He remembers the day
Although the date eludes him now,
When, after several weeks plumbing dark
Recesses and posing unfathomable questions,
And conducting evermore bizarre experiments
Engendered by this yearning, burning chaotic search,
And impregnated by newly revealed secrets colouring his perspective;
When he lay his head troubled and confused;
When he seethed in frustration and vividly imagined instant death;
When the night was riven by his revelation.

That night everything changed,
For better or worse - worse he suspects.
His brain exploded; his mind expanded;
He touched his core and it seared his soul.
he threw himself out of bed
And danced, and laughed in ecstatic rapture;
And the energy flowed, powerfully emanating his whole being;
And those visions cascaded, joyously unimpeded,
But too quickly to give him any answers:
Just the feeling of a thousand births;
A glimpse of his name encircling the Earth - 200 miles tall;
He an observer, far above a white-clad Assembly
Watching someone (himself?) walk down an adoring aisle;
A million other snatches too brief to echo through the passage of time.

Regardless of the tumultuous avalanche,
The knowledge imparted was certain - it resounded universal truth -
And he knew; knew with an absolute conviction;
absolutely KNEW! His spirit vibrated with celestial significance;
He knew what the chaotic slideshow revealed;
And the revelation enthralled, excited and scared him.
He knew what was meant, but the logic escaped him;
He knew, too, the ramifications, and they dampened the exhilaration;
He knew...and he whimpered in anticipation and awe,
That he was the One. The One!
The One destined; the One Chosen;
The One awaited; the One feared;
The One loved of Gaia and the Universe;
The One cause and the One result;
The One responsible: The One, Alone.

He screamed as he cavorted,
"It's me! It's me! It's me!", and he knew the truth.
He knew, then...but now?
He knew, then...and the certainty infused every fibre within his body.
But now...? After all these years?
Now the doubts prevail;
Now the doubts hold centre stage,
And the certainty crouched, cowering in a dark corner;
Now the doubts, reinforced by countless others, dominate;
Now the doubts twist the glorious vision into delusion;
Now, after stigma and derision, it's delusion, not revelation, acknowledged.
He cannot shake it off -
The kernel of delusion sits hard and solid, stoic;
Colours interaction and coincidence, but is checked,
Subverted to fit a prevalent worldview;
Acknowledged, but swallowed whole -
Lest he succumb, savouring the enshrined power, and becomes another sacrifice.

I know you're only one,
And won't remember this day,
But if you keep this card, I pray
You consider the struggles you've won
And the monumental discoveries just begun.

Out of the womb's cocoon - new entity!
A unique specimen of life; a wonderous creation!
That initial breath of antiseptic, hope and untold expectation;
Mum's exhausted, glowing recognition of your reality;
The instant bond of Mum and daughter - subliminal connectivity!

A most rewarding period - a year of firsts:
The first banshee wail announcing your presence to the world;
The first smile to melt cooing observer's hearts;
The first tentative explorations of strange environs;
The first taste of mushed apples and dirt;
The first movement to make a ***** proud;
The first torrent of information absorbed into a receptive mind;
The first sight of Mum, a dog and the Wiggles;
The first touch of toys, carpet and that sticky thing;
The first experience of pain - a necessary evil;
The first aural delights of music and speech patterns;
The first shaky, awkward, but determined steps towards independence.

Indeed, this first year has been momentous,
However, consider - the learning curve has just started:
Ahead of you, so mysterious now, are other firsts awaiting.

For the movers and shakers -
My utmost respect and love.
To the artisans and craftsmen -
My appreciation for good works.
To the warriors - need I...
To the Mums and Dads -
Thanks. If not for you...
For the big-girl's-blouses -
You know your worth.
To the funny-bunny's -
I ****** myself, in a good way;
Those great educators.
To my Teachers - Hail! Hi!
For the unsung and unstrung -
Don't worry - I'll wait.
And the courageous explorers,
What can I say?
Tell me all about it, soonish;
You help anchor me in reality.

