What a weird sort of ticklish feeling.
I'm buzzing and burning,
Hearing music that doesn't seem to be playing.
The darkness is thick,
There's an almost palpable calm,
Stretching from door to door.
I'm the only restless being,
Unable to sleep,
Unable to breathe,
Unable to extricate myself from misery.

I'm longing,
And resisting,
Wishing maybe I could just disappear,
Or at least that these ruined feelings,
Could be bottled and discarded without fear.

I'm so stuck,
Unbelievably,
On such strange things,
On meaningless thoughts.
On people out of my reach,
And those I'd rather never be able to meet.

I didn't want to lose it to him,
Or anyone, ever, nor again.
It's unexpected,
How fast devious joy found me,
Thought I was hidden so far away.
Naively, I indulged too much, too fast,
Not following the designated path,
I've found the forbidden area,
Poisoned by the foul, hideous, miasma.

I think too much.
Brain, a restless jumping bean.
Quiet down,
I need to breathe.

Car lights slip routinely across the top of the room, patterned in twos.
As the song plays on and on, any thoughts dissipate into the tune.

Knock, Knock, Knock,
It’s an anxious, hurried rhythm,
Searching for attention,
The Next Door Ghoul
Wails loudly through the crack under the door.

Annoyed, the neighbour shuns them,
Sliding dark blinds to the sight of it.
Pressed against the frosty glass,
It leaves ****** fingerprints,
And gradually, the cries grow unhappier.

“LOok for me! I want you to see-”
Indignantly, the ghoul pounds a crack into the window.
A windy night, nature howls alongside the grotesque body as it crawls inside.
With shaky feet it finds the target, shivering inside their closet,
“Don’t be scared”
Can’t ignore- it drags them out anyways.

A crackling of bones,
The ghoul bends down,
Revealing a rotting face-
The corpse living underneath this house.
“Did you forget? I used to live here too.”
And the memories flood back,
Unwillingly, a few hateful tears slip from their eyes.
“Life is better without you, I never wanted to remember.”

And suddenly the face of misery splits---
Maggots wiggle from blank sockets,
Dripping, ravenous onto skin,
And underneath their tiny teeth,
The body begins to disappear.
Choice is meaningless,
This taint penetrates the soul.

Sleeplessly tired,
Alert as the moths rushing to death in the chandelier lights,
The cacophony on my wall subsides as the papers fall,
Ink staining my fingers and smeared across my face,
Arrogant character, embedded in my eyes.

I breathe the stale summertime air,
Feeling the heat erode my bones.
The night is wasting, slowly,
I tend to my duties halfheartedly.

Entirely calm,
My life feels so disorganised.
Centering purpose around others-
I come back to find a corpse-shell of myself.
What have I been doing?
Where has my mind run off to?
(And was it ever there in the first place?)

Sinking further into the greenery,
I tangle my legs with the sheets.
Lost in fruitless night-dreams,
Chest aching, hollowly,
This room is my cage.
Yet escape only elevates the danger,
Sit quietly and wait,
Pointlessly looking forward to better days.

Ordinary glass,
Simply shadow,
Staring back,
I can't find my face-
Weathered hands on a worn body.
They ***** my empty neck, searching,
Sorrowfully, for my common sense!

I need to reflect,
But until I find my head,
On this mirror,
I will rely,
For change.
Because,
To move forward,
I must reflect.

I'm still thinking about you?
Even now,
While I sleep-
Even then, when I awoke.

The lack of contact,
Cannot bar my thoughts.
Often, it promotes it.
Sometimes, you are my escape,
A shallow form of therapy.
Because with you,
Next to you,
Even if I'm not,
Everything is ok,
It feels fine,
I'm alive.

This wretched game,
What foul company!
In the twists and turns of the Manor,
Clues wholly undecoded,
But the hunters' gave us all quite a fright!
Towering two stories tall,
These inhuman eyes penetrating the soul,
Flowering red,
Heartbeasts drumming,
To our tune of imminent doom.

The monsterous bird caws,
Candles flicker ominously,
From the bleak hallways,
A golden nightmare peeks.
Beneath the smiling moon,
Wine-dipped fog hovers,
And dashing butterflies play.
A tipsy sun lays beside a dreamy witch,
The radiance so blinding it sinks the sirens back to their depths,
Within the manor's garden pond,
Surrounded by fairy flowers.

Within the study,
Our stolen memories lay,
Is it all a delusion?
But these visions,
The agony, the misery, crushing adrenaline...
These diaries, are they the truth?
Then why do I still feel so lost?

