Sticks and stones may break my bones
But words have power to break down souls

And what's a functioning body without a functioning soul?
A husk of a human simply existing, not living

The words can be insultive, and yeah those hurt
But the false promises and lies cut the deepest

Giving me hope to take it away
Over and over causes the heart to decay

Until I'm left scarred, paranoid
What was left of my trust completely destroyed

You say you really love me
And you'll be different than the last three

But how am I expected to just trust you,
When I've been given reason after reason not to?

My brain hard-wired on their blatant deceit
Maybe someday we can make ends meet

But for now I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do
Maybe when I'm healed more I'll call to you

I realized
I do a lot of dumb things
That hurt me more than anything
For little to no reason

This weekend camping by itself
I’ve blistered my hands
I fell on my back swinging on a pull-up bar
Because I was careless.

Other than that, I cut myself every night,
I put off work unnecessarily
And I let myself love people.
Carelessly.

Over
And over
And over.
Every time,

I pour my everything into them
And they play along with it
Until they decide
They’re over me.

And **** man,
Let me tell you.
Heartbreak can be a major cause
To carelessness

Because in that moment,
Your world comes crashing down.
And you don’t care about anything
Except for them.

So when they leave,
You
Have
Nothing.

I’m even doing it again
Right now.
Falling for people
Who don’t give a **** about me.

You tell me these blades are dangerous
You tell me they can ****

But little do you realize
It's my thoughts that really will.

Love is like a campfire, at least love with you.

We both set it up and the flames start building,
And you bask in the warmth while I bring the logs
From the dark forest, I go trip after trip
Unable to rest in my very own warmth

Sent out again to keep the flames going,
But one time I trip over a thick root in the dark.
I pick myself up alone, deciding to come back empty handed
Maybe I could rest up, focus on my own well being.

You're waiting there, questioning why I didn't bring any back
And yet no explanation seems to satisfy you.
So as the flames die out and the light starts to dim
You decide to walk away, seeing as I'm no use to you anymore.

And that is why Love is like a campfire.
The brightest and most passionate,
Only created under the effort of both parties,
While one one-sided leaves you out in the cold.

A sweet addiction, love is.
I never realized how starved of it I was
Until our first taste

Our first hug
Date
Kiss
Meaningful conversation

Left me wanting more
Grasping at that someone
That something
That made me feel that way

I get more,
My brain likes it
Toss in some happy chemicals
Too many happy chemicals

After some time
My brain doesn’t know how
To make those chemicals in any other way
And the touch-starvedness begins

A desire to be with someone
To feel them
To be with them
To have someone that understands

But that someone
Won’t always be there
People change
Even Satan used to be an Angel.

But it’s too late to go back
My brain’s hard-wired
To the feeling
Building dependance.

I’m addicted to you.

I need an escape
I need a saving grace
But every time I find one

A new safe haven
A new happy place
They trail behind
With whips and maces

Always on the ready
‘Don’t hang out with that person’
Why? Because they know how to help me?
They know how to save me?

Maybe I can blast music
Drown out those thoughts
Say what I can’t
Be my mouthpiece

A snip of the earbuds
Sends me right out of this one
Maybe if you’d listen to the lyrics
You would understand

Because my music says what I can’t
About me, about my feelings.
But no, I’ve gotta be ready
To take every single command

So snip goes the buds
And goodbye goes the friends
Maybe I can find solace with strangers
Where I can be any me I want to be

The internet, a lovely place
Nobody has to know the real you
Work together towards a common goal
No matter how diverse.

Sure, some may come off as toxic
But the internet is my home
I can make friends
Nope.

Away goes the consoles and up goes the phone
Because by golly if I were to be influenced
By anyone other than the high and mighty thee
That’d just be a disaster

Don’t do this to me
I’m running out of places to hide
Just a few remain
I’ll hide away again

This time behind the reflective blade of a kitchen knife
I need an escape
I need a distraction
I need a saviour

So I cut
Slices in my skin
Because then
I know what’s hurting me

And I’d rather be the one
To hurt myself
Than to let any one person
To hurt me.

But what will I do?
When eventually,
You take this happy place away?
Will I go somewhere more twisted?

Old perscriptions
And alcohol?
Those could work
A new ‘happy place’

Until the inevitable
Until I lose those
And I doubt it’d be long
Some things you can’t hide.

And when I have nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
I’ll always have one option left
The trusty hangman’s knot

And I’ll end it all.

Because dead men need not to hide
They need not to run
Because they have escaped
They have been set free.

Maybe one day I’ll free myself.
One day I’ll Escape

The closet is a place
For many things to be stored.

Things like button-up shirts
And fancy little ties
To a new sexuality
And a newer sense of mind

An idea, generally frowned upon
Nobody would like you if they knew.
Or even yourself!
The closet's a great hiding place too.

From the demons and monsters
That live in your very home
Through thick and thin,
They still continue to roam.

And some things never leave the closet
Even if you know that they're there.
Something keeps them locked in
Never again for you to wear.

So many groups,
So many more a religion
That people want to believe in
Forced to make the other decision.

Toxicity keeps them where they are
In a dysphoric state of "This isn't me."
Victims of a harsh society,
They just want to be set free.

Damaging myself in my own confusion,
What's really right and what's an illusion?

As my heart races from one soul to the next,
My mind is stuck here, quite oddly perplexed.

My desire for affection leading me astray,
***** tomorrow, I don't even know my today.

Mind split from heart, what's good or what's right?
One side to the other, like a flickering light.

Caught in the crossfire of my own poor fate,
Don't know if I should keep on at this rate.

The cuts getting loud and the thoughts going dark,
Stuck in the ocean with a revolving shark

I've fought all my battles, I've won all my wars
But I don't think luck's on my side anymore.

The demons, they scream in glorious delight
Teasing me, joking me, just out of spite.

They prey on the weak, I'm no one diverse,
Until they release me from this final curse.