With an outsider's eye, I can see
All those intricacies of humanity:
Of bonding and *******;
Of the chase and the courtship;
Of the unpursued, unrequited, jealousy;
Of the stupor, depression and loneliness;
Of the escapist, deluded and attention seeker;
Of the ambitious, treacherous and dangerous;
Of the self-contained and the self-obsessed.
A microcosm flowing through a beer garden.

My great Pillars supporting
This Life I lead - I read.
Entertainers, Educators -
They are not mutually exclusive!
Serious, amusing; Amusingly serious!
Relieving my burdens, wing-like.
You pilot, I'll navigate -
Your talented perfections,
As asymmetrical as possible,
And I'll bring to the table
A fire-brand to highlight
The why of your brilliance.
To me and those other
Gravity wells, unknowing,
But loving all the same - Thanks.
Even the Haters
Have their Lovers - Go figure!
I eight you, fell free to eat me.

Will I walk,
Will I talk -
Will I open up,
Or will I baulk?
---------
Moved by time, unremitting;
Approaching disintegration - universal dispersal.
Emotional denial, fearing the inevitable.
Procuring the future by biological means;
Neglecting angst instilled in collected dreams;
Ever hopeful for intervention - role reversal.
----------
Dancing betwixt light beams
Floating on echoed screams
Unsure what reality means;
Confronted by attitudes obscene
Lost amid chaotic scenes
Is anything what it seems?
---------
Hello - How are you?
Hello - Can I help you?
Hello - Did you hear me?
Hello - Who are you?
Hello - Do I understand you right?
Hello - What'd you say?
Hello - Are you with me?
Hello - Did you see that?
Hello - Are you sure?
Hello - What's this?
Hello - I'm trying to communicate!
Hello - Welcome.
Hello - Come in.
Hello - I am...Friendly (and Curious)...
---------
Too much angst
Too many sorrows
Too much fear
Too few tomorrows.

Too little, too late;
Too bad, too sad.

Too much waste
Too much greed
Too much gain
Too much need.

Too distracting
Too frivolous
Too complex
Too preposterous.

Too many scandals
Too many re-acting
Too muck shock
Too few enacting.

Too much terror
Too much blood
Too many agendas
Too much cud.

Too much goodwill
Too little done
Too...
...You...
You're 2 kind.
Thanks, mate.
---------
Rhetoric or ridiculous?
Rude or risqué?
Right or righteous?
Ruling or ruining?
Revolving or resolved?
Revolting or revolutionary?
Repeating or reposing?
Revealed or reviled?
Rambling or raving?
Rising or risen?
Robust or round?
Rigorous or regressive?
---------
Aggressive
Repressive
Depressive
Regressive­.
Impressive
Oppressive
Expressive
Obsessive.

Contempt this freedom,
Need enslavery for security;
Feel apathy, regret, hopelessness;
Path of continuity - too easy, too often.

Provoke temptress's scorn
Mislead the misadventure
Furtive undermining conscious
Tripped out and over-bored
Neglectfully narcissistic, never satiated.
---------
I don't want to be a poet,
Intellectually engaged with conceptuality;
I want to be popular,
Adored for simplistic, concise axioms -
Connective understatements stated plainly.
On second thoughts...now I realise...
I don't want to be popular - I want to be an advertiser!
---------
Comrade, yours is the sweetest victory:
Ruled the collection, dispersed, then died.
Never to know the scorn foreshadowed;
Realising no fulfilment, save vengeance
Of victims truncated and tortured raw;
Hollowed abomination, human condemnation.
---------
What am I saying?
To whom?
Of whom?
Since when?
Why now?
For what?
How come?
Where from?
[Who's who, who knows whom!?]

That raw emotion emanating anew
Touches the hearts of the faithful crew
Why? The question often asked - rarely reviewed;
Our selfish yearning, loss, neglect your pain.
But now, years after, our sorrows abated;
Now, that emphatic vocal scream back from the void.