He won't speak to me now,
When I need him the most,
Orpheus, crow,
Agh! My head, again...
Will I find anything this time?

Sickly sweet,
I pinch the honeysuckle,
******* all the bitter juices out.
From these all too loving flowers,
Bloom inundated, quivering brows.

Flinching from this tempting taste,
The poison's already set in,
Failing to break away,
Feet hooked in rapid, sinking quicksand.

"Let me out!"
I scream and shout,
But my cries seem to disappear with the wind.
In vain, I struggle,
Against my will,
I'm pulled deeper into this pit.

Never-ending night-time,
The swallows chitter at my woes.
The moon observes indifferently,
Cold light illuminating bones.

Nothing changes whether the sun rises or not,
Everyday was a monotonous, dreary flop.
Constantly imbalanced,
Then this bubbly feeling overtakes my day and drags my mind across,
The glowing embers of obsession,
Branding my wandering soul.

When I love,
My heart thumps incessantly,
Burning eyes, and biting lips,
My insides rolling in waves and flips.

This elation is uncommon,
A desire to indulge blossoms,
A sin of affection-
Is it worth it?

The bonfire of passion quells,
Embers of shameless feelings settle in the Earth,
The steady flow of love extinguishes infatuation,
Fragile glass buck rushing anxiously against my bumping heart,
Dashing through to knock on the door of my chest.

Breathless, this whisper can't be revealed,
Yet she can't help but imagine the possibilities.
The itch slowly eroding her sanity,
She just wants to melt softly into his embrace,
Coveting his heart, his gaze,
Peeling back the only side of him she ever sees,
Uncovering the character beneath.

I feel your hand,
Warmly glide through my chest.
It rips my heart out,
And shoves it down my throat,
Straight into my soul.
Now I can't seem to get away from your hold,
A burning pit of something horrifying,
It eats and tears apart sensibility,
Leaving hypersensitivity,
To you,
And everything you do.

Your care is blistering,
Shock resounds whenever you open your mouth.
"It matters to me"
In response to my gloom,
"Don't ever say sorry"
As reply to my fear.

You scare me so badly,
I forget why I'm there,
I hate giving in,
To other's emotional control.
Your greatest difference,
Is the actual presence of affection.
I cherish every moment,
Of attention you provide.

It's been a long time,
I still can't look you in the eyes,
Or raise my head much further from your beard.
When you appear,
A hummingbird possesses my heart,
Pressing fingers to my throat,
I feel the supercharged beating.
Otherwise dispassionate,
In front of you,
My composure disappears.
I feel like I'll never recover,
Love, this addictive monster,
A greedy, swirling brand, ignited upon my fingertips.
Filling my body with a humiliated scream,
I disintegrate into inky tears.

I met another person today,
Her eyes were the same as mine.
She smelled of ***** and powdered snow.
She stumbled her way into my arms,
And ate away at my soul.
I bit and tore at her skin,
But she just wouldn't let me go.

You're a leech,
You're replusive.
Don't latch onto my family.
Find someone else to ruin,
But stay the hell away from me,

I'm scared, I'm afraid,
She looked me dead in the eyes,
Whispered in my ear,
That he was going to die.

Don't talk nonsense, shut your mouth,
You don't know what you're talking about.
He's a drunk, he's an addict,
Don't you hate him?
What's the matter?

You're a leech,
You're replusive,
Don't latch onto my family.
Why are you ruining yourself?
You're heading straight for a dead end.

Get away, get away,
I don't want to see you today.
I won't exchange my life for yours.
I'm fine without you,
I don't care anymore.

She's eaten through to my bare bones,
Licked them clean, and threw them to the floor.
The barren earth swallows them whole,
As dead an end as one could reach.
So replusive, such a leech.
Aren't you just the same as me?

The switch to my mind is always on,
Populated by billowing pink clouds,
I poke and pop the shimmering balloons,
Watching the withered flakes float away.

Even in the dark,
These despicable rainbows are visible!
Like bits of glass,
Stuck deep in my flesh.

For every ****** shard removed,
Ten more regrow,
Reflecting beneath paper thin skin.
On its surface,
My blatant intentions carve themselves;
At least, if my hands tremble,
Can't the rest of me find a way to hide?

What a beautiful man,
What a pretty woman.
Their peace is uninterrupted.
Trifling distractions,
So temporary and insignificant,
Nothing changes to them.
But it's everything to me.

Why do I keep wasting my time?
There shouldn't be anything on my mind.
But I still foolishly wonder,
If it wasn't this way,
Would you think of me ever?

