou shall not have me...
I say onto thee
My mind , my life and me is not thine!!

So exhausted
Sick to the marrow
I wish to be whole
No illness nor pain tomorrow

I wish I could sleep
Be put in a coma
And then be rebooted
And it’ll all be over

I’m drained
in so much pain
I’m fading
There’s nothing left to gain....

I’m exhausted...

I’m falling
Going down deeper in to this abyss
It’s never ending

This empty void in my soul
It’s so cold
This darkness called my heart
Hard as stone

I feel the emptiness
I feel the coldness
I feel the numbness

But all these are what make me
These are what complete me
I am now at home with the bleakness

This is now what I have
Me , my coldness and darkness
It comforts me
It soothes me

I am now at home with my emptiness
Please don’t feel bad
I love this numbness

I am one with it as it is now one with me
My cold, dark abyss
My stone cold heart..drags me deeper
I close my eyes and I keep going

I keep falling
I keep smiling as ..
I am falling..

If you know the things I do
The things I do for You
You know love makes the wisest man a fool
And a fool I shall be.. For You

Go away
Far far away
Don't ever come my way
I don't want to ever be this way

Go away
Run ... run away
I want to be as far away
I'm all out
I'm on my way ..
Im going away

Go away
Pls stay away
Go with u n ur vile ways

Go away
Don't ever come my way
With ur bad vibes
With ur fake smiles

Go away... Go away
I'm on a wave
Going away..
So far away
O yea

Go away
I'm on my way
Making my path
Making a new way
On a new start
Far far away

Go away
I hv gotten away
Don't ever come my way
Do Stay away

Go away

I’m so overwhelmed and glad to feel the sun, rain and wind on my face..
To hear the birds in the air
The insects in the grass..

It was almost all lost to me..
It was almost all gone
Almost all taken from me

Things we take for granted till we can’t have them no more
Love, laughter, strength , family and friendship ..

I’m eternally grateful to feel..
To be given another chance
And this time it’s much more real

All of this and much more-
Again-
a second or is it a 3rd chance?

I’m just grateful...

Guess I'm loosing my mind..
Guess I've become one with the stars...
There goes my scars..
Guess I am who I am yet to find...

It hurts..
It hurts so bad..
When u r ther
But im yet so alone

Each time I say..
It's different this time..
It would be great. Come what may.
But in the end.. U r the same
Like everyone else.. Guess I'll be fine

I ask myself why..
It's me I guess..not u
I should be fine
I would let it go.. Not of just u

I would be ok
I am ok
It's all ok..
Guess I'll be fine..

I miss u
I miss ur smile
I miss ur voice
I miss those eyes

I knew u felt it too
But I ran away from you
I knew u loved me
But I didn’t know how to

I miss u
I miss ur laugh
I miss ur smell
I miss those naughty chuckles

I knew u wanted more
But I wasn’t ready
I knew u wher certain
But I wasn’t sure

I miss u
I miss ur touch
I miss ur kisses
I miss those safe arms

Now lying in my empty bed
I look back and wonder what if
What if it was all in my head
Years gone by and now I finally see

I miss u
I think I loved u too...

I miss u

I NEED SLEEP!!!
my brain to shut up

I need to weep
And just maybe curl up

I need to flee
Before I burn up

I need some glee
And alil cheer up

I need a new leap
And definitely a new me

I NEED!!!

I need to scream
I need to shout
I need to cry
To let it all out

I look around
I see no one
I turn around
I hear no sound

I need some warmth
I need a hug
Or just a voice
Or just a kiss

I want the sun
I need the light
But all i get
Is pain and fright

I need me back
But who is me
I need to know
Or just be free

I need me

O sweet slumber where art thou
My sweet respite, y have you forsaken me..
I need your warm embrace..
Wrapped in your dreams..
I need the softness of your silence...
The peace of your weightlessness..

My succor, come back to me..
Please don't leave me..
Where did the attraction go
When did u decide that i was to be alone
Why did the love wane
My rest come and lay with me..

O sweet slumber, pls remember
I would always need you
I am nothing without you
O sweet sleep where art thou????

Insomnia and midnight cravings..
Village people abeg free me oh!!
I’m fighting this..

not going to look in the kitchen or freezer
I can hear my microwave calling me..
may have to check if i have turned off the lights..