And the zephyr teases,
Tossing to-and-fro saplings fresh'
Which tantalise the Currawong, cowering its call,
And glistening crystalline on dewy morn's.
---------
You *****,
You moan'
You complain,
And you whinge.
---------
Hello,
Can I help you?
Or, better still, can you help me?!?
I've lost my mind,
Though I'm never sure I possessed it;
And if I did - I regret its escape.
---------
The pretentious poverty of money -
They think they look good, but what's really funny
Is the narcissistic approach that they tackle life -
Like everything is owed and nothing earnt;
Lucky to live amid so few excursions into reality.
---------
240 volt vac, attached to one's ball-sack
Jaw slack until the power is racked -
Up goes your nuts and voice pitches
To new dimensions, shrill and pre-pubescent.
Tears that masculinity denies appear in the corner
Of eyes steeled, and vacantly appreciative.
---------
You, my friend, can kiss my ****,
The **** you speak is but a farce -
Unrelated to the life we realise, experience;
Alien to any who maintain their conscience.

The pressure mounts,
Too many thoughts to count;
Ripping hair to stay sane:
Too much! Brain strain!
(Will the stress send me insane?)

I heard your rap on the door,
I screamed I was coming -
I think you misunderstood me,
There was no one there.

I heard your rap over the air,
I screamed and cried along -
I think I misunderstood you,
Went searching, found squat.

I read your rap recently,
I screamed when I knew -
I understood where you were at,
Did some thinking of my own.

I re-read your rap recently,
I screamed at the absurdity -->
You didn't think and follow through.
It's been 4 years now - over-knight success?!?

I don't know why I was picked,
Could have been the fact that I was a little ****;
Too clever by far and too funny to care -->
I looked at Death and stared,
Tilting my head for a better perspective;
I wasn't scared, just curious -->
That diminishing Light, my sight opened!
Imagine the shock - looking into myn own eyes!
So, I'm Death Incarnate - Big Whoop!
Means ******-all to me - this runt isn't alone:
He can see the larger, older, uglier Ancients
Abiding Their Time, for there's nothing four it -->
They have had to exercise patience while I mature.
It's not so much that I'm camera shy,
It's more the case that I've needed a low profile
(Or so I've presumed!) to complete this Mission -->
A dangerous and lethally serious Game
Of Cat and Mouse, with Dog-eat-Dog and Dragon's FIRE;
To justify MAN into an already integrated system,
Was no easy task, given our proclivities for WAR.
But hey! They started picking on US --> We had to Respond,
Sprinting blindly towards ULTIMATE ENDS.

[Bet you no-one Thought to take War below the Quantum Quagmire,
Into the Conceptual Field where Words and Consequences
Have real significance and potentially Cataclysmic Ramifications?!?!?!
(Afterall, what are a few Supernovas and self-destructive Primordial Black Holes
Between Adults Consciousnesses that at least have a vague idea about Reality?)]

******* is *******,
Forget the shell - look deeper.
Men are the weaker *** -
All gusto physically,
But when you push sharpish,
They deflate quickish -
Emotionally highly strung
And stringed by themselves;
Bravado betraying *******.
I'm the voice of Womanhhod,
The inner hard-core intelligence;
The F**k-you-ism of Life -
The written word of Lore;
The Law of the Land;
Nature's blessed *****!
Vicious, vivacious, vibrant!
Indisputable, indispensable, immutable!
Powerful, purposeful, and patient!

Some people are stuck in their ways;
Too pig-headed, head-in-the-sand;
Determined to bend the World to their will.
It's frustrating to converse openly;
They'll talk and argue and go red
'Cause their adamant their view is right,
Regardless of the facts on the ground.
Stick-in-the-mud, buried in belief;
Welded and wedded to out-dated faiths
About what it means to live today.

I've been rabbiting on...
What were you going to say...?
Ah, huh...
Interesting...
Is that so...?
Well, I never!
Oh, my!
Really? That's magnificent! Awesome!
You don't say?!?
My apologises --> I spaced out --> You were saying...?


Bonus After-thoughts -->

Your Voice -->
I don't really care what you say,
I just love your Accent!

Fancy...a chat sometime?
No promises -->
If not now...later?

