Here we stand,
Screaming, quiet, then alone.
Deal, squash, don't cry,
And for every drop of blood drawn,
Peace slowly fills the body.

I've been waiting,
Aching, longing,
To watch the future end...
God if I don't know it's a sin,
Yet eternal sleep is such an easy win.

Cowardice grows fat with will,
Fear adorning shrunken lips with slitted glee,
Swallowing up what's left of me.
Still, something always lingers,
Tethering suffering to lifelines,
That's what keeps me awake.

Procrastination is a scary thing,
And I wish I could focus,
As I feel the last hours slipping away.

I'm writing the same mindless drivel,
How many times will I make the same point in different ways?
Yet its neither coherent or comprehensible,
Until I slap it together, watching it's brittle bones shake,

Am I even making a point?
I know what I'm writing,
But obviously, I don't-
Will they understand it as it grows?
Just a little push,
I'll be right as rain,
And 300 ideas will rush out of my brain -

So let me focus
Instead of down,
And watch as I finish ahead of the race.

Occasionally,
The brain sinks into a state of undead,
As if even in the afterlife I'm cursed to think.
What a relief it would be,
If all the passing time that tortures me,
Is nothing but eternal day in a sluggish, everlasting rest.

Even the memories,
A past I long to stay in,
Yet one I could not wait to leave,
Are only color-stained within photography.
Who is sheparding my thoughts?
Are you asleep on the job?
They're on a rampaging stampede,
Mindlessly trampling me underneath.
****** hoofprints drag bits of scattered matter into dusty wasteland,
Barren, dry, and with no end in sight.

Tapping those frozen, innocent smiles,
Adorning every "########" you've captured,
As if it could transmit back into me,
That youthful vitality.
Bitter tears and sour defeats,
For the worse, have changed me.
Without a place to stand,
How can I ever steady my feet?

Mangled soul who salivates at my misery,
Devour me whole,
Swallow up the mortal and the Soul.
No matter how vile the blood or rotten the flesh,
Savor the terror that slips down your throat,
And cherish the ecstasy of my fervent last breath.

The dam's going to break soon,
Already marred with cracks,
Salty drops welling up through the holes,
Staining the reservoirs below.
When the waves crash through,
No one's here to help me,
So it mustn't leave the room.

Distracting my mind is the only way to hide from it-
It's been too long since the corners have been dusted,
And the room's about to collapse.
Among the burning ruins,
The past knaws barbarically at my rotting flesh,
Falling from bones that shouldn't be as old as they are.

The ribs cage a cowering child,
Screaming and shouting
"I don't want to cry!"
Biting it's fingers to swallow attention from anything but pain.
"Please, God, take these burdensome feelings away!"
Merciful He granted my wish,
Perhaps to make me realize,
Just how foolish that was.

Have I ever written for myself?
Or has it always been to keep my brain in check?
There is no opportunity without dissonance-
Words respond to agony,
They ignore me at my best.
When everything finally goes right,
And it feels as though a future for me exists,
I find myself missing the feeling of a pen in my hand.

It's not the nauseating smell of ****,
That I wish to forget,
Or of perfume-drenched pillows,
Covering the fear that lingers in my eyes,
That fogged my head and whirled my stomach about.
Just like an ink stain that won't wash away,
Potent shade sloppily spreads across my hands,
Dying my furrowed brows in grey,
and mixing my Nights into Days.

Abrupt silence,
Smiles and thoughts begin to sway,
As Inspiration floats leisurely by,
Just a breath out of reach,
Yet nothing can force it back into my fingers.

Suddenly, I know I've nothing more to say,
Despite the infinite words of shame,
Imploding within my galaxy of thoughts.

Peace brings stars and planets to collapse,
Replaced by demons breeding fantasy,

Great Falsehoods I believe,
Pouring out the end of my pen,
And waiting to do it all over again.

I'd imagine your lips to taste of nectar,
And breath to smell of sweet fire,
That laps at my limbs,
While I rest beside the hearth of your gaze,
Sparkling like lakes beneath a winter glaze,
Yet edged in a euphoric spring,
Crinkled like a ripple among the waves.