Did i close the refrigerator door?
Did i leave the dishwasher or washing machine running

Insomnia and midnight cravings..
Village people abeg free me oh!!
I’m fighting this..

not going to look in the kitchen or freezer
I can hear my microwave calling me..
may have to check if i have turned off the lights..

Did i close the refrigerator door?
Did i leave the dishwasher or washing machine running

I’m laying here in bed
Thoughts of you filling my head
And I wonder
Where did you come from

Images of your face flash by
Your dashing smile.. o my
And I wonder
How did it come by?

Then I remember the feel of your lips
And your hands on my hips
And I ponder..
How I really want you for keeps

I hear your voice
And I can’t help but smile
I get all that warm fuzzy feeling inside
And I ponder..
Is this what they call butterflies?

I look into your eyes
And I see all the emotions inside
Filled with love.. warmth .. oh so nice

And I realise..
You are now mine
And always by my side

I don’t need to wonder
Neither should I ponder

You love me
And would always be mine

I have you now..
Yes .. to you..
I now surrender

My heart is heavy
My mind is noisy
My soul is weary
My eyes teary

I need some respite
I want it all off me
I dont want all this weight
I loathe it..of it i despise

I need to breathe
I'm suffocating
I'm drowning
I need it to leave

I hv finally realised
It's all in my hands
It's in me to actualize
I have to act ..not just plans

So my heart can be light
I can regain my sight
My soul can take flight
And my mind recover it's might

It's heavy
I keep dragging it
It keeps drowning me
I can't take it anymore

This darkness is engulfing me
Its pulling me in..
All Its ever done is drain me
I'm exhausted..i give in

I know i have tried
But i am drained
I wish it could all end
All this hurt..it's got me pained

I want IT to just end
Or mayb i should just end
I can't seem to get out of this bend
Or mayb it wld never end

Please i need IT to stop
Just make IT stop

I don't need IT any more

**** IT!!!!!

I’m slipping
I’m sliding
I can’t get up

I’m falling
I’m  drowning
It’s swallowing me up

I’m sinking
I’m dying
I can’t make it stop

I’m fading
I’m ending
I’m not strong enough

I’m crying
I’m begging
I need it to stop

I’m exhausted
I’m gasping
I’m running out of hope..

I need help
I need it to stop

I need a restart button
I need a new bus stop

I need a new beginning
I need this now to end

I need it to stop killing me
I need to find a new start or for this to end...

I want to cudde!!!
I want to feel your arms around me!!!
I want to touch you !!!!
I need to kiss you!!!!
I want see you!!
I need to feel you beside and inside me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss you incredibly 😔💕

I look at you and  wonder ..
I think of you and ponder of a when
I remember you and it seems it's grown fonder
I then realise i keep yearning for the yonder

I want and wish
I can't help but miss
I know it's what it is
I just feel , maybe what if

Sometimes i feel like it's a possibility
Then it becomes a maybe
Other times it's a never
Or could it be a foerever??
Am i lossing my sanity??????

I wonder..

What goes around
Comes around
Karma.....
I don't fuss
I don't want drama.....

What's lost..
Shall be found..
No need to run around..
It's Not worth the cost..

Don't want none of that
I'm much more than that
Don't need u..or any of that
Dont want u ..u r not worth all that

I leave it all
Karma
Thats all
Not worth the drama

I just sit back n smile
So sweet..soo nice
All the while
As I watch
As karma
Cleans up all the drama

Laying here...
All alone...
Wondering where did it go wrong
Where did it all go??

The sheets are cold
The air is cold
My heart is cold
My soul old

I need ur warmth
I need the light back
I want ur arms
I need the love back

The darkness is my lover
It's cold fingers caressing my empty heart
Wrapping me in its lonliness..
Laying with me in my bed of despair

We keep laying here..
All day and all night
Entwined..embraced..

Laying here..

Sometimes
Love is not enough
Sometimes
You just have to walk away

It may be hard
It may be tough
But u would be fine
It's like finding a diamond in the rough

U dont have to stay
It's ok to walk away
Have no fear
Its ok to shed a tear

Because for some people
sometimes, most times
No matter how strong
Or how feeble

Sometimes
Love is just not enough....

Loving me is not easy
But you love all of me
You love me completely

Loving me can be exhausting
But your love keeps me going
You love me more each day.. and it keeps growing

Loving me is a choice
But its a choice you’ve made and make daily
You love me honestly and Still let me have a voice

There are no words
I have no words...

To say....

Thank you for Loving me....