You make it so easy for me,
To keep falling deep.
Everything you do,
Is painfully professional.
Somehow,
Doing nothing,
Is just as poisonous to me.

Your voice,
Flowing and smooth,
This predatory growl,
Poisonous speech!

What do you mean?!
What is the intention-
I feel teased.
Is he oblivious?

I can feel it-
The steam rising through,
Puffing my red cheeks,
Crackling along my neck.
Its hard to breathe
Function-
Ing.
Impossibly.

Barely existing,
Even my shadow,
Can't help but cringe,
Extending its rotten claws,
To cover my panicked pupils.

How is such character,
Coverged in one
Addictive brain,
Alone?

It's disgustingly
Irresistible!
Really a forbidden fruit-
Pinching Eve's salivating mouth,
Foul lips can't touch sacred things.

Even if I pluck it,
I can't touch it.
Less of a dilemma than it could be-
Just a consistent view,
I'm obsessed with its sheen.
Succulent skin,
Can smell the sweet juices from afar.

I bite through my lips with sore teeth,
Acidic blood seals serpentine speech.
I've fallen to the trap of temptation.

You great FOOL!
Ah, the grating disappointment,
Truly, I'm not mad,
Just repulsed.

Repression,
Ostracize yourself-
My spirit of rationality!
The shrieks and wails,
Oh, hysterical moaning,
My mind is mourning.

With your pathetic anticipation,
Greedily, I refuse to sleep.
Heavy eyelids,
I pinch my throat to stay alive.

Nothing is coming,
Definitely,
Positively,
He is aware,
Agh, my useless desires!
These immoral pangs,
Fleeting?
Surely, I hope for it.
This crisis I build alone,
Enough to topple me from head to toe.
Mind is racing,
Galloping against the tide-
Dramatic enough to become addicted,
To the voice of one passion.

It feels like a gift,
Maybe its true,
My life, worth something?
Surprising news.

Chilly winds seep through my paling skin,
With ghostly palor,
I faint into the downpour.
Washed into the muddy path,
It clumps in my hair.
An earthy cleansing.
I peer towards
The quivering hearts-
They've changed this spring.

Bleeding more profusely,
I pump them through my fingers.
The stems refuse to snap,
Buds infinitely thumping,
Regardless.
Wind, rain, time-
None of it changes,
Always by my side.

Is this your odd message?
Delivered through something you know I won't ignore-
The air is fresh,
Everything renewed.
In the distance,
Ripe-red apples bloom.

I'm not sure I like this year,
Time trudges along,
Indifferent.
None of it will stop,
But I can't think fast enough.
Just let my brain go blank-
Will my destination change?

Dreary welling,
It's collecting like dust in my eyes.
Faint, I hazily step through the doorway,
Veiled and lonely,
Feeling the fog lift slightly as I stumble.

The lights are low and grey,
Everything I don't want to face,
Is staring at me straight-on,
Can't avoid this venomed gaze.

I'm stuck in the current past,
Flinging myself further from the path,
Evading a silent future.
I don't want to fade,
Not from this timeline carrying you-
Desperate, I'm clinging onto nothing,
Inhaling wispy non-existence.
Silk shards swish distantly,
Twining haughtily across a melancholy heart.

Spring rebirths all greenery-
The change in season only withers me.
I've enough of wallowing-
But, deeply rooted in carnivorous soil,
I won't ever see the sun.
The crumbly dirt swallows about my stems,
Dissolving every present bloom.

Devour, crunch,
I entertain demise,
The jaws of beneath,
Blood soaked and tear splashed,
My whole being,
Rend limb from limb.
He arrogantly lounged atop the scene,
Fluttering wings flicked aside to shield,
His countenance from any mess.

Blue orbs,
Sky and ocean reside,
Brimming with mirth,
Alight with scorn.
His wide grin,
And glistening teeth,
Reflected in pattering rain,
Magnified within the droplets.

Lowly in his eyes,
I buckle knee-first at his feet,
Witnessing Wrath's effervescent joy,
At me, his faithful dog,
Who obediently lapped up the remains.

Blurry in the mirror,
I reflect,
Poorly.
Swollen under-eyes,
Reddened skin,
A damp depression hanging about my hair.

Frozen face with eyes like running faucets-
I'm the living dead,
I'm stuck in one function.
With shaky legs,
Barely peering through eyes,
Crawling through the entrance to my room.

The floor accepts these desperate bows,
But nothing accepts my prayers-
Wishing for what exactly?
For us both to be happy,
When he is,
So should I be,
But in this manner,
I feel I've chased him away.

