Didn’t realise how much i had been pulling
Didn’t realise the load i had been carrying
Didn’t realise how much my soul was aching
Didn’t realise that my strength was failing

I just kept pushing
I just kept moving
I just had to keep on going
I just thought i had no choice .. no stopping

Then just in a twinkle of an eye
I almost saw it all pass me by
All i have been struggling, leave me behind
And all that would have been left behind was a sigh..

I now had a to have a rude realisation
I don’t know what direction do i visualise
I have to make a new path, a different direction
A new realisation

I just don’t know what my role is or who am I anymore
I need to realise .. i need a new plan.. a new me
I need a new awakening
Everything i have and i know and i am is not as it is
Is this me or it isn’t

I need a new realisation..

Sitting back in my room ,me and my thoughts
Eyes closed, heart heavy, my soul weary..

The warm sunlight streaming in through the blinds..
Playing old school tunes , one by one, on and on
Bringing on the memories, evoking the past, the nostalgia is poignant..

Each and every song has a special memory attached to it..
It seems like it was another life.. another ones life.. and not mine..
Oh how i long for it.. how i wish it is ..and not was.. still mine

It feels like a dream.. like something that had never been,
And not of what was once been.. now so dark , old , grey and not green
its all gone with the wind..
Gone are all those dreams, hopes.. plans , wishes and loves.. and gone with them .. the loved ones
All now memories.. never to be.. fading away
Almost forgotten.... but never gone

All i have are my memories, these old but sweet melodies..
that invoke these memories
Many of which i never knew where even in there.. hidden in the crevices of my broken soul..

All i have are my melodies and my memories
Till the day my tune and all runs out

My life.. my melodies and my memories..

Shut up!
Shut the hell up!!!
The silence is too loud

Silence!!
Be silent!!
The void is screaming at me

Go away
Get the hell away!!
The darkness is beckoning

Be gone!!
Be gone right now!!
This coldness enveloping me

Stop it!!
Be still now!!
This darkness ..to me it’s rushing

Thou shall not have me...
I say onto thee
My mind , my life and me is not thine!!

I’m exhausted
I just need it all to end
I can’t hold on any longer
I’m falling off this bend

I see the darkness calling
I want it so bad
I hear the silence loudly
Is this all thats to be had?

I am drained and empty
All cold and dry
I have no more energy
No tears left to cry

I call on the bleakness
To come take me away
I have nothing but darkness
Only nights and no day

I’m exhausted
When will this all end?
Or maybe it’s wasted
Maybe I should just make it the end...

O these feelings!

What is this fluttering i feel in my belly?
Is it butterflies? Some one please tell me!

Why do i catch myself smiling when I think of you?
Why is that so? Some one please tell me!

What is this feeling ? This feeling of longing i have for you?
What is happening to me? Some one please help me!!!

Why do i miss you so much? Why do i want to be with you this bad?
What are you doing to me? Some one please save me!

Is this what this feels like?
I cant be having these feelings
I shouldn't have feelings
Some one please tell me
Some one please save me
Rescue me!! This is not me!!

Why you? What have you done to me?
Given me butterflies and feelings!!!

I got to turn this feelings off or ... Maybe on??

And it comes by again
There it goes away again
The never ending cycle
Dreams .. hopes .. joys and pains

We make the same promises
We make the same vows
We wish the same wishes
And pray for the doves

Many started this race with us
Many have left us behind
Many have gone ahead of us
And many are not with Us

But every single time
We wish for it to be better
Much better than the last time
It would be greater.. much better
So we tell ourselves every time..

That’s all we have..
Glad to be here
Year after year
We start it as we did tonight
That’s all we have..

Our joy, our gladness..
our losses.. memories
Our sorrows.. and then the happiness
It would be better.. we wish for greatness

We would use this as yet another spring board
Being grateful for the past
But ever hopeful and never bored
As we say every year
This would be a year of greatness

Happy New Year!!
Welcome to everyone who made it
And remember those that didn’t..

Welcome 2019.. please be kind
                             Please be nice
Let You be one of a kind

The way you smile at me
Baby you have got me falling
The way your voice washes over me
Darling you have got me drowning

The way you do what you do
Sweetheart , I just want to be with u
The way you love me the way you do
Honey, I just want you and only you

I don’t want no drama
Just want you
Don’t need no more trauma
Just want to love you

Because .. the way I feel for you
My love it’s only you
Just what I want ..

Only ... You