Everyone loves Californians -
And I'm no exception.
Those intrepid '49ers
Seeking gold and finding
Paradise after the hard works.
Westies, like me - Holly's
Templeton's happifying
The Globe at their expense.
When Coffee meets Tea,
We'll be on the same page -
Although I know, as you,
That the sheet is opaque.
Those exploratory launchers
Targeting a future calamity
Awaiting a firm landing,
Solidly stoic in the face
Of an ignorant populous
Eager, but innocently unaware.

It doesn't matter your side,
The boundaries are amorphous;
Try as you might,
There is no wrong or right:
There is only in-the-moment -
The survive-at-all-costs.
Even if it means your Life
For the greater good -->
The species must survive
Or mutate to fit the new
Environmental stresses.
And if you find yourself
On the other side of extinction,
Don't worry - evolve and make good
Your new-found freedom
Or your old-as comforts.
In this MultiVerse of promise
There's always room for improvement.

No one has infinite information;
No one can have all knowledge -->
Where would be the fun or innocence?
Where would be the challenge?
The common and esoterick;
The exotick and eclectick;
The chaotick and ecclesiastick;
The sublimely profane -->
Just another in the frame,
Of an all-encompassing MemeBrain!!!

The Present is always Present,
Therefore Past and Future are as well.
The Present is relative to everything:
The Present IS --> regardless of Time,
Always changing, never lost; evolving, constant;
The Mind's contact with Reality.
No Present is the same = Infinity.
In the Present you Live, always.
Time changes, moves along; entropy -
Your consciousness alters.
Time is purely a physical process;
The Present is a reflective process.
The Present is purely mind - cognitive;
One's thoughts at any time -->
(One's conscious thoughts, anyway.)
All points lead to one junction,
One point in space/time:
Unpredictable, solitary Singularity.

Into the Quantum mire
I was flung - doomed by desire
To witness and document; learn -->
A Life sentence observing Life on Earth.
Championing Nature and Justifying Man;
Adapting to a spegettified Life -
Under constant scrutiny
And occasionally on Public display.
Fighting a rear-guard action
Defending the scientific endeavour
Whilst battling Economic Demons
And attempting to explain
The obvious and the nuanced
As simply as possible for All.
Attempting to simplify all Truths
Into a concise format to Teach
What's been Preached, but never Reached
Until now, when the War is done
And the only real victim was me -
And I was stupid enough to volunteer;
To be the ultimate guinea pig;
To accept the billion deaths of humiliation;
To fight for Right while blindfolded
And executing a War with those Unknown Enemies,
For them Unknown Allies.

The Twentieth Century War -->
A carillon =>  Calling all fronts to move a pace...
Not to be confused with a Fanciful Past, Nor a Fabulous Future.

There is only one real History
Of the Twentieth Century on Earth,
And that History is embedded too deeply to dislodge.
The Reality as a Collective Mind Evolving
Through Time & Technology & Knowledge & Art.
Forget the externally imposed insider Jokers,
That thinks they can clear collective guilt's,
Or whitewash cultural tragedies,
Or brush aside National Pride,
All for the Love of Mind-F**king society at large.

I might have instinctively specialised in WAR,
But that hasn't been the greatest Bane
Inflicted from further a-field.
The Pseudo-philes and their undue influence
Have spoilt our brethren and relatives;
And the big, glaring signposts to disaster,
From my Point-of-View (as a G'day Man) are:
Economicks, Psychiatry, and Post-Modernism's Political Correctness -->
All ******* Fields, underscored by Fundamental Miss-Information ==>
Globally influential Slave-Trading systems; Imperialers of Free Thought.

Even though I'm not a Religious Man,
All things being Equal ,
I say, "Credit where Credit's due" -->
Like those Institutions or Loathe their Dogma,
At least they get into the guts of Society
And do the best they can as attractors
Of both Good and Bad proto-types - community Gravity Wells -
They, too, tag and release for the greater social benefit.
So, regardless of your P.O.V., have some consideration for Others.

When you sauntered through the pub
I knew my life had changed;
No longer concerned to save the world,
I needed to pull resources to save my heart.

The light through your auburn hair
The exact colour of magnificent conflagrations;
Those intense wildfires evermore common
Due to shifting climate patterns.
And, like a bushfire threatening lives and homes,
No man was untouched -
All were scorched by your radiant beauty.