Flip the hourglass and lend an ear,
I'm here to buy up your time,
The price is no small ask,
But I'll do whatever it takes,
To erase the years that kept us apart.

I only let you watch me,
Once the night-time fades,
And my fluttering nightingale has finished serenading.
A committed gaze,
Relentless in its chaotic rage.

The fury furrows beneath the skin of my crown,
Cricking it down a notch,
Almost in shame,
As I salivate in my hunger for gratification,
Feeding it piece by piece to my brain.

Before I lose myself in consumption,
Color shall tear me away.
As always,
Black is the prettiest shade,
For Absence is thy name

There are not enough ways to express how much I crave the sound of silence
Whichever being felt it proper to play games with my brain,
Treat it as a fleshy chessboard
With pieces abound,
Always pushing between responsibility and chaos,
Will I ever curse you,
For I cannot ever escape the chatter that comes with your calculative moves.

No thoughts flow as I type,
Yet there is this infinite flow of words to write,
And none of them sound coherent.
Is this thinking?
But I understand naught a single thing.

Sleep is calling,
I refuse to pick up,
But the song that plays reminds me
I need a refresher, a new day,
Or I'll be stuck on this path a long way,
Before the thoughts behind these thoughts
Make me human as I have been.

Have you found such a person?
One who loves you unconditionally.
All I hope is you'll overlook my defects,
Staying by my side for eternity.
Whether I'm housed in flesh or wispy spirit,
Will you acknowledge me?
Don't brush over my presence,
Take my hand and talk endlessly.
Even if I never open my mouth,
This smooth voice is all the comfort I need.

Despite how I may appear,
And regardless of who you see,
Can you still lend me your love and devotion?
You'll follow me...
Even if I'm unworthy...
And for long as it's meant to,
My heart will beat.
Do you want a room inside?
You can't rent, only buy-
The price is an unbreakable promise...
Stay with me.

Odd,
How such a miserable angle,
Seems to brighten up the day.
Although fatigue opts to stay,
The wispy clouds of loneliness evaporate.
Fresh air wafts in through it's place,
Drawing a bitter trail across the shades.

The clock murmurs throughout the late-night hours,
Melting all too quickly away.
Breaking the cycle of buzzing silence,
Pass cracked lips slip a whistling groan,
Mouth a barren mound of sand,
And breaths the blazing sun that ignites it beneath one's feet.

Burn away thy face,
Wash the vile sickness into deep space,
Leave your purified soul to wander,
Without thought or capability.

There won't be anything to miss,
Plagued by the desire of our vessel,
If only we lived on air,
Even without withering away,
We'd be free from mortal waste.

Abyss slips its fingers round our neck,
Violently cold and comfortingly coarse,
It squeezes till fear bubbles out and pops with great force,
Leaving us to a silent debate.
Without my tangible form,
We can do naught but think,
Endless torment in NeverEnding chaos.
Release is stuck, impossible,
When my hands and mouth are obsolete,
For there is no pen I can possibly hold,
And no words accompanying.

Regret is imminent,
Yet regardless of how we repent,
This curse we brought upon ourselves
Will bind us separately.

Like droplets of ink,
Staining the scent with a purple hue,
Swallowing sweet crispy air-
Blueberries dance on the edge of my tongue,
Lilacs freckle my nose,
And cloudy skies moisten my eyes.

A broken-down green couch,
Itching roughly against my feet,
Perched just below white windowsill,
With roses and birds in a row.
Phantom rain breaches sepia bleached glass,
Everything is just as it was.

A calm settles across the blurry room,
Soft, ominous shifting of sand,
Commands urgency in the faint distance.
A strong craving for something I only mildly liked,
Painting memories so vividly,
I'm convinced it's real,
Till the hourglass empties,
And I awake with a gasp.

I wish you didn't live within me,
Filthy love,
Transparent gaze,
Spread your arrogant tail,
And then cower in shame before mine!