There it comes
Seeping in slowly
Sneaking in quietly
Sinking in deeply

Till it fills me
And I'm now heavy
I'm all dark and weepy
All cold and cloudy

The mist clouds me
The clear skies avoid me
The cold winds surround me
And I'm left with just me

This pain is increasing
The void is growing
The hollow is widening
My strength is leaving

I have nothing in me
The emptiness is drowning me
There is no more joy left in me
I am just left with the shell of what was me

Or is that now the new me?
Or have i just never been me
Or is this an awakened me
The cold n empty me

I dont know what this means
May be ..i have been left with this thing
Called ME.

Sitting back in my room ,me and my thoughts
Eyes closed, heart heavy, my soul weary..

The warm sunlight streaming in through the blinds..
Playing old school tunes , one by one, on and on
Bringing on the memories, evoking the past, the nostalgia is poignant..

Each and every song has a special memory attached to it..
It seems like it was another life.. another ones life.. and not mine..
Oh how i long for it.. how i wish it is ..and not was.. still mine

It feels like a dream.. like something that had never been,
And not of what was once been.. now so dark , old , grey and not green
its all gone with the wind..
Gone are all those dreams, hopes.. plans , wishes and loves.. and gone with them .. the loved ones
All now memories.. never to be.. fading away
Almost forgotten.... but never gone

All i have are my memories, these old but sweet melodies..
that invoke these memories
Many of which i never knew where even in there.. hidden in the crevices of my broken soul..

All i have are my melodies and my memories
Till the day my tune and all runs out

My life.. my melodies and my memories..

Mixed feelings...
There they go..
Swaying and swimming...
Roaming about..
None is winning...

Should I go ...
Should I stay..
Do i go ahead..
Do i stay back..

Which way do i go..
Do i go up..
Do i come down..

**** u mixed feelings...

I start to smile..
But before it reaches my eyes..
Tears flow over their edges..
And im left with wet cheecks and lashes..

The laugh starts to bubble over..
But ends in a heart wrenching cry.
Do i walk away??
Or do I stay n pray????????

**** u mixed feelings..

I have a melody n a melancholy ..
I am happy and I'm sad..
Ecstatic and heart broken
What an irony..
It's just to bad..
This can't be changed..

O you mixed feelings..
**** u mixed feelings...

U gat me thinking all *****
U gat my mind all flirty.. Or is it filthy..Hehhe
Mehn.. U gat me saying.. Yes papi

Wind on me baby
The way u move ur spine is alarming
U gat me blood all hot.. I'm screaming
Don't let go baby

Bring that body my way
U knw u ain't goin no where
Once I have got my way
U know u wld want to stay

Can't get u off my brain
Thought of u flooding my viens
Drooling over u...
I gat to have u

**** u gat me thinking *****
U make me want to be so naughty
Bring ur body this way
I have got plans.. That wld make u scream hey!!

O my.. Naughty naughty
U really gat me all hot n sweaty
I ain't leaving here alone
Come on..i knw u want more

Yes u are my Naughty lil secret
The one I cant regret
The one that i hv bn looking for
The one that always has me wanting more

My naughty naughty..

High on pain
Extra high on pain meds
Extremely drowsy on sleeping meds

I am so restless
I am so dizzy
I am drowsy

But I can’t lie down and sleep
I’m walking around like a drunken sheep
I’m nuts and i know that .. yep I’m deep

So what do i do?
I blast afro beats
And dance and stagger and move

I may be down but I won’t drown
I may be in excruciating pain
But I’m not going to whine or wail

**** this pain tho
It’s you and me
We are going to dance this dance  as a duo

A mixture  of Pain, tears and drugs
A lovely combo we are
A unique trio , thats how we go

My pain , meds and me....

For the first time ever
Since the day i was born...
I am truly and completely
NAKED...

Hmmm..
It feels weird
And oddly humbling
This is me- NAKED

I am finally looking at myself
In my true image
The way i was originally made

NAKED....