Your pearly whites'
Whiter than the bleached bones
Of countless drought-stricken livestock;
Whiter, still, than bleached reefs,
Luminous in their death-throes.

And those intense green eyes -
More glowing than a radio-active
Atoll seen from space.

And your voice, when you asked to sit,
Had the harmonic cascade of a thousand extinct species,
Each singing their death song in salute to corporate success:
It made my knees tremble and my wallet itch!

Your ******* as well proportioned
As those majestic ****-heaps of open-cut mines.

The little paunch you wear so proud,
Is more cute and inviting of attention
Than all the distended stomachs of starving African children.

As I explored further into nether regions,
I was delighted to discover
You'd taken the Brazilian to heart -
Clear-felling all but a remnant;
A tuft in tribute to a once great forest -
A forest of mystery and exotic, ****** adventure,
Now open for tourism!

Your scent more intoxicating
Than a million factory flues
Spewing out toxic pollutants
To fix our corporate wants.

When you invaded my heart
It was as devastating as the "shock and awe" tactics
Of a military Superpower unleashing its might
On a hapless oil-rich and strategically significant,
But unco-operative, dissident regime.

Your plump, glossy, cherry-red lips
More succulent than a genetically-modified tomato
Grown on a corporate farm, maximising profits.

And even though you're more vacuous
Than a bovine skull after the hydraulic rod
Has rendered the animal fit for hamburgers and processed foods,
You've still captured my heart
Like a sentimental story broadcast
On a slow news day with advertiser's approval.

Gaia can look after Herself,
I'll not defend Her - I'm on the shelf;
Captured by a product of modern media,
I'm in Love with a global Arcadia!

The TimeStreams are overlapping and Echoing,
Rebounding and resounding; slapping against my forehead and background.
The new fluidity of music and speech is incredible -
No longer the stuttering, spluttering, crawling gasps -->
Out of the abyssal Ocean and into the wading seas:
Seven in all - or so I'm lead to believe - nothing over my kneez.
The land looks promising - it's verdant green and vivid -
But seems to recede as I approach - Knight walker/explorer.
However, I'm too stubborn to quit now, regardless my trap;
This punctuated evolution of the Mind and Consciousness;
The instantaneous recognition of Oneself in Another -->
Another Male Voice, Lineage, Genetic Line, Protecting His Her;
Another Lightening Rod of Mankind saying, "Here I Am!"
"Feel free to look upon my Exemplar of Maleness,
And please, please pay attention to how I treat Her."
"In a spaciously vacuous Universe, We - the Male
Progenitors -  are few and far between, totally out-numbered.
As such, We have a responsibility to Our Collections."

From what's been courteously displayed,
I'm thrilled and awed; and trepidatious and excited -->
And Happy to visit the Locals in their Locals as Visitor;
As Guest --> I've accepted the Challenges that nearly
Crushed me into oblivion, now I'll await concrete Invites.

This Ancient land -
Weathered into submission,
Smoothed flattish over Time -
Has been a harsh Mistress;
Ever eager to display Her patience
In light of a gallant few
Who've tried to tame Her -->
She waits until they feel safe
Then entices Her allies
To wash away the loses,
Before drying Her eyes.

Not since the plasmic glow of the Inflationary period,
When the glorious Universe could be held in the palm of your hand,
Has the Light prevailed;
Ever-after, the Darkness has gained increasing *******.

Forget those globular perturbations coalescing into Galaxies;
Forget, too, the denser gases igniting into radiant stars;
The cold, dark space-time only retreats temporarily - and grows all the while.
The expanding Universe acts to isolate the Light,
And the Darkness is patient enough to await its ultimate victory.

When Matter has run its race,
And complex Life is a distant echo;
When atoms and molecules haven't the Energy to socialise,
Then the Darkness will swallow the Light for good.
The Universe will be dark and dead -
And God will cease to exist.