You are no better than I thought,
But worse than I'd have myself believe,
But imperfections are your strength,
And charm seeps from sadness,
Feeding my sickness,
Yet I'm confident the words that slip over your lips,
Are a mystical cure-all elixir.

Arrogance begets greed,
And greed bleeds humility from the veins,
Popping up like maggots underneath the skin.
I watch goodness writhe and wail,
While evil,
Beautiful evil,
Mends the wounds left behind.

You lap up the purity that pools beneath my feet,
And lean up to tear the scabs-
Of course,
You are not my Eurydice,
But simply gluttony.
It's obsession and impatience,
That manifested the you that lays contentedly in my arms.

I'm a dead person living in shambles,
The ever so tempting urge to disappear,
Is beckoning me from the corridor,
Smelling of easy success.
It's lips like candied cotton,
Eyes of care and warmth,
It's whispers all I've ever wanted to hear,
And promises me that I, too, can dream,
Regardless, it will follow me.

How do you stomach this feeling?
I'm on the verge of tears, reeling,
Overcome with the stagnation of this year,
Yet I haven't shed a single drop-
Eyes bone dry,
With no sign they'll stop.

I speak 5 words a day,
Only courteous hailing,
Avoiding everyone I know,
I think I'm destined to be alone.
I could ***** with a slight push,
Sickened and cold.

Unsteady hands write words they barely know,
Vision blurring as I see the screen,
Feeling like a fraud with good opportunities.
I shouldn't be here,
But I've no where else to go-
And I never will,
Not until I've made my own,
Even family won't let a failure back home.

The parched ground is flooding,
Failing to swallow the brewing storm up-
A slight freeze hazes over the sidewalks,
Numbing my feet as I walk.
My lips bleed sweet rain,
My teeth chew flowery skin,
Strolling casually through a cold autumn night,
Illuminated in vibrant orange lights.

The trees change color in front of my eyes,
The leaves flutter and fall,
Shriveled and withering,
As if commanded to die.
Surroundings blurred by the watery moon,
The silent snowdrops begin to wane,
Leaving behind it's heat on my face,
And a flurry of hope that's blown away.

I'm sleeping too well lately,
All too fearful of the days to come.
Content with the finality and silence closed eyes bring-
Numb to night-time tears and midnight terrors,
Unable to feel, unable to dream,
A slight hope I'll be blind for eternity,
Enveloped in unmoving, eerie darkness.
The panicked breathing only I can hear,
Slowly muffled by coarse dirt.

Is it wrong for me to seek that peace?
Cowardly and undeserving as I may be,
My worth is higher away from Earth.
Pathetic grumbling,
I mumble mindlessly under my breath,
Consoling a wretched mind each time a night passes,
And I find myself rising to see the sun.
I know where I stand,
And I cannot find my way,
So I lay stranded in a a patch of quicksand,
Hoping it will swallow me quicker so I never age.

You must not bleed nor bend nor break,
You cannot fall or fail to fly-
Stretch your wings from sky to land,
And soar until you close your eyes.

Eyelids frosted shut,
Gentle glistens of ice protrude alongside the edges,
A glimpse of ethereal immortality,
Regardless of the state of death this body beholds.
If corpses could walk,
Perhaps such enormous fatigue,
Sunken, ****** eyes,
Quivering, unstable limbs and a dry, bitten mouth,
Would not be so abnormal here.

Alas I am a frightful spirit to all who glance upon me,
Bringing their soul right the edge of their chests,
Bursting through their throats in heaving fits of fear.
When wisps of energy return to me by the moonlight,
Everyone whispers of dark magic, necromancy.
The true view,
Seen from the eyes of creatures of the night,
Is only a mortal,
Wriggling about in a futile fight to survive,
Unable to muster any will under daylight.

"I despise you."
Quivering lips spit warm breath into my ear,
As sweet as were his words spiteful.
A crooked feeling splits into a grin,
Savoring his unbearable gaze.
"You never mean what you say,"
Dismissive,
I'll decide who bends and breaks.
Bloodlust ignites the tension,
Pushing me to the wall.
"I love you."
His fingers sunken through my brain,
Heart imploding despite his lie.
Flickering vision records his contorted face,
God, did he finally smile?

