Perpetual intoxication is a peninsula
on which your psyche stands and
mindlessly gazes out at the water to watch
your body slowly drown in the sea.

When the only options are
a sober swim back to the shore
or merely persisting in your mindless gaze,
it's easy to forget that there's a choice at all.

I remember the look in our eyes.
The way they gleamed when we saw one another.
The way a child sees the open world.
Full of wonder and endearment.

I remember the way our stares held.
We would drink each other in with every stolen glance.
Beaming when our looks were caught adrift.

I remember the way those eyes shed rivers of tears and I assured you that we would see our way through.

I remember when I found myself shaking on the bathroom floor with the bottle in my hands.
The softness that those auburn irises showed me; compassion instead of judgement.

I remember when those same eyes found themselves yearning for new scenery.
To be caught glancing at another.
To be shown a new light, to see again for the first time.

I remember when you stopped looking at me.
My body begged to feel even just a glance. Even one full of contempt would have been better than never being seen again.
Even a the slightest sliver of sunshine would have been better than the ceaseless darkness you’ve left me in.

So now I wander this world alone. A blinded fool, reaching out for you.

Oh, mother, my bones ache and my muscles tire
My vessel is young; yet fleeting and failing
My soul has long since aged and been lost to the years
I am ready to sleep and find peace in the night
With every step my knees buckle under the weight of this journey

Oh, mother, your son is begging for your blessing
Let me wander no longer through this perilous realm
Allow me to fall into memory, to fade with the wind

Oh, mother, you brought this body into this world, with your tender love and care
But it is in this body that my despairing soul is ensnared

Oh, mother, give me your permission to concede from this quest
I beg of you, dear mother, let me lay down to rest

Lying on clouds
The morning sun bathing my skin
I smell you all around
I feel your soft skin up against mine
I brush my hands against you
My body aches for you
I pull you in closer
You press that magnificent *** against me
I groan low, and nuzzle your neck
I kiss your cheek and gently say “good morning beautiful” as my hand moves up your thigh.

I awake to the sound of my own voice.

Instead of clouds I’m laying on a thin slab of foam that makes up this futon.
The sun is beating down on me, leaving no shadow for my shame to hide.
The room smells like a full ashtray and stale beer.
I reach over for you but I only find an endless sea of empty space.
I roll onto my back, my body aches and my joints crack.
I extend my calloused, unwashed hand out to a half empty glass of bourbon.
Maybe this will help me get back to that dream of you.

But I can chase this ***** as long as I want, I’ll never catch up to you.

And you’re never coming back.

“I can’t wait to never see you again.”

I thought, before I noticed your bed was empty and your car gone.

Wondering where you’d gone this time, and wishing you’d come home.

So I could beg you to leave.