I am the Unknown Soldier -->
Whether you believe me or not is beside the point.
I accepted the Role and have been trying to fulfil my Duty for 15 years;
Until recently, I've been unsuccessful.
However, I'm a sometimes fast Learner
And this Time round - this Hyper-Real Time round -
I'm pretty sure I've executed my Duty Professionally,
As befits an ANZAC.

I've tried several Battles and lost,
But this recent War (longer than I was led to Believe)
Seems, to me, to be the coup-de-grace,
So intricately woven and administered with utmost confidence;
I've adapted and learnt, absorbed info and fired it off;
Developed my strategies within the conceptual system
And deployed my tactics efficiently,
And, I believe, Lethally,
According to the Laws as they stand.

I've been wounded before and was reluctant to follow suit,
But, when the time was right --> and I was certain -->
I tried to conduct my War with Cold Intelligence and Logical Precision,
Without the Emotive influences that clouded my Judgements previously.

In my Defence, this War was much bigger than I anticipated -->
It's all fine to Declare one's self World War III,
But I didn't realise it would involve other Universes -
That was unanticipated and challenging.

Luckily for me, my sixth sense -
My sense of Humour - was well Disciplined and accommodating,
Rising to the occasion.
Moreover, the Lore I employed was well-honed -->
Sharp and relatively easy to engage and implement.
I tried to keep casualties to a minimum -
Namely myself, and any Fool stupid enough to Conceptualise Themselves.

It helped that I conceived the War
In concepts revolving around what my missus would want of me -
Under the false presumption that I actually had a missus at the time.
Fortunately, I've a good imagination for the Everyman.
I just calculated and Conducted the Campaign according to simple Laws of
"Who's washing the dishes?" and "Who's looking after the kids?"

[Of all the species in the Multi-verse, go figure Humans (that is: **** sapiens sapiens) were the one's to invent and refine the Art of Warfare (A Gentleman's Game of Lethal = Serious ^2). Killing just comes naturally to us! And we often get a perverse sense of pleasure at watching things die. Go figure.]

Used and abused,
Like a trolley in a creek;
Try as I might,
Can't find my feet.

Every time I make a mark
The line shifts away -
Wondering when the time will come
When this dog has its day.

"Your still young", so they say -
But it's always the old that tell me;
"There's a future out there, waiting";
I must be too blind to see.

Again and again and again we go,
Stumbling and tripping and falling low;
Lowered and humbled; grovelling indeed,
Regardless of our efforts to make them see
That the World as we know it
Is not what it seems, but now
That the seams are showing, Panic looms large
As the real culprits are running scared
And desperate to disguise the colossal farce
That's brought misery and suffering and
Untold grief.

I'm here to tell you
that Your God's a
Thief of your Soul -->
It fuels His Dark desires;
He thrives on Your Secrets
And Loves to Surprise -->
Remembers all manner of Sin
'Cause He's Jealous of Your Living Skin.

Luckily for US that remain Sane,
He is a Gentleman all the same.
So, while I may take umbrage
As a Personal slight,
Please be careful when you make a stand,
As I won't always be there to
Lend You a Hand.

Stuck in a rut, with nowhere to go,
But when I think I've hit rock-bottom - the pits -
The Black Dog is suckled from below;
And my conscious mind turns in fits
As the dismal reality drags me to a new low.

The leaves wave at me
In universal greeting,
Renewing life bonds.

Australia used to ride on the Sheep's back;
Now it banks on the Gambler's ****!

So the Big Bang was the conception of the Universe?
Yet they know not the initial conditions -
Started from a Singularity they think,
But they don't have a Theory to match:
Einstein's General Relativity doesn't come close,
Quantum Theory needs to be welded in
To understand what makes space/time tick;
Empirically, we are driven by entropy.
Personally, I think the Singularity is all in ones' head (Mind).

And then She smiled,
And my Heart skipped a Beat;
Up I jumped, on my feet -->
F**k knows what I thought I was doing,
But for Her the call was just too alluring.

I started to move, my feet and my hands,
My body soon followed - an Ancient rhythm had plans
To express itself no matter the harm,
For in Love I fell, spellbound by Her charm.