MINE, MINE, MINE!
If I wail it enough will you come to my side?
It's not enough,
Knowing you're just on the other side of this wall,
I'm ******-ing my nails just to see inside-
Thinking,
Even if you'd never let me despair,
You don't care to ever even know.

Tears slip from beneath the fine black lashes
Kissing a smooth, pale palm
Trembling lips approach his face
Landing lightly on his beautiful misery
Caressing, calling, comforting
Lovely, Mine

I flow along the line of dirt beneath the grass,
Fading into wood and land as quickly as I come.
The dewy night is pitch black,
Void of even the moonlight,
The moist wind brings a cool blush to my face as the kisses of rain sweeps by,
Tears blending with the sweetness of craving Mother Earth delivers to my eyes.
I am in bliss,
An untouchable state of melancholy,
Whistling a nightingale tune to the shriveled bleeding hearts...
Returning every joy their lovely blooms brought to my side.

Still gnawing my teeth,
Grinding unabashed desire into powder,
A slim white snake feeding thick into my bloodstream,
A thirsty frenzy, ***** craze,
I screech and launch myself into your arms,
Hovering just at the edge of control,
Sinking in, thin silky flesh,
Do I let myself taste your delicacy?
If I bite now,
I won't wake up until I've drained you of your mind,
Leaving a husky corpse that can only become mine.
I can't fathom your intentions,
Why you never stop me,
Even as you shrivel and die beneath me,
Watching the baying light blur to darkness.
Your last breath has been your most beautiful,
Delicate and untouchable,
Something for only my ears.
I remind myself not to regret,
Even if I can only hear that but once -
Isn't that what makes it special?
It's only in the graying sunset,
I realize what I really wanted from you-
Is that why you didn't push me away?

A carving, delicate painting, of nature's beauty-
Every goddess covets what you hold-
They need your devotion,
I only want your attention.

Turn away from me,
I will follow in the shade of your figure,
Grasping at every penny you flick back,
A ***** beggar kneeling piously at your feet-
Your pity is what keeps me alive.

You rub red lips with a soft finger,
A spark leaps from your eyes,

Igniting the room-
Wading through the flames,
Hand in hand,
Our ashes spread the scent of lust.


OR


Igniting the roses in full bloom,
Wafting their delicate scent
Along the riverside wind as we walk,
The night is freezing but my heart is hot.

In every nook and cranny I peered,
The bright red roots that tinged my eyes,
Coughed and shuddered from the dust-
Furious with empty treasures and meaningless finds,
The day shook with roars of wrath,
Until the moonlight finally shined.
At once, the blood underneath my eyelids coagulated into tears.

Support is such a warming hug,
So gentle and concise-
It makes me crave it all the more,
And I wander in search of angels.

With dusty hair and a strong brown frame,
My angel pats me so,
Quietly muttering that she'll love me regardless.

Across the room,
With palpable sass,
My devil-angel smiles,
Comforting me with presence alone.

Their marks are left engraved on my skin,
But in a kindly way-
Not ****** as my scolding words,
That I remind me of through pain.

Someone asked me what keeps me alive -
I answered,
"Only the moon",
Bathing on it's watery light,
I expire without fear,
Reviving in the midst of day to a cacophony of terror.

With light feminine grace,
she exists to rot this space,
spreading her filthy seed about,
from which these terrible goblins sprout.

I watch the great big smile,
As it adorns my face.
Finding beauty in the blinding ecstasy,
From which it emanates.
Feel the stretch,
As it climbs from ear to ear=
Why do I smile so,
All because of you,
Again, Again,
Even when I thought I've let go,
You reach back in,
And pull my heart closer to yours.
I love it all, this feelings and mostly you:)
But I think it's unhealthy,
To keep pining like a fool.
You'll tell me I'm lovely,
Not an imbecile,
But I disagree,
Because I keep chasing my tail.

