Gently I bubble
Expel emotion quicker
Tick-tock normal now

"dont cry over spilled milk" she said
Darling I'll cry over you, tears burying me even when im dead
I hate how you were sick, well loved, and well fed
And I had no part in it, banging my head
I don't think you want me, I wont blame you with my breath
The last one I take will be surely well-spent

I was caught missing home
With no one to need me I was all alone
Surrounded by people but never felt warm
Cozy or bubbly like a memory of bath foam
From when I was a child, without the bitter of love-lorn
Looking forward to imagery, never told it was just corny
Made up for stressed out adults, but I was never given a warning

So now I'm here
Trapped in my fear
Fighting for a future of someone not so near
And it's all unclear
Where am I going
Because I can't feel happy and it's honestly foreboding

Goodbye to what's familiar
I need to venture
Outside of the tapestry
Grow not so stagnantly
But I'll admit i'll miss you
Even though you won't miss me
But you'll still make it into my poetry

I wish to dance upon people's tongues like wasabi
To bite, to anger, to be somebody
But I'm so horribly normal
How ******* boring!
Stumbling at tango
I bump many ankles
I hate the style of dance, my nature is to prance
But I fall to preen for praise, same old routine
Being the "good boy"
That studies and does well, the perfect little toy
Picked up, put down
Terribly reliable, but not without the cost of a perpetual frown
As sadness is my default
I dont know who to call
To change my settings
Rewire whatever ******-up meddling
Told me to hide myself
And endanger my health
For people who don't care
To wander a ghost rather than to merit a stare

I'm attending a funeral
I see a grave but only the hole
I know bugs are crawling all over my soul
But I feel so ashamed, what to do?
I simply do not know
Corrupted by everything
Chasing meaning in the form of "goals"
Yearning to get out of my comfort zone
To be known
But nothing works so I'm trapped in fantasy
I need someone else to do the work for me
As its too much to even be alive
Telling myself lies constantly
To cut off my desire for death
So I don't go too early
The grave is for me, you see
And everyday I try to flee
But it's in front of me
And it threatens to pull me in
Snaking smoky arms out with a grin
To die a sinner
To live in scorn
To try to love
But fail and be love lorn
Lost in daydreams
Past memories
Wasting my time
In the grime of my world

In need of space i'm in a slump
Cleaning up the garbage, quenching the fire of the dump
I smear delicacy on a skin too familiar to coarse, salty tears
And tell the mirror to go to sleep, that rest will soothe its fears
I don't care to question if it deserves love
The answer lies in the future, determined up above
I fight for a future that continues to move
That shakes the red in an unstable groove
If I stumble all won't break
I dance atop the tightrope of fate
As I have seen the abyss, it knows me well
All too familiar is that alluring smell
I've grown to know better perfumes
I chase better things rather than the drama of threat or self sabotaging doom

My heart aches for change
But in my web of dullness im stuck just the same
I look for someone else to occupy the space of me
Ignoring my own responsibility
In favor of forgetfulness, self pity
I need to take a walk
Because the fresh air talks
It whistles "i love you"
As it caresses my cheeks
Making me cold but making me feel
I try to stimulate gratitude
It's all artificial like the self I refuse to give latitude
Fake is better when it's more real
Than the emptiness of everything I feel
I don't think i've been human for years
Maybe I was cursed from the moment I was reared
By parents who wanted their eldest to have company
Of someone who was funny
I was an accident who's hardly happy
But is not life made of disrupted repetitions
Are all characters bound to tradition
Of fickle meanings I think not
In the end of my nonsense I hope my words continue to talk

I hope you know, hidden in my formal banter
Is a love letter begging to be answered
But you don't know how your laughter affects me so

I thought we were alike
I thought that I could try
To creep a little closer
But I need my distance because when I'm older
I'll feel better and far more sober
About the fact I was a lover of your sillouette

I don't understand your language
I only feel hatred leaping off the page
But your gaze is so gentle
Even though it's not meant for me
It's a drug that could put an insomniac to sleep

I looked for you when it was weeks
Would trudge through the snowstorm,whiten my cheeks
I don't make you happy because you're free
To walk away at any time

So I guess I waste my breath
Nostalgic 'cause theres nothing left
For me to give you but this weight is hefty
I'd bear it all for you just like I always have