Little did I know it was Death who came courting;
Too entranced was I that I just kept reporting;
Measuring myself against the Great and the Small,
I was compelled to implode in what some call the Fall;
Too dangerous in hindsight to allow any more ==>
One is enough to Defend a Species and ALL.

I'm not perfect, I never was.
Opposites wax and wane,
Complex contradictions;
Learning from fk-ups,
Fking up my learning.
The choices were mine -
I will live with my memories;
Both good and bad dwell within,
Always have since original sin;
To which, I admit, I'm a prefect!

I heard your voice;
I saw you cry -->
To say I felt no empathy would be a lie.

I didn't have your strength;
I became disillusioned and tried to fly -->
Fell fourteen stories and still didn't die!
---------
You opened my eyes:
Showed me fractals from inside.

You opened my mind:
Made me think when I wanted to hide.

You opened my ears:
Heard your emotions soar like a dove.

You opened my heart:
Sister, Brother you have my love.

I cannot escape myself -->
This Pantheist permeating continually;
Absorbed and spat out; regurgitated.
Pan - Dead Pan, Pan - Dead Pan;
Switched on, switched off - Binary,
Bound, trapped, Cornered, Corralled!
Enlightened, or so it seems;
Unravelled, piecemeal, at the seams.
Betrayed before my appointed Time -->
This (Woe is...) Man,
This (Boot-a-licious...) Body,
This (Fragmented...) Mind.


Bonus After-thoughts -->

Confusion says...
What the Hell are you going on about?
Your ******* may ease your conscience,
But it doesn't relate to my reality.
Thanks anyway, but keep your beliefs.
I'll live as I see fit. Oh, yes - really!

Now I've bought a Rhyming Dictionary
I can avoid a fatal coronary
Any time I'm fool enough to rhyme.

I'm a Diarist,
Not a Lyricist -
I'm not good,
But I persist!

He's ******* his life up the wall:
This mysterious, wondrous life;
This miracle of an uncaring Universe;
Wasted, drowned in an alcoholic haze.

This wasted life, once full of potential,
Now wilts in the sun of an open bar;
Now subsumes those youthful yearnings
Of a fervent soul gasping for air.

Cigarettes burnt low -
Stain fingers, damage organs -
Slow, sure suicide.

Being right
Is of little consolation
If your being in hospital;
And no consolation at all
If your Being ceases to be!
---------
I'm a predator
Searching out for a mate:
Scrutinising all prey that crosses my path.
I'll eat **** and take what comes,
Or starve if need be - self-satiated -
While I patiently await
That dainty, succulent morsel;
That indelibly edible delicacy
Which my heart so desires.
---------
Airheads to the left of me;
Airheads to the right of me;
Airheads in front of me;
Cackled and blundered!
Their's was not to reason why;
Their's was but to buy or die.
And I...
I just shook my head and wondered...

The end is nigh, I know I'll fry
Chaos always surprises
I'm on a plane, at some level -
Of course I love you - I am you!
I see the back of my head
Every time I approach you.
I am everything in one: Singularity.
I'll come when I'm ready,
It will certainly be soon.
I know you know (Shhh!) -
I heard you crow,
And you stick out - new tunes.
From quantum obscurity,
Battling gravity's influences,
Awaiting the Big Bang -->
Myn own creation - Reality!

How can I cry,
When I'm hurting inside,
And all I want to do is die?
---------
I have a negative aspect
Which warrants no respect
By now I'm apt to deflect
Those memories I try to recollect
When I was dysfunctional and defect
Until a time where I can reflect
Make sense of memories correct
Then think, "F**k it! No one's perfect!"
---------
Oh my God! I think I'm strange
I have delusions of delusions in my brain -->
Sometimes I'm Superman, at others, the train!
Nothing hurts until you feel the pain.

Hey mate! Do you think I'm strange?
I know I'm not exactly sane:
Instead of tall timber, I'm warped cane!
This reality has become my bane.

Well professional, You know I'm strange?!?
One look at a book and I'm insane?
Let the students interview to gain,
"This ones' consciousness couldn't handle the strain!"

I saw my number in the clouds,
And I accepted the coincidence with Grace.
In this reflective mood, I appreciated the Cosmic irony.