I am shame and failure personified.
I speak tongues of anguish,
And cry hollow tears-
Neither a devil nor angel,
What remains is only evil.

Feeling miserably enthusiastic,
I waver in living
And turn in my grave,
Rising sleeplessly from rest
And energetically from never-ending nights.

God do I love these contradictions,
I am a walking opposite,
Live and breathe as confusion,
Not even I can understand myself.
The few times I do,
Shame digs me back into my empty grave,
Dark, dusty, and waiting.

Look for me and you will go blind,
Lose your eyes and give away your mind.
Don't search for me,
Following the call?
I've set the plate,
I plan to eat my meal clean.

Good God,
Writhing heart,
I feel the pinch in my dominant hand.
Naught can stop these stubby knobs from growing cold,
Freezing from joint to tip.
Even I can only witness,
And blow hard as I can-
Even elation, the fleeting warmth,
Cannot stay by my side.
It flits about the flesh,
Breathing life here and there,
But every time the piece revives,
A minutes time will go by,
Before it dies all over again.
What a terrible, terrible loss,
I've made for me to bear-
And yet as I fail to,
I cut it off,
Removing the tumor at the root.
Oh yowl and howl loudly I do,
At every problem I create,
Thinking I'd enjoy the pain,
And yet I still cannot.

**** you, I felt good for a while,
Then I fall right back as you open your mouth,
Stuck in a pile of anxiety stretching miles and miles,
I feel the fear wash over me-
Doubt settling as stability flees,
Can't we all just forget about it?
I forgive you,
But you'll never forgive yourself,
And as much as I want to get over it,
You keep chomping at the bit.

Swallow, spit,
Rinse, repeat,
That's how I handle unnecessary feelings,
It doesn't always work as it should,
I feel like a fool attached to these strings,
Steel wire that weaves flesh to bend and stretch without resistance.

The birds quit chirping,
They fall to the ground, and wither the flowers around them,
Fill the air with the rot of their corpse,
And with beady eyes stare at me through the window,
Choking me as I gorge on myself,
Deconstructing my worth, existence,
Invisible, that's the goal,
Whimpering quietly and fading,
Why should I exist,
If I can take the easy way out?

Started to miss you,
Before you were gone.
Now you've left,
I'm headed straight back to denial.

My memory is too weak to encapsulate the full spirit of your past presence,
I only have our last moments together on my mind-
Frankly, it was terrifying.

Are you at peace now?
Do you think you'll meet old relations?
Say hello if you happen to pass by.
If there is an afterlife,
I hope you get everything you've ever wanted out of it.
And as time flies,
One day I'll reunite with you.

Again, again, again.
Closely following the fine line
Between dreary darkness and sandy beaches,
But at the end of the shore
The forest will continue to stretch,
We're not out of the woods just yet.

Gloom shrouds the sky-
Faint sunlight tracing the casket in the clouds,
The sharp winds of age swallows up the offered youthful pup,
And spits back out mutilated, wrinkled flesh, a pile, a worm,,
Nothing that one would ever yearn to see,
Nor what was expected,
It sure is horrific.

Hollowed roots can't squeeze enough water from the branches,
For as much as they drip,
Every drop becomes poisonous seeds,
As it puddles haphazardly atop the woodland floor.

Inanimate, emotionless?
The heart of a doll.
**** to live long
If it weren't for eternity.

Time to cry myself to sleep,
All this wailing in my head,
Suddenly I wish I was dead-
God I can barely breath,
I'm choking.

This burden too much to bear,
I'm comforting myself in desperation.
Bite down ******* trembling lips,
Swallow back the grief and sick,
But still a few indignites slip through closed eyes.

How I wish that you were here,
I am detached until it's asked,
Are those swirling eyes of mine an indicator of emotion?
Deny it no matter how it looks,
And run away,
No one shall share my woes if they know my face.

Is it really such a bad thing?
A terrible thought,
Something I wish I instantly shot down.

But this warping is getting in my way,
It made me hesitate-
That's an excuse,
I'm all to blame.