Sorry,
Have I ruined your last year?
Was it flooded with gloom instead of cheer?
Almost everything I love,
It gets destroyed like so-
I think, maybe I'm destined to be alone.

Ah, my knuckles are ******-
The rain sweeps by,
Chilling but it warms the air,
Washing away these light marks.
There's an imprint of something delightful,
Burning a path from my forehead to my lips.
Reality focuses in the alley lights,
Fading if I only keep my eyes on the pavement.

Right in the thick of it-
I relish in space, peace.
One of a kind,
It tastes, smells, feels grand.
Yet I can't ever see it.
In the wind,
It numbs me,
Nimbly dancing over my nose,
I shiver and lick the drip that falls to my tongue.

Nightfall tastes like rain in a river,
I revel in an isolated silence,
I hear this ringing tune,
Audible to only me.
My voice, however, resounds-
Crossing the patchy grass,
It weaves under the city track.

Darker, its louder.
Blending against the smooth grain,
Only when it quiets do I hear past.
It's a calm journey in my car,
Sights are beautified,
Aesthetic, glorified.
Tired?
Let's rest by the roadside,
Time won't slow,
But when dawn arrives,
So will a fresh mind.

I feel too tired to cry anymore,
A headache's coming along.
Tracing the curve of my brows,
The pounding furiously responds.

I feel too tired to breath,
Could someone else do it for me?
Or better yet,
Put me to sleep,
So that I can silently pass on.
An enjoyable delusion.

Its unlikely it'll happen naturally.
It must be me,
To hold the hand of peace.
Burning and extinguished,
I ***** everything into my hands.
Crawling with filthy mold,
I stare down my insides,
Observing my excessive intake,
Of failure and reward.

I feel too tired to live,
I'd like you to help me brain,
As we're not very useful, at all.
So shut down casually,
And end this miserable lull.
You may think I am dramatic,
And right would you be,
I am useless,
Meaningless and weak.
It's only right I get used and thrown away.
(Please, keep me safe from it).
I don't want things from you-
I'm fine on my own.
Die young?
Good riddance;
At least then, I'd be isolated.

Drooping, sore eyelids,
I squint at the white-blue fluff in my arms.
Peering blurrily,
I knock against the morning hours.
Stuck in the pale grey of last night,
The sight of snow gathering tears.

I'm awake-
But it feels like dreaming.
This perpetual state of forced relaxed-alertness,
Dragging my focus to its knees.
Begging, please, please,
I just want to fall asleep.

Nothing can make me less anxious,
One fiery ball of pent up horror.
I'm lost in every fragmented memory,
The floors wiped the ceiling with me.
Can I sleep, think, function, walk.
Can I talk to you, normally?
I've tried so hard,
And then you smile once at me,
And fling a giant wrench in my plans.

A little uptick,
Curved in the corner of your mouth.
It's lightly hidden by your nurtured beard,
Hazelnut-brown and stringy-soft.
My heart thumps, beats again.
It's once, twice, a million times,
Outside the eye of the storm.
As you turn your back to me,
I stare dumbly.
All I can muster,
Is a trembling response,
Thrown entirely off by your gaze.

He called me (---)...
Now I really don't know what to do.
I squeal breathlessly into my hands,
Biting the flesh of my lips so hard they begin to drip,
With light, iron-tasting blood.
I anxiously lick away my nerves,
Feeling a burst of joy so uncontained
That my body writhes with it,
Rise up through my chest.

I can't stand to not be near,
I want to pry my way into his head,
Hear his private thoughts and replay them in my mind.
Obsessively, he's constantly present within me,
I can't get away so I start to cry,
These tears are those of Elation.

I'm a fool through and through,
But I don't regret this love,
Eternally grateful for his presence,
As I get to witness his perfection.
Unquenchable passion overrides,
But I can't face him with the will,
To pin him down,
Stare unabashedly into his eyes,
Caress his face and rustle his beard,
I don't want to push him further,
So it must wither,
As the morning arrives.

So bitter as it rolled past her lips, over her tongue,
Melted into Fall, crunching, cracking leaves,
Yet so sweet - a hint of pumpkin pie,
Cinnamon dripped over the edge.
It left a strange, comfy taste in her mouth,
All woolen blankets and velvet pillows; she was content in their embrace.

The next day, it was hearty oak.
Bark crackled beneath her canines,
Thick warmth, smooth and full,
Drizzled generously upon it,
It's tender flame melting the crust to chocolate.
She savored the taste,
reminiscent of small adventures.