Night time...
I love nighttime
I abhor  nighttime
Why are you just not the same
Why torture me every time

Nighttime ...
When my mind is awake, alive and full of ideas
When my body remembers every single thing
Every ache it could have , in weird and wonderful areas

Nighttime ...
When inspiration is at it’s peak
When the pain is so bad I can’t speak
When memories flood my mind
But I can’t move , I’m just a freak

Nighttime...
When the lyrics make the most sense
When my pain is at the most intense

Nighttime...
When the beats and rhythm are all i can feel
But this agony won’t let me be
I wish it would just set me free
I wish i could just get my mind out of my body and flee

Nighttime...
I’m awake
My body is craving sleep
My mind is as wide as the lake
My body is laying all limp and weak
Yes i know I’m a freak

Nighttime....
The best time of the day
The worst time of the day
The most creative time of the day
The most torturous time of the day

Nighttime...
I ride the wave every single night
The ups and downs
The laughs and the cries
I enjoy all of it every night
Or maybe not- maybe it’s all lies

Nighttime..
The sun is rising
It’s getting brighter
The dawn is no better
Maybe its time to finally start sleeping

Nighttime
My best friend
My worst foe
But its all I’ve ever known
And looks like it’s all i would ever know

Nighttime...

U know u have gat me yearning..
This is new..
Something i should be learning..
Mon Dieu!

O my.. What a craving..
I am in awe
I'm loving this feeling
O wow

U got me healing
I'm hot all over
It keeps growing
I want this to last forever.... .

Yes !.. It's a renewing
A turning of a new leaf
An awakening
I've found my release..

This is not a tease
.....

I wake up to your sweet cuddles  and
Your love bites like tiny needles,
but it’s all part of ur love, nonetheless

You meow so sweet and lovingly
as you stretch and reach out out to me..
for a rub and a caress... o how that moves me..

You came into my life at it’s lowest point
I was giving up on joy, life n living- there was no point
But you waltzed in and turned it all around
All my despair to eagerness ...

Eagerness to watch you grow
Eagerness to wake up each day just to love you more
Eagerness to protect you , feed you play with and hold you more

You have no idea how much you saved me
How much you still save me
from my pain
From my despair
From my disdain

You are literally the reason I get out of bed every day..
If I don’t, you attack my feet, hands , nose n lips🤣

Having you in my life has given me a reason to stay alive

You are my right had man, drive buddy,walk buddy, netflix n chill budy.. travel buddy, fight buddy n best of all cuddle buddy..

thank you for saving this soul that was about to give up..

Thank you Olaf..
I love you my Ollie loly limlim baby💕💕💕

I feel the heat of ur gaze
I look up and I'm ****** in
Ur eyes..ur  fiery gaze..
U r calling me
U r wanting me..O my!

I feel my self coming closer..
I'm moving closer and closer
Until I don't remember where I end and you begin
U have gotten me , o my!

I'm drowning in your love
Ur eyes..say all the things i need
My knees have grown weak
I'm stuck.. Cant move.
O my! Here ..u have me

Please don't smile..
My heart can't take it..
I can't take anymore
Those lips!!!!
O my!.. U have really gotten me.

I can't explain Whats happening
Ur touch is setting me ablaze
O what sweet torture..
I know i fallen, I'm still falling
Please take me.. O my!

I am drowning in the smell of u
In the essence of u
I want u
All of u
O my! U can take me now

And then u whisper in my ear
The feel of ur breath
The sound of ur voice
I am in bliss..
I need this..
I know this...
U will always have me.. O my!

O!!  My!!!!!

The way you smile at me
Baby you have got me falling
The way your voice washes over me
Darling you have got me drowning

The way you do what you do
Sweetheart , I just want to be with u
The way you love me the way you do
Honey, I just want you and only you

I don’t want no drama
Just want you
Don’t need no more trauma
Just want to love you

Because .. the way I feel for you
My love it’s only you
Just what I want ..

Only ... You

Sometimes , at times, many times... probably right now...
I wish I could press the pause and reboot button
Lets press the rewind button or maybe the stop button....

But then rewind to what stage? To what time?
There seems to be no happy times
I can’t seem to find any care free times

Only times of constant worry
Times of always working
Only functional but not living

Can’t find the time of being totally happy
Can’t remember ever feeling completely safe
Can’t seem to find a time for what I’m trying to find

I guess I should just throw the entire ****** remote away...
But not before I press the pause button
Lets stop everything right now, it can’t keep going this way...

Please press the pause button
Put me in a coma...
I don’t have the strength , I want to be forgotten

Press the pause button
Put me in a coma
Don’t worry you can forget to wake me

I would be very grateful to be paused,
Better still stopped
Lets just end the story

So which do i need
Which one do I want
To press the pause button

Or to press the stop button...??!
Or maybe the rewind button...??
Or better still the delete button....

I just need to stop... so press any of the **** buttons!!! Please