Guess I can't save my self,
Took to long to realize,
I'm already insane.

A puzzle piece is gone,
Leaving a gaping hole in my plans-
Every work is incomplete.

A hard barricade,
If only I could weasel through,
Can't deconstruct it with brute strength.

No conclusion seems to end the story,
Good words no longer mine-
Shelf the creativity for another lifetime.

Summer rains' enchanting,
Casting its bright and comfy spell,
A sudden drizzle,
Breaking through the sticky heat,
I'm perfectly drenched, just right,
In cool clear-coloured droplets,
That fill up the yard and flood the streets.
Staring at the fading pink within the sky,
Cheering winds race through the grass,
Rain sprinkling aside as they pass by.

The room is dark but I can see everything-
And the storm outside is welcome relief.
Occasional lighting entertains my eyes,
The following pitter-patter a perfect background track.
This cold feeling of liberation!
An unimaginable moment,
I can't capture it.

Creak of the door,
Wind blows me away,
Gently brushing the hair out of my face.
A drawn sky meets my gaze,
And the cool night welcomes my voice,
Muffled and muted,
Visualized in this therapeutic painting.

A strange and unfamiliar street,
I feel the peace at first sight.
Blowing gently aside the tall tree leaves,
The willow weeps in the wind.
The sky is still,
Dark blue and Grey,
The torrent, celestial clouds,
Stretching gloriously over the gloom.

Lightening, thunder,
And a neat, fresh scent.
It's coming down heavy,
Raining cats and dogs into the bleak night.
A sheet of refreshing transparence,,
Flooding the streets and soaking me through to the bone.
As cold as it as,
I feel only warmth, satisfied and comfy.
It won't last for long,
Cherish these storms-
This moisture is far better than burning summer days.
Hiding just below my porch,
The wind freezing me to the steps,
Watching the plants and flowers drown,
I look down in pity,
Lonesome sigh,
But that season's gone regardless.
Wading through the sidewalk streams,
Lifting pant legs just above the deep,
I stride back to dryer land.

Inside, the downpour still hums its lullaby,
Wrapped in puffy blankets,
I hazily fall into sleep,
Accompanied by lovely blessings and feelings of safety.
The storm will wash away these impurities,
Sweet, sweet dreams,
On such a night,
Your fears and demons won't consume you.

Lost, cold, hold my corpse,
Dangling over burning coals,
Sparks and glowing embers skid along the grave.

Push those nails in tight,
Watching skin scar along the stitch lines.
Mouth flattened, distracted eyes.
Despicable hunter,
Without the thrill,
Am I not even worth collecting?

I seem to like tormenting myself,
Documenting all this.

Everytime, the tears get easier to bite back.
So, should I be glad for that?

This is why we can never do family outings.
What a mess in the first few minutes.
Gosh, don't they ever get tired of it?
Keep your face straight.
Don't let it get to you,
Just ignore,
Soon it will go away.

It's frightening to look in the mirror,
Behind dead eyes,
Sallow skin,
Unsmiling monotony pierces this person together.
Stretch and bend flattened lips,
Curving into a grimace.
Can't seem to properly laugh,
Frozen inside out to hide my shaking limbs.

(-------), I hate you.
Agh, don't call me by that name!
You are (-------), I am Caine!
Quit following me,
I won't ever look your way!

All I need to hear is you forget this sound.
Never utter it again,
It's revolting,
I want to be unbound.

I hate feeling unsafe,
Especially in my own house.
I finally snapped, screamed,
And said everything I wanted to (mostly).
And now he's come apologizing.
It doesn't feel that genuine,
But what else can I do but bend,
Besides telling him I won't allow him to touch me ever again?

It's frightening,
This house.
And the person I'm stuck in with it.
I can't tell my friends,
I don't want to bother my dad.
But I feel so scared,
And I don't know what to do.
The only thing keeping him at bay is the threat of getting kicked out.
What do I do?
I can't leave,
I've nowhere to go,
But I sure as hell don't want to stay here.