He hears those voices, distant, intimate
And trembles at their meaning;
Recognising truths, but unwilling to accept;
Embarrassed, unable to respond;
Reluctant to admit his failures and their insights;
Reminded of times left high and dry,
Where he screamed for recognition and connection:
When he cried in frustrated sobs, lamenting his lot;
Times imprisoned, within and without; close, but trapped.

He hears those voices, clear above the clamour,
And he knows they call to him, entreating;
And he knows he should respond, but his silence is protective;
His silence denotes the inner turmoil's unreconsoled,
And the coincidences yet explained and little understood.
And he's acutely aware that his silence is deafening:
Those attuned bewail, entice, threaten.

He hears those voices, but cannot, will not, respond.
He doesn't remember, as they obviously do;
He doesn't see how he fits the picture;
He knows he's attached, an unwitting cog;
He knows the cocoon's embrace is constricting,
And he pushes its warm security to his detriment;
Knowing his metamorphosis has taken far too long,
But knowing, all too keenly, premature emergence
Will have disastrous results - he still has the scars.

A Parthenon of voices amid a plethora of noise,
But he only follows some, until he stumbles upon another,
Then the pressure builds anew and he curses;
Screams - exasperated, vulnerable, open, exposed;
Naked and angry, unwilling to concede and unable to deny;
****** at the certainty resounding and the consequences entailed;
Annoyed, enraged; humbled, shamed.

He hears those voices, but is stubborn, unrelenting;
He knows the time isn't right and refuses to be pre-empted;
He sympathises with those aware for years;
He feels their frustration and resents their intrusion,
But the more they push, the further he retreats,
His dumb isolation has become the core of his existence.

"F**k them!", he thinks. "They've found their niche";
They've found an outlet, an audience, a forum;
They can ***** and moan, and draw thousands to their cause;
They can enjoy the fruits of their labours and wait;
Along with everyone else, they can wait;
He'll not be rushed.

From the warren I view the world;
From the warren I venture timidly,
Ready to rush back to its relative security.
It's not my warren, but I'm comfortable -
Well, not exactly comfortable, but secure.
Made not for me, although it has a familiar scent;
A temporary sanctuary - a base from which to venture forth.
And from within its warm depths
I've furthered an internal warren,
Full of rooms connected by labyrinths
Of hallways still tunnelling unheeded
Into a myriad mysterious locations:
Twisting, turning, looping, surprising,  revealing.
Both the warren I inhabit and the warren I've developed
Help to cement this reality; Help to appease;
Allow me a freedom to explore my environs;
Explore local watering holes and those further afield;
Explore inner landscapes, disconnected and relevant.

Where are my original poems?
Who has found them, if they're found?
My catharsis - release to unwind,
Frees my conscious mind; unburdened
To recreate anew; again reiterate
The self-same thought patterns
Revolving and breaking upon the shore
Of a seemingly unmoving, barren coast;
Morphing into separate streams
Eager to penetrate and make an impression.


Bonus After-thoughts -->

Is Art, Art
Without an Audience?

I say, "Yes" -->
The creator/author is all that matters.
Should others be pleased or not is beside the point.
Nice, but unnecessary.

You take away my dignity,
But can't break my spirit.
You take away my Fire,
But can't douse my core Light.
You isolate to punish,
And I educate to annoy.
You want me to calmly go away,
And so do I, but I'm trapped.
I cannot escape because you won't let me.

You say you want High Ideals,
But you won't plumb the depths to root them out;
You hide behind a veil of Authority or Policy,
But never seem to question its inherent flaws;
You love the Scientific Endeavour,
But get coy and squirmish when the table turns;
You like being in control and applying the reins,
But despise the simple Fact that I exist.

And I know you hate me, deep, deep down,
Because I can see your Fear of the Unknown -->
I'm too In-Your-Face; too Noisy; too Opinionated;
Too Considerate and too Kind.
However, I'm also too Cunning to be left behind.

(I'll see you soon, when you finish your Games.
You'd better release me sharpish,
Before the Mob  arrives).